In this article I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to remain calm and cool in any life situation without the help of sedatives, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but I will also explain how you can stop being nervous in general, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, how to calm your mind and how to strengthen the nervous system.

The article will be structured in the form of sequential lessons and it is better to read them in order.

When do we get nervous?

Nervousness and jitters are that feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and activities, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and you’re just worried about all sorts of little things. It is important to understand that nervousness has how psychological so and physiological reasons and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically this is related to the properties of our nervous system, but psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to worry, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of self-doubt and what is happening, shyness, worry about the result.

We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or for one reason or another significant or responsible. I think that a threat to life does not often loom before us, ordinary people. Therefore, I consider situations of the second type to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failure, of looking inappropriate in front of people- all this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological attunement; this has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let’s start with understanding the nature of nervousness.

Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. Necessary defense mechanism or hindrance?

Our palms begin to sweat, we may experience tremors, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, confusion in our thoughts, it is difficult to gather ourselves, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, we want to occupy our hands with something, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you? Do they help cope with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or communicating on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is, of course not, and what’s more, it can ruin the whole result.

Therefore, it is necessary to firmly understand that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply a certain mental mechanism embedded in a system of habits and/or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why eliminate this? Because when you're nervous:

• Your thinking ability decreases and you have a harder time concentrating, which can make things worse and require your mental resources to be stretched to the limit.
• You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, and gestures, which can have a bad effect on important negotiations or a date.
• Nervousness causes fatigue and tension to accumulate more quickly, which is bad for your health and well-being.
• If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (however, a very significant part of diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
• You worry about little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable things in your life.
• You are prone to bad habits: alcohol, because you need to relieve stress with something

Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and were deprived. So we will work with you on this.

Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:

• Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
• You can get rid of it by working on yourself
• IN Everyday life there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely in danger, we mostly worry about trifles

I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.

You should configure yourself like this:

I have no reason to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and this is real!

Don’t think that I’m just talking about something that I myself have no idea about. Throughout my childhood, and then my youth, until I was 24 years old, I experienced big pain. I couldn’t pull myself together in stressful situations, I worried about every little thing, I even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This had a negative impact on health: pressure surges began to be observed, “ panic attacks", dizziness, etc. Now all this is in the past.

Of course, I can’t say now that I have the best self-control in the world, but all the same, I stopped being nervous in those situations that make most people nervous, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I’m on the right path and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do.

In general, everything I’m talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I’m not making anything up and I’m only talking about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I had not begun to remake myself - all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.

Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous about anything?

Think about all those events that make you nervous: your boss calls you, you take an exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, evaluate the degree of their importance for you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of an altercation on public transport or on the road on a life-long scale, and is it really such a terrible thing to be late for work and be nervous about it?

Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, take a break from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that you are nervous about will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, will turn into mere trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries.

This psychological setting helps a lot stop being nervous about anything. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of reason, can react in its own way. Therefore, let's move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation immediately before any event, during and after it.

Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before an important event.

Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our intelligence, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event could be a final interview for the job you dream of, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this condition does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.

And you realize what awaits you ahead an important event, but no matter how significant it is, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your whole life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not worry arises. This is too important an event to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be collected and focused and will do everything for this!

Now we bring our thoughts to calm, relieve the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm down the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale and inhale deeply. The simplest breathing exercises will help you relax.

Simple breathing exercises.

It should be done like this:

• inhale for 4 counts (or 4 pulse beats, you need to feel it first, it’s more convenient to do this on the neck, not on the wrist)
• keep the air in for 2 counts/hits
• exhale for 4 counts/beats
• do not breathe for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all from the beginning

In short, as the doctor says: breathe - don’t breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.

If you feel that your breathing allows you to take deeper inhalations/exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.

You just need to breathe with your diaphragm, that is, with your stomach! During times of stress, we breathe rapidly from the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing the physiological signs of nervousness, bringing you into a state of calm.

During the exercise, keep your attention only on your breathing! There should be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel relaxed and calm. The exercise is done for no more than 5-7 minutes, according to how it feels. When practiced regularly, breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also in general puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend it.

You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing correctly at the end of this article. In this video I talk about how to cope with panic using breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.

Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article.

Okay, so we are prepared. But the time for the event itself has already arrived. Next I will talk about how to behave during the event so as not to be nervous and to be calm and relaxed.

Lesson 4. How to avoid nervousness during an important meeting.

Pretend to be calm: even if neither your emotional mood nor breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calm and equanimity. And this is necessary not only to mislead your opponents about your state on this moment. Expressing outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This operates on the principle of feedback, not only how you feel determines your facial expressions, but also your facial expressions determine how you feel. This principle is easy to verify: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were in a bad mood. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the calmer you want to appear, the more relaxed you actually become.

Watch your facial expressions, gestures and intonation: The feedback principle obliges you to constantly look inside yourself and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too stressed? Are your eyes shifting? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from your senses, you adjust all your body movements, voice, and facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself in itself helps you get together and concentrate. And it’s not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts on one point - on yourself, and do not let them get confused and lead you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calm are achieved.

Eliminate all markers of nervousness: What do you usually do when you're nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Are you tying your left big toe and little toe into a knot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight and don’t change their positions often. We don’t fidget in our chair, we don’t shift from foot to foot. We continue to look after ourselves.

Take your time: rush and bustle always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, take your time even if you are late for a meeting. Since any rush very quickly disrupts composure and a calm mood. You begin to nervously rush from one to another, in the end you only provoke excitement. No matter how much you are rushed, do not rush, being late is not so scary, it is better to save your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of haste in every aspect of your life: when you are getting ready for work, traveling in public transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you rush, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in composure and concentration.

That's all. All these principles complement each other and can be summarized in the call “ watch yourself". The rest is specific and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with your answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. No need to try to impress everyone accessible ways, you will produce it anyway if you do everything correctly and don’t worry, work on the quality of your performance. There is no need to mumble and get lost if you are caught by surprise: calmly swallow, forget and move on.

Lesson 5. Calm down after the meeting.

Whatever the outcome of the event. You're on edge and still feeling stressed. It's better to take it off and think about something else. All the same principles apply here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think too much about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, what if I had performed this way and not that way, oh, how stupid I must have looked, oh I’m a fool, what if...! Just throw all thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if), everything has already passed, put your breathing in order and relax your body. That's all for this lesson.

Lesson 6. You shouldn’t create any reasons for nervousness at all.

This is a very important lesson. Typically, a significant factor in nervousness is the inadequacy of your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything and are confident in yourself, why should you worry about the result?

When I was studying at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, went to the exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would pass and somehow pass. In the end, I passed, but only thanks to phenomenal luck or the kindness of the teachers. I often went for retakes. As a result, during the session I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.

During the sessions, an unrealistic number of nerve cells were destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought so much had piled up, how hard it was, eh... Although it was all my fault, if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material to prepare for the exam and pass I could provide myself with all the intermediate control tests - but then I was laziness and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during the exams and worry about the result and about the fact that I would be drafted into the army if I I won’t hand over something, because I would be confident in my knowledge.

This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I’m talking about the fact that you need to try yourself Do not create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and don’t put it off until the last minute! Always have in mind ready plan, or better yet, several! This will save you a significant part of your nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is very important and useful principle! Use it!

Lesson 7. How to strengthen the nervous system and how to stop getting nervous over trifles

In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of peace. And the next thing I will tell you about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen your nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result of this you will understand how to stop being nervous over trifles. These methods are focused on long-term results; they will make you less susceptible to stress in general, and not only prepare you for a responsible event.

• First to fix physiological factor nervousness, and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to regularly. This is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I’ve written a lot about this, so I won’t dwell on it.
• Secondly, go in for sports () and carry out a set of health-supporting measures (contrast shower, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). A healthy body has a healthy mind: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sports strengthens the nervous system.
• Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit in front of the computer less.
Diaphragmatic breathing during a panic attack

How to calm down if you are very nervous becomes a pressing issue of everyday life. External conditions create more and more stress, and the internal system is not ready for processing and an environmentally friendly response to the emerging load. But from such a general state of humanity it is worth looking for a way out in self-determination an area that causes you personal discomfort and makes you nervous. Conventionally, we can identify several general reasons, which can be broken down into individual ones.

Increased sensitivity to feedback outside world increases the threshold and likelihood of occurrence stressful situation. With a developed personality, the inability to accept criticism, the desire to take everything personally, even everyday worries can become the cause of nervous experiences (when a crowd laughs nearby, thoughts will arise whether it’s at you, a disapproving look and rudeness of the seller will be perceived as a personal insult). Reducing the importance of the opinions of others and the desire to evoke only a positive assessment from everyone significantly reduces stress levels, saves a lot of energy and establishes true contact with reality, where it turns out that no one cares what you do or what you look like.

The desire for constant pleasure, bringing things to an ideal state, complete independence and increased responsibility can provoke chronic high level internal tension. In such a state, everything can drive you crazy, not to mention significant problems. Therefore it is relevant constant attention to the level of your workload and emotional comfort, searching for your own sources of stress relief, so that in a crisis situation you don’t look for options on how to quickly calm down and not get nervous.

You can search for options on how to calm down if you are very nervous for a long time and carefully; you will discard some because of their duration, some because of inaccessibility, some because of reluctance. In fact, you can deny it for a long time and with the help of any excuses, but in practice there are a sufficient number of ways to cope with frayed nerves quite simply and quickly.

In the fight against nervousness, sports, physical activity and generally working with the body are an invaluable ally, since it is the somatic side that takes the maximum part in responding to the situation that has arisen. nervous tension, changes in hormonal balance and processing of splashed adrenaline. Incorporate into your daily routine, if not a full-fledged workout, then exercise or walking, instead of sitting in front of the screen and taking public transport. The more movements you make, the more opportunity your nervous system will have to process accumulated tension. After a difficult conversation or unpleasant event, when the passions inside have not subsided, it will help to throw out the negative ones by jogging or punching a punching bag, and then you can arrange a relaxation session in the form of stretching, massage, or lying quietly and consciously relaxing the muscles.

In addition to physical activity, our body, and therefore our psyche, depends on water metabolism and the fullness of the body. The common advice to drink water, no matter how funny it may seem, is one of the most effective, even in situations of serious and extreme stress. During an adrenal crisis, the body requires more water to normalize the level of the jumping hormone; you can add a sweetener to the water, since stressful situations involve increased brain work to find a way out of the situation, and this work involves the absorption of glucose. Replenishing the hydrolysis and glucose balance helps the body return to normal faster. In addition to crisis situations, drinking plain water helps avoid dehydration (an almost universal phenomenon in modern world), which, at its most pronounced stage, intensifies the experience of anxiety and. In general, focusing on the needs of your body and a subtle sense of its changes can suggest your personal ways to quickly calm down and not be nervous.

In a situation where you are nervous right now, and you need to react calmly, try to distract yourself from the words and intonations flying in your direction and concentrate on something extraneous. You can control your inner attention not only by directing it into conflict, but by switching it to considering the details of the cut of your neighbor’s jacket and thinking about where to get the same buttons, you automatically leave the nervous situation by a few percent. Ideally, the annoying situation must be left completely, and not just mentally, i.e. if you meet your ex at a party and cannot react calmly, then leave, if the boor is in the habit of taking you out peace of mind comments on the social network, then throw him into a ban. Trying to endure and trying to create an imaginary image of a well-mannered person should not be confused with adjustments and the desire to be comfortable. In any situation, your living space and mental well-being are your concern and responsibility; superheroes will not appear to save you from hassle.

If, after getting out of an unpleasant situation, your nerves are still stretched like ropes, then you can deal with the remaining tension by immersing yourself in other matters. You should choose them in such a way as to be completely carried away into another world - watching a movie is unlikely to work here, because the same mental replay of events in your head will continue as without it. Sport game, unraveling intrigue among acquaintances, traveling to the suburbs to get new photographs - active, dynamic, captivating you completely and igniting the fire of excitement.

Crying and laughter help you stop being nervous - with the help of the first, you release excess tension and get the wonderful result of mental lightness after half an hour of sobbing, while other methods can take a day; and with the help of the second (especially sarcasm, irony, black humor), the situation decreases in importance, and perhaps even acquires new contours and nuances.

Study how your personal nervousness works, what bothers you, and what helps you stay normal. You can try to exclude situations that threaten your peace of mind, edit them into acceptable forms, or prepare for them. Naturally, being fully armed and never freaking out is beyond anyone’s control, but you can minimize the damage by doing research on your own inner world, sore spots and blind spots, as well as providing preventive ongoing support for the condition of the nervous system. Maintaining and caring for yourself is not difficult and involves quite general principles healthy eating and saturation with various microelements, maintaining an activity regime, taking care of the quality of sleep and rest.

How to learn to calm down and not get nervous after a quarrel?

A quarrel, especially with close people, unbalances, but at the same time requires quick calm so that subsequent constructive dialogue and search for ways of reconciliation are possible. During nervous excitement, our breathing changes, and calming down should begin with stabilization respiratory process. During a quarrel, we tend to breathe often, too deeply, exposing the body to hyperventilation, then for several minutes we need to control the duration of inhalation and exhalation, forcibly stretching the duration and normalizing the depth. If the quarrel is frightening, then involuntary cessation of breathing is possible due to reflex mechanisms (hiding, pretending to be dead so as not to get hurt). Restore the integrity and coherence of breathing - your task is to achieve breathing without pauses, so that inhalation smoothly flows into exhalation.

You can leave the house to get some air. It is important to let your partner know that you will return once calm has been restored, so that your behavior is not misinterpreted. During a walk, you will be able to assess the situation without the influence of another person and emotional pressure; you can also relieve emotional stress by running, shouting, or tearing paper. If you don’t have the opportunity to physically remove yourself from the common space, then take a time-out to sort things out, let it be half an hour of silence, during which no one makes any claims or makes peace. Stopping and exiting the active phase will help restore your condition, reduce the amount of time required for rehabilitation, and also protect you from unnecessary words, decisions and actions made under the influence of feelings.

In the period after a quarrel, when the jitters do not let you go, direct your attention to relieving tension. If you left some words unsaid, write them in a letter (then re-read them in calm state and decide whether to show it to the recipient), feelings can be expressed in colors and movement. If there is an opportunity and an appropriate level of trust, then you can talk the situation over with a friend, just don’t ask for advice, but ask for support. Contact with water helps to get rid of negative experiences - take a shower, washing away the nervous negativity, or at least rinse your face or palms, hold them under running water - it will give a little calm, a break from the sweeping stream of thoughts.

Relieving stress after a quarrel with alcohol may seem like a tempting idea, especially for those for whom the showdown ended in a breakup, but resorting to this option is undesirable. Negative feelings will not be experienced, but if pushed deep into the psyche, problems will not be solved, but the physical and mental state may worsen.

Keep in mind that quarrels are a normal process for relationships. If it is easy for us to always remain friendly with people we don’t know well, this is only due to the short time of contact and common claims, and even then, if someone encroaches on something that is significant to you, then a showdown cannot be avoided. In close relationships, quarrels are an indicator of closeness and the process of getting used to each other, who goes through this period in what way depends on the mental characteristics and capabilities of the people, but there are no relationships without quarrels. The only thing that can make you happy here is that a person who is not indifferent to you makes claims, swears and tries to do good. We don’t waste our neurons on indifferent people.

Every day we find ourselves in many stressful situations that in one way or another affect our overall emotional state. Of course, we can try to reduce their number or treat them with a dose of healthy irony, but, as practice shows, this is more difficult to do than it seems at first glance.

That is why it is necessary to learn to cope with stress as quickly as possible in order to keep not only your nerve cells in order, but also your mood. In this material we have collected eight ways to calm down.

Aromatherapy

It is no coincidence that aromatherapy is gaining more and more authority, if not in medicine, then in near-medical practices. When you smell a certain smell, it directly affects the brain tissue in your nose, resulting in all sorts of pleasant effects. Thus, essential oils of sweet orange or ylang-ylang can block the action chemical substances, which cause negative emotions. So keep a small bottle of essential oil in your makeup bag so that a few deep breaths will make the world brighter even in the most difficult situation.

Hot drink

“I should note that since you’re upset, I’m supposed to offer you a hot drink,” Sheldon Cooper said in one episode of “The Big Bang Theory.” And such behavior has quite scientific basis. However, not any hot drink is suitable, but only a drink with a detox effect - rosehip decoction, herbal or green tea. Due to the fact that these drinks cleanse the liver of harmful substances, they also help stabilize blood pressure and naturally relax the body.

Jumping on a trampoline

No, this is not a joke. Carefree movements, in which there is no systematization, help the body get rid of tension. Jumping on a trampoline helps you feel like a child, supports the lymphatic system and has a relaxing effect on all systems that are affected by stress. Don't have a trampoline? No problem. Jumping rope or dancing to your favorite music will have the same effect.

Relaxing bath

If you are increasingly taking a shower rather than a bath, then you are missing out on a lot - including in terms of relaxation. A hot bubble bath is the perfect way to take a “break from broadcasting,” concentrate on how you feel, and ask the world to wait a moment. Take care of bath products with your favorite scent (a universal option is lavender) for complete pleasure.

L-theanine

The powerful amino acid will provide you with a feeling of calm in just 20 minutes, which is especially convenient if you are feeling extreme anxiety at work right before an important meeting. Moreover, experts note that L-theanine is one of the supplements that can combat all types of stress. An additional bonus is the fact that the product works without side effects in the form of drowsiness, apathy and excessive relaxation.

Breathing practices

A few deep and meaningful breaths - great way bring harmony to your mind and body. You may think it's too simple, but the magic here is that it actually works. Try to distract yourself from stress and focus on breathing: inhaling for five counts and exhaling for ten, subject to several repetitions, will help you balance your thoughts and make the only right decision. By the way, breathing practices are an important component of yoga - so if you are focused on long-term results, you may want to purchase a subscription to the studio closest to your home.

Escape to the "oasis"

When panic strikes, one of the best ways to cope with the stress is to find your own personal oasis. This could be a place in the office that you really like, a coffee shop around the corner, your own balcony, or even a mental oasis in which you go to the Cote d'Azur, where you spent an unforgettable vacation a few years ago (for some, however, this It will be a wonderful summer in the village with my grandmother between the fifth and sixth grades). Five minutes will be enough to get you back in shape. If we talk about prospects, then try visiting an infrared or regular sauna once a week to forget about all the stress and enjoy the moment as a habit.

Boxing

And again about sports - boxing (including Thai) to cope with fear, anxiety, anger, tears, hysterics and the list goes on. Fitness experts are sure that working with a pear will give you self-confidence, and when it comes to dealing with stress, it will help you resist them most effectively. Today was a hard day? Go to the gym in the evening and get rid of every irritant to make it easier for you to live and breathe.

I will explain how to remain calm and cool in any life situation without the help of sedatives, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but I will also explain how you can stop being nervous in general, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, how to calm your mind and how strengthen the nervous system.

The article will be structured in the form of sequential lessons and it is better to read them in order.

Nervousness and jitters are that feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and activities, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and simply worry about all sorts of little things. It is important to understand that nervousness has both psychological and physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to worry, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of self-doubt and what is happening, shyness, worry about the result.

We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or for one reason or another significant or responsible. I think that a threat to life does not often loom before us, ordinary people. Therefore, I consider situations of the second type to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. The fear of failure, of looking inappropriate in front of people - all this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological attunement; this has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let’s start with understanding the nature of nervousness.

Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. Necessary defense mechanism or hindrance?

Our palms begin to sweat, we may experience tremors, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, confusion in our thoughts, it is difficult to gather ourselves, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, we want to occupy our hands with something, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you? Do they help cope with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or communicating on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is, of course not, and what’s more, it can ruin the whole result.

Therefore, it is necessary to firmly understand that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply a certain mental mechanism embedded in a system of habits and/or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why eliminate this? Because when you're nervous:

• Your thinking ability decreases and you have a harder time concentrating, which can make things worse and require your mental resources to be stretched to the limit.
• You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, and gestures, which can have a bad effect on important negotiations or a date.
• Nervousness causes fatigue and tension to accumulate more quickly, which is bad for your health and well-being.
• If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (however, a very significant part of diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
• You worry about little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable things in your life.

Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and lost concentration. So we will work with you on this.

Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:

• Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
• You can get rid of it by working on yourself
• In everyday life there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened by anything, we mostly worry about trifles

I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.

You should configure yourself like this:

I have no reason to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and this is real!

Don’t think that I’m just talking about something that I myself have no idea about. Throughout my childhood, and then my youth, until the age of 24, I experienced serious problems with the nervous system. I couldn’t pull myself together in stressful situations, I worried about every little thing, I even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This had a negative impact on health: pressure surges, “panic attacks,” dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.

Of course, I can’t now say that I have the best self-control in the world, but all the same, I stopped being nervous in those situations that make most people nervous, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I’m on the right path and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do. In general, everything I’m talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I’m not making anything up and I’m only talking about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I had not begun to remake myself - all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.

Lesson 2. Are the events that you consider so significant and important?

Think about all those events that make you nervous: your boss calls you, you take an exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, evaluate the degree of their importance for you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of an altercation on public transport or on the road on a life-long scale, and is it really such a terrible thing to be late for work and be nervous about it?

Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, take a break from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that you are nervous about will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, will turn into mere trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries. This psychological setting helps a lot. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of reason, can react in its own way. Therefore, let's move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation immediately before any event, during and after it.

Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a big event

Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our intelligence, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event could be a final interview for the job you dream of, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this condition does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.

And you realize that an important event awaits you ahead, but no matter how significant it is, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your whole life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not worry arises. This is too important an event to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be collected and focused and will do everything for this!

Now we bring our thoughts to calm, relieve the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm down the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale and inhale deeply. The simplest breathing exercises will help you relax.

Simple breathing exercises:

It should be done like this:

• inhale for 4 counts (or 4 pulse beats, you need to feel it first, it’s more convenient to do this on the neck, not on the wrist)
• keep the air in for 2 counts/hits
• exhale for 4 counts/beats
• do not breathe for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all from the beginning

In short, as the doctor says: breathe - don't breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.

If you feel that your breathing allows you to take deeper inhalations/exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.

During the exercise, keep your attention only on your breathing! There should be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel relaxed and calm. The exercise is done for no more than 5-7 minutes, according to how it feels. With regular practice, breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also generally puts your nervous system in order and you become less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend it.

Okay, so we are prepared. But the time for the event itself has already arrived. Next I will talk about how to behave during the event so as not to be nervous and to be calm and relaxed.

Lesson 4. How to avoid being nervous during an important meeting

Pretend calm: even if neither your emotional mood nor breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calm and equanimity. And this is necessary not only to mislead your opponents about your current state. Expressing outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This operates on the principle of feedback, not only how you feel determines your facial expressions, but also your facial expressions determine how you feel. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the calmer you want to appear, the more relaxed you actually become.

Watch your facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the feedback principle obliges you to constantly look inside yourself and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too stressed? Are your eyes shifting? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from your senses, you adjust all your body movements, voice, and facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself in itself helps you get together and concentrate. And the point is not only that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, and do not let them get confused and lead you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calm are achieved.

Eliminate all markers of nervousness: What do you usually do when you're nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Are you tying your left big toe and little toe into a knot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight and don’t change their positions often. We don’t fidget in our chair, we don’t shift from foot to foot. We continue to look after ourselves.

That's all. All these principles complement each other and can be summarized in the call to “look after yourself.” The rest is specific and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with your answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. There is no need to try to make an impression in all available ways, you will make one if you do everything right and don’t worry, work on the quality of your performance. There is no need to mumble and get lost if you are caught by surprise: calmly swallow, forget and move on.

Lesson 5. Calm down after a meeting

Whatever the outcome of the event. You're on edge and still feeling stressed. It's better to take it off and think about something else. All the same principles apply here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think too much about the past event, I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, what if I had performed this way and not that way, oh, how stupid I must have looked, oh I’m a fool, what if...! Just throw all thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if), everything has already passed, put your breathing in order and relax your body. That's all for this lesson.

Lesson 6. You shouldn’t create any reasons for nervousness at all.

This is a very important lesson. Typically, a significant factor in nervousness is the inadequacy of your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything and are confident in yourself, why should you worry about the result?

I remember when I was studying at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to the exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would pass and somehow pass. In the end, I passed, but only thanks to phenomenal luck or the kindness of the teachers. I often went for retakes. As a result, during the session I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.

During the sessions, an unrealistic number of nerve cells were destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought so much had piled up, how hard it was, eh... Although it was all my fault, if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material to prepare for the exam and pass I could provide myself with all the intermediate control tests - but then I was laziness and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during the exams and worry about the result and about the fact that I would be drafted into the army if I I won’t hand over something, because I would be confident in my knowledge.

This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I am talking about the fact that you should try not to create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and don’t put it off until the last minute! Always have a ready-made plan in your head, or better yet several! This will save you a significant part of your nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!

Lesson 7. How to strengthen the nervous system

In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of peace. And the next thing I will tell you about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, being calmer and more relaxed. These methods are focused on long-term results; they will make you less susceptible to stress in general, and not only prepare you for a responsible event.

• Firstly, to correct the physiological factor of nervousness and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to meditate regularly. This is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I’ve written a lot about this, so I won’t dwell on it.
• Secondly, go in for sports and take a set of health-supporting measures (contrast showers, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). A healthy body has a healthy mind: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
• Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit in front of the computer less.
• Do breathing exercises.
• Give it up bad habits! Learn to relieve stress without cigarettes, alcohol, etc. Look for healthy ways to relax!

Source

Fear, stress, and nervous tension accompany a person throughout his life. How to resist these unwanted guests?

Nerves to the limit

Every person has a moment when the fallen burden of problems presses with unprecedented force. It seems that everything is bad, there is nowhere to wait for help, and negative thoughts overload the brain. What to do in such cases? How to pull yourself together and calm down?

Let go of your fears

Often people themselves find reasons to worry. Internal fears, doubts, negative emotions haunt, not wanting to let go of the exhausted body. How more people tries to stop being nervous, the more he withdraws into himself. At the same time, anger and uncertainty begin to accumulate. How to pull yourself together? The answer is simple. You need to let go of your fears, that is, accept yourself as you are, namely your nature: impressionable and subtle, which reacts sharply to the world.

Enjoy today. Learn to see something beautiful in the everyday gray everyday life. Every day is unique. Everything depends only on you. Still worried about something? Are you nervous? Can't calm down? Are you asking yourself how to stop being afraid every day? remember, that positive sides can be seen in these emotions. They confirm the fact that you are alive, and everything else is fixable. Don't hide your fears inside yourself. Don't let your emotions control you. By acknowledging them, you will stop dwelling on the negative things that bother your mind, and, accordingly, you will stop being nervous. Freed from fears, you will gain harmony in your soul and learn to see something pleasant in every day. And this is already an achievement!

You need to pull yourself together

There are several methods to keep yourself in control while in under stress. Let's look at each of them in more detail.

First, find and eliminate the cause of the concern. Understanding it means half solving it. But there are some things that are often very difficult to cope with, such as a crisis, for example. Therefore, they can only be experienced.

Secondly, change your attitude towards the problem. This method really works, if a person had a desire to improve the situation for the better.

Third, stop getting annoyed and do nothing. In this case, first think about where this can lead you?

Moral relief

First of all, you should pull yourself together. The following methods will help answer the question “how can you calm down quickly”:

Ways to protect yourself from stress

Stress occurs from overstrain of the nervous system. It is necessary to get rid of it. Below we will describe ways in which you can protect yourself, distract yourself from the negative, and they will also tell you how to pull yourself together.

1. Sports activities will distract you from stress, and the accompanying increased physical exercise will benefit your health and correct your figure, which will give you greater self-confidence. Exercise until you are completely exhausted. A sporting spirit will distract you from depression.
2. Hard physical work can also calm frayed nerves. For example, get a job as a cleaner of office premises and start working “extremely” so that, except for rest, no more thoughts arise in your head.
3. Exercise for the eyes. A simple exercise aimed at results. Move your eyes very quickly, as if you were shooting lightning. This high-speed movement will promote relaxation and distract from negative thoughts.

Getting rid of anger

Stress is often a consequence of relationships between people. As a result of unpleasant communication with a negative person, anger begins to accumulate in a person and irritation grows. To get rid of them, you must follow the recommendations described below:

1. Choose a room for privacy. Close the door. Take a pillow and place it in the corner of the sofa. And start hitting her hard, throwing out your anger. Think about the person who offended you. You will certainly feel relief after beating the pillow, stress will fade into the background, and the person who offended you, although not for real, will be punished.
2. Seclude yourself in the room where the mirror is located. Start a dialogue with your reflection, expressing everything that you have accumulated towards the person with whom you are very angry. You can even shout at him and throw threats at him. Just don't break the mirror. This is a bad omen.
3. Contact with water will help cool quickly. Wash away all the negativity. You can simply wash your hands with cool water, rinse your face, take a shower, or best of all, lie in a warm, relaxing bath.

Get rid of doubts, fears, uncertainty and anger. Smile more, love yourself and the world around you. We hope you have found answers to questions about how to pull yourself together and calm down after experiencing stress. Take care of yourself and your nerves!