Another plate is smashed against the wall, a portion of insults is written out to your husband, however, he did not remain silent, throwing a dozen or two unflattering epithets in your face. Your hands are shaking like an experienced alcoholic, your heart is ready to jump out of your chest. God, why does the husband yell at his wife, how to get rid of these scandals, are there ways to resolve family conflicts?

Stop, dear ladies! You initially formulated your question incorrectly. Family quarrels are an inevitable thing, these conflicts are just a way to resolve the contradictions that have arisen between spouses, and it will not be possible to eliminate them completely, but one can learn to overcome them with ease. While our women, having watched enough of Hollywood soap operas, gradually got used to the idea that it is easier to deal with family troubles, complexes and various phobias not on their own, but with the help of high-class psychoanalysts, Europe and America began a large-scale campaign to refuse the services of the above specialists.

The fact is that today in the West it is not psychoanalysts who are very popular, but specialists in the field of conflict management, whose primary task is to search for the causes of emerging contradictions and move any conflict from the plane of a domestic quarrel to the sector of constructive dialogue. These people are also in demand in our reality, because the lives of our men and women are literally filled with conflict situations.

Why does a husband yell at his wife during an argument?

Conflicts arise every day; their springboard can be work, public transport, or a store. Irreconcilable differences are the main cause of marital divorces on the planet. A husband and wife, no matter how well they treat each other, will still always conflict.

Why does a husband yell at his wife? Yes, because by zealously defending his opinion, he wants to show his importance and seize power in the family, and it does not matter at all what the quarrel was about. Was the reason for dirty dishes or breakage? new car or poor parenting, the result is always the same - having won a family conflict, the husband proves to both himself and his wife who is in charge in the house. A family quarrel can happen in different ways: sometimes spouses calmly and clearly convey their point of view to each other and listen to arguments, but it also happens that hysterics are thrown.

Why a husband insults his wife is known only to him alone, but this method of resolving the conflict is destructive, it will only aggravate the quarrel, leave an unpleasant aftertaste in the souls of both spouses, thereby shaking the foundation of normal relationships. In a house where all problematic issues are resolved in this way, people will still become enemies sooner or later and forget how they once fell in love with each other. But there are also ways to resolve family conflicts, knowledge of which will help the family avoid such developments, restraining anger, nullifying outbursts of unnecessary aggression that arise between two conflicting people.

Family Conflict Resolution #1: Tell Him How You Feel

Let’s say that on an ordinary winter evening you and your husband had a beautiful dinner by candlelight, prepared by your caring hands. After a wonderful meal, he, as usual, goes to the soft sofa to watch his favorite TV, leaving a mountain of dirty dishes in front of you. However, this happens all the time, but today you had a busy day at work, and you are not ready to tolerate his laziness.

Your first desire is to shout loudly throughout the entire apartment in a commanding tone: “Hey, you idiot! Anna, go to the kitchen and wash the dishes!” Stop, because if you start a showdown with such a phrase, nothing good will come of it. Surely, you will hear in response something similar to: “Don’t yell, monkey! Wash it yourself! I have football! - etc. You will become even more angry, and a real scandal will begin.

You will quarrel anyway, and it doesn’t matter who washes the dishes on this “romantic” evening - you or him. Remember: family conflict resolution methods allow you to manage quarrels. Therefore, do not shout at him, but rather describe your condition, tell your husband in his ear: “Darling, I would also be very happy to watch our TV, but, unfortunately, I have to tinker at the sink. And by the way, I’m no less tired at work today than you are, dear.” It is unlikely that after this you will have a question: why does the husband constantly insult his wife - this time you will definitely not hear any insults.

Family Conflict Resolution Method #2: Ask for Help

If your husband is not very conscientious and the above hints will never defeat his passion for football, move on to specific business proposals. Just do it as before very correctly and gently. There is a high probability that with the phrase “Darling, maybe you can help me a little?” you will limit yourself. It’s not worth snatching the TV remote control from his hands, or smashing expensive dishes on his curly head.

If your spouse is still sitting on the sofa after this, scowling like a gopher and preparing for a quarrel, anxiously waiting for what will happen next, but not wanting to move a millimeter into the kitchen, try to justify him: “of course, I understand, honey, you worked a lot today and deserved a rest. But still...” This way you will not remove the blame from him, but you will partially defuse the current situation.

Method for resolving family conflicts No. 3: offer peace to your husband

The betrothed continues to fight off the dirty plates in every possible way, wrapping himself deeper in the blanket, and you, in turn, press your beloved with legitimate demands to finally show up in the kitchen. It seems to a man, of course, that you pester him over trifles, and you, in turn, are simply infuriated by his selfishness. Eventually, you both begin to perceive resistance to each other as an invitation to fight.

This means that the time has come for you to put forward peaceful initiatives: “Bunny, I feel that now we can have a big fight. I wouldn’t really like to, would you?” Thus, you show your husband that a quarrel in the family is possible, but not at all desirable, and as an alternative you offer peace (exclusively on fair and mutually beneficial terms). Let the beloved figure out whether he needs today fighting or it’s better to fall asleep on the chest of your beloved wife.

And finally, if your beloved man demonstrates enviable persistence in his reluctance to help you with the dishes, boldly use a progressive method - a sincere and beautiful compliment: “Darling! We're halfway through the divorce now. Where am I then? wonderful person and will I find a real man?

The subtext of such a tirade is this: maybe you will respond to me with a sincere desire to relieve the little tension that has arisen? If your husband really loves you, he will show up with a little grumbling. And, mind you, absolutely without insults and hysteria.

Psychologists They believe that passion and ardent feelings between lovers last about three years after they meet. For real, happy families Living in absolute harmony are not common. Most spouses eventually begin to quarrel, conflict with each other, and sometimes stagnation occurs in the relationship.

Manifestations of such stagnation may include changes in behavior. For example, a spouse may periodically switch to elevated tones when communicating with his beloved.
Only in fairy tales can there be serene relationship between people. Only those families who want to be together are able to preserve their tender love.

Psychologists advise understanding yourself. Ask yourself more often why your loved one was so wonderful that you lost your head in love. But after the wedding you cannot recognize him - he has changed and become completely different. All sorts of little things in his behavior began to irritate you. All the advantages of a loved one can be overshadowed by minor details.
Of course, this doesn't go anywhere comparison with a man screaming and this is definitely not a minor aspect of a relationship.

Your marriage will come with time end, if you began to find fault with your partner’s shortcomings, but progress in the relationship (at least) will not appear if you are indifferent to such manifestations as screaming. A man needs to be loved, his virtues remembered more often and, if possible, supported.

No need to merge together, for happiness. Most psychologists are sure that a small distance is necessary between spouses. Because excessive frankness is harmful, spouses will benefit from little secrets.

However, in certain situations you will need frankness. Although for this you need to make an effort on yourself and overcome possible fears. Two important areas of prevention include independent reflection and understanding of the cause of a man’s cry (we’ll talk about this later) and clarification of such manifestations with the husband.

Of course, here too it should be manifest a certain delicacy. In general, screaming is not typical behavior for a man, especially in... Screaming in the family is a sign of weakness (for the most part, especially if the reasons are minor).

In this regard, you again need navigate on the positive development of the situation and not take this weakness into account as such, but search for the reasons. It is possible that you are not providing your spouse with the emotional support she needs, or that your behavior is disappointing your man. Still, you are an active participant in the relationship, and you should understand your own responsibility.

It's sad, but many men " break down"on wives after any negative situations with other people or after their own wrong actions. Of course, this is difficult for a woman, but this is also a sign of a woman’s lack of ability to create emotional comfort in the house, an atmosphere in which a man could feel yourself as the best, to be filled with new aspirations, to understand why you should continue to act in this world.

It is in this direction as prevention The male cry should guide the strategy of female behavior. Yelling back at a man or swearing is sometimes appropriate, but for the most part it is only a sign of unspent sexual energy. If everything is in order with you in this regard, then you should be tolerant and over time, if you create a favorable atmosphere in the house and treat screaming with understanding, the man himself will understand how ridiculous such behavior is and will begin to appreciate you even more.

In conclusion We offer you some recommendations of a more practical nature. For many, they may seem frivolous, but in fact, it is these and similar nuances that make up your relationship and your coexistence. Read the tips from the Meduniver website in the psychology section and perhaps some will be useful to you.

1. If your spouse is watching a football match, you shouldn’t walk in front of it and sigh. There is absolutely nothing wrong with TV, football, chips and a little beer. Try watching the game once with your husband, maybe you will also like this kind of entertainment. And if you still can’t watch football, find something for yourself interesting activity, during the football broadcast. In this case, the two of you will be satisfied.

2. Many wives are very susceptible and, having heard from their husband a refusal, for example, to buy new shoes or a trip to see their mother in the garden, at that very moment they begin to become hysterical. Most psychologists call this behavior simple blackmail, and many men cannot tolerate women’s tears and may resort to screaming.

3. What to do if husband- like to argue? There is no need to defend your innocence. Arguing is not good, but it’s also not necessary to constantly support him in everything. If you still decide to argue with your spouse, try to give him as many facts and arguments as possible, but you don’t need to go too far, you are a woman after all.

4. Yours husband- lover of spending free time with your friends? The weekend is approaching, and you are already fully thinking about how your husband will go away to have fun with his comrades, and you will have to spend time alone and at home. There is no need to sit at home and wait for your loved one. And the likelihood that a considerable scandal will break out upon his return is quite high. You need to be more reasonable, let him go without shouting and quarreling, let him go to his friends to watch football or go fishing. And go to your friends or visit your mother, or even better, go shopping. You will see how quickly and unnoticed the weekend will fly by without any scandals or disputes.

5. Often men They don’t understand women’s hints. Sometimes it’s better to say it directly, otherwise your husband won’t be able to understand for a long time what exactly you want. This will allow you to make your relationship more productive.

We wish you harmony in your family relationships!

Hello!
Help me cope with the problem. My husband constantly yells at me. Even any misunderstanding of mine causes me to scream. When I ask him something again, he also screams. I tried to explain something to him and talk about this topic. He has one answer - you don’t understand me and that’s all. How can I convey to him that this offends me, that I just need to explain to me what I don’t understand. He breaks down over all sorts of little things. Even sometimes he himself can’t explain something normally, I naturally don’t understand what he wants, and screams like crazy. I'm already afraid to ask something once again and start this topic. He starts to get offended and pretend that I don’t want to understand him.
Maybe this is a disease? Maybe he just likes to scream and humiliate me with this? Or is this still from childhood? Maybe my mother didn’t explain at the right time how a man should behave? Well, I don’t have any strength anymore. I want to achieve harmony and understanding in the family, but I have a feeling that everything is only getting worse. Sometimes I even have terrible thoughts about divorce. The resentment is overwhelming because I, for my part, fulfill all his requests and try to please. And he gets the impression that he doesn’t give a damn. But thank God I’m starting to stop in time. I love same him. What to do?

Hello, Lyudmila! if you both want to save your marriage and relationship, then YOU need to approach this issue together and find an approach that will be comfortable for both your spouse and you - you can contact a psychologist with him and sort out the areas in which conflicts occur, sort out the way you both build a dialogue between each other - WHAT you say to each other - it happens that a man speaks directly, but a woman hears him between the lines. Perhaps there are also personal characteristics of the spouse - which is difficult for him to explain, considering that he has already said everything and his mechanism of not accepting explanations is already triggered, which results in a quarrel and blaming you. In any case, the relationship develops in such a way that HE receives emotional release - he breaks down at you, screams, which means he needs EXACTLY THIS - he is not interested in hearing you, helping himself, including building a relationship with you. If your spouse is NOT interested in seeing a psychologist, contact him yourself. You, for your part, will be able to examine what comes from you, what position you take, how you build your communications with your spouse in order to identify those areas that need to be corrected - explore HOW you communicate spouse your feelings, HOW you ask questions and adjust towards constructive relationship building and communication. There are different methods of HOW you need to speak in order to be heard, but first you need to analyze what we have today and identify the main reasons for what is happening!

However, while it is obvious that it is NORMAL for a husband to raise his voice at a woman, at you, and you allow yourself to be treated this way, it is NORMAL for him to choose the position of the offended and blame you - and these are very immature traits for a man! And it is important for you to KNOW the characteristics of your man in order to KNOW what to expect from him and how to react to it!

Lyudmila, if you really decide to figure out what’s going on, feel free to contact me - call me - I’ll be glad to help you!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Good answer 3 Bad answer 0

Lyudmila, hello!

Of course, it is not normal if a person solves all problems by shouting. But it’s just as strange that you’ve been putting up with this for so long...

The point is that by adapting to his needs and staying with him yelling at you, you seem to be telling him: I am satisfied with your attitude, you can continue. And it doesn’t matter what you say... It’s important that you don’t leave, don’t set a clear boundary, which means you accept him for who he is!..

This is why my husband continues to behave this way, Lyudmila! And for something to change in him, first of all, you will have to change! You need to learn to set a clear boundary. And if you are not ready to endure his screams, don’t!

Of course, it is not easy to decide on such measures. Because you risk really losing your relationship with him. But otherwise nothing will change... And you will live your whole life in an atmosphere of psychological violence directed at you!..

I recommend that you, Lyudmila, seek an in-person consultation and work with a specialist to examine this topic. What's stopping you from setting clear boundaries? What are you afraid of losing? Where can you start to learn this and finally solve the problem of constant scandals? How to decide to take these actions and how to convey to your husband that this can no longer continue...

Make up your mind, Lyudmila, because otherwise you won’t be able to change anything! And if you have any questions or need help, feel free to contact us!

Karamyan Karina Rubenovna, psychologist, psychotherapist, Moscow

Good answer 1 Bad answer 0

Family quarrels and constant conflicts with her husband: how should a wife behave if her husband constantly screams?

When adults get married, they must understand that family life may arise controversial situations and quarrels. Without them, the development of a couple is, in principle, unlikely. Different upbringings, different social status, habits formed in childhood and adolescence, approach to raising children, moral values ​​and outlook on life can become reasons for serious quarrels and conflicts.

The beginning of quarrels and screams of the husband

Sudden occurrences strong feelings can connect absolutely different people. But, after some time, “one thing or another” begins to interfere with the process of living together. arise life situations, in which husband and wife are accustomed to behave differently. If conflict situations sometimes occur in your family, but you and your spouse hear each other, always find a solution that suits both parties, without resorting to insults, you should not worry - in a dispute (and quarrels) you have every chance of finding the truth. The ability to find a compromise helps maintain a healthy family environment and a favorable atmosphere in the family.

But rather, are you ready to come to terms with this model of relationship. Do you want to save your family? If so, how to resist shouting and scandals? You may find our tips and recommendations useful.

Why does a husband yell at his wife? Looking for reasons

If the husband's behavior has changed greatly, he cannot restrain himself conflict situation, constantly screams, breaks down for any reason, try to understand why quarrels begin. To do this, go back to the very beginning, analyze what you said or did before the corresponding reaction occurred. Do not blame yourself under any circumstances, the important thing here is simply to find the “seed” from which the quarrel grew.

The reasons for a husband's screams can be:

• problems at work;
• alcohol, drugs, gambling;
• psychological stress;
• fading of feelings;
• low self-esteem;
• age-related irritability;
• hereditary scenario.

If your loving and caring spouse suddenly starts screaming, it is quite possible that something is seriously bothering him. He may have problems at work or financial difficulties that he cannot tell you about. The causes of aggressive behavior may be the use of alcohol or drugs. Gamblers, alcoholics and drug addicts (if they cannot get what they need) behave inappropriately, overly aggressively, splashing out feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction on the people closest to them. If you are sure that all of the above reasons have nothing to do with your situation with your husband, then most likely the roots of your current problem are in the past.

If your husband grew up in a family where yelling was the order of the day, where father and mother resolved family conflicts and disputes only in this way, he cannot even imagine another scenario of behavior. Most often, a man repeats his father’s pattern of behavior unconsciously, even if he himself suffered from such relationships as a child and promised himself never to behave this way with his family in the future.

Read on the topic How do life scenarios from childhood influence adult relationships?

My husband constantly shouts: what should I do?

If you find yourself in this “mess”, and are also firmly mired in a relationship model where you are a woman constantly enduring her husband’s screams, it will not be easy to get out and radically change the situation. Any deviation from your humble behavior will be perceived as rebellion and will cause even greater dissatisfaction with your spouse. To prevent your husband’s regular screams from leading to more disastrous consequences, start acting gradually. Below you will find some recommendations. Their basis is constructive work on yourself and your emotions, since you are unlikely to be able to “remake” your husband; your main key is your personal behavior.

So, to calm a screaming husband, try:

• not to be the initiator of conflicts;
• do not focus your husband’s attention on everyday trifles and do not nag him if (in your opinion) he earns little or does not pay enough attention to you;
• do not raise your voice and do not develop conflict (hold back, even if you have something to say, but you understand the consequences of your “excuses”);
• listen to complaints calmly and with restraint (it is not necessary to immediately rush to do everything point by point, but you cannot ignore this situation);
• solve problems in a calm conversation (after the husband has calmed down, try again to talk through all the accumulated complaints. Introductory constructions help well, like “Did I understand correctly that ...?”, “You said that ...”, etc., which carefully continue the thread of the conversation, but do not turn what was said into a complaint);
• do not burden your husband with household chores if he is the only breadwinner and earner and is really tired at work (you do not need to create a scale of his fatigue, just decide once and for all - after work, your husband wants to rest at least a little. There is no point in demanding that he immediately take out the trash, “since he hasn’t taken off his shoes yet” or “quickly wash the dishes” - this will only heat up the emotional background);
• a tired spouse's home should be clean and tasty dinner (devastation and hunger obviously will not make him calm and satisfied);
• praise him, say that you love him and hug him more often (perhaps he lacks your attention or he “fell out” of family life in the hustle and bustle. Be the initiator of a warm relationship, and do not wait for the first steps on his part - you have a family, not a competition to conquer each other);
• analyze every situation, conversation, action that led to a scandal and quarrel (maybe you missed something and the problem really exists);
• realize that similar relationships are not normal and try to change them for the better or break them;
• turn to a specialist (a psychological approach can greatly simplify working on relationships, but, unfortunately, it is often difficult to understand what to do alone. Try going to a consultation with a psychologist, perhaps the problem is not only that the husband constantly screams, and lies much deeper).

This means that you are a victim in these circumstances. No matter what you do, a spouse who repeats the negative pattern of his father's behavior in similar circumstances will always have compelling arguments to make you cry and make you feel guilty.

How to respond to your husband's screams

If all your efforts do not lead to positive results, if constant quarrels and conflicts have caused your health to deteriorate, if you have children who have to constantly watch the showdown in a raised voice between their parents, you should think about how to end this relationship. Everything is simple here: if you feel bad and you are sure that nothing can be fixed, why are you patient and waiting for something?

Tears, persuasion and even threats will not help. People don't change if they don't want to.

Often only an experienced specialist can save a family where the husband is screaming and the wife is suffering. It can take years to build relationships. Whether they remain in such relationships due to financial dependency or any other reasons, women suffer silently in such marriages. They don't talk about their problems at work or to their friends. Unfortunately, only a very small percentage of women who are constantly shouted at by their husbands, insulting and humiliating them, decide to end their marriage.

Sometimes this decision is made by women who have been married for 10 or more years. The main motive may be their depressive state and lack of mental strength and physical health keep trying to save the marriage.

Read on the topic 10 dangerous and wrong relationships that you urgently need to get out of

However, you should not miss the possibility that your screaming husband himself needs support; his screams and breakdowns at you cause problems for him too. The best solution here would be to find a good psychologist to analyze not family, but personal problems of the spouse. It is possible that he is in severe stress due to circumstances that have nothing to do with you.

If it’s difficult for you to decide to break off your relationship with your husband, who constantly torments you with screams and scandals, for your own sake, think about your children, about their and your own future. They are doomed to inherit your behavior pattern and suffer in the same way in family relationships. Therefore, if your husband constantly yells at you, and all your attempts to “calm down” him are in vain, understand that he will not change, and now you have to choose: endure and suffer or leave and stop suffering once and for all.

piter-training.ru

What to do if your husband constantly yells?

IN happy marriage There is no room for screaming at all – isn’t it? But why then do some husbands raise their voices at their wives, and what should a woman living with a loud husband do?..

What to do if your husband yells (and does it often) - the unusual women's site sympaty.net will tell you.

My husband constantly raises his voice: how to deal with this?

For a person of any gender, a cry is a distress signal: if a person screams, it means he is very bad, hurt or scared, it means that he has exhausted all constructive ways of communication and solving some problem. We start yelling if they don’t hear us at all, and the problem is acute and urgent. We give vent to our emotions by screaming if a lot of these very emotions have accumulated - if we were not allowed (or we did not allow ourselves) to “let off steam” slowly, rest and switch.

Any psychologist will confirm that for an adequate, mentally healthy person who is not in extreme conditions a person's cry is justified only in the most extreme cases.

And therefore, “Beautiful and Successful” advises you to realize that if your husband constantly yells and is dissatisfied with everything, he has a mental problem. The wife should not think on what dish to present halva and marzipan to her padishah today, so that he does not get angry. She must think about how to arrange a meeting between her husband and a psychologist, psychotherapist, and maybe even a psychiatrist. And think about whether she is, in principle, capable of living with a person with such a psyche?

The fact is that if a husband is constantly yelling, then it is naive to think that he is now yelling, and then suddenly a wizard will fly in a blue helicopter, and from a psychopath who cannot control himself, this man will turn into an adequate person who solves all problems through ordinary conversations without promotion vote. It won't transform. Or he will transform for a short time - for example, if you categorically threaten him with divorce.

Such husbands have absolutely no respect for the feelings of their wives while they are around, while they behave like helpless victims, meekly taking any cries and discontent personally. But as soon as the wife decides that she’s had enough, packs her bags and goes to her mother, then yesterday’s dissatisfied aggressor will come running to beg for forgiveness, swear and swear that he understood everything and will not do it again... If you forgive him and return, then for some time he will hold back, but everything will return to normal as soon as he feels that the woman has become sufficiently attached to him and is again ready to endure the yelling.

And yes, you should not consider it a significant argument that once, at the beginning of your relationship, this man was not like that, did not scream, seemed quite balanced. The fact is that, after all, strong love has a beneficial effect on people with mental disorders for some time - they can control themselves and seem absolutely normal. But the further you go, the less often “bright intervals” will happen - so think ten times about whether you really want to spend your life with this person.

How to behave if your spouse yells at you?

Let's talk about how to solve the problem “my husband is yelling at me” at the very moment when he is yelling. How to behave?

You have every right to behave in a way that protects yourself to the maximum – emotionally, psychologically and physically. It’s normal to leave without listening to the shouting! It's up to you to decide how far and for how long to go - for ten minutes in another room, or for an hour's walk on the street, or to spend the night with relatives or a friend. Your task is to protect your psyche, and not to calm down a man’s hysteria.

Yes, he will be offended. Perhaps he will consider you a bad and inattentive wife. But understand that good wife for a constantly yelling husband, this is an unrequited sacrifice. Better be bad wife, but not a victim!

You shouldn’t “mirror” and yell back at your spouse - you won’t come to a consensus, it won’t add peace to the relationship, you’ll only fray your nerves once again.

But what about thinking about why a husband yells at his wife - maybe you are really doing something wrong, maybe he has objective reasons to be dissatisfied? But in fact, too much reflection on this topic will not be beneficial either. If only because if this is not an isolated incident in your relationship, but regular practice- this means that you are so “bad” that, in principle, you cannot (and should not!) adapt to all the demands of this man and please him in everything. The rule “start with yourself” will not bring good results when in front of you is an aggressive, unrestrained person who has completely different ideas about life than you. To adapt to it - doesn’t this mean losing yourself, giving up your individuality and devaluing your personal ideas about “how good” and “how it should be”?

Start with your husband. Tell him very directly that you don’t want to listen to him when he raises his voice, but you are ready to talk about everything and discuss everything quietly and without shouting. Say that you deserve not to be yelled at - not because you are some kind of arrogant princess, but because it is a natural human right not to be subjected to psychological violence and to protect yourself from it. Indicate your actions if he continues to yell - you will leave, you will not listen, you will want to break up. Yes, this is an ultimatum - but without ultimatums you will not be able to get out of the position of a defenseless victim!

If you are valuable to your husband and loved by him, he must reconsider his behavior and stop yelling. But life shows that people who are prone to shouting and aggression rarely change seriously and for a long time - so we advise you to really seriously consider whether to save this marriage...

Copying this article is prohibited!

www.sympaty.net

My husband constantly insults, shouts and humiliates me - what should I do?

Have you found yourself in a situation where your husband constantly insults you, yells at you, humiliates you - and you don’t know what to do about it? The situation is really very difficult. It would seem that the person who should be closest to you is the one who causes you the maximum pain and suffering. How to fix it?

After all, every woman wants to be behind her man, trust him, and be confident in him. And to know that her husband will not insult and humiliate her - even if her wife was wrong in some way. This is a normal relationship, but a relationship with constant swearing and bickering is beyond the bounds and requires some kind of solution.

What is the reason that your husband constantly insults and humiliates?

Let's figure out what caused this disastrous situation. First of all, you need to ask yourself a question: did these insults start unexpectedly and recently, or has this been happening for a long time, and you just didn’t notice it?

If the humiliation and screaming began unexpectedly (although the probability of this is very small, almost zero) - then think about what happened in your life, what changes, that he began to behave like this with you? Was there some external reason that may not even be related to you? Could there be some kind of event or incident? This may give you a clue to understand the situation.

If we can’t remember, then we take the lost husband by the scruff of the neck and bring him out for an honest conversation - we ask openly what is the reason for such a drastic change in behavior? Maybe he will even answer you something intelligible.

But this is rather an exception. In fact, 99% of the time when a husband starts yelling and insulting his wife, it doesn't happen overnight. This is preceded by a long “preparation” on the part of both spouses.

Why did your husband start yelling at you?

What do I mean by "preparing"? Any relationship is a responsibility. And the responsibility of both one spouse and the other. This is an indisputable fact and will have to be accepted.

And now, since we accept it, let's figure out what is your responsibility in this situation? After all, it’s not you who insult and humiliate, but your husband who yells at you! It seems like you are the victim of this situation, and not the aggressor.

Do you know what your compatibility with a man is?

To find out, click on the button below.

click and find out

Everything is so, but does this awareness of yourself as a victim help you? I'm afraid not. The situation, at best, remains the same - the husband continues his antics, and you endure, or it gets worse and worse every day (and maybe a divorce is just around the corner).

But, returning to your responsibility. One question that can help you understand the situation: why do you allow him to shout at you and humiliate you? Yes, what right does he have to do this, and why do you tolerate his behavior?

Why do you tolerate this behavior?

You can only do what you are allowed to do. And your husband understands very clearly that if he yells at you, he will get away with it. Maybe you will be upset, maybe you will cry or even throw a tantrum, but then everything will be normal again. You will swallow the grievances, and continue to cook him borscht, give him sex, and everything he needs. Everything is fine - the man behaved unworthily, but you endured it. Why are you doing it?

After all, it didn’t start with floundering. Most likely, once upon a time, he raised his voice at you, or somehow humiliated you. Do you remember if there were such situations in the past? And then you endured it and remained silent. It is very important to remember such moments from the past.

And what happened next? The man very quickly realized that he could insult and humiliate you freely, and he would not meet with resistance. He caught the “algorithm” and decided that it was normal for him to behave like the last brute. After all, nothing changes - he yelled at you, and you endured it.

It is quite possible that this manifested itself in some small things, and not in a big quarrel. You endured it - he realized that it was possible. Further on increasing. His behavior became worse and worse, and you continued to remain an uncomplaining lamb.

Or another option - you threw hysterics at him, also shouted and swore - but at the same time continued to do some standard actions for him - cook, wash, and so on. What does your screams mean to him? Well, did you scream and calm down?

You can’t tolerate it when a man insults and humiliates you

The first rule of a wife in marriage should be this: “under no circumstances should you tolerate your husband’s misdeeds and unworthy behavior!” This is an ironclad rule and you must follow it strictly.

If your husband behaves inappropriately, even in small things, you should not allow it and tolerate it. Then he will know very clearly that when I behave correctly, I receive bonuses, and when I behave badly like this, then it will be very unpleasant for me.

Only in this case does a man learn to behave with dignity and respect his wife.

Moreover, not to tolerate means not to tolerate. So arrange nuclear war, make hell seem like a cozy place to him, compared to the situation when he dared to behave unworthily with you. You simply have to arrange it so that similar situations didn't happen again.

Remember the main thing - your behavior means a lot to a man, but if there is no harmony at the level of signs, then the relationship will be very tense. It would be very desirable to know exact compatibility exactly your zodiac sign with the sign of a man. This can be done by clicking on the button below:

click and find out

How to fix a situation when it has already gone very far

What I have described will be very difficult for women who are deeply mired in destructive relationships. After all, certain relationships have already been established, certain rules games. Your husband regularly insults you, yells at you and humiliates you - you swallow everything. And if you behave differently than usual, it will amaze him.

Yes, it will not be easy, but how else? It is best to create such a scandal at any next similar occasion - and bring it to such an extent that they drive him out of the house. Literally. So that your husband goes to spend the night somewhere else, and so that he realizes that this won’t happen to you again.

If you do this, there is a chance that he will realize something and begin to improve. Just keep in mind that you can’t just take him back if he doesn’t do anything to apologize. Misdeeds are atoned for by actions, and not by words-assurances that he will no longer shout at you and humiliate you.

If a man wants, he will definitely do something for you and try to win back your affection. If not - and he doesn’t even try, then why do you need such a husband?

conclusions

Understand a simple thing: the situation will not correct itself, it will not get better. You need to ask yourself the question: what can I do to ensure that my husband does not insult or humiliate me anymore? How can I behave so that this hell stops?

If you ask yourself these questions, you will be on the right path. After all, it’s possible to cry and suffer, and sometimes it’s really useful, but life can only be improved by specific actions. By your actions.

Therefore, try to pull yourself together and start acting. Plan everything out, if you want - even write it down, and think about how you will behave the next time your husband behaves inappropriately. And take action!

If you don't take action, everything will only get worse and worse. And time is not eternal. And you will waste a lot of time of your life on meaningless suffering for the sake of a person who will only insult and humiliate you.

But if you realize your responsibility and start doing something towards improvement, it is quite possible that the situation will change for the better or be resolved.

If you want to be with the man you love, you need to figure out whether you are compatible according to your zodiac sign?

Find out your exact compatibility with a man by clicking on the button below:

find out compatibility

artemdal.ru

My husband constantly screams for any reason - Psychology - Family Relationships

Why did you decide that this is possible with you, for what, for what, were you born and live to suffer, not allow yourself to have your own opinion, desires, give up your aspirations, constantly make excuses? For what, why, why are you doing this to yourself? Tolerating such negativity is a destructive position that, in addition to psychological ones (destruction of personality), can cause real physical illnesses. You are young and beautiful, you should enjoy life, the attitude of a man. Each person determines his own conditions happy life, limits of patience, rules of dealing with oneself. You must decide for yourself once and for all whether to be a self-justifying victim all your life or to become self-sufficient, happy woman. We date and marry a man to feel his love, support, confidence that we are the best. If a relationship begins to deteriorate, it means that something was wrong in it from the very beginning; there is a lack of mutual respect, support, sincerity, understanding, and openness. Family is the rear, an island of happiness, a quiet shore, but... not at such a price, when you have made yourself completely dependent on your husband’s mood, rules, principles, live with caution, fears, feelings of guilt and are not happy. Harmonious couples discuss all issues, make decisions together, compromise, see, and also support and develop each other positive traits, value, respect, rejoice in a person, miss him, protect him, accept him as he is, knowing at the same time about negative traits, without focusing on them, without looking for them. A union of loving people is the center of trust, comfort, warmth, security, tenderness and attention to each other; here partners do not assert themselves at the expense of each other, do not compete, do not prove anything, do not manipulate. Your husband offends you, expresses dissatisfaction, reproaches you, and demands certain behavior. But this is his vision of the situation, relationships, and the role of women. He wants to make you into the ideal wife he imagines - flexible, not objecting, doing everything as he wants. Then what he feels for you cannot definitely be called love, because love is unconditional, it does not accept conditions, boundaries and barriers at all, it is a feeling that makes a person happy, whole, it is not necessary and cannot be begged for, just like respect , attention, warmth. It is not possible and there is no need to constantly adapt to other people’s standards, to meet someone else’s requirements. You should not make excuses, ask, prove that you are good to anyone, not to him, and especially to yourself. You are not to blame for anything at all. If you agree with him, remain silent, endure, then you are giving him a subconscious signal that this is possible with you, that you will forgive him anyway and will be with him, that you are guilty and want to improve, that your interests, principles, desires are not important (Why devalue yourself?). But in any situation there is always a role for both partners: they behave with us the way we allow, even if we do nothing, this is also a certain signal, also a type of reaction, also a choice. That is, you both came to this situation on equal terms. Understand that next to a woman is always the man whom she allows to be, he behaves with her in the same way, values ​​and loves her exactly as much as she values ​​and loves herself. With us are those people whom we allowed. Let's accept what happened as a life experience, free ourselves from the wrong perception of ourselves and negative emotions, fears, anxious expectations, we will begin to become ourselves and realize our value as a person, a beautiful woman. No situation is given to us without the strength, ways, and opportunities to survive it and move on. Think about everything that has happened and is happening to you now - emotions, desires, do you feel needed, better, happy. Build your life and relationship with a man in accordance with your plans, desires, and ideas of happiness. Learn to appreciate, love, respect yourself, expressing this in actions towards yourself (and not in demonstrative insults, for example) and people will treat you the same way. Always remember that you are very good, smart and beautiful, you deserve to be loved and happy, recognized, adored and respected, without doing anything special for this, without deserving it, but simply because you are exactly like that! This is how you feel from now on, keep it this way. Your man offends you with all his behavior and attitude, accuses you, cannot accept you completely, which means he himself has psychological problems, so asserts himself at your expense and the more often he does this, the stronger his self-doubt, inability to cope with it, fear of being abandoned, unfairly offended, not accepted. It's not your fault. These character traits have been formed since childhood, but now they have just begun to manifest themselves more strongly. He won’t be able to overcome the problem on his own, he doesn’t realize it, even if you say so, he will categorically deny it. You yourself won’t be able to radically influence his character and behavior, because you can only change another person if he wants to and starts working on himself. For now, you probably react the way he expects, you “listen and obey” in your own way, also fulfilling his duties, and he understands that you can be controlled. Whether you continue to be with him, break up, or go to a psychologist together is up to you to decide. If you wait for him to understand and begin to meet you halfway, you will be wasting your time - men are far from guessing our thoughts, desires, feelings, they need to be told and explained everything, they live by logic, and not by sensory, like we do. You have a lot to think about. Create your relationship according to rules that will suit both of you and make both of you happier. If the second partner refuses to change anything in himself or the relationship, he resists and sticks to his line, despite the fact that this causes suffering to a loving person , then this is also a problem for both, which means the second one allows himself to be treated this way. The result is always negative - sliding into eternal quarrels, isolation or separation. Let me remind you that the state will oblige him to worry financially about the children; he can apply for alimony without a divorce. But first, you need to get out of the usual stereotype, sit down at the negotiating table and start working together to develop models of behavior acceptable to both. Talk to him very seriously, calmly, confidently, not from the position of a justifying and defending victim, but from the position of a mature person. Openness and frankness are the key to harmony in couples. Let him understand that everything is serious, that things will not be the same as before. You will be able to agree and develop acceptable models of interaction if there are still feelings between you. Believe me, everything will fall into place as soon as you begin to treat yourself with care and respect - love yourself, value your thoughts, actions, decisions, your opinion, time, desires, appearance, goals. Under any circumstances, maintain your psychological integrity and never lose yourself in a person or a relationship. Do not let your feeling of happiness and fullness of life depend on the presence/absence of one person, his opinion, behavior. You should always be interesting to yourself in every sense. This means developing, improving yourself, having your own inner “island of happiness”, which will be your support in life and a source of strength and inspiration. That is, don’t focus only on relationships, have something of your own, interesting, pleasing, arousing desire and an incentive to always be “on your toes.” Be good to yourself first and foremost. Become your own main value, an object of effort, a life guide. You are worth it, you will never abandon yourself, offend, or betray yourself. Believe in yourself, everything will be fine for you, don’t be afraid of anything - live with these thoughts. Whether a person is happy or not depends on what he thinks about it - allow yourself to be whatever you want. Think about everything, make a decision and begin to create your own world, life, relationships according to your ideas of happiness. Never expect that someone will make you happy, add everything that is missing yourself - emotions, joyful events, small holidays, delight, meetings, traditions, words, drive and positivity, you have every right. Everything is possible. Think, act. Everything will be fine with you, no matter with or without this person. This is a very short answer. If you have any questions, want to clarify the situation, get answers, understand everything, write to the chat, I will be happy to help, support, show a professional opinion and solutions. Good luck, love and harmony with yourself. I will be grateful for your assessment of the answer.

There are people who constantly speak in a raised voice. "Do not scream!" - we ask them. And they answer: “I don’t shout, it’s my voice!” They are lying, their voice is normal, but high and loud notes reveal the psychological problems of these people. Let's try to figure out which ones exactly.

One of my acquaintances answered the question: “Why did you break up with this woman, because you loved her so much, you were even ready to adopt her children from your first marriage?” - answered: “They scream all the time. For any reason. It is unbearable!"

You've probably noticed that in moments of excitement or uncertainty, we often begin to speak louder than usual. It’s as if we are defending ourselves or asking for help without even knowing it. If you hear screaming, you need to react. By and large, the cry is the notorious “SOS!”, which calls out to others with a request:
Notice
Help
Understand
Stay
Change, etc.

That is, ultimately, the cry is addressed to others. Sometimes it is very important. And it requires an immediate response. In general, he says that the person is feeling bad and needs help. Everything seems to be transparent, what else is there to discuss.

But it turns out that not everything is so simple. Sometimes raised tones are used to other purposes:

Suppression of others
Suppressing your own fear and anxiety
Self-affirmation, etc.

In the end, screaming may simply be a bad habit, absorbed with the milk of a careless mother who constantly yelled at her child.

The habit of yelling comes from childhood

There are families where children are shouted at a lot. Why? You can try to find a logical explanation for this, such as the fact that the child does not hear or perceive the usual tone of speech, we have to contact him repeatedly, so we shout, so that it will come faster.

This, in my opinion, is where it lies main secret parental raised tones. I want to achieve results faster and with less effort. I’m just too lazy to explain something to a child, to persuade him for a long time and tediously. It’s easier and faster to shout, and everything will be our way. But in the end, a certain style and algorithm of communication is developed in the child’s mind. And gradually he gets used to the screams and demands an ever-increasing increase in decibels and an increasingly angry parental reaction. And then he himself learns to communicate with people in a raised voice.

Thus, ordinary parental laziness gives rise to long-lasting problems in communication and human life. In adult life we invariably copy the parental behavior patterns learned in childhood. It turns out that “that’s my voice!” since childhood. Many of us in our conscious adult lives have to struggle with, among other things, the habit of resolving issues in a raised voice.

Yelling doesn't solve problems

Among other things, this is the most easy way resolving a conflict or problem. It seems to lie on the surface. In fact, shouting does not solve problems, or rather, it only leads to temporary and superficial results. Most likely, in order to avoid the negative effect that someone else’s scream has on the psyche, eardrums and our mood, we will fulfill the request, do something to stop this scream. So to speak, we will take emergency measures. But the very cause of the conflict will remain unresolved, the situation will sooner or later repeat itself, and then expect a new attack of screaming.

A wife can raise her voice as much as she wants at her husband, who throws his socks everywhere. And in order to avoid her screaming, he will pretend that he is trying to be careful. But this will not be his conscious decision, connected with the understanding that this should be done so as not to create problems for his wife and not to disturb the order in the house. It's more of a favor that doesn't eradicate a bad habit. Once the source of irritation (that is, the wife) is removed from the apartment for a while, the socks will once again scatter around the entire perimeter of the home.

You have probably noticed that it is difficult for us to do something under pressure, that is, under the influence of an angry shout. Man is designed this way; conscious actions become the most valuable to him. That is, those that he commits voluntarily out of his own good intentions. How to achieve such voluntary, conscious behavior from children and adults is a question for another article. But it can be quite difficult to achieve this by shouting, especially if this style of communication is common in your environment. People get used to everything, including, unfortunately, screams, no longer perceiving them as extreme distress signals.

Sometimes you have to watch unbridled voice battles on various political and talk shows. Everyone is shouting, no one hears anyone, no one respects and no one wants to understand. Sometimes the same type of dialogues happen between spouses. As a result, the truth is not born, the problem is not solved, but the gap of misunderstanding widens and the conflict worsens. Worst of all, love and respect disappear...

Don't be fooled by the screams

Whatever the reasons for the increased tones, do not become like the screamer and do not go to his decibel level. Sometimes it is quite obvious that this is exactly what he wants. Be calmer, wiser and stronger. A calm analysis of the situation, a deliberately quiet voice sometimes acts amazingly, like a lightning rod. It’s even better to mirror your opponent’s state by agreeing with his cry and trying to explain it from your point of view. " I understand that you are freaking out, that you feel bad, that you are nervous, etc. I feel bad too… But... Come on...»

These three magic words should help you pull the sufferer out of the screaming state.

I understand… You don’t push him away, don’t brush him off as if he were an obsessive, noisy fly whose buzzing has become quite boring or infuriating to you. You are trying to understand and accept what is happening to him. This is your first and main step.
But… Gives you the opportunity to express your attitude to what is happening, helps the person in distress look at the situation from a different angle, find feedback, sets you up to analyze the situation and helps you find a way out of it.
Let's try… This is already magic. The rescue. Exit. This is what they actually expected from you, raising your voice. Here the result depends only on your wisdom, kindness and generosity of soul.

In general, we all probably need to remember: when a person feels good and is happy, he does not scream. Maybe we should just become kinder and help each other be happy, and then the negatively charged screaming and raised voices will go away from our lives.