Love addiction is a painful attachment to another person. It manifests itself in excessive concentration on the partner’s personality, on his behavior, feelings and emotions.

Love addiction is on a par with other types of addictions (alcohol, drug, etc.), only the object of this addiction is a relationship with another person. Keyword“relationships”, since in case of love addiction it is not the person himself as a person that is important, but the relationship with him, the quality and character of it.

Eat good phrase“We are all left at the age at which we were not loved.” It's about love addiction. Mom and dad didn’t love or didn’t show their feelings properly, so the person now spends his whole life looking for a replacement and demands the love of a partner. And he doesn’t get it, which is typical. For it is impossible to satisfy the need and fill the inner emptiness with someone else and the life of another. Only by yourself.

Love addiction is treated exclusively by filling oneself, satisfying needs at the expense of oneself and not others, and seeking self-reliance.

If you are faced with love addiction, when there is no life without a partner, then the following tips will help you.

Why does it occur

Often in the literature you can find the term “love addict”, which very clearly characterizes a person’s need for a “love high”, regardless of the type of drug itself.
Love addiction does not arise out of nowhere and does not happen to everyone. For its occurrence, certain prerequisites are necessary in the form of the addict’s previous love experience, his attitudes and relationships with parents, his self-esteem and internal fulfillment as a person. A love addict is a certain type of personality whose psychological attitudes contribute to the emergence of love addiction with any partner they meet. Secondly, dating partners also have their own type (they simply don’t like others!). What are these attitudes that attract love addiction?

First of all, love addiction is the internal emptiness of a person, which she tries to fill with another person.

At the same time, a person can be very active social life, to have many friends, Good work etc.

Each of us has our own needs :

• Physiological: food, warmth, safety;
• Safety ;
• Social : contacts, affection, communication;
• Prestigious : self-esteem, recognition, achievement of success;
• Spiritual : self-identification, self-actualization, self-expression.

If at some period of life (most often in childhood with significant adults) some need was not satisfied, frustration followed. Frustration is a state in which there is a need, but there is no opportunity to satisfy it.

It should be noted that despite the impossibility of satisfying a need or several needs, they do not disappear anywhere! They stay with a person for life and a person will always subconsciously look for an opportunity to realize them.

For example, during early childhood the child could not fulfill his need for love. There could be a lot of reasons: the parents died and the baby was sent to an orphanage, or one of the parents rejected the child, etc. As a result, the child lives and develops with the need “love me” and the inability to receive this from significant adults, which leads to the formation of an adult personality with the same attitude. Moreover, the strength and significance of frustrated needs is so great that a person is ready to do almost anything to satisfy it. And this is a direct road to love addiction. When meeting a partner, a person wants to be loved so much that he is ready to endure humiliation from the other, conflicts, physical violence, as long as he does not go anywhere or abandon him. Therefore, a love addict reacts very sensitively to the manifestations of his partner’s emotions and feelings, to his behavior, since the addict needs to be convinced every time that he is still loved. Control of behavior over the other appears, a desire to be together around the clock, to hear words that confirm feelings, etc., so as not to miss the moment when the other no longer loves. A love addict cannot allow this to happen.

Recognize addiction

Informed means armed. It is possible to cure a disease only when the fact of its presence is recognized and realized by the patient.

You cannot get out of love addiction and change your life if you do not consider yourself addicted.

It is difficult to admit this, but nevertheless it is necessary.

Signs of love addiction:

• When you are in love, you are so absorbed in thoughts about the object of your love that you can think of nothing else;
• You don’t care about obvious signs that the relationship with your partner is destructive for you: disrespect, violence, rudeness, conflict, etc.;
• Your life has qualitatively changed for the worse: difficulties at work, friends disappear, financial losses, poor health and health problems;
• You can’t imagine life without a partner or temporary loneliness scares you;
• The most important goal in life is love;
• You feel your partner’s superiority over you, your inadequacy in front of him, that he is better than you in all respects;
• You need control over your partner, this gives you confidence that you are loved;
• You are very jealous of your partner, his personal space, interests;
• You live your partner's life and hobbies, devoting little or no time to your own interests and needs

If you answered yes to most of the questions, then you are addicted.

Love has nothing to do with emotional dependence. This is a painful condition that calls into question the construction of normal love relationship and internal personal integrity.

Contact a psychologist

Psychological practice suggests that the percentage of love addicts seeking help is extremely low. This is logical, since admitting the fact that you don’t love, but are dependent, and that it’s not about someone else, but about you, is extremely difficult and painful. However, be honest with yourself. Analyze your relationships in the past and present and answer yourself this question: “Do I really love my partner or myself in his relationship to me?”

Love addiction does not imply love for a specific person, for his acceptance. Addiction is focused on one's own feelings of happiness during the period of expression of love by a partner.

Only when my partner “behaves” can I be happy. If my partner didn’t tell me: “I love you,” when I needed it, then I feel bad. The fact that your partner is a master of public speaking and spent a week-long intensive in a group of 40 people and is physically tired for words of love, this worries you little.

Psychotherapy for love addiction is lengthy and requires a lot of strength and energy. At in the right mood and attitude towards what is happening and your “diagnosis”, the forecasts are positive.

Don't get into a temporary relationship

Dealing with love addiction is difficult and takes time. After it, a person becomes different. He opens up new facets not only in life, but, most importantly, in himself. His inner horizon is gradually expanding, his range of interests and hobbies is increasing significantly. During this period, psychologists recommend not entering into a serious relationship with a partner for some time.

A person BEFORE starting to work on addiction and AFTER – these are two different people. As practice shows, during treatment, even when in a relationship, people often separate afterwards.

This is a trend. And it’s not at all a fact that your current partner will suit you for a new one in the future.

Take care of yourself

Working on love addiction always begins with filling your life with yourself. What does it mean? If you are a love addict, then your life was focused on the interests of your partner, and you were not particularly involved in your own. It's time to take care of yourself. To do this, you need to identify those areas that are significant and significant to you. At the same time, leave the love sphere temporarily. Think about what is important to you? Job? Children? Relationships with friends? Beauty? Hobby?

1. Write a list significant areas life on a piece of paper.
2. Under each area, set goals that you would like to achieve. For example, I would like to lose weight and lose 4 kg in 2 months. The goal has been set!
3. Now identify the resources you need to achieve this goal. For example, a subscription to Gym or sportswear for running around the house. Resources have been identified!
4. Now your task is to act. Provide yourself with resources and move towards your goal.

Thus, by gradually setting goals and achieving them, you will be filled with yourself as a person. You will have new hobbies, associates, desires that you previously did not even suspect, pride in what you have achieved, etc.

The main goal in working with love addiction is to broaden your horizons and learn to live without a partner.

By playing sports, having parties with long-forgotten friends, visiting the circus with children, you can feel joy and happiness without a partner. And then a person will come into your life with whom you will build a relationship as an equal, because you will no longer be afraid of being alone and without love. This position, in turn, sets the couple up for respect for each other, understanding, and intimacy.

How many women dream of finding love. It’s great that most of them find it and find their happiness. And how terrible it is to lose her, when a beloved man becomes everything for a woman: a breath of air and light in the window.

How to get rid of this terrible addiction if you can no longer even approach your loved one? He became a stranger, indifferent, perhaps his heart had already become attached to another girl. But the passion and pain in the heart does not go away. Is there some magic medicine to relieve this “withdrawal” at least a little?

Any kind of addiction is bad, be it addiction to alcohol, drugs or idealism.

Carl Gustav Jung

This great Swiss psychiatrist is absolutely right, but with one caveat. An alcoholic and a drug addict can be tied up, put in a cage and waited for him to be released. Even giving him a dosage to reduce out of pity.

And love is not material. It cannot be touched, it cannot be injected into a vein, it cannot be dosed to make it a little easier. The condition of this psychological dependence is even worse if the once beloved man is already in a relationship with a rival.

“Withdrawal” is impossible and there is no vaccine for it. All attempts to return your loved one are doomed to failure - even kneel in front of him, even threaten, even beg. From the man there is still the same indifference, and even worse - disgusting repulsion.

It is at such a time that terrible thoughts come into a woman’s head: commit suicide by leaving a farewell note, throw acid in the face of a rival, or kill the object of her adoration. Or maybe hire a killer.

This is the danger of a dependent woman who has broken off all relationships with her man. And it's really scary. But before she does something terrible, something needs to be done about it. Otherwise, she will begin to sort things out with law enforcement agencies or with the Apostle Peter. Although she won’t even be allowed into heaven for such sins.

The main step to healing is you need a qualified psychologist

In medicine, the main medicine is the doctor himself.

Anthony Kempinski

When we are very sick, we need a doctor. Only he can make the correct diagnosis and prescribe treatment. Advice from relatives, if they are not related to medicine, is sometimes not only useless, but also dangerous.

It's the same with mental illness. Stupid advice or devil-may-care attitude to the “sick” state can only aggravate the situation.

How a psychology specialist can help:

Analyzes the condition. Well, just as doctors in a hospital take biomaterial for research, a psychologist will understand mental problems. She will determine the degree of dependence and delve into the relationship between the woman and the person with whom she broke up.

Will relieve the most intense emotional dependence. Just as the temperature is brought down during the flu, the first ones must also be brought down. dangerous symptoms, for example, as suicide attempts. Moreover, every person needs individual approach according to his psychotype.

Prescribe the correct treatment. Yes, no way without medications. In addition to conversations with a psychologist, you should not disdain pills. By the way, even such seemingly innocent medications as sedatives must be taken as prescribed by a psychologist: some drugs inhibit consciousness, while others, on the contrary, excite.

So the first step is the doctor. If you miss a psychologist, then there is a chance that the sick person will later have an appointment with a psychiatrist. Therefore, it is better not to miss the opportunity for early treatment.

The one who knows how, does it; the one who doesn’t know how, teaches others.

George Bernard Shaw

It is not always possible to turn to a specialist with your problem. It is then that a person turns to his surroundings: relatives, friends, just acquaintances. They need at least someone, even a stranger, to take pity on him and help him.

But unfortunately, advice is often unreasonable. And not only because this person has nothing to do with psychology, but because he takes love addiction for stupidity and whim. And what is the point of these moral teachings if the person-adviser is an absolute amateur:

“Get the nonsense out of your head!” This is not nonsense! This is a painful disease, often with dire consequences.

“He doesn’t deserve you!” So what, this phrase is supposed to reassure? “Unworthy” is just normal for a painfully dependent woman.

"Forget him!". Easy to say! A “neuralizer” has not yet been invented - a device for erasing memory, as in the film “Men in Black”. Unfortunately!

These amateurs, instead of using useless advice, should show sensitivity towards the poor thing - just listen silently, just help with something that the person needs, just leave it alone, and not force it with some kind of “occupational therapy”.

If you are in the same position, and a psychologist is not available to you, then turn to some very to a wise man in your opinion, who will not lecture idiotically, but will actually give good advice. And it will be better if this person went through the same “school” as you - he will certainly understand.

Still from the movie "Men in Black"

arrow_left Still from the movie "Men in Black"

In any unclear situation, you need to go to sleep.

Jewish folk wisdom

Often, a person dependent on his love seeks salvation in “heavy” sedatives or alcohol. And this is another danger - to be dependent on another misfortune. But, to be honest, in small doses it sometimes helps. But:

Sedatives can only be taken at night and as prescribed by a doctor. Nights without sleep have a very detrimental effect on the body. But the main thing here is not to overdo it with medications, so as not to become a somnambulist.

Alcohol can only calm your nerves if you feel slightly dizzy. And only in good company - with cheerful friends, for example, with whom you will laugh. Large daily doses of alcohol alone cause a hangover, and the body requires a new dose.

Loneliness, like medications, must also be dosed. It is only useful when you want everyone to leave you alone, fall into bed and sleep. At other times, try to be with a person you like.

Do not sort things out, even if you are provoked to do so. Hang up the call, drive all the “well-wishers” to hell if they annoy you. Communicate only with those who really helped you at the first and difficult stage.

By the way, don’t try to sort things out with your ex-husband or boyfriend yourself. If all bridges to him have already been burned, then it is better to exclude him from your life. Otherwise, these showdowns will return you to the primary stage of hysterics and despair, and you will have to start treatment all over again.

This stage is long. But not as sharp as the first one. Gradually, you yourself will feel how, over time, the “depressive parts” will begin to “die off and crumble away.” Time will help you slowly move away from the person who seemed like a “drug” to you.

We become stronger where we break.

Ernest Hemingway

One morning you will wake up and feel freedom: there is a pleasant lightness in your body, and you are ready to become independent from everything - from ex-husband, from sedatives and advice from others. You will return to your normal life.

Work, friends, entertainment, favorite hobby- this is a lifeline at this stage. And of course, we need new, albeit frivolous, relationships, which will be discussed in the next chapter. In the meantime, be glad that you escaped with a slight fright and didn’t do anything terrible.

In the meantime, you still need meditation. Memory is such a harmful thing that still takes you back to the past. But if you even think about the past, then it should be painted in dark, negative tones. But the future should be positive.

Cross out the past. Remember yours ex-lover only bad. And it doesn’t matter who he was to you: just a boyfriend with short term relationship, or legal husband. Collect all this garbage from scandals and insults in your head and sweep it away.

Think about the present. Accept it as it really is now - without your husband, who caused you a lot of trouble in the past. Even if you were to blame for your breakup, he shouldn’t have burned bridges so abruptly - it hurts!

Plan for the future. And it will be rainbow. Like in a quest - new relationships in which you will have to unravel male psychology, new trips to interesting places, which you have long dreamed of, and in the end new hairstyle with a wardrobe.

Try not to respond to your ex's calls. His voice on the phone is also capable of dredging up a painful past, so if something needs to be resolved, it is better to do it through short SMS messages. Dry and business style.

Surround yourself only with what makes you happy. Parties with girlfriends, funny comedies, killer music. But no despondency. You have truly become stronger where you broke, and you will never return to the old relationship - you have become independent of all this.

Wherever you want to go, start where you are.

Jawaharlal Nehru

Golden words that help you understand that there is no going back to the old ways. By the way, you no longer need it - the addiction has receded.

You stopped thinking about your ex, and he no longer seems ideal to you - he was once like that, you liked him a little. Nothing connects you with him anymore, so let him be glad that he is already independent of you.

In principle, the final stage of your ordeal is not so painful. It just needs to be supported by a new relationship with a new man. Maybe not completely serious, but you need a light affair.

If this new relationship brings you breathtaking love, then rejoice. Just don’t repeat your previous mistakes, don’t try to “get hooked” in love again and face a new addiction. Although, your previous experience has probably already hardened you.

Hello, dear readers. Today we will talk about how to get rid of love addiction to a man. You will learn what signs this condition manifests itself. You will know what it means for a dependent person.

Differences between love and addiction

Love addiction is a strong passion. Is a problem psychological nature. Many people mistake addiction for true love and do not know how to overcome this feeling. In fact, there is a difference between addiction and love.

1. The first evokes a desire to keep your other half under control, which is typical strong feeling jealousy. The second is trust in your loved one.
2. With love addiction, there is a desire to live not your own life, but the object of adoration, needs fade into the background. The main thing is the desire of the partner. After some time, a woman begins to notice shortcomings in her beloved, but is no longer able to part with him. This condition is often characterized by lack of self-confidence. In love, the needs of both partners remain.
3. Love leaves individuality behind people when, in dependence, one person demands from another to become the way he sees him.
4. If this is love, then the couple spends time together, both enjoy it, and get bored when apart. With addiction, suffering begins in the very first hours of separation.
5. Love influences the development of a person as an individual and allows him to improve himself. If there is an addiction, then the addict loses himself as a person and becomes confused. Often addiction turns out to be unrequited, feelings are only on one side.

Causes

Let's look at what can influence the development of love addiction.

1. Unprepared for adult attitudes.
2. Lack of love from parents during childhood.
3. Inability to make decisions independently.
4. Fear of being alone.
5. Severely low self-esteem.
6. Parental overprotection or their total control.
7. Fear of being rejected.
8. Obsession with one's complexes.
9. Willingness to obey someone.
10. Lack of self-confidence, underestimation of one's merits.
11. In childhood there was intimate harassment and mental trauma.

Main manifestations

Each addiction is characterized by certain signs, love is no exception.

1. Inability to be collected. A woman spends all her time hoping that her lover will call her. She forgets about necessary matters, the hobby does not bring pleasure, life loses all its colors.
2. The image of the object of adoration spins in her head throughout the day, the woman constantly thinks about him, suffers, and cannot wait to meet him. If the object of addiction has a new passion, hysterics begin.
3. If there are no meetings with the desired person for a long time, everything literally starts to fall out of hand, the woman becomes nervous about every occasion, alienating all her loved ones with her behavior.
4. Severe depression may occur, particularly with non-reciprocal feelings. A woman begins to look for shortcomings in herself, tries to correct them, although they are often far-fetched.
5. Often calls the object of adoration, asking for an early meeting. The woman cannot imagine how she used to exist without this man. She forgets about all her close friends and wants to be close only to the object of her adoration. There is complete confidence that this man true love. A woman endures, even if a man shows disrespect towards her. Thoughts of loneliness lead to a state of fear and horror. Parting with a man is tantamount to death. There is increased jealousy.

These symptoms indicate that the time has come to think about your life, to realize that such relationships are abnormal, they harm development and existence, make you unhappy, and depress.

Who is more susceptible

Women's psychology is structured in such a way that they fall into love bondage more often than men. But even among the weak half of humanity there are people who are more predisposed to love addiction.

1. Dreamy, romantic natures, who idealize everyone and everything, live with rose-colored glasses.
2. Women with low self-esteem and self-doubt, ready to give love to a person for one compliment or smile.
3. A middle-aged woman who no longer expects anyone to love her will begin to grasp at the right man as if it were your last chance.

How to overcome addiction

Treatment for a person with addiction may include such methods.

1. Logical awareness of what lies ahead. Understanding that the feeling of euphoria will change everyday problems, quarrels.
2. Pasteur's method. Try to find a person who also seems attractive to you. Switch to it, but don't fall in love.
3. Get rid of excessive romanticism, communicate more with people who do not believe in the truth of love feelings.
4. Lope de Vega method. Try to turn all the advantages of the object of adoration into its strongest disadvantages.
5. Physical activity and serious fatigue will allow you to take a sober look at life.
6. Freud's method. Start expressing your feelings through creativity. Draw, write poetry, pour out all your accumulated feelings in creativity.

If such methods do not help, seek help from a psychologist.

How to break off such a relationship

If you have accepted the awareness of the problem and decided to break with addiction, then you need to act as follows.

1. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him.
2. Write your man a letter in which you thank him and say goodbye.
3. Delete his phone number so you don't call again.
4. Stop talking to mutual friends for a while.
5. There is no need to pour out your soul to your friends, sometimes they can do harm.
6. Go on vacation.
7. Educate yourself and increase your self-esteem.
8. Think only about the future, about what lies ahead, do not stir up the past.

If you love a married man

Women's love addiction to unfree men is the worst thing that can happen. Such a woman is quick to spoil family relationships, she will stop at nothing if the addiction is pathological, she will not even stop at breaking the law.

If a woman is aware of her problem and wants to get rid of addiction, she can do the following.

1. Don't let your relationship go too far.
2. Remember that a man will always put his wife and children first, and you will suffer from remorse.
3. Realize the wrongness of such relationships, cut off all ties. Delete your loved one’s phone number, go on a trip, you can just leave the city, delete everything that reminds you of it.
4. If you don't have enough adrenaline in life, try an extreme sport.
5. If a man insists on continuing meetings, refuse him in a firm, confident voice. It's time to start new life

1. Getting rid of love addiction should begin with the realization that you are idealizing your partner, giving him traits that, in fact, do not exist. This person is not a deity, you should not worship him or sacrifice yourself.
2. Devote all your free time to some hobby, or better yet, to playing sports. Your thoughts should be occupied with something, you need to think less about love addiction.
3. If possible, try to leave the city for a while and start communicating with other people. Good if you go on a trip.
4. Sign up for swimming or courses foreign language, improve your skills, abilities, engage in self-development, increase your self-esteem.
5. Come to the understanding that you should not forget about yourself, live for the sake of another person, especially if he does not appreciate it.

Now you know how to get out of love addiction. The main thing is to realize the abnormality of the current situation. Now you are able to overcome this feeling and start a new life full of acquaintances and new experiences.