To be or not to be? To buy or not to buy? Love or forget? People tend to doubt, and transactional analyst Margarita Kuznetsova explains why: “Doubts allow us to “test reality,” that is, to evaluate everything. possible options to make the best decision." True, sometimes indecision takes too much effort and time, but does not help make a choice. How do we know if our thoughts are constructive? Two parameters will help assess the degree of their usefulness: the seriousness of the issue being solved and the time spent thinking about it. Most important decisions are usually made slowly. It's normal to spend a few months thinking about changing jobs. And after the long-awaited question, “Will you marry me?” It would be nice to think about it for a while. But if every time before lunch you read the menu for two hours, you should think: do you prefer thinking to action? Of course, the seriousness of a matter and the time required are assessed subjectively. But if your intuition suggests that the period of doubt has lasted too long, you should look for the reason: why this is beneficial.

We are afraid to make a mistake

Success does not come to those who have not stepped on any mistakes yet. But we still remember that at school you could get a bad mark for mistakes, and at home you could also get a scolding for a bad grade. Therefore, we always strive to do the right thing. “The fear of making mistakes is especially characteristic of those who in childhood were forced to double-check everything many times and bring any matter to an ideal state,” explains Margarita Kuznetsova. In general, the desire to do everything well is natural, but what to do if it interferes with action? Candidate of Psychological Sciences Alexander Cherepanov recommends presenting the consequences incorrectly decision taken. This will help assess the extent of the likely error. Or in the process of reflection it turns out that the decision will not affect our future life at all. If even after this exercise your inner voice continues to worry, “What if you make a mistake?”, it’s worth developing a plan B. In case this voice turns out to be prophetic. So what should we do if it doesn't turn out the way we expected? Psychologist Tatyana Pankova reminds: “It is important to admit a mistake, analyze its causes, draw conclusions and act differently next time. These are the stages of gaining experience.”

We want everything at once

There are situations when we cannot have both. For example, eat a lot of sweets and still lose weight. In this case, by choosing everything, we get nothing: neither pleasure from food due to feelings of guilt, nor slim figure. Doubts give the illusion that everything is possible. But in fact, endlessly postponing a decision is also a solution, and not the most successful one. Tatyana Pankova recommends that in such a situation, give yourself time to think, but clearly define the date by which you need to make a decision and then not deviate from the chosen path. “Most people feel much better when they take responsibility for their decision, its consequences, and take action. After all, wandering around in doubt for a long time is quite painful,” explains Margarita Kuznetsova.

Attracting attention

There is also such a category of doubters: before deciding on something, they consult with others for a long time. Margarita Kuznetsova explains what actually lies behind this behavior: “We invite others to overcome our doubts by solving a problem that haunts us. This becomes a reason for communication. People love to give advice and are willing to join this game. But during the conversation it turns out that none of the proposed solutions are suitable.” This game was described in his writings by Eric Berne, and called it “Yes, but...” We receive attention, support, care, and also recognition of the complexity of our problem. “To understand whether we are abusing the attention of others, we need to honestly answer the following questions: Do I prefer to hide my doubts from everyone or share them with those who can help? How much does the advice of others help me make a decision? - recommends Alexander Cherepanov. If the true need is not related to solving the problem, then it is not difficult to “change the record”; it is enough to find other ways to receive attention and support.

Avoiding change

Psychologists have proven that even good events like a promotion or a wedding cause stress. Therefore, we are especially careful when making decisions that can change our lives. Sometimes we already know what needs to be done, but we continue to doubt. The fear that arises at this moment is associated with the desire to maintain stability.

Sometimes we just need more information to become more decisive. In this case, it is useful to think: what else do I need to find out to make the final choice? The main thing is not to forget: it is impossible to know everything, and sooner or later you will have to make a decision based on the available data. Tatyana Pankova’s recommendation will help get the ball rolling. Let’s look at ourselves from the outside and think: “What would I advise a person who finds himself in the same situation? What could he answer me? What conclusion would we come to together?”

Ultimately, we will re-evaluate any decision we have ever made. And it is likely that after some time it will not seem the most successful. At this point, we can recall one of the principles developed by the American psychiatrist Milton Erickson: we always do best choice of all available in this moment. The words of this wise man will help you start trusting yourself.

What to do if both options seem incredibly attractive, but it’s impossible to combine them? For example, there are two fans and both like them equally.

What prevents us from making decisions?

Indecision is always based on one of six internal conflicts. Which one is stopping you from acting?

1 Moral. The choice between “want” and “should”.

2 Motivational. When two desires cannot be satisfied at the same time.

3 Role-playing. If two conflict social roles: when husband and mother quarrel good wife should be on the side of the spouse, and the daughter should support the parent.

4 Unfulfilled desires. When dreams do not coincide with possibilities: I understand that I cannot get something, but I still want it.

5 Adaptive. Associated with the ability to adapt to changing conditions: I know what to do, but I can’t get over myself.

6 Self-esteem. It occurs when it is difficult to assess your capabilities and correlate them with desires: I can’t understand whether I can do it or not, so I doubt it very much. You can imagine: what will life be like in 10 years if I marry Petya? What will change if I link my fate with Vasya? “Fantasies about the long term will help you more accurately assess the consequences of your choice,” explains Margarita Kuznetsova. - You can also take several sheets of paper and draw on them any images of a probable future that come to mind. If you put them aside and look at them a few days later, the solution will come to you.”

TEXT: Elena Lavrova

We want to tell you about an amazing and very simple technique of 7 questions that will allow you to assess the situation from different points of view, get rid of doubts and develop the ability to perform right choice to a new level.

WARNING: You may not always like the answers, but in the end they will help you make the right decision.

1. What would I choose if it were not for fear?

Unfortunately, too many decisions in our lives are made for us by our own fears and stereotypes. Of course, successful businessmen take a balanced approach to all the risks they take on in their choices, but they also take a conscious approach to their fears in doing so. If you feel obstacles, write down (literally!) all your fears and doubts and carefully work through them with someone who will help you be objective. Sometimes the choice that causes us the most fear is the best one.

2. What would I choose if it were not for money?

What do you think: many brilliant ideas were never implemented due to lack of money? Or is there no money because these ideas were not implemented? Will you deny yourself development and moving forward if you feel like you don’t have enough money for it? No matter how fantastic it may sound, if you made the right choice, there will always be money. Remember crowdfunding? crowd funding, сrowd- "crowd", funding- “financing”). You can also turn to relatives, friends, acquaintances for help, or simply let those around you know that you are looking for an investor. And don’t let money, or rather the lack thereof, stop you.

3. What's the worst and best that could happen?

As a continuation of the previous two questions, draw yourself a mental map of everyone on paper. possible consequences all possible solutions. List the positive, negative, tangible, and insignificant results that your choice will entail. In most cases, the best solution will become obvious on its own.

4. What have my previous experiences taught me?

Every experience in life, whether positive or negative, teaches us valuable lessons. Defeats in our lives happen only when, when we have not learned any lesson for ourselves. The rise is as valuable a lesson as the fall. Think back to your previous ups and downs and think: is your previous experience telling you what to do in a given situation?

5. Does this match my vision?

Ask yourself a question: do you really need this or are you agreeing out of necessity, although you are turning in a completely different direction than where you are striving? After all, one of the main success factors is consistency, so always keep in mind whether the this decision with your vision and is it throwing you off course?

6. What do my soul and body tell me?

Think about your last choice that you regret—didn’t your inner voice or body give you signals that you shouldn’t do that? If you feel physical discomfort when making a decision or your inner voice is quietly discouraging you, listen to these signals. They may not coincide with what you are leaning towards at the moment, but the subconscious mind knows much better how given choice will affect you in the future.

7. How will I look at myself in the mirror tomorrow?

Finally, about the future. How will you feel the next day after you make this or that decision? If you feel proud, energized and inspired, you are on the right path. If you notice shame or regret in yourself, do not ignore these feelings. If you are experiencing them now, prepare for the worst.

For the full picture, think about what you will experience as a result of your choice in a week/month/year. You can also take 5 or 10 years for big decisions that have a significant impact on your entire life.

Conclusions: How to make the right choice?

Save this image to your desktop. Post it on your Facebook / Twitter / Instagram / LinkedIn / VKontakte. Finally, print it out and hang it above your desk. And every time you feel doubt when making a choice, answer each of these 7 questions. Believe me - it works.

Our behavior is determined by the characteristics of our psyche. And the more accurately you understand your own nature and the nature of other people, the easier it will be for you to navigate life and choose, decide difficult questions and predict the outcome of events. System-vector psychology will help you understand everything with utmost accuracy.

Questions of choice confront us every day. It is especially difficult to make a choice if it can affect your life scenario or change your relationships with people. Favorite thing or work for money? Mistress or wife? How to make a choice so as not to make a mistake? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help you make a choice of any complexity.

This article is about those for whom making the right choice is an important and difficult matter. Read on if:

you are not used to doing all the “goofy stuff”, you need to find out all the details, figure it out, think about it, and then make a decision;

in the profession and others life issues you act thoroughly, without haste;

if you need to make the right choice, ask respected people for advice;

It is important for you not to make a mistake - the decision must be made once and for all, not changed, it must be immediately correct, the best possible.

It's interesting that for some people the choice comes easy. Why? Our behavior is determined by the characteristics of our psyche. And the more accurately you understand your own nature and the nature of other people, the easier it will be for you to navigate life and make choices, solve complex issues and predict the outcome of events. System-vector psychology will help you understand everything with utmost accuracy.

Making a choice is not a difficult task for everyone

So, men and women who have , do not rack their brains about how to make the right choice, which option will be the best and correct, they think about how not to make a mistake. Being physically and mentally flexible, even when choosing a job or relationship, a wife or mistress, they do it easily and quickly. They rely on rational judgments, instantly assess the benefits and benefits.

How to make the right choice if you are a perfectionist

But perfectionists by nature are men and women with. It is important to them that everything is done perfectly and correctly. It is better to spend more time to go through all the options, eliminate the wrong ones, and only then decide on a decision.

We turn to expert opinion

Due to their innate mental characteristics, it is difficult for them to make a choice. They are not leaders, their natural tasks are different - they have quality, they are executive and need to initiate the first step.

In childhood, being obedient children, they wait for advice and tips from their mother. Having become adults, owners of the anal vector often continue to seek the opinion of an authoritative person who will help them decide and help them not make mistakes and make the right choice. They discuss difficult, complex issues with those who command their respect. Who has experience? This helps to make the right choice when it comes to the professional field. But if the choice concerns your personal life, then no one can know what is best for you!

Any advice will be based on the experience of the adviser, his values ​​and preferences, but this will not necessarily be good for you, because you have your own values ​​and preferences.

Therefore, it is extremely important for you to understand what you really want, then you can achieve it.

The key to the right choice. How to become an expert in your life

How to make the right choice if, for example, you are choosing a life partner? What to rely on? System-vector psychology provides irreplaceable knowledge here, helping to deeply understand the psyche - one’s own and that of others. Already at the first contact with a guy or girl, you can easily find out what character traits a person has (loyal or fickle, kind or not, emotional or reserved, what he will love and what he will strive for, what is important to him and what is not so important) ), what life scenario awaits you as a couple, etc. And so on in everything. You will be able to make a choice of profession, place of work, negotiation tactics, methods of education, or anything - when you understand the human psyche, there are no unanswered questions for you. This is confirmed by numerous people who have undergone training in system-vector psychology.

What prevents us from making a choice?

In addition to a natural reluctance to make decisions, the owner of the anal vector can be hampered by childhood psychological trauma, overstress, and resentment. Then:

he becomes pathologically indecisive;

fear of the future, fear of change only strengthens him in his decision not to change anything;

he cannot bring himself to act. Infinitely any important matter.

As a result, he becomes unable to even choose between two toothbrushes in the store.

With the help of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, you can get rid of such a difficult condition. This is evidenced by the results of many people:

“When you see something unfinished, fear no longer arises, quite the opposite: a pleasant feeling of what now needs to be completed, finished. And the moment of starting, moving from a dead center, is especially pleasant. But this is precisely what made me suffer so much. Positive experience is being gained. There is already a feeling inside that I can achieve what I want. I began to want more, to dream about more. Confidence has appeared..."

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

How to make a decision so as not to regret and doubt later? We make a choice. Let's make up our minds and do what we decide. Let's choose best option and overcome doubts (10+)

How to make a decision

In fact, making a decision is not difficult. It is difficult to remain committed to your decision, not to doubt it, to act in accordance with it. Let me explain. When a person has to choose, he quickly decides on his preferences. But after a while he begins to doubt his choice. Some people have doubts almost immediately after making a choice. Such people are called indecisive. In a couple of minutes they can make a decision ten times, abandon it and make another. Others begin to doubt later, so that they seem to have made a firm decision, but over time they also begin to doubt.

So here we will talk about how to make a decision and not doubt it later. All of the above is true both in relation to personal decisions and in relation to decisions regarding work, business or other business necessity. Making informed decisions is especially important when working in teams. Under these conditions, doubts arise not only in you, but also in your subordinates, colleagues, and managers. You need to be able to defend your choice again and again from these doubts.

First rule. The entire selection process should be recorded. Returning to our notes later, we can easily restore our train of thought, be convinced of the correctness of our decision, and convince others of this every time.

We will determine the criteria for making a decision, choosing

First, we need to decide what factors influence our choice and what it depends on. By comparing options according to these parameters, we will be able not only to make, but also to justify our choice to ourselves, and, if necessary, to other people. Let's write down these factors.

Here are some examples of factors that may influence your choice:

• One-time costs. For example, the cost of heating equipment, if we choose a heating system.
• Regular maintenance costs. Cost of heating fuel throughout the year. In some cases, it may be beneficial to increase one-time costs to reduce maintenance costs; in others, it may be wise to do the opposite. There is a special comparison technique capital investments and current expenses.
• Reliability.
• Labor costs. In the case of heating, this is labor costs for loading fuel and cleaning equipment. If we choose work, then this means spending time on the work itself, traveling to work from home and back.
• Expected income if we choose investment options or work.
• Prestige.
• Convenience and comfort.
• Aesthetic preferences.

Let's list what we choose from

Now we will try to list and write down all possible options. You should not immediately discard options that at first glance seem unpromising. They should be included in the final table to compare them with the others, make sure that they do not fit, and not return to them again. Otherwise, then they will constantly come to mind (to you or your partners) and require constant efforts to reject them.

In addition, completely disastrous options can become attractive when conditions change. Thus, previously two-way satellite Internet was unthinkable for private users. But as the price goes up mobile internet, a decrease in its quality due to overload, a decrease in the price of satellite equipment and traffic via satellite, satellite Internet has become a very real alternative to mobile.

Let's summarize the assessment based on the selected criteria for each option in a table. It is very important to pay attention to the reliability and applicability of the information.

It is useful to include in the table links where the information was obtained and how it was verified. Firstly, this will help you double-check the data if necessary. Secondly, will make it possible to find out whether changes have occurred after some time, for example, whether the price, conditions, etc. have changed. Third, if the decision concerns a group of people, then these people will be able to double-check the information or suggest other sources that, in their opinion, deserve more trust.

If a decision affects the interests of a group of people, then comparison table it is necessary to familiarize the interested parties, discuss the results of the comparison with them, receive comments and suggestions, and work them out. The table is a useful tool for discussion. It allows you to focus on comparison parameters without going off topic.

Let's make a choice

Now let’s make a decision and write down this decision and its detailed justification based on our criteria. This rationale will help us in moments of doubt.

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