It happens that one person develops a dependence on another. This usually happens during a relationship between a man and a woman. Most often, it is girls who are susceptible to the “disease,” although this is also typical for representatives of the stronger half of humanity. It just happens to ladies more often because of their natural emotionality and increased sensitivity. How to get rid of dependence on a person? What should you do to free yourself from this mental slavery?

How to get rid of addiction to a person: first realize

Exactly. Many people sometimes simply do not realize that they have become hostages of another person. Certainly, we're talking about but it is sometimes worse than physical lack of freedom.

Such people are similar to alcoholics or drug addicts who do not admit their illness. When you understand, realize and accept the fact that you are “addicted” to your partner, it will be much easier for you to get rid of this obsession. How to get rid of dependence on a person if you really want it? First admit to yourself that there is such a problem, and then think about how to solve it.

How to get rid of dependence on a man

As already mentioned, most often women become dependent on relationships. There is only one way to eliminate it - to love and begin to value yourself. The fact is that a truly self-sufficient and self-loving woman will never allow herself to be humiliated. And dependence is humiliation. How can you develop these qualities in yourself if you didn’t have them at birth? Various trainings and practices, visits to psychologists help a lot with this. But all this will not work if you do not work on yourself and your complexes every day.

Become a little selfish, love only yourself, start doing what you want and like. Find the strength within yourself not to call your “enslaver”, not to bother him, not to please him in everything. Become a little cold and distant. At first it will be very difficult to overcome yourself, in addition, you will encounter misunderstanding on the other side. But if you do this constantly, then over time you will be able to avoid this slavery.

How to get rid of dependence on a person? It’s easier to do this than you might think: “exalt”, love your personality, and then the obsession will recede.

How to get rid of psychological addiction

1. Switch your attention to other things in your life, take your mind off the object of addiction. Find a passion, create a hobby, pursue a career. Your achievements, among other things, will give you confidence in your own abilities.
2. Love yourself and make yourself the main value in life. Understand that men and women come and go, but you always remain with yourself.
3. Get angry at yourself for your weakness, don't let others manipulate and control your life. If you are psychologically dependent on someone, then it is always suppression, fear and humiliation.
4. Read special literature that helps to cope with such problems, go to seminars and trainings, listen to programs. Really competent and practical advice is often given there.
5. Addiction is the inability to live a joyful, fulfilling and rich life. Realize this, because otherwise many things will pass you by.

Read more at

What is addiction and why does it occur? How to get rid of an incomprehensible craving for a person, ritual or object? This condition creates a lot of inconvenience. Getting rid of dependencies - difficult path, which only strong-willed people can pass. Psychologists have developed various methods to combat this problem. It is believed that a person who recognizes its existence has already taken the first step towards recovery. All that remains is to choose a method that will allow you to quickly return to normal life.

Dependency classification

Everyone knows about the existence of alcohol and drug addictions. Many articles have been written about this and television programs have been filmed. They are considered a disease and are treated with medication, without forgetting the participation of a specialist in the process who can help to understand oneself and identify the cause of the problem.

In fact, there are many more dependencies. They are conventionally divided into:

1. physiological;
2. psychological.

As for the second type, it includes dependence on something that does not allow a person to feel self-confident, to think and make decisions independently, to say and do what he wants. The following types of dependencies are common:

• from someone else's opinion;
• from support and approval:
• from people.

How to get rid of dependencies? The answer to this question depends on which category the addiction falls into. In some cases, you cannot do without outside help. Advice from a psychologist and drug treatment will help overcome cravings for alcohol or drugs.

Coping with problems psychological nature a person can do it on his own.

The main thing is to realize their existence and decide to start the fight. It will be useful to attend webinars that increase self-esteem (link to “How to increase self-esteem”) and develop self-awareness.

Psychological dependence

How to get rid of psychological addiction? Most people have encountered a situation where in a couple one person constantly “looks back” at the opinion of the other, ignoring his own desires and needs. This dependence arises:

1. in people who are unsure of themselves;
2. those who have been overly cared for by their parents since childhood.

Such categories of people often fall into love addiction. Love “with a capital letter” can bring real suffering. A person literally dissolves in his partner, trying to predict his desires, pushing his own into the background. After a while, he simply loses his individuality and lives with other people's dreams and aspirations.

Love addiction is often compared to drug addiction. The lover “flies in the clouds,” inspired by his feelings. A loved one is a breath of fresh air for him. Sometimes this condition lasts for years.

Such situations sometimes end in tragedy. Obsessive attachment gets boring sooner or later. The breakup of a relationship is a serious emotional shock that a person who has become dependent has a hard time bearing.

How to cope with psychological addiction?

Dealing with psychological addiction is difficult. Recognizing its existence is the first step towards success. To “take off the rose-colored glasses” a person will have to:

• realize that being an independent person is not scary, but pleasant;
• learn to separate your interests from common ones;
• find something you love;
• change your social circle.

The process of getting rid of addiction lasts differently, for some it takes months to fight. Often a person experiences. He worries that he no longer wants to live someone else’s life, to completely dissolve in his partner, relegating his interests to the background. Fighting this feeling is reminiscent of cultivating fortitude. You will have to learn to believe in yourself, the correctness of your decisions and actions.

What is your addiction? Whether you are addicted to alcohol, tobacco, sex, drugs, lying or gambling, recognizing the problem is always the first step to overcoming it, and you have already done that by coming to this article. Now it's time to make a plan to quit, get help, and prepare for the obstacles you'll likely face. If you want to know how to quit this habit and start living again life to the fullest, then keep reading.

Steps

Part 1

Write down the harmful effects of your habit. It can be frustrating to admit all the harm your addiction is doing to you, but seeing this list on paper can help you make the decision to stop as soon as possible. Take a pen and a piece of paper and make a list of all the negative consequences you have experienced since starting your addiction.

• Think about how addiction has affected you physical health. Have your addictions increased your chances of getting cancer, heart disease, or other illnesses? Perhaps the addiction has already had a noticeable physical impact?
• List the ways in which it harmed you mentally. Are you ashamed of your addiction? In many cases, addiction leads to shame and shame, as well as depression, anxiety and other mental and emotional problems.
• How has addiction affected your relationships with other people? Is it stopping you from spending time with the people you love or achieving the relationships you are trying to achieve?
• Some dependencies lead to significant financial losses. Indicate the amount you spend on feeding your addiction every day, week, month. Determine if your addiction has affected your work.
• What daily irritations does your addiction cause? For example, if you smoke, you may be tired of having to leave the office every time you need to smoke.

1. Make a list of positive changes you want in your life. Now that you've detailed all the negative consequences of your addiction, think about how much better your life will be when you quit the habit. Create a picture of your life after addiction. What do you want her to be like?

   • You may experience a sense of freedom that you haven't had in years.
   • You will be able to devote more time to people, hobbies and other joys.
   • You will be able to save money again.
   • You know you're doing everything you can to stay healthy. You will immediately feel physical improvements.
   • You will feel proud and confident again.

2. Write a commitment to quit. Listing good reasons to quit will help you stick to your plan in the long run. The reasons to quit should be more important to you than continuing the addictive behavior. This psychological barrier will be difficult to overcome, but it is a necessary first step to overcoming addiction. No one can make you quit except yourself. Write down truthful, compelling reasons for quitting the habit. Only you know what they are. Here are some examples:

   • Make the decision to quit because you want to have the energy to live life to the fullest again.
   • Decide to quit because you are running out of money to support your habit.
   • Make the decision to quit because you want to be a better partner for your spouse.
   • Make the decision to quit because you definitely want to see your grandchildren one day.

   Part 2

   Planning

   1. Set a withdrawal date. Don't schedule it for tomorrow unless you're sure you can quit right away. Do not prescribe it later than a month, because before then you may lose your determination. Look for a date in the next couple of weeks. This will give you enough time to prepare mentally and physically.

      • Try to choose a date that is important to you, this will motivate you. Your birthday, father's day, your daughter's graduation and the like.
      • Mark this day in your calendar and announce it to your loved ones. Arrange everything so that you will not be able to retreat when that day comes. Firmly promise yourself that you will quit by this date.

   2. Seek personal or professional support. It may not seem like it now, but you will need all the support you can get on your addiction recovery journey. Since many people struggle with addiction, there are many great institutions that serve as a support system, help you stay motivated, give you useful tips to achieve success, they encourage you to try again if you don’t succeed the first time.

      • Explore available personal and online groups supports designed to help people with the specific addiction you're struggling with. Many of them are free.
      • Make an appointment with a psychotherapist who is a specialist in helping people with addiction. Find someone you feel comfortable with so that you can rely on this person in the coming months. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), behavioral therapy, motivational interviewing, gestalt therapy and life skills training are some of the techniques that have shown success in overcoming addictions. Psychotherapy guarantees confidentiality and treatment based on your specific needs and goals.
      • Reach out to your family and friends for support. Let them know how much it means to you. If you are addicted to a substance, ask them not to use it in your presence.

   3. Identify your motivating factors. Each person has a certain set of motivating factors that automatically make them want to give in to their habits. For example, if you struggle with alcohol addiction, you may find it difficult to visit a certain restaurant without feeling strong desire drink up. If you are addicted to gambling, passing by a casino on the way home from work may force you to stop. Knowing what your motivating factors are will help you deal with them when it comes time to quit.

      • Stress is often a motivating factor in all types of addictions.
      • Certain situations, such as parties or other social events, can also act as motivating factors.
      • Some people may also be motivating factors.

   4. Start gradually giving up your addiction. Instead of quitting right away, start gradually quitting. bad habit. Most people find it easier to quit this way. Give in to temptation less often and continue to reduce it little by little to quit using the right approach.

      Prepare your surroundings. Eliminate reminders of your addiction from your home, car, and workplace. Get rid of all the accessories that accompany the bad habit, as well as other items that remind you of it.

      • Try replacing objects with something that helps you feel positive and calm. Stock your refrigerator with healthy food. Treat yourself to a few good books and DVDs (as long as they don't contain anything that might act as a motivating factor). Place candles and other aesthetically pleasing items around the house.
      • You may want to redecorate your bedroom, rearrange furniture, or simply buy new sofa cushions. Changing your environment will give you a feeling of a fresh start.

   Part 3

   Quitting and coping with rejection

   1. Stop the addictive behavior when you planned to. When does this come? important date, keep your promise to yourself and give it up. The first few days will be difficult. Keep busy and stay positive. You are on the path to a life without addiction.

      • If you need a distraction, try doing physical exercise, take up a new hobby, cook dinner or spend time with friends. Joining a new club, sports team, or other social group can help you make new friends and start a new chapter in your life that doesn't include addiction. Positive social interaction can stimulate the release of neurochemicals that promote feelings of happiness and satisfaction, without drugs.

   2. Stay away from your motivating factors. Stay away from people, places and things that make you want to return to your old habits. You may have to build a whole new routine for a while until the edges soften a little.

   3. Don't give in to rational explanations. Physical and heartache the pain of quitting addiction is real, and you'll likely start telling yourself that it's okay to fall back into the old habit. Don't listen to the voice that tells you to go back. Don't give up when the going gets tough. All this terrible pain will pay off in the end.

      • Common rationalizations include the idea that “it's a free country” or “we're all going to die someday.” Resist adopting such a defeatist attitude.
      • Refer to your list of reasons for refusal whenever you need to remember why you are doing it. Think about why quitting is more important than staying addicted.
      • Visit a support group or your therapist whenever you feel at risk of relapse.
   • Start a project that interests you.
   • Be too busy to think about your addiction.
   • Even if you're having a bad day, don't give up or think you can't overcome your addiction.
   • Join us. If you want to bring something new into your life, then you must let it into your life.
   • Occupy your mind with constructive thoughts.
   • Follow the advice. It is unknown how long this will take you, but most therapists will require you to do some homework, and traditional instructions for 12 Step beginners are to create a home group, find a sponsor, and work the Steps.
   • Drop your prejudices and open your mind.
   • Plan a complete daily routine.

   Warnings

   • Be careful when things start to improve. You may be one of the many addicts who sabotage themselves when things are going well.
   • Recognize the signs that indicate you may be in treacherous territory. Avoid those specific times of the day when you feel the greatest urge to give in to your addiction. You need to stay strong, especially during these periods of intense cravings.

In this article you will learn everything about how to get rid of addiction to a person. Dependence is the lack of one’s own usefulness, completeness, and the desire to fill this missing part with another person. Read about what type of addiction you have, how addiction differs from love, and how to get rid of addiction to a person and start building only healthy relationships.

Find out your addiction type

Here are the two most common types of addiction:

1. Dependence as a desire to dissolve in a partner, refusal of one’s own responsibility and determination. The main idea: “I don’t exist without you.” The feeling of being part of another, the feeling that your partner is much better, stronger, more interesting than you. People of this type are prone to masochism.
2. Dependence as a desire to devour a partner, dominate him, control him. Main idea: “You are just a part of me.” The desire to dominate a partner, to absorb his individuality. People of this type are prone to sadism.

All types of addiction have approximately the same causes. And the ways to get out of this state into a healthy relationship are also approximately the same for all types of addiction.

Causes of addiction

One of the most common reasons for dependence in relationships is childhood dislike. It is generally accepted that a child should love his parents. But at the same time, it often happens that mom or dad punish, insult the child, or notice him only when, in their opinion, he deserves attention. A mother may, for example, send conflicting signals to her child: “I punish you because I love you” or “I criticize and humiliate you, but only so that you become better, because I love you.”

A child's instinct is to run to his mother in any situation. She is the most precious and most valuable thing he has. She alone will always protect and help. But if at the same time she insults, humiliates or even beats the child, then he develops a distorted idea of ​​love. Love in his mind will be associated with danger, fear, anxiety, negative emotions and feelings.

Such a child learns to beg for crumbs of love from his mother (or father), and in his head, love looks exactly like this - it is always not enough, and it goes side by side with suffering. The child becomes accustomed to the scenario: “I will suffer a little, suffer, and then my mother will show her love for me. Mom will punish me, insult me, spank me, reject me, but then I will receive the long-awaited hugs.”

And the child, not seeing before his eyes another model of love other than this, begins to think that this is love. This is how addiction is born. A child with such a mother will transfer the love given to him in childhood to love relationship in adult life. Perhaps he will take on the role of the mother (which is described here), or perhaps he will remain in the role of the child, begging for pitiful grains of love from his partner.

Differences between addiction and love

Love is a huge resource, thanks to which we grow and develop, experience joy and happiness, and achieve great heights.

Dependency is a union in which you are boiled, like a frog in a saucepan, the water in which is slowly heating up. At first you will feel warm and pleasant, but over time you will feel unwell. After some more time, you will be cooked without even thinking about jumping out. And all because you were cooked slowly, unobtrusively and unnoticed.

Dependent relationships differ from love in that in them you suffer and suffer, like that frog in a hot pot. Your level of happiness in a relationship is the main indicator of whether you are in a loving or dependent relationship. If you feel happy man in a relationship, it’s most likely love. And if you suffer most of the time in a relationship, then most likely you have a love addiction.

How to get rid of addiction to a person - 6 steps:

Now let's discuss how to get rid of addiction to a person. I present to you six effective steps to getting rid of addiction. After going through them, you will learn to live a full life and will henceforth build only harmonious and healthy relationships:

Step #1: Become Aware

The first thing you need to do to get out of addiction is to realize and accept that you have it. You must tell your brain firmly and confidently that you have an addiction and today you have decided to start getting rid of it. This step is no less important than the others because your brain is early childhood I’m used to thinking that this is love, not addiction. Tell your subconscious that it was wrong for a long time. But now you know the whole truth and are ready for changes.

Step #2: Make a decision

The next step is the decision to leave the toxic relationship you are currently in, or the decision to change yourself while continuing to remain in this union. If you decide to change without leaving the relationship, your partner will either come to you and change too (if you are truly dear to him), or fall off like the bark from an old tree.

Dependent relationships in a couple are always supported by both partners. This could be a union, for example, “tyrant-victim” or “narcissist-victim”. In such a couple, both people perform a role that helps maintain dependency in the relationship. And if one of the partners suddenly begins to leave the role of a dependent, then the second will be out of work. He will either have to change too for the sake of a healthy relationship, or leave this union.

Therefore, the second step that you need to take to get out of an addictive relationship is to leave your partner, or accept that, if left out of work, he will most likely leave on his own.

Step #3: Stop tolerating

Dependent people who strive to dissolve in their partner, to become a part of him, tend to be “tolerant.” When they don’t like something, they prefer not to express their dissatisfaction out loud and remain silent. In order to unlearn this habit, practice and constant training are important. You need to practice saying “no,” asserting your boundaries, not tolerating what you don’t like, and, if possible, not doing what you don’t want to do.

If you want to learn this as soon as possible, start running into situations yourself in which you will need to defend your point of view and say “no.” For example, when you're grocery shopping at the supermarket, put something in your cart that you don't need. And when the cashier returns the goods, say that you have changed your mind. You don't want to buy it.

The first few times will not be easy at all, but confidence will come with a certain number of repetitions. The first time you may not decide to do this at all, and you will have to buy an unnecessary product. But by the fifth or sixth time, you will feel like you are finally finding your own boundaries. It becomes easier and easier for you to defend your point of view.

Practice on random passers-by, sales consultants, promoters with leaflets, friends, acquaintances, relatives, colleagues and, of course, your partner. Don't be afraid to offend anyone. Confident people do this all the time, so why are you worse?

I have another article on this topic -. If you don’t know how to assert your boundaries and say “no,” then be sure to read it.

Step #4: Fill the Void

When you are in a dependent relationship, you are facing your partner and your back is to yourself. Your personal life is now far from being in the first place for you; the life of your chosen one is much more important. So turn 180 degrees and look at your own life.

Dependency is when a partner gives you something that you do not give to yourself. It’s as if there’s an emptiness in your soul, and your partner fills this emptiness with his presence. This emptiness is self-dislike. Start with today fill this hole with love.

Take a piece of paper and a pen and write a list of what your chosen one gives you. Maybe joy? Feeling needed? Or, for example, care? Gives you a feeling of trepidation in your soul?

Try to write long list and then look at each item and think about when you are in last time gave it to themselves. Yesterday? Or maybe never? Starting today, start giving yourself everything you didn’t give before.

Remember: respect, love, interest, care are mutual feelings. Only those who respect themselves are respected. They take care of those who take care of themselves. They show sincere interest in those who are interesting to themselves. They love only those who love themselves. Healthy relationships are built on those feelings that each partner already knows how to give to himself.

Start respecting, loving, caring for yourself, and taking an interest in yourself. From now on, do with yourself everything that you previously could only get from your partner.

"How to love yourself". In it, I collected the most effective and working techniques with the help of which I once learned to love myself, raised my self-esteem and increased my self-confidence. This book will help you get rid of addiction and become a free, whole and happy person.

Step #5: Know yourself

Start getting to know yourself again. To do this, write a list of one hundred things that bring you joy and a list of one hundred “wants.” What gives you joy and pleasure? What do you want?

Write these two lists (be sure to get up to one hundred items in each!). You may not be able to do this in one go. But don’t you dare abandon this matter! Once you have a few items from each list ready, start incorporating them into your daily plan. At least one of each. Learn to fulfill your desires yourself and bring yourself joy. This way you will soon free yourself from addiction and become a full-fledged person.

Step #6: Start building harmonious relationships

In order to get rid of a toxic relationship, you can get out of it and learn to love yourself and give yourself the love that you have always been missing. But how can you check that you have already gotten rid of the dependent position one hundred percent? If you did not leave your partner and made changes on yourself while remaining in the relationship, then your feelings should change to the opposite. There should be no more room for suffering in a relationship. When you are with your partner, you should feel at ease and free. Happy, joyful and calm.

If you have left a relationship in which you suffered and were dependent, then to check how much you have changed, start building new relationships. To do this, I suggest you read articles on dating “” and “”, as well as articles on how to build healthy and happy relationships: “”, “”, “” and many others from the article in the “” section.

People already have a lot of problems of their own. Conscious people, unlike addicts, enter into relationships to become happier. Therefore, after you go through all the suggested steps and enter into a new relationship, you will attract an equally mature person to you, because someone who likes to suffer has nothing to do with someone who knows how to generate happiness.

Conclusion

I am glad if you read this article completely, because now you know perfectly well how to get rid of addiction to a person. Start acting immediately, and then very soon you will forget about what it means to suffer in a relationship.

Let's summarize:

• Realize and accept the fact that you depend on a person. Tell your brain that this is wrong and you want to get rid of it. After this, the brain will begin to look for opportunities to change the situation
• Decide to leave the relationship or accept the fact that your partner will likely leave soon. He was in an addictive relationship with you, and when you free yourself from addiction, he will remain out of work
• Learn to assert your boundaries and say “no”

• Write a list of things your partner gives you that you don't give to yourself. Now you just have to start giving it to yourself
• Make two lists of one hundred items each. In the first, write everything that brings you joy, and in the second, write your “wants”. And begin to gradually introduce all these points into your daily diet. Start giving yourself what you need and what’s useful.
• Start building new relationships or start tracking how you feel in the relationships you are currently in. How happy are you on a scale from 1 to 100? Are you suffering in this relationship? In this relationship or in the next, you must track how much you have changed and whether the position of a dependent person is still characteristic of you

And don't forget to download my book How to Love Yourself. It will be a great helper on your way to getting rid of addiction, and will also help make your life happier.