He could be your husband or significant other who is far away, he could be your ex with whom you want to reunite, or he could be your friend with whom you want something more. If you want to make him miss you, there are several ways to do it.

1. Add mystery and an element of surprise to your meetings with him.

Don't tell him everything about yourself at once. Men love a little mystery. Surprise him with spontaneity. Invite him to do something unexpected. Men don't like it when they're bored.

2. Leave him something of your own.

Leave a little reminder of yourself at his place or in his car. It could be your earring or ring - when he sees it, he will remember you and want to see you. BUT - do not leave a toothbrush or other personal items that may scare him as if you are already moving in with him.

3. Always leave him wanting more.

Men want what they don't have. If you give him what he wants right away without making him fight for you, he will no longer be interested. Flirt, but don't give him everything. Make him earn your kiss, for example. He will appreciate you more if you challenge him without being too hard to get.

4. Don't always be available for meetings.

When you attract him, don't give all your time to him. He won't miss you if you're always there. Instead of spending the whole weekend with him, spend one evening with him and then meet your friends. By allowing him to spend time apart from you, you will appear confident and less intrusive.

5. Spend time with friends and share your adventures with him.

When you spend time apart, then share with him what you did. He needs to know that you are having fun without him. He will be happy for you, but he will also be jealous. And he will definitely like a woman who knows how to be happy and enjoy life more.

Share moments from your life online so that he can see you independent and happy without him. Just no fakes, no private messages to him with your photos, just be yourself, just update your feed. And he will want to be near you!

7. Transform yourself.

This is especially effective with exes. Maybe this new haircut, new style, new figure. This will not only give you confidence but will also make your ex miss you. Transform yourself and go where you can meet him.

8. Treat him like a friend.

Don't show that you miss him, especially if he expects it. When you treat him just like a friend, it will intrigue him even more and he won't be able to stop thinking about you.

9. Be happy.

This is for sure best advice. Be happy. Don't wear a mask. Be happy because you deserve to be happy. Do what you want and have always wanted. Maybe he will look and want to be with you. Or maybe not, but then you won’t care anymore, because you’ll be happy anyway!

I suspect that we are always bored because we are lonely and have nothing to fill our lives with. This is what makes the person on whom we project our restlessness important to us: supposedly, if he were nearby, then everything would be different... The real, non-projective importance of a person in our life is definitely not determined by the level of boredom or longing for him.

I travel a lot for work and study. My loved ones stay at home. But I rarely miss them, and precisely when there are pauses in interesting work or study: I ​​am not busy, boredom arises, a nagging feeling of wasted time - and this boredom is experienced as a “beautiful”, “good” longing for those whom no nearby. This is also socially approved, like a sign of seriousness and devotion. But no. Boredom and melancholy are a sign of boredom and loss, restlessness, and nothing more.

You may miss your people - there are many acquaintances, but not many people you want to be close to.

And when I arrive, I observe the reaction of my twins, who do not know how to do it correctly. Mila says to me: “Dad, I didn’t miss you!” And I praise her: it’s not that I’m “not important” to her. This is about the fact that her life is full, there are other beloved close people nearby, and she and her sister, at 5-6 years old, are up to their ears in figure-gymnastics-swimming-piano... I am important to them. There is no time and no reason to be bored. Happy and joyful together.

Masha Martynova, HR Manager

I'm not sure that people only get bored when they're bored. And with a very full life, you can think about a person constantly. Is this a sign that the person is truly important? In my opinion - yes.

I also like Beigbeder’s: “Here you go.” simple test for falling in love: if, after spending four or five hours without your lover, you begin to miss her, then you are not in love - otherwise ten minutes of separation would be enough to make your life absolutely unbearable.”

Mikhail Frolov, marketer

You may miss your people - there are many acquaintances, but not many people you want to be close to. I want to be not in a crowd of people or friends, but next to my person, to be with him all my life, sharing emotions, keeping him close.

To figure out who this is for you, think about who you would take with you on a multi-year trip. trip around the world. It’s even easier for adults to understand this. The main thing is not to regret later that you didn’t spend best years and time for a person if he is no longer with you. It will simply be your memory.

Anastasia Bodenchuk, philologist

My opinion is the opposite of the psychologist’s: if I miss a person, it means I miss him. I'm used to trusting my feelings. Is this wrong?

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Why do we miss when we fall in love?

Psychologist Santosh Tumadin answers my questions: How to stop living in anticipation when there is an irresistible desire inside to get married? How to stop being bored? How to let go of the attachment to the person you are in love with? Why do you need to let go of your bindings? Why is waiting dangerous? Why is it harmful to wait for your loved one to come and propose? Why can't I call during the waiting period? What is female weakness and why there is no need to show “weakness”? Why can't you force yourself? What can happen to energy during the period of falling in love? Why do we get bored? All the answers below are very important.

Question

Hello! My name is Albina, I'm 23 years old. I live in Moscow. My first love, which continues to this day, is a man who is 7 years older than me. We have been dating for about 4 years. Six months ago, he said that in order to realize his dreams, he had to go to another country and start learning English. Initially, he planned to leave for six months, but he was offered an internship in another city with the prospect of working in Europe, and his trip could last for n number of days, months and even years. All these 6 months were like a test for me, I couldn’t stop it, because... I think that it’s not for me to spoil my beloved’s career and dreams, especially. Before this we often communicated in in social networks, we called each other and talked online, and it was much easier, I even flew to him 2 times. But now, he has been in a new city for a month, and there is no Internet in the house where he lives, calls have become less and less frequent, and I have completely forgotten about online communication. Our correspondence turned into continuous showdowns about how he should write and call more often, but I understand him too, he has a lot of work, his studies and internship take up all his time. But I miss him so much. Every day he writes short SMS to me that everything is for our sake, that he loves, misses and is waiting for me, but I am studying at the institute and cannot leave and give up everything in the middle of my path, and now I am waiting for the end of my studies.
My question is how to stop living one day waiting for this day to end, stop counting down the days until we meet on the calendar, psychologically adjust yourself, find the strength to just wait for us to be together again? I want to find the answers that are very deep in my soul, that day after day I hide under a smile and a strong character.

Answer

Where your attention is directed, all your energy goes there - this is very important to remember!!! Next, you will understand why this phrase should be added to the “personal development” treasury.

Accordingly, all your fields, strength, etc. on the day you meet, i.e. in future. But! When he lives in your fields (he is surrounded by your thoughts, care, love - this is your attachment), and you yourself are not nearby - he has no urgent need for your presence.

!!! You need to realize that everything should be in its place!!!

Your fields should be with you so that you constantly feel an influx of strength, inspiration for meetings with friends, work, study, etc. And his fields should be with him and he, accordingly, will feel a sharp lack of your real warmth and will immediately begin to take actions to "all of you" came to him.

If you understand deeply, you will immediately be fine, and everything will work out on its own, and you will enjoy doing things here. This is important when you do not depend on a man. This is also very important for him.

Easy inaccessibility, strength and self-confidence have always attracted men.

Men always love strong, confident women. As soon as a man feels weakness*(weakness* – obsessive anticipation of meetings, calls, demand for additional attention, not being busy with one’s own affairs), he is sure that the woman will not disappear anywhere, and interest in her is lost.

Sincerely,
Santosh Tumadin
practicing psychologist
Why do we miss when we fall in love?

How many times have we told our loved ones, friends and relatives this seemingly harmless and touching phrase. Believing that it speaks of our love and will be pleasant to the one to whom it is addressed. Some lovers, not yet parted, repeat to each other: “I already miss you.” They think this is a manifestation of love. In fact, this harmless phrase does not indicate love, but emotional dependence. And if it is repeated too often and becomes an obsession, then this is a signal. Something needs to be done urgently!

Let's try to translate this phrase into the language of logic. When you say “I miss you!”, you are admitting your own powerlessness to occupy yourself with something. It is as if you are tying your loved one to yourself with strong ropes. And he involuntarily tenses up, now he needs to do something about it to relieve your boredom. That is, you emotionally cling to him, tie him to you. To put it simply, you manipulate him. What is he doing? Sometimes it flies to you on the wings of love and brings a large bouquet of consolations and surprises. But sometimes, especially when he doesn’t have time, money or desire, he isolates himself from you, not wanting to take on such responsibility: to relieve your boredom. Someone would console him, support him and bring him out of his state of sadness.

In principle, there is nothing wrong if we sometimes say to each other “I miss you!” This is normal, natural and natural. Only if it does not acquire hypertrophied forms.

What is emotional dependence?

Here's how the psychological dictionary writes about it:

Emotional addiction is the loss of personal autonomy (or a sense of personal autonomy) for emotional reasons. At the same time, the subject of this dependence,

Firstly, experiences suffering due to either the inaccessibility of the object of his feelings, or the inability to change his behavior, or the presence of inadequate power of the object over him;
Secondly, feels the impossibility of liberation from addiction;
Thirdly, finds himself under the chronic negative influence of the feeling that binds him on his life path, general health, decision making and behavior

Indeed, when we enter into a close relationship with someone, we unwittingly fall into emotional dependence. Him Bad mood- and it deteriorates for you, he gets worried - and for some reason you begin to experience excitement. And so on ad infinitum, like communicating vessels. Many believe that this is natural and normal, because close people are communicating vessels that mutually influence each other, maintaining each other in a state of balance.

But, you must admit, we cannot always be close to a loved one and be in the same state of mind. Sometimes we are visited by fatigue, irritation, satiety with relationships and other, at first glance, negative manifestations of our character or psyche. But with a close emotional connection, all of ours are immediately reflected on the one who is nearby, if he is emotionally dependent on us. This is actually a huge responsibility, which is seriously annoying for many people. After all, if they’re bored without you, then when you’re around, you should break into pieces, but cheer them up, increase vitality, maintain interest, be cheerful, inventive, empathic, etc. It’s crazy how many “shoulds” there are! Isn’t it better to get rid of this and go on a free swim without all these “shoulds”. This is how even the strongest emotional connections are broken. And the culprit is the notorious “I miss you!”

Imagine a girl who cannot live without her beloved, endlessly pesters him with her emotional presence, demands attention, support, emotional charging, etc. And suddenly she finds herself rejected by him. You never know. Maybe he’s tired of being a warmer, a vest and a laughing clown for her. Maybe he just wanted to live his own life, separated from her whims and whining, tenderness and snot, control and guidance of life. And so she was left alone with her boredom.

"I miss!" - she yells at him in text messages and on Skype. "I miss!" - screams on Instagram and Facebook.

You won’t envy the one to whom this phrase is addressed. But much more worrying is the one who yells, that is, becomes emotionally dependent on another person. It is quite difficult to get rid of it, since it lies deep in a person’s subconscious and is most often associated with childhood, in which the child’s emotional connections with parents and loved ones were disrupted.

Emotional dependence can arise not only between lovers, but also between parents and children, between friends, relatives, sometimes neighbors, and even between a seller and a buyer in a supermarket. And this happens because at some certain stage and in certain circumstances, the person with whom we are in contact makes up for some current emotional deficiency for us. For example, you were always missing kind words addressed to you from your mom, dad, brother, friend. And then a person appears in your life who generously showers you with compliments and affectionate nicknames. He endlessly confesses his love to you and satisfies your thirst to hear kind words of praise addressed to him. And that's it, you're already hooked. You are ready to do everything so that he is always next to you and always tells you these sweet, not always sincere words. Sometimes, of course, you doubt their veracity. But you don’t want to destroy your illusion. You're welcome. You are glad to be deceived, because “the darkness of truths is dearer to us than the deception that elevates us.”

But such relationships are sooner or later doomed to die, because they are not based on reality, but on your dependence on the positive emotion caused by the words of this person. He is manipulating you to some extent. Consciously or unknowingly. Yes, it is not difficult to manipulate you, because, without knowing it, you fall into the category of victimized individuals (people inclined to be victims) who suffer without the doping of attention and love.

When do relationships of emotional dependence arise?

As a rule, we become emotionally dependent on other people during difficult periods in our lives. When we desperately need someone who would bring us back to normal life, comfort us, help us. It happens:

at turning points in life(loss of family, job, death of a loved one, breakup, etc.);
during the transition to new stage life(graduation from college, moving, new job, marriage, gender reassignment, etc.);
during periods of overload(submission of a quarterly report, project, exams, deadlines, holidays, emergency situations in one or another area of ​​life);
when we get sick;
when we are far from home, from normal life (on vacation, in prison, at a conference).

When we become emotionally vulnerable, we seek an outlet. This protective function of our psyche can play a cruel joke on us if during this period we develop close relationships with someone who can use our vulnerability for their own purposes. And for ourselves, we must understand that very often our ardent love that flared up at the resort is just the need of our psyche to feel safe in an unfamiliar environment. As soon as we return to the usual rhythm of life, it fades and gradually fades away. If of course there was in a simple way compensation for anxiety, not the love of your life.

Most often people fall into the traps of emotional dependence:

dependent, waiting and requiring control and guidance;
problematic individuals with a bunch of debts, unresolved issues, protracted conflicts;
People, occupying a socially dependent position child, pupil, student, subordinate.

Who can they become dependent on?

From a boss, an oppressive family member, a dishonest lover;
from a consultant, seller, distributor, guru, sectarian, preacher;
from a teacher, parent, husband, more.

How to avoid emotional traps?

The first remedy is to realize that you are emotionally dependent. Once you realize this, you will understand that it is stupid to call your loved one every five minutes to let him know how much you miss him. It may be difficult for you not to do this, and you will experience frantic anxiety about why he doesn’t call, why he doesn’t write, or has he really forgotten about you. But it will pass.

In order not to get bored, keep yourself busy so that you don’t even have time to think about the subject of your emotional dependence. It's better if it's all-consuming and interesting activity. Even a good book or a new movie can save you from missing someone you miss so much.

Become a more independent person. Minimize dependencies of various kinds. If it is still difficult to get rid of material dependence, be a person of independent thinking. Don’t lose your opinion, have your own needs and desires. Develop as a person. Learn to take responsibility for your actions.

Become an empathic person for those around you, not just for those you depend on. Empathy - conscious empathy emotional state another man. An empath is a person capable of empathy. By redirecting yourself from yourself to others, you will feel relief. It is better to let others depend on you than you on them. Although, no, give them freedom and give yourself freedom - this is the most the right way avoid persistent emotional dependencies.

People break up with friends and family for various reasons. This could be a friend moving to another city, because of which friendly relations may simply come to its logical conclusion. It’s more scary when a loved one passes away. Of course, it is very difficult to be away from the person you love. Although it is very difficult to stop missing someone, there are still things you can do to ease the pain of loss. Start by analyzing your feelings. Take care of yours emotional needs. Distract yourself by doing something useful and constructive. If possible, find ways to communicate with the person you care about.

Steps

Get Over Your Feelings

Allow yourself to grieve that your loved one is no longer around. The first thing to do is accept your feelings and emotions and allow yourself to grieve. Don't keep everything to yourself. Give free rein to your feelings. Each person experiences grief differently. Do it as you see fit.

• Give yourself plenty of time (say, a few days) to look through letters and photos, listen to sad music, or cry while hugging your favorite stuffed animal.
• Once the feelings and emotions have subsided, promise yourself to do everything possible to return to your normal daily routine.

1. Trust a loved one. Talking about your feelings with a loved one will provide you with the support you need. Talk to a close friend or relative. Tell a loved one about what is happening in your life.

   • You might say, “I’m so sad that Alexey left. I need to talk to someone about this."
   • If you have an idea about how your loved one can help you deal with your feelings, tell them about it. For example, you could say, “Let's watch a romantic comedy together in memory of Olga tomorrow night!”

2. Write down your feelings. Express your feelings in writing. If you keep a diary, write down what emotions and feelings you experience. If you don't keep a diary, use a regular piece of paper or write in your phone's notebook.

   • You can also write about your feelings by addressing your message to the person you miss. You can send a written letter to the person you miss so much or keep it for yourself to re-read when you feel very sad.

3. Remember pleasant moments. When a loved one passes away, all attention is focused on negative points associated with the day of departure or the day of death of a person. Instead of focusing on the negative, think about the happy memories you have in your life.

   See a psychologist if you need professional support. Most likely, you are going through a difficult time right now. You may be feeling sad and regretful because loved one no nearby. If you find it difficult to come to terms with the absence of a person or the inability to participate in their life as you did before, consider meeting with a psychologist.

   Take a break

   1. Organize your daily life. Although you may be tempted to ignore your responsibilities when you walk into a room, remember, sticking to a routine can help you overcome emotional turmoil. Having a daily routine will help you get things done no matter how you feel. Plus, you'll stay active and busy. This will make you feel like you are living your normal life again.

   2. Communicate. You can't replace a person, but others can help you deal with your feelings and move forward. Make an effort to develop new relationships and strengthen existing ones. Build relationships with positive people who can support you.

      • Join a new club or become a member of an organization where you can interact with new people.
      • Strengthen your relationships with your friends. Encourage them to spend more time together. Go for walks or create new traditions, such as having lunch together on Sundays or organizing a movie night.

   3. Study or learn something new. Dedicate time to expanding your knowledge. If you are a student, dedicate time to studying a specific subject. If not, choose a subject that you have always been interested in and pick up material related to it. Read books or watch videos. You can also take an online course to learn a new skill.

      • If you are in school, spend time studying math or in English. You can also try to learn foreign language, study the art of French cooking or take guitar lessons.

   4. Choose a hobby. What do you like to do? What activity lifts your mood? Having determined favorite hobby, allocate more time in your schedule for it. Hobby is great way improve your skills and use your time more constructively. Plus, doing something you love will help you feel better (at least for a while).

      • If you love the outdoors, take a new route and go hiking. You can also try photography, knitting, painting, baking, gardening or collecting, and playing games.

   5. Play sports. Exercise gives good opportunity distract yourself from sadness and negative emotions. In addition, playing sports increases the level of endorphins (“happiness hormones”), so physical exercise improve your mood.

      • Go jogging, cycling or swimming. You can also try your hand at one of the fitness programs, such as Zumba or Pilates.
      • Spend at least 30 minutes exercising most days of the week.

   6. Avoid using substances that can cause serious harm to your health. During a difficult period in life, it may be tempting to distract yourself with alcohol or drugs. However, such actions are destructive and dangerous. Do not use alcoholic drinks or drugs to distract from sadness and negative emotions.

      • Instead, enlist the support of your loved ones and do something that can distract you from negative thoughts.