The feeling of loneliness is a condition familiar to almost every person. In everyone’s life there are periods of temporary voluntary or forced refusal to communicate, and if for some such “withdrawals” are associated with the need to “take a break” from social activity, then for others loneliness becomes a constant and depressing companion of life. How does it happen that, previously sociable and open to others, a person suddenly closes himself within four walls, depriving himself of the joy of communicating with people close to him and giving up the usual pleasures of life?
Causes of loneliness: external and internal factors.
Oddly enough, many people not only do not suffer from loneliness, but also consider it a natural and comfortable way of life. As a rule, these are representatives of creative professions, whose work requires maximum concentration and at the same time gives a person pleasure. They say about such people: “He devoted himself entirely to his favorite work.” Creative personalities fully realize themselves in their hobby, without experiencing a feeling of deprivation in communication, so being can rather be called conscious solitude.
True loneliness means a complete limitation of a person’s contact with the outside world due to the presence of a deep internal conflict or traumatic experience of human communication. Here are the most common reasons that prompt a person to close himself off from the world and others.
Hello, dear readers! The feeling of loneliness and uselessness is a rather acute and complex experience that a person does not always find the strength and resources to cope with. Which leads to depression and sometimes even suicide. A person constantly, even just in the background, feels dissatisfaction with life. Why is he ready to “throw himself” into any relationship, even destructive ones, just to get rid of the unbearable torment that comes with the feeling that no one in this world cares about him. And today we will look at why this happens. We will also learn how to cope with this condition.
Causes
When a child is born, a lot happens important process– formation of basic trust in the world. That is, if the adult who cares for him disappears for some time, it is important for him to know that he will definitely return. That's why children cry when they are alone. They call the one on whom their life depends at a given period, who satisfies their basic needs.
And if the baby does not acquire the knowledge that somewhere there is Another, who this moment is absent, but he is in his life, then in the future he will have few resources and abilities to cope with the feeling of loneliness. He will try to avoid it in every possible way. Although in fact, we are all alone, and it is important for us to be able to deal with ourselves. Otherwise, it is impossible to build full contact with others, which will bring joy, peace and satisfaction, saturation.
The reasons for the formation of distrust can be completely different. Sometimes an adult is simply unable to recognize and satisfy the needs of a child. Although in fact she sincerely loves him and is trying to do this. A traumatic event may make itself felt, for example, the mother did not come for a long time to calm her down. Then anxiety arises, what if it becomes uncomfortable again, and mom doesn’t show up like last time? Even though she arrives promptly for each subsequent call, this anxiety will remain background and will make itself felt.
Difficulties may also arise if the individual’s history includes an experience of rejection that he or she could not cope with. Especially during a crisis, such as adolescence. When the need for recognition among peers comes to the fore, the desire to please the opposite sex appears.
What to do?
Relationship quality
When a person feels useless, he is tempted to enter into a relationship without paying much attention to what he, this other, really is like. Just to grab hold of it and feel that you are no longer alone. It seems like someone needs it. And what’s not so scary now is that together we can stand against the whole world. And it is for this reason that disappointment then sets in, from which loneliness is experienced even more acutely. Because it seems like there is someone with whom you can feel closeness, but it is still impossible, inaccessible. And the person is already, for example, in a marriage that has not brought happiness.
It is clear that it is very difficult, but still, give yourself the opportunity to get to know the other better. Without being fascinated, and without flattering yourself with the illusion that if it’s bad now, then the moment will definitely come when the person will correct himself, realize his mistakes, and you will live the envy of everyone. Everyone has shortcomings, and you shouldn’t ignore them, just listen to yourself whether you’re ready to accept them or not.
If you tend to distrust people, then “slow down” yourself when suspicions arise. If it’s the other way around, ask at least a couple of questions to understand why you decided that this person would justify your trust.
Healthy lifestyle
In psychology there is such a thing as addiction. This is when a person is unable to satisfy his needs without obsessive activity. It can be either chemical, that is, drug addiction, alcoholism, or non-chemical, for example, shopaholism, overeating, dependence on relationships, pornography, etc.
In fact, this is a replacement, that is, a person has at least something stable in his life that he can rely on. Even if it's just alcohol or a cigarette. This is what it means to be there in stressful and tense moments.
So, if you have at least some bad habit, try to “figure it out” with her. This way you will not only become healthier physically, if the addiction was chemical. But refusing it will provoke you to go in search of a more useful way of relaxation, calmness, and so on. Let's say if you play sports, you will become more active, happy, fit and healthy. And who knows, maybe during training you will meet exactly the one next to whom you will forget about your uselessness.
Self-esteem
If you are not comfortable with yourself, then why would the other person want to be alone with you? And in some cases, and still live life together, give birth to children and lead everyday life? Just because you exist in the world is not an argument, right? Unconditional love comes only from parents, and even then, not always. People around you will treat you the way you allow them to. And if you respect your personality, you will never allow your boundaries to be violated. Accordingly, there will be no people in your life who do not consider you or do not value you.
So first of all, start working on your self-worth. And you will learn how to love yourself by clicking on the link.
Reality testing
Look around, pause. Are you really as lonely and unneeded as you think? There is such a thing as tunnel consciousness. This is when a person is so fixated on something that his vision seems to narrow. And he is able to notice only what interests him at the moment. Therefore, if you feel the pain that no one in this world cares about you, do the following exercise. Write a list of 5 people who show even the slightest sympathy for you. And next to each of them, indicate at least 3 situations in which this manifested itself.
Perhaps you simply devalue, or do not notice that others are sincere with you, but you simply do not let them closer? Or are you simply frightening with your desire to “dig into” another, to “emotionally merge” with him? Even in families, this behavior occurs and causes horror. Not every person is ready to withstand a psychological merger, even with a beloved and valuable partner. Encroachments on his freedom and at least some independence can be repulsive.
So, before you get upset and hurt, remember, maybe there are people who care about you, but you just don't have enough of what they can give you?
Interests and hobbies
Explore, what gives you pleasure in this life? And when you don’t know what to do, start this activity. A hobby is the best way to relieve tension, relax and feel satisfaction. And you will become more interesting to those around you. New acquaintances will appear who share your hobbies. This means that at least occasionally you will be able to feel the closeness and presence of another person in your life. His participation and interest.
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Loneliness causes difficult feelings, and if you realize that you cannot cope with them on your own, seek help. Let them go to relatives, friends, specialists. The main thing is not to isolate yourself, and be attentive to your condition.
Happiness and health to you!
The material was prepared by psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Alina Zhuravina.
Analyze why you have a feeling of worthlessness? Perhaps you have experienced some kind of traumatic situation or a series of various failures, as a result of which you have developed a persistent rejection of yourself? Try to understand that your failures most likely were not your fault, the circumstances just happened that way. Remember that no one is immune from mistakes and mistakes; everyone makes them, even the most successful and confident people.
Give up self-criticism, do not scold yourself for every reason and for no reason. Don't try to blame yourself in any situation. Do not allow this in conversations with relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. value judgments about oneself. For example, many insecure people like to repeat phrases such as: “Yes, it’s my fault,” “I was stupid again,” “Well, I’m a fool...”, etc. Such phrases should no longer be in your vocabulary.
Build self-confidence. Find an interesting hobby, sign up for some courses, for example, in English and set yourself the goal of mastering it at least at the level of fluent reading of English-language literature - this will dramatically increase your self-esteem. Buy a subscription to a swimming pool, gym, etc. As you become physically stronger, you will also begin to respect yourself more.
Praise and encourage yourself for even the smallest achievements. For example, you read a good book or cooked something tasty and beautiful, you encouraged someone, instilled hope for the best in someone - all this, like many other things you do, deserves praise!
Get rid of thinking stereotypes. For example, when you were in school, you were constantly told that you were an incapable student, that you couldn’t do anything useful. Having become accustomed to this label, which was attached to you as a child, you continue to go through life as a loser: you do not strive for new knowledge, do not take responsibility, etc. But here it is important to understand that the teacher could simply not have considered the potential of your personality, did not find individual approach to you in the process of studying, was not able to reveal all your abilities.
Real goals and self-confidence are the main components of success!
Set realistic goals for yourself and achieve them using the principle of small steps. For example, you decide to get higher education. Celebrate every small success along the way main goal: successfully passing a test, listening to a lecture on a particular subject, completing another course - all these are reasons for joy.
Do not lose faith in yourself, strive to conquer new heights, despite any value judgments of others, and you will gain self-confidence and get rid of the feeling of uselessness and worthlessness.
Help others - with a smile, a kind word, sympathy, and specific deeds. There are many truly unhappy and lonely people in the world who really need your help. Pay attention to children raised in orphanages, lonely elderly people, patients in hospices and other similar institutions - they all need simple human touch. It is important that your help comes from the heart and is sincere.
Do not strive to assert yourself at the expense of others, remember that truly wise people strive for self-expression. Your goals do not have to coincide with the goals of the people around you - that you should live the same way they live? Set your goals, live the way you want to live. Remember your dream, because you definitely have a network. Just go to her and you will find happiness and self-confidence.
How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness and not fall into depression? As they say, each of us is born in sterile loneliness and dies in it, so every person encounters this condition at least once in his life. Remember, loneliness is not a death sentence, and you need to fight it. We will tell you how in this article.
The feeling of loneliness can plague a person throughout his life. Both women and men are interested in the question of how to get rid of loneliness. Why? It's simple: sometimes each of us wants to have a heart-to-heart talk and laugh. A person is a creature in need of society, so a state of loneliness that lasts long enough can easily develop into depression.
How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness that prevents you from living fully and enjoying every moment?
First, let's figure out what loneliness is. Contrary to popular belief, not only a person who has no friends and loved ones can be considered lonely, but also a person who is surrounded by attention from all sides. The question of how to get rid of loneliness and depression can worry even those who are confident in their partner, have a happy family, and have many friends. Sometimes a feeling of worthlessness arises among those who seem to be always in the spotlight, and this needs to be fought.
Regardless of how old you are - 20 or 50, everyone can take note of the answers to the question of how to get rid of loneliness.
So, how to get rid of loneliness and melancholy? How to find harmony? Follow a few main rules:
- Understand yourself, love yourself, pull yourself together.
- Communicate more, especially if you don't get enough attention. Take a walk with friends, go shopping, to a club, to any place where you observe large cluster of people. Communication is the first panacea that helps get rid of loneliness for both women and men.
- Get out into nature. Nature charges you with positive energy. It has long been known that a person who is often in nature always feels harmony with himself. Also, the ideal option for those who are looking for an answer to the question of how to get rid of the fear of loneliness is to get a pet. A kitten or puppy is a constant source positive emotions who will always be by your side.
- Make up for the lack of kinesthetic communication. To do this, you need little: sign up for a dance class, or join a fitness club. Here you can make new acquaintances with interesting people, find a common goal with one of them and, in the end, become friends.
There is a certain type of people - kinesthetics. They perceive the world through sensations and constantly need affection. For such people, the fear of loneliness is the most dangerous enemy, so if you are one of them, sign up for couples dancing. You can also get a pet. You will give him your love, and he will make up for the lack of kinesthetic communication and positive emotions. In addition, yoga will help in this case.
5. Realize that you are free. Not alone, but free. If you don’t have a loved one, it means that you are not burdened with “everyday life” or any obligations. Don’t be discouraged: if you don’t know how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness and uselessness, think that your soulmate is walking somewhere nearby, and fate is preparing you for an unforgettable meeting with her. There's more to come.
So, in order not to suffer from feelings of loneliness, you need to change your own attitude towards life. Enjoy what is happening here and now, appreciate every moment that you can devote to yourself to your loved one, do not waste a second on despondency and sadness. Communicate, get positive, live, and you will never be alone!
How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness and uselessness? We are born in sterile loneliness, and we die quietly in it.
However, throughout life this feeling torments us and gives us no peace. We, like any social creature, are drawn to society - to gossip, laugh, have a heart-to-heart talk. How to get rid of feelings of loneliness and melancholy?
Depression out of nothing
It’s not for nothing that in the title of our article we're talking about specifically about the feeling of loneliness. All these emotions, sensations, thoughts and reasons for depression are born in our heads.
In fact, it is quite difficult to be truly alone in such a crowded world. We live in high-rise buildings, meet neighbors every day, go to visit relatives, sit in crowded cafes and crowded offices.
We communicate, smile, text. A social media? At any moment we can contact a guy a hundred miles away, “like” a stranger’s photo or comment on someone’s post. 
And still this feeling comes over me from time to time. Call it what you want: melancholy, melancholy, spleen, uselessness, meaninglessness, loneliness, depression...
Most likely, we are subconsciously worried about the indifference of loved ones, lack of understanding with their sides, seeming indifference to our problems.
And the reason for this – our suspiciousness, uncertainty and low self-esteem.
Let's think about where it all begins. A person is not sure that he can be loved and appreciated.
Even with a great job and a sympathetic circle of friends, sooner or later he begins to think: “Do they really need me? Aren't they pretending? Do they love me?
And the kind brain immediately begins to meticulously analyze the facts: Vasya forgot to wish him a happy birthday, Alena, out of forgetfulness, gave you your own gift, Ira and Nastya met in a cafe, but they didn’t tell you, your parents were going to Turkey, and you were handed over to your grandmothers...
A compassionate mind will extract a million cases from memory, when you were forgotten, ignored and not noticed. And now you are already sure that for the whole world your personality is an empty place.
Congratulations, you've come up with a great excuse to be depressed and overeat ice cream!
How to say goodbye to loneliness
We will not suggest cutting your head off, although all the problems are, indeed, within it. Let's get rid of the feeling of loneliness using more traditional methods:
1. Write to your friends. Take the initiative and call a big company. You will see that many will respond and come running to the meeting with pleasure.
If you doubt someone's attitude, just talk about it over a glass of wine. Most likely, it will turn out that Ira and Nastya simply didn’t get through to you, and Alena is absent-mindedly giving everyone their own gifts (“nothing personal”).
2. Stretch your brains. Hard work will lift anyone out of depression. The more you devote yourself to your work, the more satisfied you will be with the result.
And then - in general beauty: your boss will praise you, your colleagues will notice you, and the feeling of uselessness will be replaced by a sign of irreplaceability.
3.Run. My fitness trainer always jokes: “Sport will cure in one evening what psychologists will treat for years. Broke your heart? Let's run to the gym.
Did your boss offend you? Hurry up for the dumbbells and punching bag. Did the heel of your favorite shoe break? Great, go swimming and do some cardio.” 
4. Get a dog. A cat, fish, a hamster, a rabbit - anyone you care about. Coming home to an empty apartment where no one is happy to see you is painful. If your profession does not allow you to look after someone, at least visit an equestrian center on the weekends.
5.Fall in love. What to dig into inner world, open your eyes wide and pay attention to your handsome neighbor, pretty colleague or handsome brother of your friend.
Even if no reciprocal feelings arise, the hormonal explosion from the surging emotions is guaranteed to pull you out of the blues.
6. Stop waiting and demanding. Many girls look out for princes and ignore the average suitors who do not have white horses. And they suffer, imagine, from loneliness and boredom.
Perhaps your demands on the world are slightly too high? Do you think that friends should call first, relatives should come running at the first call, and your husband should serve coffee in the morning?
And if they didn’t live up to your expectations, then good riddance? But what if they expect the same from you?
7. Get to know yourself better. If you can’t fall in love with your neighbor, look for another candidate - in the mirror.
Be proud of your successes and talents, boldly declare to the world your attractiveness and intelligence.
The more you value and adore yourself, the more strange it seems to you that someone in this world might not idolize you. Funny! You, the best? Impossible!