Just over a year ago my close friend Irina died Native sister. It so happened that I wasn’t around then. I could only help Ira with advice, and even then from afar. But now all the memorial events on We organized the anniversary together.

Irina loved Galya very much. The sisters, despite the significant age difference, were very close. Therefore, my friend really wanted to do everything right, as it should. In order not to make any mistakes, she and I read a mountain of literature about how to remember the deceased, so that his soul would feel good in another world, and his remaining loved ones would feel better here. The information we collected turned out to be different. Some of what I read was a little shocking in its frank, excuse me, obscurantism.

Many things came in very handy, thanks to which Galina’s years were spent in a bright, good atmosphere. Irina even admitted to me afterwards that she herself felt much better in her soul. After anniversary, she was able to come to terms with the thoughts that her sister had left so early. These feelings of hers gave me the idea to once again address the topic here on my blog wake - on this time on the anniversary of death .

How they remember lateryear

In fact, the custom of remembering deceased loved ones is certain days itself is very, very ancient. It dates back to the times when people worshiped the ancestral and tribal ancestral spirits, and all the deceased were considered patrons of the family. Therefore, our ancestors escorted the souls of their deceased to another world with all possible respect andonDuring the long journey we tried to feed them properly. For this purpose, food and drink (including intoxicating drinks) were left on the graves, and in special days After death, magnificent funeral feasts were celebrated. Burials at this time turned into places for rich and cheerful feasts in honor of the departed. People drank, ate, competed in prowess, even sang and danced. All this was done so that the dead could see how the living loved and appreciated them. Pagan rituals later they began to be condemned Christian Church as blasphemous. Ask any priest about how you can and should remember the deceased, and he will tell you: this should be done not at the table, but in church or with prayer in front of home icons. But strict ban on wake The Church still does not provide food.

But the days when Christians remember the soul of the departed have changed in the Christian tradition compared to the pagan one. The deceased at the beginning remember on the third, ninth and fortieth days afterdeath. These milestones are symbolic:

3rd day symbolizes the Holy Trinity and the resurrection of the Savior three days after of death . It is believed that it is on the 3rd day that the soul of the newly deceased first ascends to the Lord’s Throne.

9th day laid in honor of the nine angelic ranks. The angels ask the Lord to forgive human sins.

40 days are considered necessary for preparing the soul for new grace. This is how long Moses' fast lasted before his Sinai conversation with the Heavenly Father. 40 days passed from the day of his death until the moment of Jesus’ ascension. And the soul of any person is precisely on The 40th day again ascends to the Throne of the Lord, so that her fate will be decided there according to the earthly affairs of man.

Anniversary

of death symbolizes the annual liturgical circle. It is believed that it was after a year after death the soul finally ascends on Heaven and connects with others who have passed on in the higher realms. On earth the hour becomes the final farewell to the deceased for all his loved ones. And for the deceased himself, this day is a new birth for eternal life . If, of course, he was a believer. To hold funeral services at According to custom, we approach the anniversary of death with all seriousness. Traditionally, the whole family gathers for them, many come from afar. And, I want to note, this is truly, first and foremost, a family matter. On funerals, forties, it is customary to come without an invitation. A on years - no. Only relatives are called(and not necessarily all) and truly close friends. It is not necessary to notify neighbors, acquaintances and just amateurs about this. If someone comes unexpectedly, the family itself decides whether to seat him at the funeral table or not.

Ira and I had to decide a very sensitive issue about transferring wake at a few days. The anniversary fell on Wednesday - it’s a weekday, many people work and can’t come. I had to postpone everything until the next Saturday, including a visit to the cemetery, because Irina also couldn’t even take a day off on Wednesday. I even had to consult with the priest of our parish in advance on this topic. He dispelled all our doubts: It is possible to endure the hours, and sometimes it is even necessary. This is especially true for the funeral table itself, which, from a church point of view, is not at all necessary to set. After all, in fact, you need to remember with prayer, alms and kind words. The feast is rather a tribute to paganism, the same funeral feasts. So the question of when everyone will gather for a common meal is not fundamental at all.

But prayers for the repose of the soul can be organized in advance so that they come just atthe right day. At the same time, it’s not that it’s impossible, but it’s very It is undesirable to remember the dead on Easter and Holy Week, it's better to postpone all this on Radunitsa. If the anniversary falls on Christmas Eve, the service is usually ordered on January 8th. On other days, nothing will prevent one of your loved ones from taking care of the funeral prayer service in advance.

To the temple to order a memorial

on Lithur
It’s better for her to come in advance - sometime the day before or in the morning on the day of the anniversary itself, in order to have time to do everything in time for the evening service. Ira and I not only ordered mass, but also lit candles for Galya and prayed ourselves for the repose of her soul. And even earlier, about ten days ago, they took care of Sorokoust.By the way, home prayer- also a strong thing. If someone cannot go to church, then it is a good idea to light a candle or lamp at home and turn to the Lord with prayers for the departed. There are a lot of such sacred texts, they are always included in Prayer Books, so it’s not difficult to find the ones you need. For example, I like these two prayers - one about specific person, another about everyone who died. I usually read them one after another (albeit on paper).

• God, the merciful Lord, remembering the anniversary of deathYour servant (full christian name) we ask You, honor him (her) with a place in Your Kingdom, grant blessed peace and bring him into the radiance of Your glory.

Lord, look mercifully on our prayers for the soul of Your servant (full Christian name), whose anniversary of deathwe remember; We ask You to number him (her) among the host of Your saints, grant forgiveness of sins and eternal peace. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

• Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.

Anyone who knows how to do this can conduct a lithium (this is a short rite of requiem) - at home or on grave. This part of the Orthodox service can be performed by a lay person, not only by a priest.

It is traditionally believed that a wake is not only funeral meal, but also prayer. Moreover, holding a wake involves visiting the cemetery and cleaning its territory.

Orthodox commemoration of the dead primarily involves prayer. And only after this is the funeral table. Of course, the funeral itself, days 9 and 40 are no less significant events, to which all relatives, close friends, acquaintances and colleagues from work are invited.

However, at the funeral of 1 year, you can not do this, but spend the day in prayer among your dearest people in family circle. Also, a year after a sad event, it is customary to visit the cemetery.

One year commemoration

If a person was baptized during his lifetime, he is ordered to have a funeral commemoration at the Liturgy. Prayer is a huge help for people who have left this world. After all, by and large, the deceased does not need either a monument or a luxurious meal; the only thing a loved one can do for his soul is to read prayers and remember his good deeds.

You can order the Liturgy in the church in the evening the day before the funeral or in the morning on the same day. Among other things, the deceased is also remembered at meals. On this day, it is customary to prepare various dishes: this is necessarily soup, main course, and at the request of relatives, the favorite dishes of the deceased are prepared. Don't forget about pancakes, jelly and pastries.

On the day of commemoration of the death of the deceased, you should definitely visit his grave. If necessary, they restore order there: they tint the fence, plant flowers, pine needles (thuja takes root best, it does not grow in breadth and does not take root, but only grows upward). If there was a temporary monument on the grave, then it is exactly in the year after death that it is replaced with a permanent one.

Memorial meal at the wake for 1 year

Of course, the hosts want to treat the invited people tastier, but do not forget about Orthodox posts. So, if the funeral took place on the day of fasting, prohibited foods should be excluded and only those dishes that are allowed to be served should be served.

At the table it is necessary to remember the deceased, his good deeds and character traits. You should not turn the funeral table into a “drunken gathering.” After all, the word “commemoration” arose from the word “remember.”

The first dish served at the funeral table is kutia. It is boiled rice or wheat cereal with honey and raisins. While eating the dish, they think about the deceased. Such food is considered a symbol of resurrection; according to tradition, it can be sprinkled with holy water.

The following dishes on the funeral table, namely soup and main course, can be anything, depending on the taste preferences of the deceased or the hosts. It could be regular chicken noodle soup or rich borscht, goulash with pasta or jellied meat, stuffed peppers or pilaf, as long as meat dishes were not prohibited by fasting. As a pastry, you can serve pie with filling or pancakes.

It should be noted that the days of remembrance must be met in a good mood, be in the mood and not be offended by the deceased for leaving this world. Moreover, it is considered correct to distribute alms and clothes or other belongings of the deceased to those in need at the funeral.

At the hour of remembrance, until the pain of loss subsides, the first thing to remember is this delicacy. Find out, check out examples of words of condolences and. These guides will give you an idea of ethics of remembrance and they will tell you true words of consolation.

But funeral speech has its own specifics. In it you address to a whole circle of guests who gathered to console loved ones, remember the deceased themselves and listen to what friends and relatives would say about him. Your words are awaited, and yours funeral speech may sound with b ABOUT greater pathos than is customary for personal expressions of condolences.

Words of grief directly at the funeral should be extremely brief, but speech at the wake may not be limited to a couple of phrases.

Funeral words of grief and funeral speech

First, introduce yourself and, if it is not obvious to everyone, say who you are related to the deceased. Many people will speak at the wake. That's why funeral speech should be concise, and thoughts are expressed accurately. Guests will understand if the sentence is interrupted by sudden crying. But unpreparedness, verbiage, and even more so drunken babble, will be perceived by those gathered as a sign of disrespect for the deceased. Don't rely on improvisation! Have short theses with you, and at home or on the way to the funeral ceremony, repeat your funeral speech several times.

Don't retell the biography - enough tell about one bright incident, an episode of life so that guests remember this interesting fact. It is important that the event you describe highlights one of the positive traits deceased. It's better to talk about that episode which you yourself highly appreciated. Study examples, their loved ones (each obituary contains an episode from the life and condolences).

Focus the audience's attention on the character trait that your story demonstrates. Every negative trait has a bright side. Examples of complementary synonyms:

• About a grumpy person you can say, “He taught me a lesson in looking at the world critically.”
• About the tight-fisted one: “Caution, rationality and foresight are what we all lack today, and what we can learn from the deceased.”
• Carelessness in finances: “He was so confident of a better future...”
• Suspiciousness: “Knew human nature...”
• Not very smart: “Trusting, naive, he trusted people so much...”
• Arrogant: “He knew his worth, his circle included only the best...”
• Stubborn, stubborn: “Principled...”
• Amenable, without a core: “Conflict-free... His credo is compromise.”

At a wake you cannot talk about shortcomings: “ About the deceased it’s either good or nothing“is the basis of the etiquette of remembrance. You should not remember, especially out loud, about failures, weaknesses, sins and grievances. Forgiveness, reconciliation, remembering better things- this is the desired aura of the memorial ceremony.

Words of Sorrow It is appropriate to supplement with a quote from the thoughts of the deceased: an order, instruction, commandment or moral maxim that he voiced during his lifetime. Then the funeral speech should begin with a mention of the benefits that he brought to loved ones and society. Conclude that the person did not live his life in vain and promise eternal memory in the hearts of the relatives and friends of the deceased.

“May he/she rest in peace! Everlasting memory!" You can end your funeral speech with these words, but many will do this. It is better to choose an appropriate epitaph that is in tune with the personality of the deceased:

• If you or the deceased are believers, look here:, or phrases.
• If, on the contrary, the deceased is consistent.
• For the deceased, as well as an epitaph.
• A lot of beautiful ideas words of sorrow in or in epitaphs.

Protocol of commemoration

At a wake you need to stand and honor the deceased. minute of silence. The leader’s mission is entrusted to a person close to the family, who will be able to control his emotions in a mourning environment. He alternately gives the floor relatives according to the degree of proximity - spouse, children or parents, immediate relatives, and then friends of the deceased.

The presenter should prepare several phrases in advance to remove the pause and redirect the attention of the guests if the speaker’s speech is interrupted by tears. Funeral words are usually pronounced standing.

Orthodox Christian tradition of remembrance

If the deceased was a believer, then a funeral should be held according to church customs, in compliance with church rituals . Speeches and prayers are key components of a Christian memorial ceremony. Afterwards, the host of the ceremony should thank all the guests for coming to the funeral and praying for the soul of the newly deceased. Funeral speeches pronounced when everyone has already gathered at the table.

In the Orthodox Christian tradition, the funeral begins with Psalm 90 and. The atmosphere at the table is restrained; you need to talk quietly, in a half-whisper. The first word is given to the head of the family. Then the funeral is led by the head of the ceremony - a person respected by the guests and close to the family. Funeral words at Orthodox funerals pronounced according to seniority. Everyone who wants to speak can and should have the floor.

Funeral toasts* at Orthodox funerals end with the words: May [Name] rest in peace and may the memory be eternal! Everyone drinks without clinking glasses and bowing to the portrait or free space deceased.

* Alcohol is not included in the Orthodox tradition of commemoration (see). But the practice of remembering “without clinking glasses” is deeply rooted among the people. It is important to observe moderation!

In Orthodoxy it is known that, thanks to prayers, funeral services and other Christian rituals, the tossing soul of the newly deceased becomes easier. A kind, warm word from family and friends pacifies the soul of the deceased and dulls the grief of loved ones. At the end of the commemoration, rising from the table, each bows to the portrait or towards the place of the deceased. Leaving, . It is not customary to say goodbye at a wake.

Poems for funerals? Yes, but delicately and in moderation.

When expressing condolences in person, face to face, it is undesirable to turn to the verse. Read gathered at a common table friends of the deceased are allowed - after all, everyone expects mournful sayings, memories and some pathos. Perhaps in verse. The main thing is that the rhyme is not vulgar, that it reflects the best features of the deceased and corresponds to the moment. And there was brief. Or very short.

Example of a funeral speech

In order not to be constrained by the “correct” but inappropriate speech, we instead concrete example we will offer optimal structure funeral speech with example phrases.

Appeal:

• Dear friends and relatives of [Name]!
• Dear guests!
• Brothers and sisters!
• Dear family and friends of our beloved [Name]

Personal positioning in relation to the deceased(modestly):

• I am the nephew of our revered [Name].
• I am the brother of [Name] whom we remember today.
• [Name] and I have worked/served together for a long time/recent years.

About the mourning event(news of death or memory of a funeral):

• My father was ill for a long time; we understood what would happen, but when we got a call from the hospital...
• When I found out that [Name] died, I couldn't think about anything else that evening.
• Although my grandfather lived a long life, the news of his death shocked me.
• Today is 40 days since my mother left us.
• A year ago we said goodbye to [Name], a respected and worthy person.

Few words O best qualities deceased:

• Grandma was kindest person, hospitable and hospitable hostess.
• She has been a support and reliable support for her deceased husband for five years now.
• He was known as a joker and an optimist; it was easy and carefree to be with him.
• He gave confidence in the future and was a support for those around him.

Quote a command, advice, or moral value that the deceased encouraged family and friends to follow. Then, in a few sentences, tell about a significant incident or episode of life, which illustrates positive quality deceased. It’s good if this one is yours. How to buy grave monuments inexpensively in Moscow? Photos and prices for tombstones made of granite and marble.

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The Christian Church teaches us that man, who was once created immortal, lost this immortality due to the original sin of Adam and Eve. greatest gift. Since then he became perishable and, having passed life path, released to him by the Lord, leaves the earthly world, taking with him the burden of sins committed, but not atoned for by repentance. Therefore, our prayers and rituals are extremely important for him to find eternal peace. How the deceased are remembered on the anniversary of death (one year after death) will be discussed in this article.

Commemorations of the deceased preceding the anniversary of death

After a person’s heart has stopped beating and he has appeared before the gates of eternity, the Orthodox Church prescribes his threefold commemoration. It takes place on the third, ninth and fortieth day after death. It is necessary to briefly mention them, because otherwise the story about how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death will be incomplete.

The commemoration of the deceased on the third day is performed in commemoration of the three-day resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ. It is generally accepted that for the first two days after parting with the body, the soul, accompanied by angels, still wanders near places dear to it from earthly memories. On the third day, the angels take her to heaven to worship the Almighty. Thus, the day of the first appearance before the Lord is the beginning of the memorial cycle, the completion of which will be the anniversary of death. How to remember according to church custom on this still distant day will be described below.

The next rite is performed on the ninth day, symbolizing the nine ranks of angels interceding with the Lord for the repose of the soul of His deceased servant. The Church teaches that after the third day the soul leaves the earthly world and is transported by angels to the heavenly abodes, which it contemplates for six days.

After this, she performs a second worship of the Lord and is thrown into hell, where she will remain until the fortieth day, continuously contemplating the torment endured by unrepentant sinners. And only after the soul has been shown the bliss of the righteous and the suffering of the wicked, it appears before the Almighty, who, based on earthly affairs, determines its place of stay until the Last Judgment.

The third, ninth, and especially the fortieth day are as important as the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased at these stages of his stay in the afterlife- a topic for a special conversation, but we will turn to the ritual performed a year after his death.

Daily prayer for the departed

Among Orthodox people From time immemorial, a pious custom has developed to remember in church on the anniversary of the death of everyone who has passed away, regardless of how many years have passed since that sad day. However, this does not eliminate the need to be at home during morning and evening readings. prayer rule, and these days, an increasing number of people comply with this church injunction, along with the texts contained in them, to say several funeral prayers. You can find them on the pages of an ordinary Orthodox Prayer Book.

The time that has passed since the death of a person close to us dulls the pain of the loss suffered, but despite this, it is necessary to remember how necessary he is beyond the threshold of eternity funeral prayers, especially on the day when the anniversary of death came. How to remember the deceased in order to help his soul free himself from the burden of sins? Many church fathers, who gained fame with their theological works, wrote about this.

Preliminary cleansing of your own soul

If we look at their writings, in most of them we can see how great importance The authors impart spiritual and physical purity to those who intend with their prayers to alleviate the posthumous fate of people close to them. In other words, before you begin to pray for the forgiveness of other people's sins, you need to repent of your own. Everyone knows that the prayer of a righteous person is heard more often than the requests of one who is mired in sin.

In addition, speaking about how to properly commemorate on the anniversary of death, the holy fathers strongly recommend starting preparations for this important matter with fasting, even if it is short-term. One - maximum two days of abstaining from fast food - meat, fish and dairy products, will help, having overcome the carnal and sometimes sinful aspirations so inherent in human nature, to direct thoughts towards the upcoming prayerful communication with God. Please note that fasting in this case is not a mandatory requirement, but is only recommended as a proven means of cleansing one’s own soul and body.

This will help our prayers for forgiveness of the sins of a loved one to be heard and find grace. The Church teaches that beyond the threshold of death it will be too late to repent of what was done during life, and only those remaining on earth are able to beg God to ease the fate of the deceased.

Continuing the conversation about how to properly commemorate the deceased on the anniversary of death, one cannot help but recall the custom of ordering regular commemoration of the deceased in the church for forty days in advance of this date. This ritual is called Sorokoust and dates back to the first centuries of the establishment of Christianity in Rus'. In this case, it serves as if preparatory stage to the main actions coming on Memorial Day.

Where to start a church commemoration?

Despite the importance of home prayers, the main importance is still attached to the church service on the day when the anniversary of death occurs. How to remember the deceased in the temple of God should be learned in advance from the priest, who will help perform this rite in full accordance with the traditions of the Orthodox Church. We will focus only on some generally accepted rules.

Usually, before the start of the liturgy, a note with the name of the deceased is given for his commemoration in the altar. By the way, the names of other close people who left this world in different time. They all also need prayer support. In addition, on the day of the anniversary of death, as at any other time, it would be very appropriate to order a memorial service for the deceased.

What is a memorial service?

Since this funeral rite, accepted in Russian Orthodoxy for a long time, has a special meaning, then continuing the conversation about how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death, it is worth dwelling on it in more detail. According to the rules set out in the Trebnik - a liturgical book regulating the procedure for performing the sacraments and other sacred rites, a memorial service can be held both in the church and in the house of the deceased, where a priest is invited for this purpose, as well as in a cemetery or in the place where life was cut short loved one. The memorial service is very close in structure to the funeral service. The only difference is that in this case several prayers are excluded from it.

Kolivo, prosphora and alms are integral parts of the ritual

In addition, in the Trebnik, which indicates how the deceased are remembered on the anniversary of death at home, in the cemetery and in the temple, it is prescribed upon completion church rite place on the eve - a small rectangular table with a crucifix, where funeral candles usually burn - a dish filled with kutya - porridge made from whole grains of wheat and sprinkled with honey. According to church tradition, it is called koliv. When leaving the church, you should take one or more prosphoras with you and eat them at home on an empty stomach even before the funeral meal.

Regardless of whether the memorial service was performed in a church, or the relatives of the deceased limited themselves to a modest home ritual, it is highly recommended on this day, as on any other, to distribute alms to those whom the vicissitudes of life forced with an outstretched hand to seek food for themselves. This humanly good deed is also the fulfillment of one of God’s main commandments, which prescribes love for neighbors and help to everyone who needs it. It should be strictly observed throughout life, and not just on the day when someone’s death anniversary occurs.

How to remember a loved one in a cemetery?

Paying tribute to memory to a loved one, on the anniversary of his death it is also customary to visit his grave. It is there that we most acutely feel the irreplaceability of the loss we have suffered. It is highly advisable to come to the cemetery a few days before and check whether the tombstone, cross and fence are in proper order. If something needs to be repaired or painted, it should be done immediately, and in any case, the cleaning should be done. In autumn, sweep away fallen leaves from the grave, in winter, remove snow, and in spring and summer, it is advisable to plant living seedlings.

On the anniversary of your death, you can visit the cemetery both before and after going to church. There are no rigid guidelines in this case, and everyone can do what is most convenient for them. The only exceptions can be those cases when the relatives of the deceased want a priest to serve the litiya at the grave. Usually there are churches in the territory of cemeteries where you can make such a request, and it is better to do this in advance, since the priest may have other requests on that day.

Ritual traditions that regulate the order of how to correctly remember the deceased on the anniversary of death allow for the performance of all appropriate actions without the participation of a priest. In this case, one of those present, and among them, as a rule, there are the closest relatives and friends of the deceased, can read the funeral prayers himself. They will be especially beneficial if those present begin to do this one by one. An integral part of visiting a grave is also the laying of fresh or artificial flowers and wreaths.

Funeral meals at the grave and at home

After reading the prayers, it is time for a short memorial meal, served right at the grave. Tradition Orthodox Church prescribes to eat pancakes, jelly, and also kutya, which was discussed above. You can also add fruits and homemade cakes to this simple menu.

Unfortunately, during the Soviet period, when the dominance of atheistic ideology tore people away from their original church customs, standards were developed that were completely alien to true piety. One of them was the tradition of drinking alcoholic beverages at the grave, and often simply getting drunk. We can say with complete confidence that this fundamentally contradicts church rules, and it doesn’t matter whether the grave is visited on an ordinary day or it’s the anniversary of death.

On the same day, it is customary to commemorate the deceased at a home meal, to which relatives are invited, as well as those who knew and loved him during his lifetime. Often one of the participants in the feast is a priest. Sometimes they rent space in a cafe or restaurant for this purpose. In order for the wake to take place in accordance with established tradition, a number of simple rules should be followed, outlined below.

The beginning of a home meal, like the one served in the cemetery, should be preceded by the same memorial prayer for the deceased. If a priest is invited to the house, then he reads, if not, then one of the relatives or several people in turn. Prayer in this case is important both for the repose of the soul of the deceased and for setting those present in a solemn mood appropriate to the given moment.

Features of the funeral table

It is quite natural that every housewife tries to set the richest possible table, replete with various dishes, and thereby please the tastes of all those present. However, it should be taken into account that church calendar In addition to fasting days, that is, those on which there are no restrictions on the list of foods eaten, it also provides for fasts, both one-day and multi-day.

Since the funeral itself is part of the Orthodox tradition, the meal menu must meet the requirements set by the church for the day on which the anniversary of the death falls. How to remember the deceased only with Lenten treats is a question that every housewife decides independently.

It is important to take into account that no matter how richly the table is set, the meal should begin with the traditional eating of the same kutya. This custom has a very specific meaning. Wheat or any other grains from which it is prepared symbolize the resurrection of the soul, and honey poured on top is the pleasure that awaits the righteous in eternal life.

How to maintain proper atmosphere at the table

One more important point associated with home meals is right choice alcoholic drinks. If their use in a cemetery is inappropriate, as discussed above, then at a home table or in a restaurant it is permissible. However, so that the memory of a dear person and his death anniversary are not overshadowed, you should remember the day of his death by taking into account the advice outlined below. This will help avoid unpleasant situations that often arise as a result of excessive libations.

To be on the safe side, it is not recommended to place strong 40-degree drinks on the table. It is better to give preference to church Cahors or some light wines. At the same time, it is necessary to ensure that even their use does not go beyond what is reasonable. Otherwise, a memorial meal can easily turn into an ordinary banquet, during which memories of the deceased will give way to laughter and fun that are inappropriate in this setting.

Scandals, swearing and showdowns are extremely unacceptable at the funeral table. It is advisable that during the entire dinner the conversation is only about the deceased, remembering various episodes from his life, and also talking about everything that he did good to people.

You can invite guests to view photographs of the deceased in the house or a video of him. Even if the deceased was not always distinguished by worthy behavior, the bad things on this day should be forgotten. Instead, the emphasis should be on all the good things he left behind.

Two more important questions

We must not lose sight of this very significant question: what to do if the anniversary of death coincides with any of the major church holidays? How to remember - before or after, if memorial prayers are not accepted on the day of the holiday itself (for example, on Easter)? In this case, the ceremony is postponed to the next weekend or other convenient day. But even in this case, one should go to church, confess, take communion, light a candle for the repose of the soul and give alms precisely on the anniversary of death.

There is another important problem that the death anniversary (1 year) poses to the relatives of the deceased, when they have to remember people who are not baptized or of other faiths, or even suicides. Is it even possible to pray for them, and if this is permissible, then how to do it correctly?

The answer can be found in the letter of the Apostle Paul to the Colossians, where he says that for Christ “there is neither Greek, nor Jew, nor barbarian, nor Scythian...”, but all are equal for the coming Kingdom of God. Therefore, you can and should pray for all people, since for every deceased important stage his stay in the afterlife is the anniversary of his death. To remember earlier or later depends on the calendar date, as discussed above.

The only thing to consider is established rule submit memorial notes to churches only with the names of those who underwent baptism during their lifetime and did not burden themselves with the sin of suicide. For all the others, you need to pray for yourself, in church and at home, in the cemetery, as well as in the place where death cut short the days of their life. One must ask the Lord to grant remission of the sins they have committed and to rest their souls in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Since ancient times, Russia has preserved the tradition of celebrating memorable dates, and people honor not only the birthdays of living people, but also the days of departure from the other world. This is due to the fact that Christians believe in a further afterlife with God. Many citizens do not know how to properly perform a funeral service for 1 year. The rules are quite simple; they help the deceased find peace in the next world.

Commemoration is the oldest ritual that was carried out back in Ancient Rus'. The main purpose of this ritual is to honor the memory of the deceased and facilitate his stay in heaven.. The basis of the wake is a meal, which the relatives of the deceased spend in his apartment, cafe, or directly at the cemetery. When the anniversary of death is commemorated, and how to honor it, you can find out in the temple.

Memorials are celebrated on the following days:

• on the day of death or the next day;
• on the 3rd day after death. Most often this day is the day of the funeral;
• on day 9;
• on day 40;
• in the future, the meal is carried out on the sixth month from the date of death, and all subsequent anniversaries.

The most important is the commemoration on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after repose. In Christianity, they are of the opinion that for the first 2 days after leaving for another world, the human soul is still on earth and goes around all its native places. On the third day the soul goes to bow to God.

Informative! What is it needed on the wrist for: meaning in Christianity.

For the next 7 days, angels will show the soul life in heaven and the beauty of paradise. On the 9th day, the soul is again sent to worship God, after which it is led to the kingdom of darkness - hell - for 30 days.

For a month, the soul of the deceased is shown the eternal torment of sinners. At the end, on the 40th day, the soul is again taken to bow to God, where a decision is made in which exact place the soul will be until the Last Judgment.

In addition, you can remember a deceased relative on the following days:

• second Tuesday after Easter. On the holiday itself, it is not worth remembering the dead, since Easter is a holiday of living people;
• the next Saturday before Lent;
• 2, 3, 4 Saturdays of Great Lent.

Since a baptized deceased person is a member of the Orthodox Church, you can order a memorial service and magpie for him at almost any time.

It is important to know! If the anniversary coincides with an important day church holiday, it is recommended to postpone it to the next day.

Commemoration in church

The most important thing for remembering the deceased is not the meal, but prayer. If the deceased was a Christian, there is nothing more valuable to him than prayer on the anniversary of death. In addition, clergy advise relatives to refrain from a luxurious dinner and alcohol on the anniversary of death.

Lunch should be quite simple and modest. Funerals for 1 year and all subsequent times should absolutely not turn into a cheerful feast, since such a pastime is not welcomed by Christian traditions.

In addition to personal prayer, you must order a commemoration in the church for the year:

• remembrance at the proskomedia. This rite represents the first part of the liturgy, during which the priest takes out small pieces from the prosphora for peace and health.
• most often the “sorokoust” is ordered, then the deceased will be commemorated at 40 services in a row;
• memorial service. Usually held in churches on Saturdays or Sundays, but if necessary, you can arrange with the priest to hold it on another day;
• lithium. Another common type of funeral service. It can be done at any time. It is also possible for a priest to visit the cemetery.

The most important condition is that the deceased is remembered by all his relatives. The priest does not always know the deceased personally, so he cannot express the emotions that friends and relatives experience.

The priest, in fact, is only the performer of the ritual. The rules of the event allow for ordering the reading of the Psalter. This service is more often carried out in monasteries, since it is designed for long time. Depending on the size of the donation, the service will be held for a month, six months or even a year.

It is important to know! When ordering a service in a church, you can include in the note not only the name of the deceased, but also other deceased relatives.

Basic Rules

The rules for holding a memorial service in 1 year are such that the event must first begin with a visit to the church. Only after relatives have ordered a special service can they go to the cemetery and perform a civil memorial service.

After this, the relatives must clean up the grave, mention how good the person was, what good deeds he did. It would also be a good idea to bring fresh flowers. It is very important to remember that you are allowed to go to the cemetery only in the first half of the day.

After completing these steps, you can start eating. It is permissible to carry it out not only in the house of the deceased, but also in a cafe. The clergy do not advise having a luxurious dinner; the dishes should be quite simple. As for alcohol, only red wine is allowed to drink; vodka cannot be placed on the table.

Funeral dinner

How to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death should be decided only by relatives. But the clergy advise paying attention to oldest traditions. Often loved ones ask the question not only how to commemorate, but also with what. Lunch dishes should be modest. Be sure to prepare not only the first and second, but also kutya ( wheat porridge with raisins, candied fruits and honey). It is recommended to make snacks on this day (especially if you decided to put wine on the table). From alcoholic drinks It is allowed to use cognac and Cahors. Sparkling wines are not suitable for this occasion.

Often parishioners ask priests what they order in the church on the anniversary of a death, if it falls on a fast. In this case, there should be mainly lean dishes and a lot of baked goods on the table.

If the commemoration takes place in a cafe, you need to ask the employees to turn off the music and TV. Entertainment is not permitted in the adjacent room. You should not make toasts, as it is inappropriate.

It would be better to simply say kind words about the person, remember his good deeds, or read poetry on the anniversary of his death. You can also share warm memories with relatives.

Reference! What is forbidden to do on the anniversary of death is to say words that denigrate the deceased.

Remember at home

If relatives do not have the opportunity to go to the cemetery, how to remember the deceased and what to do in this case. In such a situation, you need to invite everyone home and prepare a special lunch. Many people mistakenly believe that in 1 year the rules imply covering mirrors in the apartment and placing a cutlery for the deceased on the table. The clergy claim that these traditions exist, but they do not apply to the Orthodox, so it is not necessary to adhere to them.

Every person who comes to the house must pray before sitting down to the table. It is advisable that the apartment be lit at this time. church candles. After reading the prayer, you can start eating. Relatives are allowed to talk at the table. The main thing is that there is no gossip, jokes or bad language, as this is inappropriate.

According to Christian traditions, dishes that are served to the table must be blessed. In addition to the first and second meals, lunch also includes dessert. Sweets must be present on the table, as they symbolize the joy that awaits all righteous Christians in heaven.

When preparing the table, you can consider the following tips:

1. Pancakes are considered one of the traditional dishes at funerals. Usually they are washed down with fresh jelly or full jelly (honey dissolved in water).
2. It is recommended to place several fir branches on the table, and black ribbons can be attached to the tablecloth.
3. During the change of dishes, it is necessary to read a prayer for repose. Also, prayers on the death anniversary of 1 year (and all subsequent ones) are read after the meal.
4. When leaving, the owners do not need to say words of gratitude. This is not accepted at funerals.

Independent mention

If a person does not have the opportunity to go to a funeral, you can remember the deceased at home. There is no need to host a lunch for this. As you know, celebrating the anniversary of death involves reading a prayer.

This option will be optimal. Most clergy advise reading the Psalter. How to do this correctly is usually described in detail in the appendix to the book. Between psalms it is necessary to read special prayers and mention in them the names of deceased relatives. This type of remembrance is the best.

There are some exceptions in which the church does not allow commemoration of the deceased during the Liturgy. This applies to people who were baptized but never went to church. It is believed that this indicates that the person was an unbeliever during his lifetime. The clergy call such people parishioners.

Also, the church never remembers those who have committed suicide, since this is a voluntary rejection of God’s main gift - life. This rule also applies to those people who died from a drug overdose, since such a death is also considered suicide.

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Let's sum it up

That's all today more people prefer to order a service in church and believes that this is enough. Despite the fact that clergy can also turn to the Almighty with a request for forgiveness of earthly sins, relatives should also pray for the deceased.

Appeals from priests, as mediators and executors of God’s will on earth, reach the Savior faster, but reading prayers at home is also mandatory. First of all, the soul of the deceased hears precisely the words of relatives, and not church ministers, so family and friends definitely need to pray.