Explore your city. You don't have to gather a whole group of friends just to get out of the house and enjoy a walk. If there is a museum in your city that you have never been to, or you really want to go somewhere - go ahead, take a day of rest! You can choose a day and go to the cinema, go shopping or take a walk in the park.

• If you want, consider a change of scenery for a while: take a bus or train and go to another city for the day.

Learn something new. Stay busy, start learning what you've always wanted to learn to do. Consider starting to study foreign language, take up cooking, or enroll in some other online course on a topic that interests you. When you you will succeed in this matter, you will immediately feel better, and your skills may be useful to you in the future.

How to survive in a social environment

Be polite and focused. You don't have to make good friends, but you do need to stay connected good relations with their peers and teachers. IN Everyday life Try to behave well and treat others the same way you want them to treat you.

• When you treat other people well, they won't hold anything against you, and it will be easier for you to make friends in the future if you want.

1. Join a club or interest group. In high school and college there are many opportunities to take part in a variety of interesting activities. Find information about what programs are offered at your school or institute. Joining a club or interest group can be in a great way staying in touch with other people without becoming close friends with them.

   • For example, you could join a science club, a book discussion group, or just a sports team.
   • In addition, you can register on different sites and find people there with whom you have common interests.

2. Spend time with your pet. Animals can be great company, especially dogs. Some even believe that animals make better friends than people. If you don't have it yet pet, ask your parents to get someone.

   • Consider adopting a puppy or kitten from a shelter. These animals are often difficult to find good house, but they can become very loyal pets and friends.
   • In addition, the dog will help you start communicating with someone when you walk with it. For example, if someone compliments your dog, this can be a great opportunity to strike up a conversation. You can simply say, “Oh, thank you! Do you have a dog?
   • If you have a dog or cat, you can also start a conversation with neighbors or new acquaintances. For example, if you know someone you know has a pet, you could say, “Oh, I just got a cat/dog too. I love her so much!” You can then show a photo of your pet and talk to that friend about their pet.

3. Get a job or become a volunteer . Find job openings and different sites that recruit volunteers for the position that interests you. Work and volunteering - good ways start communicating with other people and constantly maintain it.

   • Start small. Even a simple job at McDonald's or Starbucks will help you save some money for the future.
   • Volunteer in a job you enjoy - it will help you feel better, and the experience will give you an advantage when you look for a real job, and also when you need to do an internship in college.

4. Develop your social skills. If you don't spend time with friends very often, you can hardly say that you have well-developed communication skills. Find an opportunity to practice this business, get to know different people, learn to carry on a conversation with them, make them feel comfortable around you.

   • If you don't know why you don't have friends and your communication skills leave much to be desired, there's probably a logical explanation for it. However, it is worth keeping in mind that the lack of basic communication skills indicates more serious problems than fear of failure. Talk to a trusted adult, such as a parent or teacher. Find someone with whom you can discuss your communication problem.

If you decide to find friends

1. Act interested. If you want to make friends, there are some tips to help you make friends. The fact is that people like to talk about themselves. Therefore, you can start a conversation if you start asking them questions and asking them to tell different stories about themselves.

My daughter is 13 years old, 7th grade. It so happened that she did not have her own company or friends in the class. He communicates with the girl, but only at school. After school he doesn’t communicate with anyone from the class at all. Their class is divided into groups, in the 5th grade she was sick a lot, then she couldn’t fit in anywhere (lyceum from the 5th grade, they were all new). We have our own company, with a theater studio. Now during the holidays we go for walks together, go to the movies, visit guests, and go to the pizzeria. Today I met a group of classmates there. We said hello and that’s it... She’s worried that things didn’t work out in the class, and so am I. Even when he’s sick, I learn lessons in the parent chat. I don't know how to change the situation. And is it possible to change it, or is it too late, I also don’t understand... Or don’t worry too much, you have friends, and good ones, he’s been friends with one girl since kindergarten, that’s best friend, then we went to the studio together, it’s a pity that the schools are different, but it turned out that way - my mathematician, and my friend’s a brilliant humanist)
But it’s difficult at school without friends... What should I do?

Active children early strive to communicate and get closer to like-minded people, and if this does not happen, then they feel lonely. Children with different temperaments feel quite comfortable alone. However, the problem of friendly communication is very relevant today, since relationships are modern society increasingly are of a formal or business nature. Meanwhile, friendship is very important in life - it is joy, it is understanding, it is mutual assistance! At all stages of life, a person needs close people who will help him survive troubles and share joy. Let's try to figure out how to help children make friends.

Friendship in kindergarten

Relationships between 3-4 year old children are often called “friendship”, although in fact it is more of a joint game in which communication skills are trained - the child learns communication and gains communication experience through joint activities. But the ability to “find” friends is laid down precisely at this age. If a child by the age of five has not learned to communicate in a children's group, he has not made friends - there is reason to think.

Due to communication problems, the child feels uncomfortable, refuses to go to kindergarten, and begins to feign illness. If a child does not want to talk about his stay in a children's group, this is a reason to look for the reason for the secrecy and understand the situation: work on the factors that interfere with communication.

Advice for parents of preschoolers

• A parent should always be on the child's side. But there is no need to seize the initiative, rush to resolve any children’s conflicts or look for friends for the child. The more active the parent, the more passive the child. Why learn to defend yourself if your mother will always stand up for you? Why look for a friend if mom can find a playmate if necessary?
• Teach to be friends. Tell your preschooler about by example, how to make friends with a person who is pleasant: find common interests, play together. How to respect your own and your friend’s personal boundaries. You can invite children from kindergarten with whom your child would like to make friends on a family hike or on a visit.
• Try to find the reason for the lack of friends in the parent-child relationship. Overprotected children are careful and act with an eye on adults. Parental indifference is also harmful, as it causes a feeling of insecurity - the child avoids contact. Try to find a balance of care and independence in your communication with your child.

Friendship at school or how to help your child not become an outsider

If a child has weak relationships with peers in kindergarten, then at school the situation with the lack of friends gets worse. At school now, relationships are more often established for one-sided gain, rather than for mutual assistance. It is important not to lose a trusting relationship with your child and to be aware of his attempts to get closer.

Which children in primary school are not friends with?

• With poor students whom the teacher scolds for grades or bad behavior. IN primary school The opinion of an authoritative adult plays a huge role. According to the logic of a child, you cannot be friends with a “bad” classmate, otherwise you yourself will become “bad.”
• With excellent students who are completely focused on their studies and do not participate in general games and pranks.
• With children who are closed to communication. It is difficult for other children to understand such a child. They shun him, but they accept him in joint games.
• With those who speak negatively about others behind their backs, spread rumors, and fight.

Tips for parents of elementary school children

• Make it clear that communicating for candy or money is not friendship.
• Teach your child to look at his classmates to get closer to those who have similar interests.
• Do not criticize your child’s friends, express your opinion in a gentle manner.
• Increase your child's self-esteem. Do not blame, do not focus on his shyness, cockiness or other behavioral characteristics as the main reasons for the lack of friends. Act gently, use the mirroring technique.
• Praise for success, do not side with the teacher when labeling him as “a poor student,” “excellent student,” “quiet,” or “bully.” Your child's personality is multifaceted, and you, as a parent, know this. Tell your child that he is an interesting person and will definitely find a friend with similar hobbies.
• Do not force your child to communicate with children he does not like.

Teenagers at school and at home

In middle school, the opinion of friends becomes a priority for the child. Parents should speak very carefully about their teenager’s friends so as not to spoil their relationship with him. Ridicule, sarcasm, harsh criticism are unacceptable.

Parental intervention in relationships with peers is necessary in cases of bullying, if the child acts as a victim or an aggressor. If “friends” involve a teenager in criminal activities or activities that are dangerous to health and life.

Advice for parents of teenagers

• Don’t discount a teenager’s problems, but don’t panic either. Perhaps the feeling of loneliness is associated with resentment at someone's words or actions. Or the child does not take the initiative in friendships because he is afraid of being rejected. Explain to your teen that rejection of friendship is normal, although unpleasant. Both he and his peers have the right to “no”; coercion and friendship are incompatible.
• Think about whether there was a child in your life stressful situations that deprived him of friends: moving, moving to new school. Perhaps you need to “wait out” a difficult period, and communication with peers will improve. Let your child go through this experience - support him, let him feel sad - show him that these feelings are normal. Don’t force things, don’t expect your teenager to quickly make new friends.
• If a child cannot cope with shyness, aggressiveness or other characteristics of his behavior that interfere with friendship, contact a psychologist. Information about the child’s behavior outside the home can be obtained from the teacher.
• Problems with communication arise if a person is too focused on his own experiences: “what others think of me, how I look in their eyes.” Talk with your child about other children: what interests and habits they have, what they like or upset. Don't neglect teenage fashion. If it is important for a child to look “like everyone else,” meet him halfway.
• Organize meetings with peers outside of school: going to the cinema, to a cafe, to events.
• Make sure your child has an alternative social circle to the school community: sports section, in a theater group.
• Do not introduce a total ban on social networks. Instead, explain the safety rules. Teenagers communicate, including online; do not deprive your child of this channel of communication, even though it impoverishes human relationships.
• Establish your own communication with parents of your child’s peers: in the yard, at school. Friendly relationships between parents are a good basis for friendship between children.

Mutual respect and support in the family, acceptance, adequate self-esteem will help the child find friends, it’s a matter of time.

Once upon a time, the hardest things in school were lessons and homework. Today, children’s problems have little to do with their studies; the most difficult thing for them is relationships with classmates. Child psychologist Deborah McNamara tells how to help your child find friends among his peers.

Deborah McNamara

Schoolchildren have always encountered bullies; there have been conflicts and disputes in classrooms and school corridors - this is normal. But youth culture has changed dramatically these days. And this gives rise to new problems.

In 2011, the results of a 15-year study of adolescents were published North America. Its authors found a 40% decrease in empathy in children, as well as a 35% decrease in the ability to perform long-term analysis - it became more difficult for young people to think about the future. And these features affect their relationships with peers. Therefore, the atmosphere in classrooms, cafeterias and playgrounds is changing.

According to the National Institute mental health, nowadays school bullying is at the top of the list of parental problems. A third of children report experiencing bullying within six weeks. Children come home from school with different emotions depending on their interactions with classmates.

From friendship to the flock from Lord of the Flies

It is more difficult for schoolchildren to communicate with each other because peer assessment is too important to them. Through communication with classmates, many of them try to satisfy their needs for affection. They replace school friendships with the adult care they lack.

This point of view was first expressed by psychologist Gordon Neufeld and physician Gabor Mate in the book “Don't Miss Your Children.” Children are so drawn to their peers because of the disconnect in their relationships with adults these days. They spend more and more time with other children. Parents want them to socialize faster, so they insist on communicating with peers.

And it has back side. Children who are worried about their relationships with classmates or friends from the yard are more difficult to reach. Teachers and parents will find it difficult to educate and guide them. Because such students share values ​​that correspond to the culture of their peers. Therefore, at best, their behavior will be immature, at worst, aggressive and hostile towards adults.

When children stick together only without listening to adults who could guide them, this can lead to sad consequences. One of the scenarios is described in the book by William Golding. The behavior of such a company can be cruel, it can traumatize - both psychologically and physically - other children.

There is a difference between a child who has friends and those who create company to satisfy relationship needs. If your son or daughter focuses only on peers and looks for support in them, he needs to restore relationships with adults. Unhealthy relationships with other children can lead to developmental delays, learning problems, or emotional distress.

How to help your child make friends with classmates

Only loving and caring parents can protect you from emotional wounds and disappointments in relationships with peers. When children think more about how mom and dad treat them, they pay less attention to offensive words peers.

It is very important that the child has a warm relationship with the teacher, especially in the elementary grades. If your son or daughter is having a hard time at school, ask them to ask their teacher for help when you are not around.

If a child feels that he is not alone, then it is easier for him to bear stress.

What to do so that your child has real friends and feels comfortable at school:

Children need to be busy.Problems with peers often arise when children have a lot of free time and are left to their own devices. Left alone with himself, the child is more easily influenced by his peers. These guys get together in groups and bully their classmates in the cafeteria or on the playground. One way to avoid such behavior is adult control at those moments when the child is not doing anything. Let the child have a rich and interesting life, and you will be around more often.

Listen to your child.If your child talks about events at school, it is important to listen carefully and not judge or become upset. When children think that their stories upset their parents or could lead to a quarrel, they withdraw into themselves and do not share what is happening to them at all. This cannot be allowed. It is important for children to understand own feelings and thoughts, being safe, cry if you want to. After this it is easier to find a way out of the situation. In addition, in this case the student will listen to the advice of adults.

Help me find real friends.Talk to your child about a classmate whom he considers a true friend. This should be someone who treats him kindly, does not offend him, and is comfortable with him. Help children understand how to behave a true friend, and this will help him find such a person in his environment. Also, the child will be able to understand who should not be friends with, since he does not feel safe with these people. Child with kind hearted often attracts children like himself.

Intervene if necessary.Many conflicts between schoolchildren can be resolved with the help of adult attention. Getting a teacher to help them might help. Sometimes teachers do not realize that one of the children has problems in relationships with peers. It is better to have a conversation with the teacher in private so as not to discuss the child’s difficulties with other children and parents. In this case, maintaining confidentiality is okay - it will help the child maintain his dignity and not turn him into a target for classmates who bullied him.

When you talk to the teacher, if possible, offer specific solutions. For example, try moving your child to a different row or teaming up with other kids to work on a common project.

Friendships with peers are part of growing up. Children have the opportunity to communicate with those who share their interests. It is important to help your child understand other people and not insist on friendship with those who are not ready to communicate with him.

Too often we strive for children to get along with each other. But it’s normal that not everyone can become friends.

Children need to feel free to make their own choices in order to make real friends. And adults can help them cope with difficulties in relationships with peers when they arise. Children will inevitably experience disappointments. But good news is that these wounds will heal. If loving and caring parents are waiting for the child at home, he will be able to withstand all the tests.