A frequent case is when spouses face problems in relationships, periods of crisis, then there is a feeling that everything has reached a dead end and there is no way out. Until recently, her husband looked at her with adoration, arranged surprises, invited her on dates, spoke words of love, but now he takes up all his time with work, personal affairs, constantly reproaches her, and gets irritated. To understand why your husband treats you coldly, you need to find out the reasons, understand all your actions, mistakes, and also try to remember what you were like before, when your relationship was just beginning.

Why the husband grew cold: reasons

There are a huge number of reasons why relationships between spouses become insipid, cold and uninteresting. In each family, these reasons are individual, and they cannot be equated with each other. However, if we take into account the experience of generations, we can identify several of the most basic reasons why a husband begins to treat his wife coldly and without feelings.

• Everyday problems. This is the main reason for all disagreements, quarrels, and subsequently, the deterioration of relations between spouses. Everyday problems kill all the romance and mystery of relationships that arose during the candy-bouquet period. Curlers, clay masks, a terry robe begin to irritate your man over time, and well-groomed girls in stiletto heels in the city begin to seem much more attractive than their own wife.

• Ordinary. Once upon a time you were an unread book for your husband; everything was unusual and unpredictable. And now the husband knows that his wife is nearby and won’t go anywhere, and interest in you first subsides and then disappears altogether. Essentially, you have stopped bringing romance into relationships, you have stopped being different.
• Lack of interest. Most women after marriage forget about themselves and completely devote themselves to their family. Past hobbies fade into the background, you don’t go for walks, go to cafes with friends, and you stop being interesting to your husband. Boredom destroys relationships, brings monotony and lack of interest in the wife.
• Home appearance. A man loves with his eyes, and when he fell in love with his wife, she was a delightful beauty with chic makeup, stilettos, tight skirts, stylish jeans, but now she prefers comfort, simplicity and thinks that her husband does not notice this. The reasons why a husband has lost interest in his wife must be sought in her herself.

How to understand that a man has cooled off: signs

To fight the disease, you need to understand the causes of its occurrence, and in relationships with spouses. If you want to correct the current situation, then you should take everything into your own hands and figure out in time why the man has lost interest in you. To do this, you need to carefully observe your spouse, get out of your comfort zone and see if anything has changed while you were busy with household chores.

• The first main sign is the absence sexual relations between spouses. If you make love once a month or on holidays, and on other days your husband simply falls asleep or says that he has a lot of work, this is a signal that feelings have cooled. A man who loves his woman will never refuse sex with her, so if you notice rare manifestations or lack of passion in your direction, sound the alarm.
• The second sign is that your spouse does not call you, does not write SMS messages from work, and is not interested in you. If a man loves you, he constantly thinks about you, worries, and wants to hear your voice. If your wife stops receiving calls, and SMS comes with one text: “What to buy for home?” or “I’ll be late at work,” this suggests that the spouse has ceased to be the main element in the life of her significant other.
• The third sign is that your spouse chooses to go on vacation with friends instead of spending time with you. If your husband tries to avoid going out together, holidays, doesn’t take you with him to his friends, returns home late - your relationship is probably not going well. better times, and joint leisure no longer brings joy to your husband, who has lost interest in you and is trying to minimize your presence.

• Another reason is the lack of jealousy. You flirt with other men, and he sees it, but doesn’t show it, doesn’t react, and takes it calmly. There is only one conclusion - he has lost interest in you, he is not interested in what you do, who you communicate with, because it is not for nothing that they say that “he is jealous, which means he loves.” Excessive jealousy has never led to anything good, but its absence also indicates that the spouse has cooled down.

What to do if your husband has lost his temper

Before you start making attempts and operations to return your former love and passion, you should think carefully about whether it’s worth it, whether you want to waste your energy on a person who doesn’t need you, who, at the slightest difficulty, has lost interest in you and stopped loving you and pamper. If you have made up your mind and decided that you are the problem, why your relationship has become like this, then there are some tips that will help you return your husband’s love:

• Transfiguration. Go to a beauty salon, change your hairstyle, get a chic manicure, update your wardrobe, add sexiness to your image so that men on the street will wring their necks when they see you. Your man will definitely see and appreciate this transformation, appreciate the interest of the opposite sex in you and begin to be afraid of losing you. Love yourself, respect yourself, spend time and money on yourself, then those around you will love you, and even more so, your man.
• Personal space. Sign up for yoga, go to Gym, make time for your friends, come a couple of hours later, and, yes, don’t be afraid to stay late, let your loved one get nervous and jealous. Such actions will add sparkle to your relationship, and your multifaceted personality will be a reason for interest on the part of a man.
• Sex. Buy beautiful lingerie, stockings, add variety to your sex life. Forget about your headache, show him yourself as you were before, when you were not burdened family problems. Surprise your loved one in bed, experiment, don’t be afraid to show yourself and give free rein to your emotions. Next to the unpredictable passionate woman Every man dreams of being, and yours is no exception.

• There are many conspiracies that will help you understand why a man has lost interest in you. However, most cases show that it is better not to experiment with magic.

The main thing is to remember: to change the situation, you need to do something, and not stand still. If you want to regain your old relationship, your husband’s attention and love, take action, work on yourself, don’t be afraid to talk about what’s bothering you with him. Your spouse has grown cold – this is not a diagnosis, this is something that you can change yourself or through joint efforts. Be honest with each other, never hush up problems, enjoy every second together - and everything will be wonderful.

What to do if your husband becomes cold during pregnancy or after childbirth

Pregnancy is one of the happiest periods in a woman’s life. However, during this period, a problem and question often arise: why did the future father grow cold? If you are faced with this problem - your husband has cooled down - you should understand why this happened. If you want to protect yourself and prevent this problem from occurring in advance, then you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband so that you know how to behave in this situation, and also try to avoid making major mistakes.

The most basic problem that your spouse has lost interest in you during pregnancy is the lack of sex. To exclude it, you need to have an explanatory conversation with your loved one. It is worth explaining to him that sex during pregnancy is allowed and this is a completely normal, absolutely safe phenomenon, so you should not refuse. Many men are afraid to make love during their wife’s pregnancy, for fear of harming the baby. So that the future father does not worry, you need to explain to him that sex during this period is even useful if you are not in danger of miscarriage.

If your husband stands his ground and does not believe in the safety of sexual relations during this period, take him with you to your next scheduled visit to a gynecologist who can explain in detail and clearly why sex is not considered a threat to the unborn child. The doctor will definitely answer all the questions that concern the husband, and will also dispel terrible myths about the ban on sex during pregnancy.

After childbirth, a woman also encounters her husband’s coldness, but often the spouse herself becomes the reason for such an attitude. She becomes completely immersed in the baby’s problems, forgets about her husband, stops paying attention to him, and the man responds with the same indifference. Therefore, do not forget that your husband, just as before, requires warmth and care, love. To prevent the new father from becoming cold after giving birth, always try to look great, do not wear stretched sweatpants or dirty bathrobes. You are a woman, and you should always be on top!

Psychologists, like no one else, will be able to answer questions in detail and reveal the reasons why a man has lost interest in you. If you do not have the opportunity to go to an in-person consultation or you simply do not want to spend money on it, then you have the opportunity to use the free services of professional psychologists who will answer all your questions online. The best psychologists countries believe that if a man has lost interest in you, you should:

• Activate the real hunter in him. Get yourself in order, dress sexy so that a man will open his eyes and look at you with a completely different look. The husband will understand that such a beauty can go to someone else.
• Change your routine. Spend some money and go on a long-awaited trip that will add some romance to your relationship. Have a candlelit dinner in a luxurious restaurant. And for the more daring, a holiday with tents or an evening around the fire is suitable.

“Anastasia, hello! My letter can serve as the basis for your new article, the situation bothered me with its hopelessness. I have been married for 6 years, two children, I have always considered myself happy woman. But in Lately(4-5 months) I look at my husband and understand that everything about him annoys me.

I don’t want intimacy with him, I’m too lazy to talk to him, everything infuriates me - from his clothes to his voice. What should I do? Is this the end of love? Is it possible to somehow fix everything and save the family?”, Alexandra S., Volgograd.

I receive a considerable number of letters with a similar question, this is a fact and a reason to think... Not only women whose halves irritate them write, but also men whose wives irritate them. The topic is relevant, without a doubt. Today, using the example of a letter from my reader, we will discuss the following question: “ My husband has become annoying, how to stop love from leaving?».

What's wrong with me, doctor?

There is no smoke without fire - this is as old as time, but this is the truth. There is a root cause for everything, so let's list the possible reasons why the husband suddenly began to annoy his wife. Only after you understand this issue will it become easier for you to curb your feelings and defuse the situation.

What can cause irritation in a woman towards her husband:

♠ pregnancy. In the case of my reader, this is not the case, but in a number of other similar situations, it is quite possible that against the background of pregnancy and the resulting changes in a woman’s body, the husband becomes an irritant. You need to wait out this period and everything will work out;

♠ constantly or for a long time together. If you both don’t work and sit at home, or vice versa, you work and live together, all this ultimately leads to fatigue from each other’s company, and in this case, separate rest will not harm you. Try to establish a personal space (interests, hobbies) for each of you in order to somehow distract yourself. After this, it is necessary to find new common interests and hobbies in order to continue enjoying joint leisure time and at the same time somehow diversify it;

♠ you can't understand yourself. This theory largely explains the reason for our irritation: in another person we are enraged by what is in ourselves and what we cannot accept. This happens subconsciously, so few people can agree with it.

Working with the subconscious will help - identifying limiting beliefs and removing negative blocks. For these purposes, use meditative techniques. If you are unable to learn meditation on your own, I am ready to help you with this with my experience.

Why did my husband become annoying? To begin with, it is very important to understand yourself and understand what does not suit you: appearance, habits, way of life and thinking, place of work, apartment. How satisfied are you with yourself and the achievements in your life? By answering these questions, you will see how the situation will slowly begin to resolve and take on shapes that are more understandable to you. Perhaps negativity towards your husband is just a signal that there is a problem and it lies much deeper than your relationship;

♠ no development, stagnation in relationships. When the husband ceases to be a prince and protector worthy of admiration for his wife, the man begins to play the role of a scapegoat. The woman wants changes, development, some kind of dynamics, but nothing happens. Day after day, the picture is the same: he comes home from work, lies down on the sofa, the remote control in one hand, a bottle of foam in the other.

How can you not get annoyed here? But you are angry, first of all, with yourself. Why can’t you motivate a man to do “feats”? Why did he come to this lifestyle next to you? Why doesn't he have goals? The woman is the neck, and the man is the head. Draw conclusions;

♠ unpleasant associations from the past. It also happens that a husband annoys his wife with behavior that was once characteristic of her father, brother, or classmate. This pattern of behavior terribly annoyed the woman in the past, leaving negative emotions and memories. Having encountered something similar again, the woman continues to react in the same way as she did once in the past. Analyze how possible this is and honestly admit to your husband what upsets you so much.

Now we come to the main question of What or what to do if your husband becomes annoying. The reasons are not so important as the decision - what do you want INSTEAD of your irritation?

Follow a clear plan

The first thing you need to do is line a sheet of paper into two columns. In the first, list what annoys you about your spouse (habits, actions). In the second column, list all his merits. Your task: for every minus, find a plus, or even two.

The second task is to write 10 points of what you would like to change in your husband. And (!) ask him to do the same for you. Exchange lists and then sit down at the negotiating table. Initially, try to create an atmosphere of some play, ease and goodwill. Perhaps you are just as far from ideal for your spouse, but now each of you can promise to take care of yourself, adjust your habits and behavior, replacing old ones with new ones that are more beneficial for your marriage.

You also have the right to introduce sanctions in your family for violation and non-fulfillment of the agreement. For example, if your spouse did not clear the crumbs from the table, he owes you dinner at the restaurant. Remember, you cannot do without a healthy sense of humor and a mutual desire to meet in family life.

Just remember

When you walk down the street and look at your feet, you see gray asphalt, holes and puddles. The longer you look at dirty asphalt, the more dirt you see. If you are not happy with this picture, just raise your head.

If you have made the decision to maintain and improve the relationship with your husband, but you continue to focus on his shortcomings, weaknesses and failures, you will not improve your marriage. Start looking around, finding pleasant things there, beautiful images, brave and noble deeds, care, humor and tenderness.

The most difficult thing is to take your eyes off the familiar picture, but our will helps us in this, which manifests itself in a firm decision to take some action. You don't think about how exactly you should take a spoon to eat soup, you don't choose between a spoon and a fork, because... You know for sure that you need a spoon for soup. You just do it - take a spoon in your hand.

Move focus to positive features character of the spouse. Don't like the way he dresses? — Go shopping for new jeans and a shirt. Does his breath smell? — Hand him a certificate for two to carry out an ultrasonic cleaning procedure, which you “accidentally” won in a competition in a magazine.

And the final chord: you can simply release him to another pigeon, who will be glad to see him so dear and simple. Don't torture yourself. Don't offend him. Just put a beautiful point and go in peace

A if you Just “everything is annoying and annoying” I recommend watching this VIDEO.

Perhaps it would be more effective

At the very beginning of a relationship and married life, there is a great connection between partners in bed, a lot of emotions and great passion. Sex becomes an integral part of life and plays a big role in building mutual understanding and trust. Very often, after some time, this passion passes, and intimate moments become less and less. Their importance fades into the background.

Sometimes it happens that a man’s erectile function simply stops working under the influence of certain circumstances. Because of this, psychological barriers arise between partners. And an important question arises: what to do if the husband is impotent, how to live and deal with it?

The reason why the husband became impotent

In order to take any further actions, you first need to understand the cause-and-effect relationships. For what exact reason did your husband become impotent?

In general, doctors identify only two reasons: physiological and psychological.

Scientists believe that in most cases, men's impotence is influenced by psychological pressure from the circumstances surrounding them. Many factors can cause this: blockages at work or problems with its availability, quarrels in the family, death of loved ones, raising children, dissatisfaction with oneself, moving and much more. Thus, the psycho-emotional state of a man is undermined and this affects his sex life.

With a decrease in the number of sexual contacts, which become less frequent over the years, the partner’s self-esteem may fall. And, as we know, in order for a man to be passionate in bed, it is important that his libido level is always at its best.

But when everyday life begins to put pressure on family life, when work becomes more and more and in order to maintain financial income you need to climb the career ladder, then there can be no talk of any romance and constant bed pleasures.

Is it worth talking about the husband’s impotence if such an unpleasant incident happened only once? Of course not! The cause of this case may be excessive fatigue or illness (cold, flu). After all, he is also a human being. At some point, he may simply not want sex. It’s important to respond adequately to what happened and not show that you’re upset. Understand your man and support him without unnecessary pressure.

But when such cases become more frequent, there is already a reason to consult a doctor about this problem. Only he will be able to determine which category your husband’s impotence belongs to. If the real reason lies in physiology, then he may have any injuries to the genital organ, urethritis, hormonal imbalance, thyroid dysfunction, disruption of the endocrine system, prostatitis. So don’t hesitate to go to the clinic!

In addition to diseases, impotence can be affected by various bad habits. This could be smoking or addiction to alcohol. So take charge like caring wife, so that your husband tries to give up the harmful effects on his body.

How to behave and what to do if your husband is impotent?

If, nevertheless, you are already convinced that your husband is impotent, then you probably have a question: what to do next? Become an example for your own husband. Start taking care of yourself, going to the gym, eating right, doing exercises in the morning. In addition, do not show your man that your problems in bed are so great. This will only make him more gloomy and he will plunge into himself, begin to cheat and the situation will worsen. If you are positive, your husband will feel it.

Experts have long proven that husband and wife are a reflection of each other. When one of the partners tries to become better, the other begins to follow him.

So if you try to find other reasons to be happy and smile more often, you will notice a smile on your man’s face. His mood will noticeably improve. Do not forget about your own ingenuity and create comfort so that your husband enjoys being in your company and he always wants to return home as soon as possible.

What to do if the cause of impotence is a psychological condition?

In cases where a man’s impotence is affected by psychological dissonance, it is important to try to remain as calm as possible and not put pressure on him. Your home should become a refuge for your husband from all troubles and worries. If he has a busy time at work, then try to talk to him about it as little as possible and in your free moments distract him with more pleasant little things.

When serious conflicts arise between partners, it is possible that the man will withdraw into himself and stop wanting you. In the absence of mutual understanding and support between husband and wife, the desire to go to bed in the same bed very often disappears, and sex is the ultimate dream. Moreover, it is possible that your dreams are no longer with you at all. Nobody wants such results!

If any controversial situations, then try not to make a scandal. Disassemble everything as calmly as possible, without raising your tone, shouting or breaking dishes. Any claims must be justified and explained: why you think that your point of view is correct. But this does not exclude the fact that you should listen to your husband’s opinion. Or maybe he's right too?

How to live with the knowledge that your husband is impotent?

Almost no one can answer your question about how to live further. Only you can draw certain conclusions and come to a decision. On one's own.

It’s definitely not worth blaming your husband for this problem and reproaching him for the current situation. Believe me, it’s not sweet for him either. To begin with, try to talk to him in a calm atmosphere, to build his trust. Offer your help, perhaps he will agree to accept it.

It is not uncommon for a sexual connection to develop after a frank conversation between a man and a woman. Talking to each other is important element family puzzle. If your spouse understands and feels that he can see his own support in your face, then this will be the key to further happiness.

But if talking doesn't help, then pay attention to yourself. Everyone knows that a woman’s appearance plays a big role. Perhaps you have stopped taking care of yourself and caring for yourself, you have gained a lot of weight, your hair has become dull and dry? Then take on your image, change something, go on a diet and love yourself. By the way, self-love is also not an unimportant moment. It's impossible not to want a woman who special attention and takes care of your body and organism.

Nutrition

The restoration of potency can also be influenced by diet. If your husband has high cholesterol, excess weight, then reconsider what you cook in the kitchen. It is very important that the food is healthy. It should include products such as nuts, honey, kefir, sour cream, various greens, vegetables and fruits, fish, poultry, bananas.

By reviewing your diet, you will notice that your husband's health will begin to improve noticeably. And if you combine all the tips, you will most likely achieve the most positive results.

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Family quarrels and disagreements are very unpleasant and can lead to the destruction of relationships. Women are emotional by nature and often throw out negative emotions on their spouse. Husbands usually keep all their feelings inside, and when they begin to show violent emotions, it becomes clear that they are at their limit.

If the husband’s irritation towards his wife has become clearly visible, the woman should sound the alarm. But in order to cope with the current situation, you must first understand it and find out why the husband became so irritated by the once beloved woman, to whom he had previously forgiven everything.

Please be quiet!
- But I’m silent anyway.
- You think it's annoying.

Sherlock Holmes and Lestrade

What actions of a wife annoy her husband?

Ideal relationship between two different people practically unattainable. The foundation of any marriage is patience. Only thanks to this quality can harmony be achieved.

What to do if one of the spouses absolutely does not want to compromise? Perhaps his feelings have evaporated? Or is there another reason?

A husband may show irritation in cases where he is not satisfied with his wife’s behavior, but he cannot directly tell her about it. It is difficult for a man to say everything directly due to his psychological characteristics. Of course, everyone is individual and everyone has their own reasons for irritation.

When a woman is tormented by the thought: “Am I really annoying my husband with my actions,” you need to listen to the advice of a psychologist about possible reasons the occurrence of this irritation.

Excessive affection

Some wives' attachment to their husbands can have a negative impact on the relationship. Surprised?

To understand this, you need to try to change places with your husband.

Women's reluctance to make decisions on their own and constant demands on their husband to resolve any issues, even the most insignificant ones, irritate him. She asks: “Do you think this handbag will go with the dress?” He doesn't care about handbags at all, he's busy thinking about work. What will be his reaction?

Constant monitoring of a spouse, reading SMS on his phone, calling with questions about where he is is a reason for irritation of any man. The husband will regard all this as a desire to control him. You don’t need to constantly look into his eyes and ask him what he’s thinking right now, asking about his feelings - you can get an answer that is absolutely unsatisfactory.

Hints

Why do women think that their significant other should understand them perfectly? If a wife tries to find out from her husband what he is thinking, she herself acts exactly the opposite: she speaks in hints and is surprised that she was not understood. He does not know how to read minds, at this moment there are completely different thoughts in his head and it is difficult for him to switch.

The woman is offended that she was not understood and expresses all her thoughts on this matter. As a result, misunderstanding and rejection of each other.

Criticisms

We are all not perfect, but we must accept the shortcomings of a loved one if he is dear. Women, due to their excessive emotionality, do not pay any attention to the fact that they often list their husband’s shortcomings in public. Be it friends, strangers or your own children.

Humiliating a man in public will also not benefit the relationship. A wife needs to learn to restrain herself in front of strangers, otherwise her husband’s resentment towards her can develop into serious discord. Infringing on a man's pride will affect his feelings for his wife.
If criticism of the father is carried out in the presence of children, his authority in the children's eyes can be seriously damaged, and this can have very serious consequences in the future.

Appearance

Often, many wives are so confident in their relationships that they stop taking care of their appearance. How can a sloppy, overweight woman in a dirty robe, always yelling at the children and dissatisfied with everything around her, not be annoying? Is this woman like the one he once conquered and gave flowers and compliments?

You shouldn’t think that “my husband won’t go anywhere and no one needs him except me.” Such thoughts will not lead to anything good, husband will prove otherwise:

• To forget about your appearance means not to love yourself or your husband. You won't be able to look like a cover model, but getting your clothes and hair in order is a must.
• It wouldn't hurt to also remember healthy eating– it is good for health, skin and figure.
• And doing gymnastics will also get rid of.

Managing husband

A wife’s attempts to control her husband through tears, emotions, ignoring, and refusing sex will not help in strengthening the relationship.

Men will not appreciate all these “efforts”:

• frequent tears will develop immunity in the husband; if he previously tried to console and made concessions, then realizing after some time that this is one of her ways to achieve her goal, he will stop reacting;
• Screams and emotions will never help solve a problem, direct conversation is another matter, it is much more effective;
• By ignoring and showing indifference to a man, a woman tries to force him to pay attention to herself, but he draws the exact opposite conclusion from these actions;
• Disciplining your husband by not having sex can lead him to seek solace elsewhere.

How to improve relationships

“My husband often gets irritated, but I don’t understand why...”

What to do if your spouse often gets irritated, says offensive words, in his eyes one can read indifference to his wife, and the woman so wants to return his affection?

In this case, the following advice from psychologists can help the wife:

• when your husband is irritated, you should try to leave him alone with himself, it is better to do what you love at this time, take a walk with the children, go to a friend’s place or to the store;
• You should not talk to your spouse with a commanding note in your voice; calm and gentle speech will help relieve tension and establish mutual understanding;
• at moments when the husband is irritated and some issues need to be resolved, you should not make a decision alone, it is better to wait for his mood to change and discuss everything together;
• if your husband’s irritability has been prolonged, he does not want to communicate, he has retired to another room and this continues for several days, the way out of the situation will be a change of scenery: a trip, a trip out of town, a hike;
• each person needs a certain time to relieve irritation; if a husband quickly forgets the negative, you need to try to call him for a frank conversation and find out the reason for his frequent irritation; in cases where a man does not make contact for a long time, you should seek help from a psychologist.

Bottom line

The wife needs to learn to forget the insult, and not accumulate it, convincing yourself that your husband’s irritation is associated with his loss of former feelings. You need to get these thoughts out of your head and switch to the positive.

A cheerful and affectionate wife is unlikely to cause negative emotions; if peace and kindness reign in the house, the laughter of children is heard, then the man will feel that everything in his life is correct and irritation will disappear.

Why did my beloved husband become a stranger? What to do if a gap suddenly appears between spouses and it seems that love has gone away?

Women of any age tend to idealize their future husband during dating, and during the first time after marriage registration too. It seems that there is no better and dearer person in the world. A woman in love can mentally turn even the obvious shortcomings of her betrothed into advantages.

With a sinking heart loving wife looks at her sleeping husband, lovingly prepares him a delicious dinner, sees him off to work and looks forward to home.

But sometimes such affection, for seemingly incomprehensible reasons, disappears somewhere, and the once beloved person begins to irritate. What actually happens if you feel that your husband has become a stranger?

If you and your husband have become strangers

First of all, it is worth noting that it is quite natural to have an epiphany regarding some unattractive traits in your spouse. Especially in cases where young people begin to live together after the candy-flower period. The girl sees her chosen one both tired and angry, irritated, because she spends most of her free time next to him. So it is quite logical for the scales to fall from our eyes in the first months and years of living together. But what to do if your husband suddenly becomes a stranger? If without visible reasons close person began to cause unpleasant feelings? What is the reason for such a dramatic change - from love to hostility and alienation?

Why did my husband suddenly become a stranger?

The reason for the change in attitude towards the husband is the departure of the feeling of love, which psychologists call limerence. When we are suddenly struck by a feeling of attachment to a certain person, we are not able to objectively evaluate the chosen one. We attribute to him even those (often ideal) traits that never existed. So, for example, some women do not seem to see the shortcomings of their spouses and are offended if they suddenly hear unflattering reviews about them. What is especially surprising is in cases where these highly praised men are clearly not ideal: they like to drink, are capable of leaving their family without a livelihood due to frequent binge drinking, and are inattentive to their wives. But in the eyes of loving wives they are the very best.

But nothing lasts forever, including the feeling of falling in love itself. And sometimes even a completely prosperous spouse can cause a feeling of irritation.

What must happen for a husband to become a stranger?

Actually, nothing special, love just goes away, and real love doesn’t come in its place. sincere love, affection, friendship, feeling of kinship.

The woman, as if waking up from a dream, begins to notice something about her chosen one that, in her opinion, was not there before. She does not want to accept her husband with all the advantages and completely natural shortcomings. For example, in the first months after the wedding, the husband’s early rise and noise in the kitchen did not cause any negative emotions. And now there is only one desire - to express everything that is boiling. And then a single remark regarding the kitchen noise suddenly turns into a stream of abuse, all the sins, all the mistakes of the spouse are remembered. And sometimes women do not limit themselves to sorting out the relationship with their chosen one; on the contrary, they try to involve parents, girlfriends, and colleagues in the showdown. So that everyone around would know that for some reason the husband had become a stranger and became unbearable.

However, sometimes representatives of the fair sex tend to keep silent about their inner trouble when their loved one has become a stranger. Thus, a woman often disappointed in her chosen one bitterly notices first one or another unpleasant character trait or habit of her husband.

• She begins to get angry at his jokes, although she previously laughed until she cried.
• My husband's attempts to save seem like greed.
• His communication with friends is regarded as idleness, shirking from homework.

What's happening? If you listen to women, the answer will be something like this: “My husband and I have become strangers because he has changed a lot lately.” But is this really so?

Mistakes of female thinking

As we found out, the departure of love can sober up your view of your partner. And then you should accept that a person of the opposite sex has its disadvantages. It remains no less beloved, but can now be assessed critically in some situations. But sometimes the so-called black and white thinking comes into play, when we, people, are not able to put up with the shortcomings of our chosen ones.

Why, during meetings and dates, and even in the first year of marriage, my husband was so desirable, my heart beat every time I thought about him. And now, instead of practically ideal spouse, a person appeared who was quite unpleasant in many matters.

He doesn’t earn enough or dresses awkwardly, doesn’t know how to behave in society, reads little, can’t hold a conversation, and the like.

Real reasons for spouses to grow apart

In fact, the problem does not lie in the man’s true changes. Rather, the fault is that same two-color black and white thinking, when the chosen one can be considered only as good or only as exceptionally bad. In this case, no weaknesses are acceptable, and in some cases, weaknesses are even sucked out of thin air.

That is, the fact that a loved one has become a stranger is often to blame for women’s thinking according to the “either-or” principle (the chosen one is either ideal or disgusting).

All arguments regarding weaknesses that are permissible for a person in this case are smashed against the wall of female indignation (“my husband and I have become strangers,” “he is not at all the person I need”).

Against the background of incorrect and unfair black-and-white thinking, when with the passing of love all the disadvantages of the spouse are revealed in an unfavorable light, cognitive dissonance develops. That is, extreme psychological discomfort from having to live with an imperfect partner, accept his shortcomings and forgive them. A woman, feeling that her beloved has become a stranger, brings herself to real neurosis. She makes excessive demands on her husband, which he is unable to fulfill.

Moreover, an extremely irritated spouse over time begins to blame herself for the imperfection of her chosen one (“I should have seen from the very beginning what kind of person he is,” “I chose the wrong man as my husband, which means I’m a loser,” etc.). And then everything is no longer a joy.

How to regain affection for your beloved husband

If a loved one has become a stranger, this does not mean that it is not worth fighting to preserve the marriage and warm relationships in the family. You just need to do a little work on yourself to look at your spouse from a different angle. So, what to do to reconcile with your husband’s shortcomings, imaginary and real?

1. Explore the nuances of falling in love.

   This fragile feeling is not allowed to last forever. It either develops into strong love, marital affection either cools down, and sometimes leads to indifference. So it’s not your spouse’s fault that he previously seemed like an ideal prince to you. More likely, you yourself simply did not want or could not see his negative traits.

2. Don't take your crush's passing as the end of the world.

   It is only a stage in the development of relationships, a path that can lead to true love. But you can love a person despite their shortcomings. Think about it, there are couples who have spent decades with each other, but have retained sincere and strong feelings. But it’s stupid to think that after 40-50 years of marriage, wives do not know about the shortcomings of their husbands. They just learned to accept their negative qualities and quirks.

3. Look at yourself critically.

   Let's say you blame your spouse for not being serious (he turns everything into a joke, lives one day at a time, does not strive to develop his career, etc.). But answer honestly, because you also have shortcomings? Do you think you would really be happy with the perfect person? After all, his demands on you would be very serious. So maybe it’s for the best that ideal people don’t exist?

4. Stop torturing yourself.

   You chose your spouse because you wanted to be with him always. So why be so dramatic, noticing all its disadvantages? Surely he is a great person who will always be there in case of trouble. And it is he who will sincerely rejoice at your success. Close your eyes to annoying little things. What to do, because if you want, you can find flaws in everyone.

5. Don't be too categorical if your husband has become a stranger.

   Of course, it would be easier to distinguish only white and black. But usually only in too at a young age people tend to have maximalist judgments. And with age comes the understanding that everything is much more complicated. So, even an imperfect partner can be a reliable husband, faithful, loving, honest, even with his own cockroaches in his head. So if your husband has suddenly become a stranger, look deep into yourself and don’t at least deliberately look for his shortcomings.