People can be divided into two types: scanners and divers. Divers are those who have chosen one area of ​​interest for themselves and began to develop in it. But scanners have too many interests and hobbies to focus on one thing. In this book, Barbara Sher shows you how to adapt your wonderful, multifaceted mind to a world that has never really understood who you really are. She will help you find your purpose and become truly fulfilled.

Are you a scanner?

• I can't do anything for long.
• I know I need to focus on one thing - but what?
• I quickly lose interest in things that I thought would occupy me forever.
• I am easily distracted by other interesting things.
• I get bored as soon as I start to understand how something is done.
• I hate doing something twice.
• My interests change all the time, I can’t settle on one thing - and as a result I remain inactive.
• I work in low-paying jobs because I can’t decide what to dedicate myself to.
• It's hard for me to choose a field professional activity- what if I make a mistake with my choice?
• I think everyone comes into this world for something; everyone has their own purpose - everyone, but not me.
• I can only do something when I have many different things to do at the same time.
• I keep abandoning what I started because I'm afraid of missing out on something better.
• I'm too busy, but when it comes free time, I can’t remember what I would like to do.
• I will never become an expert in anything. I feel like I'm stuck in a beginner's class forever.

If you've ever said something like this to yourself, there's a good chance that you have a special type of thinking characteristic of people I call scanners. You are genetically different from those who once and for all find an area of ​​interest for themselves and are content with one area of ​​activity. You are attracted to many different things at the same time, and you are trying to fill your life with them. Since in the eyes of others such behavior looks incomprehensible and unusual - even disturbing - you have been told that this is wrong and you need to change. But people judge you incorrectly, and their diagnosis is wrong. You're just a different type of person!

What you consider to be a shortcoming, which must certainly be overcome by an effort of will, is, in fact, an exceptional gift. You have inherited a magnificent, versatile mind that strives to express itself in a world where they do not understand your nature and your behavior.

I can't start!

It's nice to know that I'm a scanner and not just a confused person. But what next? Quit your job and rush headlong into the unknown?

All my plans are lists of never-done things. I spend a lot of time making plans and the next day I plan something else. How to stop planning and start acting?

It's great to learn about yourself that you are a scanner. Just think: the time and energy that went into fighting yourself, wasted on self-accusations, fears and doubts, will now be aimed at building a wonderful future. You are free. Step into the life you've always dreamed of.

But how to take the first step? What is he like? Which goal should you choose? And how can you be sure that it is correct?

It's great to stop blaming yourself for your scanner nature, but from recognizing yourself as a scanner to taking the first step is just as far away as before. Obstacles appear as if from underground, all at once - both fictional and real.

What to do with obstacles?

There are two types of obstacles - imaginary and real. First of all, we will look at imaginary ones, which are generated by incorrect information and emotions. It’s much easier with real obstacles - we’ll talk about them a little later. So, let's start by looking for imaginary obstacles. It is necessary to analyze them and fully understand them in order to prepare for meeting real obstacles. It is very easy to make imaginary obstacles disappear.

History Lane

Lane, an executive secretary at a local trucking company, admitted:

I can't get down to business. I never go further than thinking about what I would like. I keep writing endless lists of possibilities in about a dozen different directions I could go, but I never take action. After all, I won’t risk leaving my job and throwing myself headlong into the unknown, so what’s the point of starting something?

Wow, what a throw! - I shook my head. - From the desk and fantasies - and straight into the abyss. If I had only one choice: write lists or quit my job for who knows what, I wouldn’t be able to decide either. But here's the question: who said you only have two options?

What others? - Lane asked.

What if you hold on to your current job while testing the waters?

There was a pause.

“I don’t even understand what you’re talking about,” the girl admitted.

Forget about taking a leap into the unknown. After the work day is over, go in search of the information you need. Leave the world you know and wander around the world that interests you. Find sites based on your interests; find out if any are planned in the near future

conferences you can attend. Ask your librarian to select specialized journals on subjects that interest you and read them carefully. Find forums and communities, participate in discussions with people who are already in the subject. There is no risk, and you can learn more about what attracts you. You need to inject a little real life into your lists and plans.

A lot of people (and especially scanners) get stuck for the same reasons that Lane did. This is one of the cruelest jokes that our fears can play on us: we forget how many completely safe steps we can (and should!) take before burning bridges behind us.

You object: “But if I don’t rush forward, I’m afraid I’ll never move.” Well, you are wrong. Nice gestures look good in fantasies, but when it comes down to it, most of us are not so reckless. We have seen what happens to reckless people, or even experienced it ourselves. Therefore, while the risk is great, we do not push ourselves to move - no, we force ourselves at all do nothing.

Making lists and plans without having up-to-date information is just a continuation of fantasies about “what to do.” Dreaming with a pencil in hand over a piece of paper with plans - for many scanners, such leisure becomes a way of life. In fact, it is a way of avoiding any action when the dream seems impossible. And completely different - real planning, with specific facts, tasks, deadlines. Such a plan is an action in itself.

So how do you move from jotting down ideas to actually taking action? Let's look at Lane as an example. One of her ideas: create an online intermediary firm for small-town recycling companies - a centralized information exchange where they will receive information about technical innovations and legislative framework, and perhaps keep in touch with each other. The idea was born when Lane collaborated with one of these enterprises and saw with her own eyes how such an information structure was missing.

But I have plenty of other ideas, completely different ones,” she said. - But there are too many of them!

Let’s discuss this one first,” I suggested. - There is a great way to create a plan that will force you to act. Once you understand the principle in one example, you can apply it to everything else. Don't take this too seriously, just treat it as a test run. OK?

I’ll try,” she clearly hesitated, but nodded.

Action. Just the thought of him makes many of us freeze. If you are a scanner and are convinced that in order to take any action you will have to give up other aspirations, your reluctance to move forward is understandable. But, as you already know, no one demands such a choice from you. However, even understanding this intellectually, it can still be difficult to start the engine and drive out of the gate.

You probably also faced the problem of which goal to choose first. I repeat again and again: it doesn’t matter which one. This is just a taste of the pen. To learn how to bring a plan to life, you need to choose any one right now and practice.

Once this barrier is removed, you may run out of excuses, but I know that many will still be hesitant and not ready to take the first step. Lane, however, always prided herself on being rational.

If I could get my plans in order, of course I would move forward. But there is so much to take into account.

Tell me what do you think about this? “I handed her the letter I received this morning.

She put on her glasses.

Barbara!

These are the obstacles I have. What if I write a book and no one buys it? What if I offer my services to search for information? But then you have to go and “sell” yourself different people, but I don’t like to communicate, so that means I won’t do it? What if no one buys my photos because they are so easy to get lost in the sea of ​​other photos? What if I studywebmasters, will technology change and I will be out of work? I'm trying to find something to do that suits me 100%, but I get caught up in all the "what ifs...". I am paralyzed by my analytical mind - the very talent I most counted on. What should I do?

Lane put the letter down and looked at me.

In my opinion, the guy is screwing himself over. You think I do the same thing, right? So even if I develop a great plan, I’ll still back down?

“I don’t know,” I answered. - But look: you assume that you must definitely leave a safe job and rush into the abyss, and the risk is very high, right? So high that the first step seems simply impossible?

Yes, probably,” she said thoughtfully.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Moving towards a goal is always scary. Most of us are ready to do anything to protect ourselves from this fear: “I want to work with animals, but I need to get a specialized education, so I’ll have to change my job so that I have time to study, but then I won’t have enough money and I’ll have to look for cheaper housing.” , but I can’t do it until I pay off the loans...” - and stuff like that. We build so many obstacles that we will never even have a small aquarium with a goldfish.

Lane smiled, and, to further encourage her, I, with the words: “Even the European Union is doing this,” handed her a funny clipping from the Washington Post that I had once saved. In Robert Kaiser's article “Innovation will enable Finland to better imagine its future. Economics offers a new model for old Europe" it said:

At present, said Himanen, a young Finnish intellectual, Europe resembles a once great athlete who has lost his form. Instead of getting down to business, the athlete sits at his desk and writes strategic plans to get her back: “I could run. I could swim."

Sometimes it seems that this is the European logic: “When I get back into good shape, then I’ll start working out.”

While she was reading the article, I thought about how difficult it is sometimes to move from thinking to action and how many reasons we find to avoid it. Of course, not only scanners exhibit analysis paralysis syndrome, but their problem is also multiplied by the number of targets.

Muriel. At the beginning of the week, I vowed to choose the top three things I want to do before the end of the year. But these three things kept changing! Before I knew it, I had a list of eight main things. If it continues to grow like this, I won't do anything at all!

Ketchel. How much do we have to wring our hands, whine and pull before we find the strength to move towards our goal? Why do so many of us wait for the impossible - as if every passing interest can turn into a high-paying career, and put it off until we figure out how to make practical use of it? What if we could just do what we want without mental turmoil and anxiety getting in our way?!

Good question. So what's the problem?

Taking action is a big step

Human defense mechanisms are designed to anticipate danger. This does not work for small children, so they need constant supervision. With age and experience, caution increases. Teenagers can be reckless, young adults can be brave, but none of them pose as much of a threat to themselves as babies. The more you know about trips and falls, the more careful you can be.

This would be the answer to Ketchel's question if we were talking about real risk, but why are the same precautions included where there is not the slightest risk? Why does a person hesitate to write a novel or come up with a line? fashionable clothes only for myself? Because once fully formed, human defense mechanisms kick in every time you are about to step into the unknown. Protective mechanisms against bungee jumping - this includes common sense. But they don't want you to sing in front of an audience in your living room. Why? There's no point anymore.

The defense mechanism is a powerful and primitive thing; it perceives everything new as a threat to survival. Whether our defense mechanisms are right or wrong, they work and influence our lives.

However, if you obey all the stupid prohibitions of defense mechanisms, you will never do anything interesting at all. So, the new venture is not threatening and you really want to start doing something. How to decide to take the first steps? There is a practical three-step system that will miraculously overcome your inertia.

Three magical steps

If you are a scanner who only thinks but does not take action, here are three simple steps. Every time you need to act, perform them consistently - and the result is guaranteed.

Step 1: Learn a new way to plan(reverse planning flowchart), which will not replace action, but will push you to take real steps.

Step 2: Use this chart to identify hidden fears. that are preventing you from getting to the point, so you can take steps to reduce the danger.

Step 3: Installreal deadline, for which you must be prepared. At that time, you will meet with the person who provides you with stress-reducing support. Having to be accountable will force you to move forward even under stress.

These three steps, taken in a row, will transform you from a master planner and great dreamer into a man of action. They work great.

Let's see what Lane accomplished with these three steps when she decided to start pursuing a practical goal.

In my experience, I said, taking action is much less scary than constantly beating around the bush and not starting.

“I believe,” Lane nodded. “But I also know something else: it’s unlikely that anything good will come out if you start without preparing.”

“Me too,” I assured and presented her with the first magical step: reverse planning flowchart.

Backward planning scheme, “success teams” and real deadlines

This is my version of the flowchart, which I developed when I was preparing my very first seminars in 1975. (It's in my first book, Dreaming Isn't Harmful: How to Get What You Really Want, which is still a success today, thanks in part to the flowchart idea. Detailed description original reverse planning flowcharts given in this book.)

I found that the graphs and flowcharts used in various organizations were too difficult to understand and use, so I started with clean slate. I drew a circle, wrote the end goal in it and asked myself:

“Can I achieve this goal right now? If not, what needs to be done before that? And she continued to draw circles with goals written in there, working backwards, asking herself the same two questions and adding circles with goals again, until she got to a step that could be taken immediately. I brought a large arrow to this circle with the inscription: “Now!”

The process of such planning pulled me out of my chair and forced me to do the first real steps towards the goal - and this was not an easy task. I was very proud of my idea. In addition, I was inspired by the thought that now I could get anyone out of a dead end who was stuck on the path to the goal.

I got a small group together and we tried out the backward planning flowchart. By selecting simple topic- preparing an imaginary dinner party, I told them, “So, we need to organize a dinner for twelve people. Can we do this tomorrow evening? If not, what needs to be done before that?” We drew a diagram on the board, noting that we should first invite guests, buy groceries, and prepare food. To complete these steps, you need to find phone numbers and create a menu. It was not only very fun, but also very simple - anyone could do it. I saw that the scheme had great potential and I couldn't wait to start using it. But when, back in 1976, I began to introduce this technique at the first seminars with “success teams,” the reaction was not at all what I expected.

At first, the seminar participants spent several hours helping each other find fun ways to achieve their goals. There was a lot of laughter and a sense of dizzying possibilities lurking everywhere. Everyone was having a great time and looked at me cheerfully, waiting for me to continue.

As planned, I said:

Now let's get down to reality. I want each of you to set a goal and choose an approximate date for achieving this goal. Let's say you want to perform a song at an open mic night at a local club in three months.

Everyone listened enthusiastically as I drew a circle in the right corner of the board with chalk.

“To come to a club and sing,” I continued, “requires several things. You need permission from the club owner and you need to know how to sing, right?

The audience nodded, watching with interest as I drew arrows to two circles and entered “permission” in one and “ability to sing” in the second.

Now, to get permission, you need to talk to the owner,” I drew another line and drew a new circle. - And to talk to the owner, you need to find a club. Can you find a club that hosts open mic nights?

Almost everyone nodded affirmatively.

Can this be done tomorrow, or are there other steps that need to be taken? - I continued.

“It’s easy,” one woman replied. - Look in the directory and select a club.

Great,” I agreed. - So, we are done with this line in the diagram. You have a step that can be taken tomorrow. Now let's go back to the beginning and take a look at the second item you'll need. To perform a song, you need to be able to sing.

As in the first case, moving in the opposite direction - from the goal to the very first step, I wrote out the entire path, including the need to find a teacher and choose a song.

When I finished, I saw that I had made a great impression on everyone, that I seemed terribly smart to my listeners, and that I was very pleased with my excellent invention. Then I suggested that everyone take a piece of paper and draw the same diagram for one of their goals. In about twenty-five minutes. As the participants took up their pens, I began to look through my notes. After a few minutes, I suddenly got the feeling that something strange was happening in the room. Looking up, I discovered that no one was laughing or smiling anymore. Moreover, no one writes. I watched this for a minute and then asked:

Is there something wrong?

Everyone looked at me, their faces were alarmed - I felt terrible. Finally one woman raised her hand:

It's no longer fun. It's starting to scare me. The others nodded.

I realized that the listener was right. What I thought was a wonderful, rational way to move from words to action turned out to be too powerful a medicine. It forced action where people were still playing the game.

I really didn’t want to lose the momentum that had been achieved, and to relieve the tension, I told a few funny stories that made the participants laugh. Then she divided them into teams of six people and established that they should call each other every evening and meet with each other weekly. When they felt calmer, I showed them how to make their first steps very tiny and not scary, so that the fear would finally subside.

Note that I didn't tell them to "think positively" - I don't think that works. We talked about this in the chapter “Scanner Panic”: in order to calm your fear, you need to reduce the level of danger.

Once the participants realized how small the first steps would be, and realized that each step would be accompanied by the support of the team, they stopped worrying. By the end of the workshop, everyone was again excited about their ideas and looking forward to new meeting with teammates. Many years later, I still received letters from members of the first “success teams” about their wonderful achievements.

I have never forgotten the lesson I learned that day. There is a huge difference between making lists and plans in general - and actually scheduling any practical steps. It is not easy. It is always a shock to the system of your life. To keep moving forward, you will need many new techniques and tools.

For example, you should set a due date for each step along the way to your goal. A calendar without scheduled dates is like tennis without a net. (If no one else knows about the deadlines, there is a danger that you will ignore them.) Someone else's support plus the need to report will create real deadlines. Let me give you a letter that perfectly illustrates my point.

Before, I didn’t understand an important thing: support helps overcome resistance. I was too isolated from other people. I now see that my ups and downs are closely related to whether I had a support system at the time. I think structure is key to why I enjoy work. A salary is a kind of built-in motivator that helps you concentrate, and a boss is a support system. All this motivates me to work.

I also really enjoyed my time in college full time. I think the main reason was that I had a schedule, assignments were due, and had a great support system. My best friend Then he also quit his job and returned to college, and every day we walked together to classes, encouraged each other, listened to lectures together. In my biology class I joined a group that studied together (great thing!), we met at my house, and of course these people were a great support group.

Is there such support in your life? Every time I meet a person who is unable to move, it turns out that he was trying to pull off the whole plan alone.

We are not made for this. Left to our own devices, we often shy away from actions and fool ourselves so as not to notice how we are avoiding them.

Isolation is detrimental to dreams. In isolation it is impossible to move forward.

The seminars I mentioned above were designed specifically to create “success teams.” They were (and still are) extremely successful. When it comes to making your dreams come true, nothing beats weekly meetings and team support. If you can't join such a team or create your own, find one teammate or reach out to a coach and schedule regular meetings with them. Knowing that there is someone waiting for news from you will relieve tension and force you to get down to business.

(While we're on the subject, don't forget about efficiency calendar-diary. There you book a visit to the dentist. If you don't mark it on your calendar, your trip to the doctor won't happen. Enter every meeting with a coach or your friend there. This stimulates: you will not forget that you must complete part of your plan - after all, on a certain day We are waiting for your report.)

I remembered here a story from a long-ago seminar for three reasons. First, the reverse planning flowchart is a very useful tool, and sharing how it came to be is a good way to teach you how to use it. Secondly, you may be avoiding actions without even realizing it, and the backward planning flowchart will shed light on your hidden fears (nothing is more successful at bringing out monsters into the light than a backward planning session). Third, I want you to know: the immediate action perspective is choosing steps and establishing real deadlines with your “success team” will banish all fears. Talking about fears will lead you nowhere - only active action will dispel them.

Getting out of the dead end

So, just for the sake of experimentation, draw a backward planning diagram, moving from the goal to reverse side, step by step, until you get to something that can be done tomorrow. It doesn't matter how small those first steps are.

While you are drawing circles and drawing arrows, listen carefully to yourself. What are you experiencing? Do you like these first steps towards breaking the deadlock? Or are you frozen to your chair out of fear?

Let's see what happened to Lane when drawing up the scheme. She decided to practice her idea with processing plants.

I’m not sure that this particular project should have been implemented first,” she explained. - But you need to choose at least something, otherwise I won’t start anything at all.

Over the next week, she spent three or four lunch breaks and evenings after work searching the Internet for information on the topic and taking notes.

At the next meeting, Lane said:

I was ready to make a PowerPoint presentation to feel businesslike and respectable, but then I realized that taking notes in a notebook is just as good and it will create the right mood when I present the idea.

She also found the phone numbers of people she worked with when she volunteered with the city's recycling program, and picked a target date from her calendar for a meeting at her home. Lane showed me her notes.

Solid, I said. - We can start.

I don’t know...” she answered. - I have serious doubts about this matter.

It seems that it is not as important to me as I thought,” Lane tried not to look me in the eyes.

Do you have any concerns?

No! - she exclaimed. - We're not talking about skydiving. Just a meeting at my house to talk.

I nodded in agreement.

And you call the meeting. So, you’ll start by explaining what it all is and what it’s about?

Well, yes,” the expression on her face changed slightly. After a moment's silence, she continued:

You know, they could have already figured out how to solve these problems. It would be pretty stupid if it turns out that I don't know about it. It would be worth checking first. “She looked at me and added: “It seems that processing plants don’t bother me anymore.”

But this is unexpected. What unpleasant moment have you just presented, Lane?

I imagined that they were looking at me like I was an idiot,” she admitted. - After all, I don’t know these people very well, but they are all competent. And I? How will I look next to them?

Well hello... Are you kidding me? You know very well that you are an intelligent and capable person. After all, you yourself have told me this more than once.

She smiled weakly.

I'm afraid. Well, who am I to them? An upstart from the outside? What if they laugh at me? God, I didn't even think about that.

Are they such unpleasant people? Or from some closed club?

Not really. Pleasant, friendly. Actually, that’s why I became so actively involved in their program then. Oh, it seems my childhood has caught up with me. I mean, my fear comes from childhood. Well, you have to! I am and I am afraid.

She looked much less stressed now.

You know, I think I should call one of them to help me with my plan. If we work together, I'll have to finish everything already. It’s just like friends come to pick you up in the morning to take you out for a run - like it or not, you go.

Lane went through all three stages of magic. She first used a backward planning framework to map out the first steps. Then her fears came to the surface, and she reflected on them in order to know their nature and reduce the danger. Then I moved on to the last point: I decided to cooperate with a friend in order to receive support and report on my achievements to real deadlines.

Research into reality, or the end of the debate

If you are stuck in doubts like “what if...” and can’t get rid of them, there is a way to turn your idle thoughts into useful ones. I called this technique reality research.

Instead of constantly debating whether your idea is good or not - and, it should be noted, such internal debates do not end on their own - go for real answers, as the famous scanner Ben Franklin liked to do.

He knew well: no matter how much you read and think about electricity, it is not enough. Eventually you'll have to go out into a thunderstorm and fly a kite to test the lightning rod idea.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that you walk in a thunderstorm, but I strongly advise you to follow Franklin's example: tear yourself away from your desk and go outside, exploring reality. You can always guess how many teeth a horse has, but it's better to find a horse, open its mouth and count.

Here's how it works reality research.

Let's say your inner risk analyst is tormenting you with the question: “What if I write a book and no one likes it?” Don't immediately use this as a stop sign, but ask yourself: "What is the best way to find out about this?" And then go and get some answers.

Actually, that’s all, it couldn’t be simpler. If you get into the habit of asking yourself this additional question, you will take action. And these will not be reckless actions, like jumping off a cliff (you are smart enough not to do that), but these will be actions leading to real answers.

Let's return to our example about the demand for a book. Possible answer: “We should show people excerpts and see if they like it.”

Great, important answer. To show someone a passage, you will need a chapter from a book that has not yet been written. To write at least a chapter, you need to come up with a plan and outline what your book will be about. This, along with the text of one chapter, can already be shown. I do this myself. The process I just described is called “creating a book proposal.”

Therefore, to solve the problem “What is the best way to get an answer?”, action is required. You won't achieve anything with any mental tricks. All the magic is in action.

Try this method on your project. Give yourself a clear deadline. (Involve a friend to reduce the level of danger and prevent yourself from acting out. A friend can help if necessary.)

Then work on the idea so you can present it to someone.

Will this provide a definitive answer? Of course not, but it will definitely pull your project out of the ditch and put you on the right track where you can start working on it for real. After all, you wanted this, remember?

That's the secret - everything you need to move from planning to starting to work on your idea. Let's quickly review what steps are needed.

• Choose right now, this minute, one goal “for training.”
• Create for her reverse planning flowchart and write above each circle the approximate time frame for completing the corresponding stage.
• Check if there are any “holes” in the diagram - missing steps or gaps in information; and maybe fears that can stop you.
• If they are, carry out reality research and get the answers you need.
• Get a buddy or any version of a “support team” so that you can regularly report to them on your real deadlines.
• Take the first step.

I guarantee: after you take real steps towards the training goal, your attitude towards action will change forever. Not only will your point of view change, you will change yourself. Instead of getting caught up in the “but what if” game, you will look for answers in reality. But, in addition, this workout will solve the mystery of what stopped you before: 1) why it is so difficult to start and 2) how to start, no matter what.

On the day the meeting was supposed to take place, Lane called me. She teamed up with a woman she knew better than the rest, and together they prepared a list of phone numbers and created a “call script” so that the first minutes would go smoothly. Then they divided the list among themselves and called everyone.

They're coming tonight,” Lane said. - I'm terribly nervous. What if they decide that my idea is stupid. Although they good people, maybe they won't think so. And the woman who helped me - we really became friends - she will also be at the meeting. In general, I reduced the level of danger as best I could.

Well done, Lane! The transition from desires to action is a big step. Of course he's scary.

Well yeah, I'm still a little scared. But you forgot to say one thing!

Which one?

About how great it is to finally start taking action! After all, in any case, something will happen.

Start small, start immediately

Actually, the moral is this: start small... but start immediately. Think through the project backwards to the first steps, involve a friend or organize a team and take the first, small steps. This is the most difficult stage. Once you get out of your stupor and start moving forward, albeit very slowly at first, the hardest part will be behind you. With the support of a friend or team, feeling like you're accountable to them, you'll be able to expand your steps. Make a call, schedule a meeting, write a letter, even give a speech. Once you take action, everything will change.

© B. Sher. I refuse to choose! - M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016.
© Published with permission from the publisher

In our crazy times, when everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere, rush to do something, and do not have time to get enough sleep, communicate with their family, but have time to spend a lot of time on traffic jams, of course, depression is simply inevitable. A huge number of people are susceptible to it and have no idea how to deal with it. As a result of depression, complete apathy towards the world around us appears, the desire to do anything, fight, live disappears... The most good remedy from this you will learn how to want something. After all, if a person has a goal in life, then any work will be a joy!

How does apathy towards life manifest itself?

Usually a person begins to think that he is a little overtired, and that in the near future Bad mood will go away on its own. But the days go by, and the hopeless quagmire drags us deeper and deeper into ourselves. And then there comes a moment when you not only don’t want to do anything, but you don’t even have the strength to do those things that you previously had to do “automatically.” Complete apathy grows, the person ceases to be interested in the world, I don’t want to do anything, think or even feel. Such depressive states also negatively affect the general condition of organs, for example, the heart. Obviously, you need to get out of such a negative state as quickly as possible. But what to do when you don’t want anything? How to want something?

Get some sleep and exercise

Before you understand what you really want, you need to make your internal state stable. To do this, first of all you need to get enough sleep. Sleep is the best healer for many diseases, including depression. It is also worth doing sports. You can at least just include it in your daily routine morning jog or gymnastics to rhythmic music. It is worth paying special attention to the fact that swimming is a great way to relieve mental stress. Setting up your emotional condition It is necessary to alternate physical activity and mental work. On account physical activity We’ve already talked, but what to do with mental labor?

More communication

Let's find out how to want to want

So, first of all, you need to pay attention to the fact that in order to want, you need energy. The above methods will help you get it. Now you need to take a good look inside yourself and understand what you are missing. Think about who you would like to see yourself as. If it’s still difficult for you to get answers to these questions, then just imagine some famous person, which you like. Describe her. Highlight positive sides, celebrate her achievements in something. Now it’s worth thinking about what you need in order to have the same achievements. Make an action plan for yourself. You need to understand that you do not strive to become a copy of your idol, but only strive to possess it positive qualities. For example, if this person has a good education, go study. If he is successful in business, strive to create your own business. The main thing to remember is that you need to get excited about the idea with all your might. It should push you to take action. Clearly think through your end result, draw up a realistic action plan, which should take into account your free time, the presence of certain skills and abilities. And only after that you can begin to take action. Of course, at first it can be very difficult to force yourself to get off the couch and start doing something. But here, except for yourself, no one can help you. You must start, you must take the first step and you will immediately see how interest appears, energy begins to grow, sparkles light up in your eyes, and every day you will begin to devote more and more time to the path that leads you to your intended goal.

How to want to learn

For some people, the learning process seems very boring, and they simply do not want to learn, they cannot overcome their laziness and reluctance to learn something new. How to fix this situation? Very simple! It is worth making a list of 20 outstanding personalities who achieved success thanks to a good education. Of course, every person dreams of being successful, and you are no exception. Therefore, imagine yourself as a successful, accomplished person. Think about what material things you would like to have in the future. Now you need to clearly understand that to achieve this, something material, you need good job, and to get it you just need a good education. So go ahead, to master new knowledge!

Let's reveal a secret: the question of how to force yourself to do something is faced not only by lazy people and slobs. Any person who is distracted by employees, games or a social network can become stuck. Moreover, the work may simply be so uninteresting that you don’t want to do it. But the work won’t go anywhere. How can you force yourself to do something that disgusts you? There are ways.

General rules

• The goal is like the cornerstone. We draw the goal brightly, accurately and clearly. Think about how much an uninteresting thing brings you closer to your chosen goal, and what you will get as a result. Who are you doing this for? Why is this necessary? What will others, and you yourself, get from this? If what you get in the end is important and significant to you, just start the business. If it’s not particularly important, you can put it off;
• In order to start doing something, you just need to start doing it, and immediately. Even if the matter is disgusting. You can pull in slowly, or faster. A good option: do hard work (or boring) for a quarter of an hour without being distracted by anything. Sometimes, once people get involved, they even begin to enjoy it. You will see how much you can do in these fifteen minutes. It’s just that if we clearly set a time frame, postponing “for later” doesn’t really work;
• Divide any task into small pieces. To begin with, you can even find a “tasty” piece in a completely boring task and start from there. This is how, piece by piece, you will complete any task. Here it is important not to frighten yourself with insane amounts of work, but to distract yourself with small areas. If you don’t like the task at all, divide it into parts and complete some part of it, mark it with a tick. For complete happiness, you can also reward yourself for a pleasant little thing;
• We strictly adhere to work deadlines. Moreover, they must be defined at all stages. However, it also happens that something uninteresting at first captivates and becomes exciting. It's moments like these that make it worth starting any business!
• It's better to do everything well at once. Further rework will not make an uninteresting task more enjoyable; moreover, rework takes the most time, and you don’t particularly want to return to an uninteresting task. So, we do everything right away well or even excellent!
• Don't start with the hardest thing. Most likely, you will freeze even more and simply waste time. We start a big task with small things, such as cleaning the table, writing a plan, etc. But there should be two or three such small things and no more, otherwise the whole day will be spent on nonsense. In general, you can start any work with cleaning: clear your desk, take out the trash, and this will be enough to get you going for the whole day. The thing is that cleaning also clears the brain well, and this is the key to success;
• Choose one task. To do this, you just need to close the games and Facebook with the contact and write the task on a piece of paper. All that remains is to stick it on the laptop so that it is always in front of your eyes and you can start doing it. Having completed, we write and attach a piece of paper with another task and move slowly but surely;
• Change your surroundings. If you're tired of noisy colleagues, just take your laptop and look for a quiet corner. If you work from home, you can go out to the store and come back with a well-thought-out plan for what to do next;
• Reward yourself even for small victories! This is absolutely a must! You managed it, defeated laziness, which means you earned yourself the right to pleasure! So get it!

Moreover, this will help you maintain a positive attitude, and it moves any business forward by leaps and bounds. Even if you didn’t manage to do that much, you managed to do it. There is less work, which means that tomorrow you will get more pleasure from it.

On this topic:

Particulars

Everything described above is just theory, but in practice we have a job we don’t like, a team we can’t stand, a cluttered apartment, etc. How to act?

If work is not a joy

They say that there are people in the world who go to work with pleasure, but this is very rare and you do not belong to this category. Most people have no passion for their work. What to do about it?

• Look for at least something good in your work. If you're just a salesperson, give yourself a pat on the back when a happy customer thanks you for your tip. You can even mark it on paper and reward yourself - you're a professional. If you are a teacher, you can celebrate with a not very successful student when he wrote a test well or shined in answering a lesson. This is also your merit!
• Before going to work, be sure to get dressed up and always try to be beautiful. Even if you work as a packer or in a warehouse. The putting on process itself beautiful outfit and high-heeled shoes, creating hair and makeup, greatly lifts the mood and makes it festive. And if you come to work in good mood, the day will fly by faster and will be much more successful!
• Be sure to take breaks for something pleasant: you can go out for air, you can look through new magazines, or you can drink tea and sweets. It may be a few minutes, but if they are pleasant, they will give you some energy; You also need to rest at work: if you don’t have time, then just stretch, close your eyes, and meditate. If you have a little more time, you can arrange a physical training session, after which your legs and arms will come to life, the blood will flow faster, and your mood will change for the better;

Our citizens perceive the advice to “do only what you want” as a call for anarchy. They consider their greatest desires to be base, vicious, and dangerous to others. People are sure that they are secret lawbreakers and are simply afraid to give themselves free rein! I see this as a serious symptom of general neurosis.

You tell a person: do what you want! And he: what are you talking about! Is that possible?!

I answer: if you consider yourself a good person, then yes. It is possible and necessary. Desires good man coincide with the interests of others.

Six rules that have helped more than a dozen people overcome neurosis are the result of 30 years of practice. This doesn't mean I've been thinking about them for 30 years. Rather, one day they spontaneously lined up, like the periodic table in Mendeleev’s head when he woke up.

The rules are simple at first glance:

1. Do only what you want.
2. Don't do what you don't want to do.
3. Talk about what you don’t like right away.
4. Don't answer when not asked.
5. Answer only the question.
6. When sorting out relationships, talk only about yourself.

I'll explain how they work. Every neurotic person receives a certain irritant in his life in childhood, and not even just one. Since this is an annoyingly repeated irritant, the child’s psyche develops the same stereotypical reactions to it. For example, parents yell - the child gets scared and withdraws into himself, and since they yell constantly, the child is constantly in fear and depressed. It grows and the behavior continues to be reinforced. Stimulus - reaction, stimulus - reaction. This goes on year after year. During this time, strong nerve connections are formed in the brain, the so-called reflex arc- nerve cells arranged in a certain way, which force them to react in the usual way to any similar stimulus. (And if the child was beaten or abandoned altogether? Can you imagine what kind of reactions he develops to life?)

So, to help a person overcome fears, anxieties, insecurities, low self-esteem- this arc needs to be broken. Create new connections, their new order. And there is only one way to do this “without using a lobotomy”: with the help of actions that are unusual for a neurotic.

He needs to start act differently, break your behavioral stereotypes. And when there are clear instructions on how to behave in each specific situation, it is easier to change. Without thinking, without reflecting, without turning to your own (negative) experience. For life in general, it doesn't matter what you think - only what you feel and what you do matters.

My rules suggest a way of behavior that is completely unusual for neurotics and, on the contrary, characteristic of mentally ill people. healthy people: calm, independent, with high self-esteem, those who love themselves.

The greatest resistance, a lot of questions, doubts, and also accusations addressed to me are caused by point one. They say to me: what is this? “Love yourself, sneeze at everyone, and success awaits you in life”? Although I never talk about “spit on everyone” anywhere.

For some reason, everyone stubbornly believes that living as you want means living at the expense of those around you. In addition, in our society there is a contemptuous attitude towards own desires, as if they must necessarily be base. And vicious. I would even say that our citizens treat their desires with caution or even fear. The concept is: “Just give me free rein! I'm woohoo! Then there will be no stopping me! (Sex, drugs and rock and roll or like “I’ll kill everyone here!” and “I’m scary when angry!)” If this is really what he wants, then what kind of person is he? Then he usually admits that he needs steady hand, strong bridle and so on. In my opinion, this psychology is called slave psychology.

There is one more concept. Mom’s favorite cry after (possibly father) was: “You can’t live the way you want!” And she said worse things about those who live like this (perhaps about her father). My grandmother had a saying: “We live not for joy, but for conscience,” and the whole family had a sign: if we laugh a lot today, it means we will cry tomorrow. The result is that a person with an anxious psyche organically cannot do what he wants. He can’t even determine what exactly he wants. It is as if he is guilty in advance and is sure that retribution will come for fulfilled desires and therefore, preventively, he must behave “as it should.”

And “doing what you want” is often confused with “being selfish.” But there is a big difference! The egoist does not accept himself and cannot calm down. He is absolutely fixated on himself, his problems and internal experiences, the main one of which is a feeling of resentment. He cannot help or sympathize with you, not because he is so bad, but because he does not have the mental strength to do so. After all, he has a stormy, exciting relationship with himself. And it seems to everyone that he is insensitive, callous, cold, that he doesn’t care about anyone, but at the same time he thinks that it’s precisely no one who cares about him! And continues to accumulate grievances.

And who is a person who loves himself? This is the one who will always choose the business to which his soul lies. And when you need to decide what to do, he may figure out what is effective, what is reasonable, what his sense of duty dictates, and then he will do as he WANTS. Even if he loses money on it. And he has a lot to lose. But who should he be offended by? He is fine. He lives among those he loves, he works where he likes... He has everything agreed and harmonious with himself, and therefore he is kind to others and open to the world. He also respects other people's wishes as much as he respects his own.

And by the way, this is precisely why he does not have that internal conflict that is characteristic of neurotics living double life. For example, with a wife - out of a sense of duty, but with a mistress simply out of feeling. And then he buys his wife a gift because “it’s necessary,” and not because he WANTS to please her. Or he goes to work because he likes what he does, and not because he has a loan and hopes to endure another five years in this office hell. Here it is - duality!

Wanting to achieve results, many consider it their duty to fight with themselves, suppress emotions, tell themselves: it’s okay, I’ll get used to it! The result, achieved without struggle and self-overcoming, apparently does not please them. Here is a universal example of such a struggle: on the one hand, she wants to eat, and on the other, she wants to lose weight. And even if he loses weight, he loses. She is at a loss to herself because she still dreams of cake, especially closer to one in the morning. (We’ll talk about the connection between excess weight, overeating and neuroses of all kinds. And the connection is direct).

Well, that's roughly what I tell my clients when I explain the first and probably most important of my six rules. By which, by the way, I myself try to live. And I won’t pretend that it was easy for me. To “live the way you want” requires a lot of effort at first. The psyche habitually leads you along the path of compromises and fears, and you catch yourself by the hand and say: damn, what am I doing? I don't want this! And so many times, after which it becomes easier and easier to make decisions. To your benefit, but not to the detriment of anyone. I know that I am a good person, which means that my desires will not create problems for anyone.

And honestly, life becomes easier and easier. Moreover, after practicing, after some time you can no longer do it any other way. Sometimes you think to “act wisely,” but against your desire and will, but your body already resists. As long as you don’t give up what you really don’t want, but seem to need. And joy comes. True, I recently lost a decent income in this way, but income is better than health and joy.

Doing what you don’t want is harmful - it spoils your mood, causes incredible fatigue, and the result of forced efforts is usually not pleasing. First you need to understand why you don’t want to, and then find the motivation to make you want to. Laziness cannot resist the pressure of a methodical struggle.

Each of us has encountered laziness at least once. The student waits until the last minute course work, the secretary puts off the report until later, the housewife just can’t bring herself to clean the stove, and the child flatly refuses to put away the toys.

What is the mechanism of laziness? Why do people, having a specific goal, not want to go towards it? Or maybe you don’t need to force yourself at all?

Should you force yourself to do something you don’t want to do?

In fact, laziness is not always a negative thing. This may be the body's response to fatigue and stressful situation. Very often, people whom everyone considers to be workaholics suddenly “switch off”, lie down on the sofa and turn on the TV. Only for them it is not a psychological desire to do nothing, but a physical inability to get off the couch and do cleaning or other things.

The picture is similar for people who have experienced a stressful situation - dismissal, a breakup with a loved one, the loss of a close relative. Their “laziness” is more like apathy, and such people do not need censure from others, but support and sympathy.

And there are also people who seem from the outside to be slow and lazy. These are those who “harness for a long time, but go quickly.” They analyze any business from all sides in order to understand how to most effectively complete the task with minimal labor costs.

But by the end of the set period, they begin to act, and so quickly that those around them are amazed. As a rule, if such a “slow-witted” person succumbs to prodding from the outside, the quality of his work deteriorates sharply, and he remains dissatisfied with the result.

So before you jump into the fight against laziness, ask yourself if you are healthy and productive. Remember that nature does not give anything in vain, because laziness not only takes time, it also gives strength. So maybe you should set aside a “lazy hour” for yourself and devote it only to what you love?

How to force yourself to do something you don’t want to: 10 effective ways

The first thing psychologists recommend is don’t try to do everything. This is especially true for housewives who are simply obsessed with cleanliness. Don't be shy to ask for help if you see that you can't keep up. And for the least favorite things you can reward yourself - for example, candy or a smoke break. This way you will have more strength and your mood will lift.

Be sure to take breaks at work, but don’t immediately grab the cookies. It's better to walk around the office or just stretch.

Don't stop when you are concentrating on solving a problem; it will be more difficult to concentrate the second time.

Divide global projects into small parts, each of which will be your step. Take the very first and simple step, and then run by inertia.

Turn an unloved task into a habit, and then it will no longer be doing it that will cause discomfort, but not doing it. This is advice for those who are starting to lead healthy image life every Monday - eat right, do exercises and practice dousing with cold water.

Set yourself a goal (see “”), just do it for both the conscious and the subconscious at once. Maslow's pyramid of human needs is still in effect, so your subconscious mind is not interested in your ideology.

It just wants to eat, reproduce and be safe, so if these three goals are not achieved by your activity, the subconscious mind will not want to leave the comfort zone and strain the body. Let's say you don't want to wash the hallway floor.

The goal for consciousness: to make it pleasant and beautiful to be in this room. The goal for the subconscious is to make it safe to be here (pathogenic microbes multiply in dust, and it also contributes to allergies, especially in children).

If you don't want to work, clean up your workplace. Perhaps you will find some useful papers and be able to find a solution to the problem that is currently tormenting you.

Remove temptations from your workplace. The most difficult thing in this regard is for freelancers (see “”) and those who work from home. Social media, online games, even a simple cup of tea can steal an hour or even more from life. It is easier for office workers, who are under the constant gaze of their superiors all day long, to concentrate on work - there is nothing to do anyway.

Play your favorite sport. Sport helps keep the body in good shape and the spirit in good spirits. In addition, it reduces sleep time, so you will get pleasure and increase your active life.

Finally, if all else fails, give up and take a nap. Idleness is also work, no matter how strange it sounds, so you will quickly want to work.

The human body does not think of itself as unemployed, but instead of real work, we constantly give it a fake - to read email, surf on social networks, collect crops on the farm...

So it turns out that you seem to have worked all day and are even tired, but the result is meager. Learn to recognize the constructive one, when you just need to relax, and the destructive one, which you can and should fight. Review your values ​​and work on yourself.