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Patti Brightman, Connie Hatch How to Say No Without Remorse. Patti Brightman - How to Say No Without Remorse

©Derevianko S., translation into Russian, 2013

©Design. Eksmo Publishing House LLC, 2013

All rights reserved. No part electronic version This book may not be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

©The electronic version of the book was prepared by liters company ( www.litres.ru)

Book reviews
«

“This book will teach you how to say no while maintaining your reputation as a decent person. It is filled with important principles and practical techniques that can change your life forever."

– Jack Canfield , co-writer of the series “Chicken Soup for the Soul”

« How to say “no” without remorse teaches practical skills for accepting what's important and letting go of what's holding us back from living the life we want. This is a book you want to consult again and again. I recommend reading it."

“The best book on the topic of the boundaries of living space that I have read. A must read for everyone!”

“This is a charming, smart and practical guide to finding life's great YES by knowing that NO is a complete sentence. Complete pleasure!

“This is not just a valuable guide to behavior in difficult situations and solving everyday problems. More importantly, this friendly and informative book allows you to become a master of saying no without making enemies. In our irritable and fast world « How to say “no” without remorse allows us to get rid of unnecessary feelings of guilt to allow us to live a richer and more fulfilling life.”

"This is a delightfully useful, practical, wise and inspiring book."

“Here it is, a book that offers methods for freeing yourself from unnecessary requests that life is full of. It is full of advice and answers, ready to use, and is a must-have for anyone who wants to live a life of peace, joy and enjoyment.”

"Brilliantly! This practical, powerful book will help you express what you really feel and desire. The authors masterfully explain in what cases you need to say “no,” thereby making your life a giant “YES.”

“A road map for finding the space we need in our lives. Drive away remorse, take control of your life!”

To Stan and Fran with gratitude and love

– P.B.

With love, Joey, and to Catherine and Ray Hatch, who said no wisely and kindly (but not too often)

– K.H.

Acknowledgments

The authors thank all the talented and hardworking people at Broadway Books for their expertise and involvement in this project, especially Steve Rubin, Bob Asahin, Jerry Howard, Robert Allen, Debbie Steere, Katherine Pollock, Roberto de Vicque de Cumpticha, Stanley Cohen and the amazing sales agents. We are especially indebted to our thoughtful and very experienced editors Tracy Bear and Angela Casey. We must also thank Maureen Sugden for her helpful suggestions.

Thanks to Bill Schinker for his faith and enthusiasm for this book from the very beginning.

Thank you to Richard Carlson for his wisdom, kindness, and such a wonderful introduction to this book.

We thank Linda Michaels for her unrivaled international know-how and Teresa Kavanaugh, Helen Blatny, Martha Di Domenico, Eva Betzweiser and Jenny Sohr for their ongoing expert support.

Thank you to Rita Marcus for her boundless energy, imagination and common sense in the field of PR.

Thanks to Claude Palmer and the Open Secret Bookstore, Shereen Ash at the Fairfax Library, and Kathleen O'Neill for research assistance.

We are incredibly grateful to Deborah Carroll, Paula Solomon, and Linda Wade for sharing their time, wisdom, and expertise.

Thanks to Laurie Baird, Corinda Carford, Tom Cavalieri, Jodie Conway, Joanna Dales, Maggie Gelosi, Valerie Green, Peter Green, Aron Hirt-Manheimer, Anya Jouerbom, Edith Joyce, Barbara Kops, Renee Martin, Dan Neuharth, Mary Ray, Rose Rawlings , Bob Rosenfeld, David Rosenfeld, Nancy Samelin, Patrice Serra, Evelyn Schmidt, Diana Schuba, Lana Staeli, Sandra Staman, and Donna Starito for their valuable thoughts and feedback, which were very helpful.

Additionally, Patti thanks:

Fran Zitner for her great love and faith in me.

Debbie Drason for teaching me the Golden Rule and for being the best and most trusted friend, role model and cheerleader anyone could ask for.

Dominique Blanchard and Lisa T. Lewis for their friendship and great help in my office and in my life.

Susan Harrow for her amazing advice on the topic public speaking and a kind soul.

Linda Rosinski, Marion L. Muzante, and Josephine Codoni Leary Burke for their continued friendship.

Carol Adams, Neal Barnard, Freya Dinshah, Jay Dinshah, Gail Davis, Susan Havala, Ruth Heidrich, Michael Claper, James Michael Lennon, Howard Lyman, Glen Merzer, Mark Messina, Virginia Messina, Victoria Moran, Marra Nealon, Ingrid Newkirk, Carol Normandy, Jennifer Raymond, Laurielee Roark, John Robbins, Robert David Roth, Timothy Smith, Charles Stahler, Deborah Wasserman and Ann and Larry Wheat - for their inspiring work on behalf of the planet and its inhabitants and for highlighting countless important tasks who demand to be told “yes!”

To Anne Douglas, Terry Vandiver and the wonderful women and men at the Friday morning Samkhya of the Rock of the Spirit for their constant support and wisdom in words and silence, in movement and stillness.

And most importantly, Stan Rosenfeld for his patience while this book was a top priority, his outstanding input and feedback, his help with the computer, his amazing sense of humor, his unfailing love, and everything else too numerous to list. I'm so glad I said yes to him.

Connie also expresses her gratitude to:

Ken Hatch, Doug Trazzara, Sandy Trazzara, Richard O'Connor, and Deborah Schorsch for their steadfast loyalty, support, and being there over the years.

Special thanks to my husband and to the best friend Joey Cavalieri for his super-heroic support during the writing of this book.

The Art of Disappearance

When they say, “Don’t we know each other?” -
answer no.
When they invite you to a party
Remember what a party is
before answering.
Someone loudly tells you about
like I once wrote poetry.
Fatty sausages on a paper plate.
Then answer.
If they say, "We should be together"
ask: “Why?”
Not because you don't love them anymore.
You're trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The sound of the monastery bell at dusk.
Tell them you have a new business.
It will never be finished.
If someone recognized you at the grocery store,
Nod briefly and become a cabbage.
If there appears in front of the door
someone you haven't seen for ten years
don't start singing all your new songs to him.
You'll never catch up.
Feel like a leaf of a tree.
Understand that at any second you can fall.
Then decide what to do with your life.

– Naomi Shihab Nye

How difficult it can be to say that simple word “no.” But there is an opportunity to develop the skill of polite and correct refusal. In their book, Patti Brightman and Connie Hatch reveal five simple techniques that will teach you to say “no” with grace in any situation. life situation. You can avoid unwanted dates, meetings and invitations, fight back against your boss’s rudeness, get rid of email spam and annoying phone calls, learn to refuse requests for money and say “no” to the whims of children. You will also learn about two basic principles that help you get rid of guilt and avoid many conflicts. You will realize that “no” can be the most positive word in your vocabulary. Learn to politely refuse and free up time in your life for everything that really matters!

* * *

by liters company.

1. Learn to say “no”

I have no desire to babysit my neighbor's three kids on a Saturday night. But when she asked me about it, I didn’t know what to answer, and I agreed. I wish I had time to come up with a reason to refuse.

Crap! I knew Mike would pester me to lend him money. And who pulled me by the tongue to tell him about the prize?

My relatives organize some kind of event almost every week. And from time to time I just want to sit at home. But that doesn't seem like a good reason to say no, and if I don't have anything planned, I feel like I have to agree.

In this chapter, we will teach you a few basic techniques that will allow you to say “no” with ease and avoid guilt.

To develop the courage to refuse in such truly difficult situations, start small. Learn to say “no” more simple conditions when almost nothing depends on it. Tell your friend that you don't want to go to the restaurant she recommends and suggest your own option. Tell your husband that you don't want to go to the electronics store with him. Tell your son that there will be no additional dessert. The point of the exercise is for you to understand that you can refuse quite successfully. Then gradually get used to saying “no” in more difficult situations.

As you purchase useful habit refuse, you will find that it gets easier every time. Most likely, you will settle on a few standard phrases that suit you and that can be used in the most frequently repeated situations. And the more often you repeat them, the more familiar they will become. After a while you will be able to pronounce them easily and confidently.

Basic Techniques

This book uses several basic techniques that we would like to discuss in more detail now.

The first principle is that a refusal sounds much more comfortable to all parties involved if it is based on a broader understanding generosity. This means that you are always ready to help and show concern towards your relatives, friends, colleagues and neighbors - but only if this does not involve serious problems or inconvenience for you and when you can say “yes” without the slightest internal resentment. It is also important that you feel your own generosity. By recognizing your constant willingness to unselfishly help others, you will become more confident in yourself and begin to feel less guilty in cases where you have to refuse.

Second basic principle: less is better. The most powerful and effective “nos” are the simplest, but most of us find it very difficult to say them without any continuation. When we tell our boss that we can't stay at work or refuse to walk the neighbor's dog, we feel like we have to accompany our "no" with a detailed explanation - often fictitious. Although these details are rarely needed and, in addition, put you in a vulnerable position. The more detailed your information, the more opportunities your counterpart gets to: a) come up with a way to “solve the problem” and force you to do what is needed from you (and what you you do not want do); b) decide that your reason is not good enough and get angry about it, or c) catch you lying (if you are lying).

On the other hand, when you simply state, “Sorry, I won't be able to make it,” or “I'm afraid I'm busy that day,” it sounds loud and clear. If the interlocutor insists on explaining the reasons, he can be accused of excessive curiosity. When this happens, you should not fall into the trap of starting to invent new, more important reasons in order to satisfy the curiosity of a person who cannot accept rejection. Instead, repeat what you've already said as necessary. You can change the intonation slightly, change the wording a little, or add some other vague phrases. “I’m busy that day” can be replaced with “I have plans,” “I’ve already made an appointment at this time,” “I have something to do that I can’t reschedule,” or “I planned this exact date weeks ago.” " Calmly stand your ground if you are dealing with someone who is rude, nosy, or aggressive. No one has the right to invade your privacy.

This does not mean that people do not need to explain the reasons for your refusal. Especially in cases of close relationships, when excessive mystery will look completely unnatural. But remember that by keeping your explanations to a minimum and repeating what you've already said, you will put yourself in a stronger position.

Basic Methods

Now let's look at the basic techniques that should be in the repertoire of any skilled "refuser". In the following chapters you will find numerous examples of how to use them to learn how to say no like a pro.

1. Gaining time

Even if you don't use everything else suggested in this book, get into the habit of delaying your response to a request. This allows you to relieve tension in cases where you do not know exactly how to refuse or how to react and you need time to think. Several standard answer options to gain time can be used in almost any situation. For example:

I need to check my schedule, I'll respond a little later.

I ask my wife/husband if we have any plans for that day.

I'll have to think about it, I'll let you know later.

I need to see what's going on with my money.

I need to check how I'm working that day.

2. "Rule"

It’s more pleasant to start a refusal with the words “I have a rule...”. For example, if a friend asks you to lend him money and you don't want to do it, you can respond with, “Sorry, but I have a rule about not lending,” and your refusal will not be received with much offense.

In any case, referring to the rule adds weight and seriousness to your “no”. This implies that you already have experience showing that the action being asked is unacceptable to you. It may also imply that you have some pre-existing accepted obligation, which you don't want to break. When you decline an invitation with the words, “Sorry, but we have a family rule: every Friday we all have dinner together at home,” you let your interlocutor know that this family ritual is unshakable.

Of course, it's helpful to have rules when thinking about exactly how to respond to a request. This leads to the following important point: in order not to feel remorse, you must clearly understand why exactly you are refusing. What exactly do you want in this particular case? If you want to get rid of unnecessary obligations, what exactly are you making space for? When you are clear about your priorities and what you want to focus on—spending more time with your family, raising money for an important cause—it will be easier for you to say no for those reasons.

3. Prevention

In other words, it means "Don't be in the wrong place at the wrong time." In martial arts, this principle is fundamental to self-defense. You can't stand in the path of your opponent's fist unless you want to get hit. If you're afraid of getting hit by a train, don't wander along the railroad tracks. This is not as primitive or banal as it seems at first glance. Think about it, and you will realize that you have the opportunity to avoid many uncomfortable situations. For example:

A man insists on a sexual relationship that you are not interested in. Prevention tactics: meet him at in public places, and not at his home.

Every time you visit the supermarket with your six-year-old child, you are fighting a battle in the breakfast cereal aisle: if you don't buy exactly what is being advertised on television, you will be thrown into hysterics. Prevention tactics: Take every opportunity to keep your home stocked without having to visit that section of the store with your child.

You really need to recover from your hard work and want to take a day off to spend at home. And you actually plan to be by yourself—no lunches with friends, shopping trips with mom, or phone calls from work. Prevention tactics: Don't tell your mom you're taking a day off if you don't want to spend the day with her. Non-distribution of information is a classic method of prevention! And at home, you can entrust all the tasks to your answering machine and disconnect from outside world for all day.

As you can see, this is a very simple method. Prevention does not imply complete control over every situation, but it can be very useful.

4. “I have plans”: redefined

Expand your understanding of the expression “having plans” and become more free in your decisions. Many people are embarrassed to refuse an invitation if they no longer have any meetings scheduled for that day. But if you really want to spend the evening at home, soak in the bath and read a book, that's your plan. If on a Friday night you'd rather play Frisbee with your dog or watch cartoons on video with your kids, that's your plan. Free, unorganized time is necessary in order to take a break from stress or communicate with your loved ones.

Allow yourself personal plans. If necessary, write them down in your diary. Treat them like important meetings, because in reality they are.

5. Reasons for “looking away”

This book is designed to help you learn to say no and not lie to get out of something you don't want to do. However, it would be foolish to think that talking only the honest truth is reasonable under all circumstances. Communicating the hard truth is the right thing to do if you decide to intervene and help someone make the decision to begin treatment for alcohol addiction. But if you want to refuse to meet with a person who is unpleasant to you, such frankness may be an unnecessarily strong remedy. To say in this situation that you are busy, even if in fact you are not, will not be so terrible sin– on the contrary, it would rather be an act of mercy. This is why reasons to look away are sometimes necessary as a last resort. Use them if they are appropriate, namely in cases where they will help protect someone from being offended, make your life easier, and when you are sure that you will not be exposed.

Preparing for Rejection

If you decide to use any of the tips in this book, you will have to say no. But what if you find it difficult to open your mouth because you are constrained by fear or are afraid of remorse?

The ability to refuse is a matter of the predominance of reason over softness. A little rehearsal can make the process less intimidating. Here are some tips to help you say no with more confidence.

1. Think about some of the rejections you've received yourself.

Each of us has encountered refusals to our requests. Have you been told “no” to invitations, requests for benefits, etc. different areas personal life. Was it really that bad? Did you really hate the person who rejected you? Most likely this is not the case, you survived it, and even successfully. Your own ability to accept the rejection that comes with life is proof that one can survive any form of rejection. Therefore, you should not assume in advance that by refusing someone, you are causing serious damage to that person.

2. Learn to accept negative answers

This applies to people who, having read the previous lines, are ready to say: “Yes, that was really terrible! I hate the person who refused me!” If you've had a similar bad experience, you may be overestimating the perceived negative reaction of the person you're about to reject. But don't let residual feelings from an unrelated incident interfere if you need to say no firmly. The cruel, insensitive characters from your past who continue to haunt you - teachers, ex-boyfriends, bosses and (horror!) even parents - are not you! And today's refusal will not make you an indifferent person, since you are going to do it in a compassionate manner and for completely valid reasons. Right?

We hope so. Try to distract yourself a little to see how often people around you refuse each other. If you look closely, you will realize that this happens all the time and in most cases for nothing. Remember this when you are about to refuse or have been refused in similar situations.

Learn to take “no” calmly - it’s just an attribute Everyday life. You will stop worrying in vain when you are about to refuse someone, and with your behavior you will set an example of behavior for everyone around you.

3. Learn from others

Some people are so good at saying no that you hardly notice it. Their words sound natural and sincere. The tone of their speech is sympathetic and friendly. They look straight into your eyes. All this helps to perceive their refusal as a completely reasonable and acceptable answer. And for some, everything they say sounds like a severe reprimand. Study how others say “no” and learn lessons for yourself. Borrow speech patterns and phrases from people who do it in the most gracious manner. Remember that what How you say remains in memory longer than specific words that you said.

Are you afraid of the sound of your own voice? The question may seem strange - you say something all the time. But in difficult situations, speaking loudly and clearly can be difficult for many people. They become scared, and they begin to emit a quiet, indistinct bleat, which can be translated as “Yes, yes, of course, whatever you want.” Therefore, we recommend persistently and regularly training your own voice. Get in the car, turn on the recording of your favorite singer at full volume and sing along to her at the top of your voice. Yell at the top of your lungs at your child's soccer games. Or join a karate class and work on shouting “Kiya!” until you reach the level of a black belt.

Now to the point. Take some examples of negative responses from this book and practice saying them out loud. Choose exactly those that you would like to address to someone you know. Try different wordings, rearrange words and change intonations until the words flow naturally and you begin to feel confident. Experiment with recording your voice until you stop wincing at the sound of it (this is a common reaction for everyone). From the moment you like your own voice, it will not be difficult for you to make others hear you.

5. Rehearse until you get it right.

The examples of negative answers given in this book may at first glance seem very difficult for you to apply in life. In this case, use the old trusty “rehearse until you get it” trick. Imagine yourself saying “no” loudly and confidently. Now act as if you are a strong and confident person. People around you will treat you accordingly, and before you know it, you will actually transform into a strong, confident person that you will no longer need to pretend to be.

Career consultants say you should wear a suit that matches the job you want, not your current position. Likewise, you can live the life you want rather than the life you actually have. And therefore, feel free to say lines from your role, even if you are not in the mood for it. Change your behavior, self-confidence will come a little later. You can believe us, this is really true.

Preparing to Consent: Inspirational Resources

One of the tragedies of modern hectic life is that you stop remembering the things that really matter to you. To be closer to your sources of joy, you must periodically remind yourself of them.

One way to do this regularly is what we call an “inspiration file.” It's just a collection of reminders of what you would love to do if you had the time and energy to do it. They can be stored in a file, album or desk drawer. Write notes to yourself, sketch ideas, make lists, save photos and articles about things that make you sigh and say, “That would be nice...”

Let's say you've always wanted to go to Japan. You see a wonderful photo of Mount Fuji in your travel magazine - that's a great thing to keep in your "inspiration file". If you dream of learning to play the violin like Isaac Stern, keep a list of music school courses, even if you don’t have time to study there yet. Open your “inspiration file” often and expand it as much as possible. Every time you look at it, imagine that you have moved closer to fulfilling your dreams. If you see a goal and focus on your own dream, you can see that it gets closer every day.

Here true story about how a small source of inspiration nearby can lead to a big change in lifestyle.

Not long ago, Patti was working as an editor in Manhattan, living in a studio apartment and taking the subway to work in Midtown every day. At her desk at work, she occasionally flipped through the pages of the Sierra Club calendar, admiring the majestic mountains and sparkling waterfalls. “This is where I would like to go,” she sighed dreamily.

Gradually, she realized that she could not only dream - she could simply join the Sierra Club and experience the wonders of nature first hand. So she did. After a while, she left the city almost every weekend to participate in mountain hikes. Gradually, Patti's love for nature became such an important component of her life that she decided to make an important change - she left her job, moved to Northern California and took up own business, which could be conducted from home. Now she could see the mountains not only in the picture - to do this she just had to take her eyes off her desktop and look out the window.

But it all started with a calendar and required a little inspiration!

Think about the many ways that saying “no” can improve your life and bring you closer to your dreams. Now that you've covered the basics, it's time to get down to the details. In the following chapters, you will learn the art of saying no to relatives and children, friends and neighbors, co-workers, beggars, telephone salesmen, and anyone else who may want more than you can give them.

* * *

This is an introductory fragment of the book How to Say “No” without Remorse. And Say Yes to Free Time, Success, and Everything That Matters to You (Connie Hatch, 2013) courtesy of our book partner -

Patty Brightman, Connie Hatch

How to say “no” without remorse. And say yes to free time, success and everything that matters to you

Reviews for the book “How to Say No Without Remorse”

“This book will teach you how to say no while maintaining your reputation as a decent person. It is filled with important principles and practical techniques that can change your life forever."

– Jack Canfield , co-writer of the series “Chicken Soup for the Soul”

« teaches practical skills for accepting what's important and letting go of what's holding us back from living the life we want. This is a book you want to consult again and again. I recommend reading it."

“The best book on the topic of the boundaries of living space that I have read. A must read for everyone!”

“This is a charming, smart and practical guide to finding life's great YES by knowing that NO is a complete sentence. Complete pleasure!

“This is not just a valuable guide to dealing with difficult situations and solving everyday problems. More importantly, this friendly and informative book allows you to become a master of saying no without making enemies. In our irritable and fast world " How to say “no” without remorse allows us to get rid of unnecessary feelings of guilt to allow us to live a richer and more fulfilling life.”

"This is a delightfully useful, practical, wise and inspiring book."

“Here it is, a book that offers methods for freeing yourself from unnecessary requests that life is full of. It is full of advice and answers, ready to use, and is a must-have for anyone who wants to live a life of peace, joy and enjoyment.”

"Brilliantly! This practical, powerful book will help you express what you really feel and desire. The authors masterfully explain in what cases you need to say “no,” thereby making your life a giant “YES.”

“A road map for finding the space we need in our lives. Drive away remorse, take control of your life!”

To Stan and Fran with gratitude and love

With love, Joey, and to Catherine and Ray Hatch, who said no wisely and kindly (but not too often)

Acknowledgments

Thanks to Bill Schinker for his faith and enthusiasm for this book from the very beginning.

Thank you to Richard Carlson for his wisdom, kindness, and such a wonderful introduction to this book.

We thank Linda Michaels for her unrivaled international know-how and Teresa Kavanaugh, Helen Blatny, Martha Di Domenico, Eva Betzweiser and Jenny Sohr for their ongoing expert support.

Thanks to Rita Marcus for her boundless energy, imagination and PR savvy.

Thanks to Claude Palmer and the Open Secret Bookstore, Shereen Ash at the Fairfax Library, and Kathleen O'Neill for research assistance.

We are incredibly grateful to Deborah Carroll, Paula Solomon, and Linda Wade for sharing their time, wisdom, and expertise.

Additionally, Patti thanks:

Fran Zitner for her great love and faith in me.

Debbie Drason for teaching me the Golden Rule and for being the best and most trusted friend, role model and cheerleader anyone could ask for.

Dominique Blanchard and Lisa T. Lewis for their friendship and great help in my office and in my life.

Susan Harrow for her amazing public speaking advice and kind soul.

Linda Rosinski, Marion L. Muzante, and Josephine Codoni Leary Burke for their continued friendship.

Carol Adams, Neal Barnard, Freya Dinshah, Jay Dinshah, Gail Davis, Susan Havala, Ruth Heidrich, Michael Claper, James Michael Lennon, Howard Lyman, Glen Merzer, Mark Messina, Virginia Messina, Victoria Moran, Marra Nealon, Ingrid Newkirk, Carol Normandy, Jennifer Raymond, Laurielee Roark, John Robbins, Robert David Roth, Timothy Smith, Charles Stahler, Deborah Wasserman and Ann and Larry Wheat - for their inspiring work on behalf of the planet and its inhabitants and for drawing attention to the countless important issues that require to be told “yes!”

Connie also expresses her gratitude to:

Ken Hatch, Doug Trazzara, Sandy Trazzara, Richard O'Connor, and Deborah Schorsch for their steadfast loyalty, support, and being there over the years.

Special thanks to my husband and best friend, Joey Cavalieri, for his super-heroic support during the writing of this book.

The Art of Disappearance

When they say, “Don’t we know each other?” -

answer no.

When they invite you to a party

Remember what a party is

before answering.

Someone loudly tells you about

like I once wrote poetry.

Fatty sausages on a paper plate.

Then answer.

If they say, "We should be together"

ask: “Why?”

Not because you don't love them anymore.

You're trying to remember something

too important to forget.

Trees. The sound of the monastery bell at dusk.

Tell them you have a new business.

It will never be finished.

If someone recognized you at the grocery store,

Nod briefly and become a cabbage.

If there appears in front of the door

someone you haven't seen for ten years

Patty Brightman, Connie Hatch

How to say “no” without remorse. And say yes to free time, success and everything that matters to you

Book reviews

“How to Say No Without Remorse”

“This book will teach you how to say no while maintaining your reputation as a decent person. It is filled with important principles and practical techniques that can change your life forever."

- Jack Canfield, co-writer of Chicken Soup for the Soul

How to Say No Without Feeling Remorse teaches practical skills for accepting what's important and letting go of what's holding us back from living the life we want. This is a book you want to consult again and again. I recommend reading it."

- Dr John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

“The best book on the topic of the boundaries of living space that I have read. A must read for everyone!”

- Dr. Sirach Wittese, author of What Happened to the Prince I Married?

“This is a charming, smart and practical guide to finding life's great YES by knowing that NO is a complete sentence. Complete pleasure!

“This is not just a valuable guide to dealing with difficult situations and solving everyday problems. More importantly, this friendly and informative book allows you to become a master of saying no without making enemies. In our irritable, fast-paced world, How to Say No Without Remorse allows us to eliminate unnecessary guilt to enable us to live richer, more fulfilling lives.”

- Dave Peltzer, author of The Kid Called It, The Lost Boy, and A Man Named Dave

"This is a delightfully useful, practical, wise and inspiring book."

- Sue Bender, author of Just Like That and Everyday Sacred Things

- Marsha Wider, author of Make Your Dreams Come True

- Harold M. Bloomfield, author of Make Peace with Your Past

“A road map for finding the space we need in our lives. Drive away remorse, take control of your life!”

- Janet Lurz, author of A Guide to Simple Living and Simple Love

To Stan and Fran with gratitude and love

- P.B.

With love, Joey, and to Catherine and Ray Hatch, who said no wisely and kindly (but not too often)

- K.H.

Acknowledgments

Thanks to Bill Schinker for his faith and enthusiasm for this book from the very beginning.

Thank you to Richard Carlson for his wisdom, kindness, and such a wonderful introduction to this book.

We thank Linda Michaels for her unrivaled international know-how and Teresa Kavanaugh, Helen Blatny, Martha Di Domenico, Eva Betzweiser and Jenny Sohr for their ongoing expert support.

Thanks to Rita Marcus for her boundless energy, imagination and PR savvy.

Thanks to Claude Palmer and the Open Secret Bookstore, Shereen Ash at the Fairfax Library, and Kathleen O'Neill for research assistance.

We are incredibly grateful to Deborah Carroll, Paula Solomon, and Linda Wade for sharing their time, wisdom, and expertise.

Additionally, Patti thanks:

Fran Zitner for her great love and faith in me.

Debbie Drason for teaching me the Golden Rule and for being the best and most trusted friend, role model and cheerleader anyone could ask for.

Dominique Blanchard and Lisa T. Lewis for their friendship and great help in my office and in my life.

Susan Harrow for her amazing public speaking advice and kind soul.

Linda Rosinski, Marion L. Muzante, and Josephine Codoni Leary Burke for their continued friendship.

Carol Adams, Neal Barnard, Freya Dinshah, Jay Dinshah, Gail Davis, Susan Havala, Ruth Heidrich, Michael Claper, James Michael Lennon, Howard Lyman, Glen Merzer, Mark Messina, Virginia Messina, Victoria Moran, Marra Nealon, Ingrid Newkirk, Carol Normandy, Jennifer Raymond, Laurielee Roark, John Robbins, Robert David Roth, Timothy Smith, Charles Stahler, Deborah Wasserman and Ann and Larry Wheat - for their inspiring work on behalf of the planet and its inhabitants and for drawing attention to the countless important issues that require to be told “yes!”

Connie also expresses her gratitude to:

Ken Hatch, Doug Trazzara, Sandy Trazzara, Richard O'Connor, and Deborah Schorsch for their steadfast loyalty, support, and being there over the years.

Special thanks to my husband and best friend, Joey Cavalieri, for his super-heroic support during the writing of this book.

The Art of Disappearance

When they say, “Don’t we know each other?” -

answer no.

When they invite you to a party

Remember what a party is

before answering.

Someone loudly tells you about

like I once wrote poetry.

Fatty sausages on a paper plate.

Then answer.

If they say, "We should be together"

ask: “Why?”

Not because you don't love them anymore.

You're trying to remember something

too important to forget.

Trees. The sound of the monastery bell at dusk.

Tell them you have a new business.

It will never be finished.

If someone recognized you at the grocery store,

Nod briefly and become a cabbage.

If there appears in front of the door

someone you haven't seen for ten years

don't start singing all your new songs to him.

You'll never catch up.

Feel like a leaf of a tree.

Understand that at any second you can fall.

Then decide what to do with your life.

- Naomi Shihab Nye

Preface

Richard Carlson

“How to Say No Without Remorse”- a book that I really needed. And how glad I am that I read it! This is one of the most useful and necessary books. Using only a small part of what is offered here as practical advice, I saved a lot of time. I began to benefit from this book even before I finished reading it. Isn't this efficiency?

Patty Brightman, Connie Hatch

How to say “no” without remorse. And say yes to free time, success and everything that matters to you

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Book reviews

“This book will teach you how to say no while maintaining your reputation as a decent person. It is filled with important principles and practical techniques that can change your life forever."

– Jack Canfield , co-writer of the series “Chicken Soup for the Soul”

« How to say “no” without remorse teaches practical skills for accepting what's important and letting go of what's holding us back from living the life we want. This is a book you want to consult again and again. I recommend reading it."

“The best book on the topic of the boundaries of living space that I have read. A must read for everyone!”

“This is a charming, smart and practical guide to finding life's great YES by knowing that NO is a complete sentence. Complete pleasure!

"This is a delightfully useful, practical, wise and inspiring book."

“A road map for finding the space we need in our lives. Drive away remorse, take control of your life!”

To Stan and Fran with gratitude and love

With love, Joey, and to Catherine and Ray Hatch, who said no wisely and kindly (but not too often)

Acknowledgments

Thanks to Bill Schinker for his faith and enthusiasm for this book from the very beginning.

Thank you to Richard Carlson for his wisdom, kindness, and such a wonderful introduction to this book.

We thank Linda Michaels for her unrivaled international know-how and Teresa Kavanaugh, Helen Blatny, Martha Di Domenico, Eva Betzweiser and Jenny Sohr for their ongoing expert support.

Thanks to Rita Marcus for her boundless energy, imagination and PR savvy.

Thanks to Claude Palmer and the Open Secret Bookstore, Shereen Ash at the Fairfax Library, and Kathleen O'Neill for research assistance.

We are incredibly grateful to Deborah Carroll, Paula Solomon, and Linda Wade for sharing their time, wisdom, and expertise.

Additionally, Patti thanks:

Fran Zitner for her great love and faith in me.

Debbie Drason for teaching me the Golden Rule and for being the best and most trusted friend, role model and cheerleader anyone could ask for.

Dominique Blanchard and Lisa T. Lewis for their friendship and great help in my office and in my life.

Susan Harrow for her amazing public speaking advice and kind soul.

Linda Rosinski, Marion L. Muzante, and Josephine Codoni Leary Burke for their continued friendship.

Carol Adams, Neal Barnard, Freya Dinshah, Jay Dinshah, Gail Davis, Susan Havala, Ruth Heidrich, Michael Claper, James Michael Lennon, Howard Lyman, Glen Merzer, Mark Messina, Virginia Messina, Victoria Moran, Marra Nealon, Ingrid Newkirk, Carol Normandy, Jennifer Raymond, Laurielee Roark, John Robbins, Robert David Roth, Timothy Smith, Charles Stahler, Deborah Wasserman and Ann and Larry Wheat - for their inspiring work on behalf of the planet and its inhabitants and for drawing attention to the countless important issues that require to be told “yes!”

Connie also expresses her gratitude to:

Ken Hatch, Doug Trazzara, Sandy Trazzara, Richard O'Connor, and Deborah Schorsch for their steadfast loyalty, support, and being there over the years.

Special thanks to my husband and best friend, Joey Cavalieri, for his super-heroic support during the writing of this book.

The Art of Disappearance

When they say, “Don’t we know each other?” -
answer no.

When they invite you to a party
Remember what a party is
before answering.
Someone loudly tells you about
like I once wrote poetry.
Fatty sausages on a paper plate.
Then answer.

If they say, "We should be together"
ask: “Why?”

Not because you don't love them anymore.
You're trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The sound of the monastery bell at dusk.
Tell them you have a new business.
It will never be finished.

If someone recognized you at the grocery store,
Nod briefly and become a cabbage.
If there appears in front of the door
someone you haven't seen for ten years
don't start singing all your new songs to him.
You'll never catch up.

Feel like a leaf of a tree.
Understand that at any second you can fall.
Then decide what to do with your life.

– Naomi Shihab Nye

Preface

Richard Carlson

– a book that I really needed. And how glad I am that I read it! This is one of the most useful and necessary books. By implementing just a small portion of what is offered here as practical tips, I saved a lot of time. I began to benefit from this book even before I finished reading it. Isn't this efficiency?

Diagnostics and diseases. Medicines from A to Z

Patti Brightman, Connie Hatch How to Say No Without Remorse. Patti Brightman - How to Say No Without Remorse

Book reviews «

Acknowledgments

The Art of Disappearance

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Book reviews
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