Hello! My problem is this. I came to God not so long ago, but I believe, as it seems to me, sincerely. Many sins torment me very much, and I really want to confess, but I’m afraid of the confession itself - not that it will be scary or ashamed, but that I won’t do something that’s supposed to be done, or I won’t say it, or I’ll do something , what is not necessary... I am afraid of the process itself, not spiritually, but materially. And nowhere can I find what needs to be done directly - everywhere it’s only about the need to repent, pray, etc., I understand that myself, but I don’t know what to do directly. Help me please! Alexandra.
Archpriest Mikhail Samokhin answers:
How is confession going?
Hello, Alexandra!
The immediate sequence of actions during confession is as follows:
It is necessary to go to the place in the church where confession is being made and stand in line, if there is one. While waiting, it is better to remember your sins in order to present them more fully in confession. At the same time, you should try to avoid extraneous thoughts and conversations. Under no circumstances should you be allowed to listen to someone else's confession. Approaching the priest, you need to say your name and bow your head before the cross and the Gospel. You need to list your sins not to the priest, but to the Lord. If you are very worried, you can make notes on a piece of paper or ask the priest to ask you leading questions. At the end of the enumeration of sins, you need to ask for forgiveness from the Lord and bow your head for the priest to read a prayer of permission. After reading the prayer, it is customary to kiss the cross, the Gospel, and in some churches, take a blessing from the priest and kiss his hand. If it is not clear from the conversation whether the priest has allowed you to receive Communion, ask about it. In some churches it is customary to give a note with a list of sins to the priest so that he can tear it up and give it to you to burn. When approaching confession, it is best to warn the priest that you are confessing for the first time. Then he himself will tell you what needs to be done and in what order. And yet remember that what is written in the books is absolutely correct: the main thing in confession is sincere repentance and a firm intention not to repeat the confessed sins.
Sincerely, Archpriest Mikhail Samokhin.
Read also
Every believer must understand that in confession he confesses his deeds to the Lord. Each of his sins must be covered by the desire to atone for his guilt before the Lord; this is the only way to achieve his forgiveness.
If a person feels that his soul is heavy, then it is necessary to go to church and undergo the sacrament of confession. After repentance, you will feel much better, and a heavy burden will fall from your shoulders. Your soul will become free and your conscience will no longer torment you.
The essence of confession
The Holy Fathers call the Sacrament of Repentance the second baptism. In the first case, at Baptism, a person receives cleansing from the original sin of the ancestors Adam and Eve, and in the second, the repentant is washed from his sins committed after baptism. However, due to the weakness of their human nature, people continue to sin, and these sins separate them from God, standing between them as a barrier. They are unable to overcome this barrier on their own. But the Sacrament of Repentance helps to be saved and to acquire that unity with God acquired at Baptism.
The Gospel says about repentance that it is a necessary condition for the salvation of the soul. A person must continuously struggle with his sins throughout his life. And, despite any defeats and falls, he should not become discouraged, despair and grumble, but repent all the time and continue to carry his life’s cross, which the Lord Jesus Christ laid on him.
How to start a confession to the priest, with what words?
The seven deadly sins, which are the main vices, look like this:
- gluttony (gluttony, excessive food abuse)
- fornication (dissolute life, infidelity)
- anger (hot temper, vindictiveness, irritability)
- love of money (greed, desire for material values)
- despondency (laziness, depression, despair)
- vanity (selfishness, sense of narcissism)
- envy
It is believed that when committing these sins human soul may die. By committing them, a person moves further and further away from God, but all of them can be released during sincere repentance. It is believed that it was Mother Nature who laid them in every person, and only the strongest in spirit can resist temptations and fight evil. But it is worth remembering that every person can commit a sin while going through a difficult period in life. People are not immune from misfortunes and difficulties that can drive everyone to despair. You need to learn to fight passions and emotions, and then no sin will be able to overcome you and ruin your life.
Preparing for Confession
It is necessary to prepare for repentance in advance. First you need to find a temple where the sacraments are held and choose the appropriate day. Most often they are held on holidays and weekends. At this time, there are always a lot of people in the temple, and not everyone will be able to open up when strangers are nearby. In this case, you need to contact the priest and ask him to make an appointment on another day when you can be alone. Before repentance, it is recommended to read Penitential canon, which will allow you to tune in and put your thoughts in order.
You need to know that there are three groups of sins that can be written down and taken with you to confession.
Vices against God:
These include blasphemy and insulting the Lord, blasphemy, interest in occult sciences, superstition, thoughts of suicide, excitement, and so on.
Vices against the soul:
Laziness, deception, use of obscene words, impatience, disbelief, self-delusion, despair.
Vices against neighbors:
Disrespect for parents, slander, condemnation, rancor, hatred, theft, and so on.
How to confess correctly, what should you tell the priest at the beginning?
Before approaching a church representative, get out of your head bad thoughts and get ready to bare your soul. You can start your confession like this: “Lord, I have sinned before you,” and after that you can list your sins. There is no need to tell the priest about the sin in great detail; it is enough to just say “Committed adultery” or confess to another vice.
But to the list of sins you can add “I sinned with envy, I constantly envy my neighbor...” and so on. After listening to you, the priest will be able to give valuable advice and help you act correctly in a given situation. Such clarifications will help identify your greatest weaknesses and combat them. The confession ends with the words “I repent, Lord! Save and have mercy on me, a sinner!”
Many confessors are very ashamed to talk about anything; this is an absolutely normal feeling. But at the moment of repentance, you need to overcome yourself and understand that it is not the priest who condemns you, but God, and that it is God who you tell about your sins. The priest is just a conductor between you and the Lord, do not forget about this.
What sins to talk about in confession and what to call them
Everyone who decides to go to confession for the first time thinks about how to behave correctly. How to correctly name sins in confession? It happens that people come to confession and talk in great detail about all their life’s ups and downs. This is not considered a confession. Confession includes the concept of repentance. This is not at all a story about your life, and even with the desire to justify your sins.
Since some people simply do not know how to confess in any other way, the priest will accept this version of confession. But it will be more correct if you try to understand the situation and admit to all your mistakes.
Many people list their sins for confession. In it they try to list everything in detail and talk about everything. But there is another type of people who list their sins only in separate words. It is necessary to describe your sins not in general terms about the passion that is seething in you, but about its manifestation in your life.
Remember, confession should not be a detailed story about the incident, but should be repentance for certain sins. But you shouldn’t be particularly dry in describing these sins, writing off with only one word.
Conduct in Confession
Before confessing, you need to find out the time of confession in the temple. In many churches, confession takes place on holidays and Sundays, but in large churches it can be on Saturday or on a weekday. Most often, a large number of people who want to confess come during Lent. But if a person confesses for the first time or after a long break, it is best to talk with the priest and find a convenient time for calm and open repentance.
Before confession, it is necessary to undergo a three-day spiritual and physical fast: give up sexual activity, do not eat products of animal origin, it is advisable to give up entertainment, watching TV and “sitting” on gadgets. At this time, it is necessary to read spiritual literature and pray. There are special prayers before confession, which can be found in the Prayer Book or on specialized websites. You can read other literature on spiritual topics that the priest can recommend.
It is worth remembering that confession is, first of all, repentance, and not just a sincere conversation with a priest. If you have questions, you should approach the priest at the end of the Service and ask to spend time with you.
The priest has the right to impose penance on a parishioner if he considers the sins to be grave. This is a kind of punishment to eradicate sin and receive speedy forgiveness. As a rule, penance is reading prayers, fasting and serving others. Penance should not be seen as a punishment, but as a spiritual medicine.
You must come to confession in modest clothing. Men should dress in slacks or trousers and a long-sleeved shirt, preferably without any graphics on it. You should take your hat off in church. Women should dress as modestly as possible; trousers, dresses with a neckline or bare shoulders are not acceptable. The length of the skirt is below the knee. There must be a scarf on your head. Any makeup, especially painted lips, is unacceptable, because you will have to kiss the Gospel and the Cross.
About the Sacrament of REPENTANCE (CONFESSION)
14.1. What is Confession?
– Confession is a Sacrament in which a believer confesses sins to God in the presence of a priest and through him receives forgiveness of sins from the Lord Jesus Christ Himself.
Confession is not a forcible “picking” of sins from the conscience, it is not an interrogation, and, especially, it is not a “convicting” verdict on the sinner. Confession is not a conversation about one’s shortcomings, doubts, not informing one’s confessor about oneself, and least of all a “pious custom.”
Confession is an ardent repentance of the heart, a thirst for purification, dying to sin and reviving for holiness. Confession is the great Sacrament of reconciliation between God and man, the manifestation of God’s love for man.
14.2. Why do you need to confess?
– Why do you need to wash off bodily dirt from yourself? However, a person cares about the body, which lives temporarily, but even more he must care about the soul, which will live forever. The dirt of the soul is sins that can only be cleansed from Confession.
Accumulated sins and transgressions that have not been removed from the conscience (not only large ones, but also many small ones) weigh on it so much that a person begins to feel inner anxiety or emptiness. He may suddenly fall into irritation, into some nervous breakdowns, have no internal hardness. A person often does not understand the reason for everything that happens, but it lies in the fact that unconfessed sins lie on his conscience.
Through Confession, the purity that was lost due to sins is returned. Confession is God’s great mercy towards weak and prone humanity. This is a means available to everyone, which leads to the salvation of the soul, which constantly falls into sin. Sincere Confession brings a Christian not only forgiveness of sins, but also complete spiritual health: it restores tranquility of conscience and peace of soul, weakens vicious inclinations and passions, and prevents new sins.
This Sacrament restores the state received in Baptism.
14.3. Are Repentance and Confession the same thing?
– Repentance is a sincere desire to change life according to God’s commandments, it is the most strict and meticulous self-criticism and self-assessment of all one’s errors, vices, passions – not only obvious, but also secret. Repentance is a deep contrition of the heart for one’s sinfulness and turning to God in search of purity.
Saint Theophan the Recluse defines repentance by four things: 1) awareness of one’s sin before God; 2) reproach ourselves in this sin with full confession of our guilt, without shifting responsibility to demons, other people or circumstances; 3) the determination to leave sin, to hate it, not to return to it, not to give it room in oneself; 4) prayer to God for forgiveness of sin, until the spirit is pacified.
Confession is the confession of one’s sins (orally or sometimes in writing) with a priest as a witness at a special church Sacrament, during which God Himself forgives the sins of a repentant person through the priest.
14.4. Is it necessary to repent before a priest? Does it matter which one?
– When they come to Confession, they do not repent before the priest. Being himself a sinful man, the priest is only a witness, a mediator in the Sacrament, and the true celebrant is the Lord God. The priest is a prayer book, an intercessor before the Lord and a witness that the divinely established Sacrament of Confession occurs in a legal manner.
This is the moral aspect of Confession. It is not difficult to list your sins alone with yourself before the All-Knowing and Invisible God. But discovering them in the presence of an outsider—a priest—requires considerable effort to overcome shame, pride, and recognition of one’s sinfulness, and this leads to an incomparably deeper and more serious result.
For a person truly suffering from the ulcer of sin, it makes no difference through whom he confesses this tormenting sin - as long as he confesses it as soon as possible and receives relief. And unworthy priests do not interfere with receiving the grace of God in the Sacraments. Therefore, the most important thing in Confession is not the priest who receives it, but the state of the penitent’s soul, his sincere repentance, leading to awareness of sin, heartfelt contrition and rejection of the wrongdoing.
14.5. Are all people sinners?
– “There is no righteous man on earth who does good and does not sin”(Eccl. 7:20). Everyone sins a lot before God. Are not condemnation, vanity, idle talk, hostility, ridicule, intransigence, laziness, irritability, anger constant companions? human life? More serious crimes lie on the conscience of many: infanticide (abortion), adultery, turning to sorcerers and psychics, envy, theft, enmity, revenge and much more, making people sinners who are obliged to atone for their sins by repentance and good deeds.
The Apostle John the Theologian writes: “If we say that we have no sin,– we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, then He, being faithful and righteous, will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”(1 John 1:8, 9).
14.6. What is sin, how to destroy it?
– Sin is a conscious and voluntary violation of God’s commandments. It has the ability to grow from small to great. Sin leads to degeneration, a shortening of earthly life, and can deprive eternal life. The original source of sin is fallen world, man is a conductor of sin. The phases of involvement in sin are as follows: preposition (sinful thought, desire); combination (acceptance of this sinful thought, retention of attention on it); captivity (enslavement to this sinful thought, agreement with it); falling into sin (doing in practice what was proposed by a sinful thought).
The fight against sin begins with the awareness of oneself as a sinner and the desire for correction. We must sincerely confess everything that we recognize as sinful, that our conscience denounces, and begin to atone for sins with good deeds, build our lives according to God’s commandments, in obedience to God, the Church, and our spiritual mentor.
14.7. What happens if you don’t confess all your life?
– You cannot put off repentance and wait until there is no bright spot left on your spiritual clothing: this leads to dulling of conscience and spiritual death.
If Confession is neglected, sin will oppress the soul and at the same time (after leaving it by the Holy Spirit) doors for penetration may open in it dark force and the development of all kinds of passions and predilections. A period of hostility, quarrels and even hatred towards others may begin, which will poison the life of both the sinner and his loved ones. Bad obsessive thoughts and feelings may appear: for some, an insurmountable fear of death, for others, a desire for suicide. Various unhealthy physical and mental manifestations may occur - for example, epileptic seizures or ugly mental manifestations, which are characterized as obsession and demonic possession.
14.8. What is the heaviest sin?
– The most destructive and serious sin is unbelief. If a person sins because of his imperfection and repents, then the Lord will forgive him sooner than when he sins through unbelief, for in this case the person rebels against God Himself.
14.9. Why is there insensibility at Confession?
– Insensibility at Confession for the most part has its root in the absence of fear of God and hidden lack of faith.
14.10. Can Confession be invalid?
– Confession is invalid and even offensive to the Lord if they go to this Sacrament without any preparation, without testing their conscience, hide their sins for shame or another reason, confess without contrition, formally, coldly, mechanically, without a firm intention to correct themselves in the future. Some manage to have several confessors - in such a way that they tell one one some sins, and another another. In this case, of course, all such Confessions are not accepted by the Lord.
14.11. How to prepare for the first Confession?
– To prepare for Confession means to look at your life and your soul with a repentant look, to analyze your deeds and thoughts from the point of view of God’s commandments, to pray to the Lord for the forgiveness of sins and the granting of true repentance.
Self-condemnation is the first and most important thing with which you need to come to Confession. If necessary, you should write down your sins (all your bad thoughts, feelings and deeds) for memory, so as not to miss anything during the Sacrament. Confession must be your own, and not “suitable” sins copied from a book and read to the priest.
Anyone who wants to clear their conscience at Confession must:
– have firm faith and hope in God;
– have contrition for having angered God;
- forgive all your enemies and offenders for all insults;
- without any concealment, declare all sins before the priest;
- make a firm intention to henceforth live according to the commandments of God.
14.12. What should someone who wants to begin Confession know?
– If there is a legal celebrant - an Orthodox priest - you can begin Confession at any time and as often as possible. Confession before Communion is generally accepted (in our time, believers, as a rule, take communion 1-2 times a month; for beginners, it is advisable to take communion at least 4-5 times a year).
Confession is not a conversation. If you need to consult with a priest, you should ask him to set aside another time for this.
At Confession, you need to talk only about your sins (in no case trying to whitewash yourself or judge others) and ask the Lord for forgiveness for your sins. You can begin Confession only after first reconciling with everyone. Confessing without reconciliation is useless, and receiving communion like this is a mortal sin.
If for some reason the priest does not have the opportunity to listen in detail, then there is no need to be embarrassed by the brevity of Confession - the Sacrament was performed in its entirety. But if some sin lies like a stone on your conscience, then you need to ask the priest to listen in detail. You should never be embarrassed by the severity of your sins, for there are no unforgivable sins, except those that have not been confessed and unrepentant.
14.13. What is penance?
– Penance is a kind of spiritual medicine aimed at eradicating vice. This can be bows, reading canons or akathists, intense fasting, pilgrimage to a holy place - depending on the strengths and capabilities of the penitent. Penance must be performed strictly, and only the priest who imposed it can cancel it.
14.14. Is it necessary to confess in the morning before Communion if you confessed the day before?
– If you have sinned again or remembered a forgotten sin, then you must confess again before proceeding to Communion.
14.15. Is it necessary to take communion after Confession? Is it possible to confess and leave?
– It is not necessary to receive Communion after Confession. You can sometimes come to church just for Confession. For those who want to receive communion, confession is mandatory.
14.16. Is it possible to confess not all sins?
– He who hides his sins does not want to part with them. Confessed sin, as it were, becomes outside the soul, leaves it - just as a splinter taken out of the body becomes outside the body and ceases to harm it.
If someone hides his sins at Confession because of false shame, or because of pride, or because of a lack of faith, or simply because of a lack of understanding of the importance of repentance, then he leaves Confession not only not cleansed of sins, but even more burdened with them, and is condemned .
Sin not confessed to the priest is not forgiven. If at least one sin is deliberately hidden, deliberately not expressed, then its severity will increase, and the entire Confession will be invalid. But earthly life is short-lived: today a person is alive, but tomorrow he can pass into eternity and there will be no opportunity to repent.
If a person’s conscience is not lost, then it will not give him peace until all his sins are told at Confession. You just shouldn’t talk about unnecessary details about sins, which do not explain the essence of the matter, but only paint them picturesquely.
14.17. Is it necessary to confess the same sin several times?
– If it is committed again or, after confessing it, continues to burden the conscience, then it is necessary to confess it again. If this sin has not been repeated again, then there is no need to talk about it.
14.18. When does Confession take place - before or after the service?
– The usual time for Confession is before or during the Liturgy, before Communion. Sometimes they confess at evening services, sometimes (at large quantities people) appoint a special time. It is advisable to find out about the time of Confession in advance.
14.19. What should sick people do who cannot come to church for Confession and Communion?
– Their relatives can come to the church and negotiate with the priest about Confession and Communion for the patient at home.
14.20. Should there be fasting before Confession?
– In preparation for Confession, the Church Charter does not require either a special fast or a special prayer rule– only faith and repentance are needed. The person confessing must be a baptized member Orthodox Church, a conscious believer (that is, considering himself a child of the Orthodox Church, recognizing all the foundations of Orthodox dogma) and repenting of his sins.
Fasting is necessary if there is an intention to take communion after Confession. You should consult with a priest in advance about the extent of fasting.
14.21. CAt what age should a child go to confession?
– Usually children confess from the age of 7. But there are exceptions: depending on the development of the child, the priest has the right to slightly change the age in one direction or another.
14.22. What to do if you don’t know how to confess, what to tell the priest?
– A necessary condition for Confession is contrition. Confession should be humble and reverent. You must blame only yourself and not condemn others, have a firm intention to correct your life and not return to previous sins.
But we must talk not only about our own sins, but also about those sins that we seduced our neighbors into with our advice, persuasion or bad example; about those good deeds who could have done it, but didn’t; about those good deeds from which others were led away; about those good deeds that were done “with half a sin.”
14.23. Is it useful to confess often?
– Through frequent confession, sin loses its power. Frequent Confession turns away from sin, protects from evil, confirms in goodness, maintains vigilance, keeps on the path of God's commandments, and unconfessed sins are easily repeated, become habitual and cease to burden the conscience.
He who often and immediately confesses his sins receives from the Lord not only forgiveness, but also the strength to fight sins, and subsequently victory over them.
14.24. How to overcome shame at Confession?
– The feeling of shame at Confession is natural, the feeling of shame itself is given by God to keep a person from repeating the sin. This shame must be overcome, as it comes from pride. People are not embarrassed when they sin, but they are embarrassed when they repent. This happens when they are worried and ashamed to tell the priest weaknesses that are incompatible with their own dignity, position, etc.
The priest knows all sins, since he has not just one soul confessing, but hundreds, and you will not surprise him with any sin, no matter how great and serious it is. On the contrary, any serious confessed sin arouses in the priest special concern for this person. The priest always rejoices with Christ when a person repents of his sins, and feels love, affection and great respect for a sincerely repentant Christian, because courage and will are always needed to repent of one’s sins.
But if it is still very difficult to tell about your sins at Confession, then it is better to write them and give them to the priest than to hide them. The Church is a doctor, not a judgment seat: here one is not condemned to torment for sins, but freed from sins. The Lord forgives sincerely confessed sins, He “does not want the death of the sinner, but that the sinner should turn from his way and live”(Ezek.33:11).
14.25. What to do if the priest refused to listen to Confession?
– You can contact another priest.
14.26. Can a priest tell anyone the contents of Confession?
– The Church forbids priests to reveal what was told to them at Confession, condescending to the weak conscience of repentant sinners. There are people who are ashamed to reveal the wounds of their souls in front of outside witnesses. And there are also people who are able to laugh at the sins of others. In view of this, sparing her weak children, the Church obliges priests to keep the secret of Confession. For violating this rule, a clergyman may be defrocked.
14.27. Does God forgive all sins?
– To prove that no sin can prevent a person from entering the Kingdom of God, the Lord was the first to introduce a repentant thief there.
God does not look at the multitude and severity of sins, but at the zeal of the repentant. No matter how many sins there are and no matter how great they are, God has even more mercy, because just as He Himself is infinite, so His mercy is infinite. There is no unforgivable sin except that which is not repented of.
14.28. How do you know if a sin is forgiven?
– A sign of remission of sins is that a person has come to hate sin and always considers himself a debtor to God.
14.29. What is necessary for the forgiveness of sins?
– To receive forgiveness of sins, the person confessing requires reconciliation with all his neighbors, sincere contrition for sins and their true confession, a firm intention to correct his life, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and hope in His mercy.
14.30. What if after Confession, right before Communion, a sin was remembered, but there is no longer an opportunity to confess? Should I postpone Communion?
– There is no need to postpone Communion, but this sin must be spoken about at Confession in the near future.
Hieromonk Cyprian (Safronov), a resident of the Danilov Monastery, answers the questions.
– Father, many people are now complaining that they cannot confess properly, they are not succeeding.
– Yes, the vast majority of people do not know how to confess. Some people go to church for ten years and still have not learned how to confess correctly. Why? The problem is not even that they cannot understand how to confess correctly, the problem is that they are not really interested in this, do not read literature, although many books and inexpensive brochures are being published now, they still do not know how to behave correctly in church, how one should behave in general Orthodox man. There is a code of conduct for an Orthodox person! Sometimes they even forget that they are Orthodox people. And as a result, they cannot approach the Sacrament of Confession correctly. This is where problems arise. Such a person comes to confession as a normal procedure preceding communion. But this is a sacrament, a great sacrament of the Church, only through the sacrament of Confession can a person correct himself, correct his life, learn to live correctly. No other way. The grace of God is given directly only through the sacraments. Each church sacrament gives its grace: the sacrament of Marriage gives grace for married life, the sacrament of Ordination for the priestly field, and the sacrament of Confession is given to a person so that he is spiritually and physically healthy, so that sooner or later he learns to live correctly, that is, not to sin. And if a person himself cannot stop sinning, cannot correct himself, then the Lord allows illness so that he at least stops sinning through it. Illnesses are the mercy of God, they are given to us due to our weakness and foolishness, the Lord humbles us through illnesses, and during illness we begin to treat the sins that we love to repeat when we are healthy, more than coolly, we humble ourselves.
– Many people, coming to confession, hope that the priest himself will ask them about everything...
– During confession, a priest should not necessarily ask the person being confessed anything... A person must learn to confess his sins on his own, prepare a confession in advance, analyze his behavior, identify the sin, come and tell the priest: I am a sinner. Often the confessor begins to tell how he, say, had a strong quarrel with someone, what he said to him, and what he answered, and how he reacted to it; You can no longer tell who is to blame. Then you have to ask the person being confessed what your sin is, yours personally, and remind him that he came to confess, and not to complain about someone else.
– What if a person cannot correctly assess the situation himself and tells it to the priest so that the priest can help?
– A person should know that in any situation he must first of all blame himself. Why? Because, being offended, he did not make concessions, did not stop the incident, although he could have. An Orthodox Christian must look for his guilt in any situation, because in any life situation Part of the blame always lies with us. If we are not at all to blame, then we should feel calm, our conscience should be calm.
“But they falsely accused the man, and he did not do what he was accused of...
“Then it’s not his problem.”
- It’s so offensive to him...
“But this is already a big sin, and you need to go to confession right away.” The problem here is that you are offended, which means that there is some truth in what you were accused of. If you have any anxiety, if you start to complain, this is an indicator that it is your fault. Our resentment tells us that something is wrong with us. This ill-being first accumulates inside, little by little, and does not immediately come out, but then, having overwhelmed us, it is sure to come to light. And a person, if he does not confess properly, begins to look for his own ways of venting his resentment: he makes plans for personal revenge, goes to a psychologist, a sorcerer, or even thinks about how to hire a killer...
It happens that a person, say, steps on another’s sore spot and doesn’t notice. The owner of the sore callus begins to shout at him, saying, watch where you are going, or he’ll hit you on the top of his head - it’s a shame that his sore callus was not noticed. The person, knowing that there is no guilt on him, is perplexed as to why he received it, but nevertheless is not offended. What is the result? The victim, not only did they step on his sore spot, but he also sinned and now must repent in confession. That is, it turns out that the injured party sinned more. And from the one who stepped on, there is no demand from him, he got hit on top of the head for nothing, he has nothing to repent of. The victim, if he had endured, would have become a martyr, and he would have developed love for the person because he had forgiven him.
– People often miss Sunday services in church due to illness or some other valid reason, and it may be difficult to blame them for this...
– Previously, an Orthodox person dreamed of dying in church, and after Communion, he considered it all the more happiness to die, therefore, despite any illness, he went to church services, fasted, and took communion. He did not think about whether he was sick or healthy, whether he could go to church or not. I had to go to the temple - I went to the temple, I had to go to work - I went to work. Why? Because he believed in God and tried to live in His will. And in our time, a person undergoes treatment for 40 years and cannot be cured, and for all 40 years he has been concerned only with this, buys and reads a lot of “healthy” literature, consults with many specialists, drinks a huge amount of medications, but to no avail. And he also cannot die in God’s way, although perhaps he wants to - the time has come. Sins are not allowed. How did you die before? A man worked and worked in the field, felt that he was tired, sat down to rest, sighed, crossed himself and gave his soul to God. And now he is suffering, but his sins are not allowed... They don’t confess properly, they don’t take communion for six months, and when any misfortune happens to them, they immediately run to church for confession. They come, confess, and disappear again for six months... So they spin around due to their weakness - first one misfortune, then another, then a third, and it turns out - they are not turned towards God, and they do not belong to the world.
- What to do?
- Confess on time, take communion, do not break fasts - strictly fulfill your duties. And severity should be determined by the priest, as he determines for each person separately.
Hello. I really want to confess, but I don’t know where to start. More precisely, I'm afraid. I don’t go to church regularly, but quite often. Every time I want to go up to the priest and ask, but I am overcome by fear. And again I leave it for later. My heart is heavy. Please advise what to do. Sincerely, Elena.
Priest Philip Parfenov answers:
Hello, Elena!
Well, in your situation you need to somehow overcome this fear, step over it and still start confessing - there is no other way. Walk around different churches, look at the priests, and in your city you will probably find someone to whom your soul will open. Ask around through your friends, look at different websites of St. Petersburg churches... The seeker will always find! God help you!
Father, yesterday at a sermon in our church the priest said that previously, for the sin of fornication and witchcraft, people were excommunicated from communion for many years. Does this practice continue today?
Olga
Hello Olga!
Of course, no one has canceled the canons, and, theoretically, they can be applied in church practice. But, as far as I know, priests now prescribe much milder penances than the canons require. This is a forced measure associated with many factors, which are difficult to list. But, nevertheless, the canons give us the opportunity to understand how seriously the Church takes such sins as fornication and witchcraft.
Please tell me how to confess correctly. Is it enough to just name the sin, for example, deception? loved one. Or is it necessary to explain in more detail what the deception was? Marina.
Priest Dionysius Svechnikov answers:
Hello, Marina!
In most cases, simply naming the sin is enough. However, there are different types of deception. Therefore, it is better to be a little more specific. If necessary, the priest himself will ask you to talk about something in more detail.
Hello, father. Please tell me how to confess to a 7-year-old child? Previously, we just went to receive communion, but from the age of 7, I heard that you need to go to confession. Thank you! Tatiana.
Hello Tatiana!
Try to explain to your child what sin is, that our sins upset God and therefore we must repent of them - that is, ask for forgiveness. Leave the rest to the priest, who should be warned that this is the child’s first confession. Under no circumstances prepare a confession for a child; it is very important that he learns to feel sin on his own. But if a child asks you whether this or that action is a sin, then, of course, you can answer the question.
Hello! Please tell me what to do if I have already confessed the same sin several times, but there is no relief, and the memory of the sin still torments me? Thank you! Larisa.
Hello, Larisa!
Consult with the priest during confession about what prayers or other spiritual means can help you. Knowing you and your sin personally, the priest will give accurate and effective advice during confession.
How to confess mental sins, in detail or in general phrases - blasphemous, obscene thoughts, or in detail, what exactly did I think about? After all, there are thoughts that cannot even be voiced.
And if we are responsible for every word, and so many terrible words have been said throughout our lives, it is impossible to say all the words in confession, then we must speak in general phrases in confession? Tatiana.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello Tatiana!
Of course, so many terrible words have been said throughout one’s life that it is neither possible nor helpful to say them in confession. But even “general” phrases can be more or less detailed. If thoughts constantly overwhelm you, then The best way their healing is to directly name them in confession. Then the priest will be able to tell you the most effective way fight them. The same applies to words - you can repent without remembering every word spoken, but describing the situation quite specifically.
Please tell me, is it possible to address God using “You” during confession, or should we speak about the Lord in the third person when addressing the priest? Save me, God! Anna.
Priest Dionysius Svechnikov answers:
Hello Anna!
We repent before God, and the priest is a mediator between God and man. We confess to God, but we speak with a priest who accepts the confession.
There is a lot of controversy about whether or not to receive communion on Easter Day. On Maundy Thursday evening there will be the last confession before Happy Easter. The question is, if you can’t get to confession on Maundy Thursday, will there be another confession at the night service on Maundy Saturday? Save me, God! Alexander.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello, Alexander! God bless you!
In each parish this issue is resolved individually depending on specific circumstances. But, of course, it is not possible to confess in detail on Easter, so try to confess in advance. In any case, for a final answer you need to contact the church you are going to go to for Easter.
Are there any known cases in church practice of recording confessions on various information media? Does a person confessing have the right, without informing the priest, to secretly record his confession? In general, is it possible to evaluate such actions? Thank you. Marina.
Priest Mikhail Samokhin answers:
Hello, Marina!
Confession is a secret, the keeping of which is obligatory not only for the priest, but also for the confessor. Secretly recording a confession can be regarded as human dishonesty. Unless there are some exceptional reasons that prompt you to do this, about which you do not write anything. If you want to record a confession, the priest must be informed about this and give his blessing.
For more than a year I have been tormented by a mortal sin that I committed against my family. I constantly have thoughts that the Lord will not forgive me for him or, if he does, then I or my children will have to suffer a terrible punishment. I have already confessed to him, but I am still tormented in my soul. What should I do? How to live peacefully? I have no strength, I cry constantly. . .
Thanks in advance for your help. Catherine.
Priest Dionysius Svechnikov answers:
Hello, Ekaterina!
This happens, people continue to suffer after confession. This usually happens when confession is not entirely sincere or complete. I think that you should go to the temple and personally talk to the priest, tell about the problem and ask for advice. It is very difficult to help you in absentia, via the Internet.
You know, my mother forces me to go to Unction, but I don’t want to. After all, after this you need to confess. But in order to confess, you need to feel a spiritual need, as I think. And I'm on this moment I don't feel it. And I think that without this there is no point in confessing. Can you please tell me what to do? Love, 17 years old.
Priest Antony Skrynnikov answers:
Hello, Love!
Confession, as a rule, occurs before the unction, and not after. Forcing you to go to unction against your will is, of course, wrong. But on the other hand, you must understand that no mother would wish anything bad for her child. No first grader wants to go to school. It's much more fun to play with soldiers and cars all day long. When we grow up, we begin to understand what a good deed our parents did by giving us an education.
If you do not feel a spiritual need for repentance, then this is a serious reason to think that something is happening to your soul. If we do not see our sins and the need to get rid of them, then our soul is dead. If we consider our conscience clear, then this is a sign of short memory.
To awaken your conscience, you need to read the Gospel, spiritual literature, including about confession.
Does everyone need a confessor (or, more correctly, a spiritual father) and why? Olga.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello Olga!
A Christian needs a confessor. There are many reasons for this. For a beginner who is just beginning to live a spiritual life, a confessor serves as a guide who will not let them get lost and can warn against many dangers and difficulties. The confessor is also a mentor who helps in spiritual growth and development. The confessor is also compared to a doctor who heals spiritual ailments. Many holy fathers write about the need to have a confessor.
How often should you go to confession? And if I can’t express some moments of my life to Father, but they gnaw at me, how can I overcome myself? Julia.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello Julia!
The frequency of confession depends on the intensity of spiritual life; this issue is decided individually for each person. As a rule, it is recommended to confess and receive communion at least once every 3-4 weeks, but this is only the most approximate guideline. How often you should confess, decide in a personal conversation with the priest with whom you are confessing. Confessing some sins does require a certain amount of spiritual courage. Pray, ask the Lord for help. Perhaps a written confession will help you - write what you want to repent of and let the priest read the note, this is acceptable. There is no “magic” way to overcome yourself - only self-compulsion, prayer and spiritual effort can help you. May God give you strength!
I was baptized 2 years ago, but I haven’t been to confession. Now, I feel that it is simply necessary. Are sins described from the time of baptism? Or for your entire life? In several confessions. Please tell me! Sincerely, Vladimir.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello, Vladimir!
At Baptism, a person is forgiven all previously committed sins, so there is no need to repent of them. It is necessary to confess sins committed after Baptism, but if your conscience is uneasy, tell the priest about it.
Hello! Please resolve the issue. Is it possible to confess without preparation (1-3 days of fasting and reading the canons), if you are sure that you will not receive communion after this confession? Or is it not possible? Natalia.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello, Natalia!
Yes, you can confess without first fasting and reading special prayers. Let me remind you, however, that Lent is now underway, which must be observed to the best of our ability.
I want to confess for the first time, but I am very concerned about the following question: my husband and I are not married. We want to get married this summer. I remember that this is not a reason to postpone confession until the summer. How should I deal with such a situation? Catherine.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello, Ekaterina!
Don’t be embarrassed, the Church does not consider a registered marriage a sin, even if this marriage is not celebrated. Therefore, there is no reason to postpone confession and communion until the summer. Now it's getting closer Lent- a time of deep repentance. I wish you not to postpone confession, but to take advantage of this grace-filled period of the church year.
Hello. IN Lately I come to realize how much I have sinned in my life; I recently had an abortion. I can't live like this anymore, I have no excuse. I repent very much of everything, there is a stone in my soul. Please tell me what I need to do, will the Lord forgive me if I repent of everything I have done? I don’t want to go to hell after death, because essentially I’m not a bad person. Thank you. Catherine.
Hello, Ekaterina!
I am sincerely glad that you realized the severity of the sins you committed and repent of them. The Lord forgives us sins for which we sincerely repent. You need to start with confession in church; listen to the advice of the priest who will receive your confession. If he deems it necessary to give you penance, make every effort to fulfill it, and in the future try not to allow grave sins. Remember that the Lord loves every person and desires salvation for all of us. But we are saved not by our “merits,” but by the grace of God. And we are all sinners, but this is not at all the same as “bad”. Every person has the image of God, and we need to understand that all our “good” sides are from God. But we are sinners, we all distort the image of God with our sins, and therefore we must repent of our sins and we all need God’s mercy. The word “repentance” in Greek is “metanoia” and means “change of consciousness.” It is necessary to repent in such a way as to be able to change, so that even the thought of repeating the sin is unacceptable for us. Pray, repent and do not despair of God’s Grace! God help you!
How to repent correctly? Do I understand correctly that I need to tell everything that was perfect and now torments me? And can this be done in any church? Ksenia.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello, Ksenia!
You need to repent of the sins that you have noticed in yourself. This can be done in any church, but it is advisable over time to find a confessor - a priest to whom you will regularly confess and who will become your leader in spiritual life.
I just can’t improve my spiritual life. WITH home prayer somehow it began to clear up after 4.5 years of going to church. But there’s a problem with regular communion. I think: why will I prepare, try, if, in principle, no one needs me in the church. It all comes down to the indifference of the priests. They only do their job, they are not interested in the spiritual life of the flock, the individual. Confession either early in the morning, or during the service. All actions of the clergy are aimed at collecting money. Just formalism, nothing lively. I read a lot of articles about confession and communion. Eat good advice, but the articles assume that you are coming to a conscientious and intelligent priest. In Kazan, the majority are hacks. Opening your soul to them leaves a residue, a feeling of annoyance. Such a psychological conflict. What advice do you have other than patience?
Thank you. Tatiana.
Hello Tatiana!
When we come to Church, we do not come to this or that priest, good or bad, we come to God, to Christ. It is to Him that we turn in prayer, we unite with Him in the Sacrament of Communion, He forgives us our sins, heals our soul, and guides our lives. And He needs each of us, and is valuable, and dear. Remember that for your sake the Lord came to earth and accepted death on the cross. He loves you and wants you to be saved. Therefore, the first thing I can advise you is to look in church not for attention from the priest or parishioners, but for a meeting with the Lord. And a Christian does not participate in the sacraments in order to become needed by someone - you need the sacraments, in them you receive God's grace, support for your spiritual strength, healing of spiritual illnesses.
Next, you write that you confess and receive communion irregularly, but at the same time you want the priest to give you Special attention. But you cannot guide the spiritual life of a person whom you do not know and see irregularly. In such cases it is very difficult to give any advice. And sometimes the priest tries to give advice, but the interlocutor is not ready to hear it, and therefore takes offense at the priest. In addition, we must remember that confession is repentance of sins, and, as a rule, there is no need to describe during confession those reasons that in our eyes are “mitigating circumstances.” The Lord knows all mitigating circumstances better than us, but sin remains sin, and we need to repent of it in confession. When you need to clarify something, the priest himself will ask the question. But often during confession one hears complaints about the bad temper of relatives and friends, unbearable working conditions, and the like. And the purpose of confession is not to have a “spiritual” conversation with the priest, but to bring repentance to the Lord for sins and receive forgiveness from Him.
Well, the last thing I would like to tell you about. Try not to wait for someone to need you, but to become needed by your neighbors. Offer your strength for some parish events, set aside time to visit the sick, elderly, orphans, in a word, show someone your attention and mercy. Just don’t expect something “in return”, but just try to become useful to someone nearby. The feeling of uselessness and abandonment will pass very quickly, I assure you.
If you have any questions that you cannot find an answer to, write to us, I will try to answer your questions.
Hello! For some time now, after confession, I have been tormented by one question. If a woman has an abortion and repents of it (confession and candles for the repose of the soul of the unborn child), then God forgives this sin, but how does this affect the man who also took part in the conception (the man does not confess and does not believe)? Thanks in advance for your answer. Natalia.
Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:
Hello, Natalia!
A woman’s repentance has no effect on a man: everyone is responsible before God for their sins. So the man also needs to repent, or he will be held accountable for his sin before God.