home Diagnosis and diseases How long do they mourn for parents in Orthodoxy? How long does mourning last?

How long do they mourn for parents in Orthodoxy? How long does mourning last?

Good afternoon, Maxim!
In the generally accepted understanding, mourning involves wearing dark clothes and prohibiting entertainment for a certain period of time: from several months to a year - for the closest relatives. During this time, widowers, as a rule, do not remarry.
The deepest mourning, which lasts one year, is observed by the widow. She wears mostly black clothes and does not wear any jewelry or jewelry. During this period, she does not visit places of entertainment and has no right to marry. Refusing outfits and marriage soon, the widow shows respect for the feelings of the parents and relatives of her late husband.
A widower mourns for six months. Children mourn for their deceased parents for a year, gradually moving from black clothes to clothes several shades lighter.
Mourning for a grandmother or grandfather is observed for six months, the same period of mourning is established for a deceased sister or brother, and for uncles and aunts - three months.
During mourning, you cannot express your boundless grief to others. The whole point of mourning lies not only in mourning clothes, but also in maintaining a decent state of mind of a person. At this time, a person is in deep thought about himself, his loved ones and thinks about the meaning of life. Things that are prohibited during mourning include: clothing bright colors, from silk fabrics, any jewelry, be it gold or silver. The use of perfume is prohibited.
formal clothing was dark, black or of blue color, in which shades of red were completely excluded. Most often not new. Currently, if there are no suitable clothes or headwear in the wardrobe, they buy black dress(suit), headscarf. Previously, during mourning, they didn’t even try to take special care of their clothes, because, according to folk beliefs, careful care for her was a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of the deceased. During the period of mourning, women should cover their heads with a scarf.
There was a widespread custom during this period not to cut hair, not to do elegant, voluminous hairstyles, and in some cases, even to braid girls’ hair. In general, in Rus', women, as a rule, had to observe external signs of mourning longer, and men could wear black, dark-colored clothes only on days of remembrance, which was not condemned in the public consciousness even by village residents.
Signs of mourning in the house remained for a long time, depending on the way of life. In most cases - up to 40 days, and also up to a year. Until the 40th day, the deceased is called newly deceased. Commemoration of the newly deceased in the first time after death is important and necessary, especially because it makes it easier for the soul of the deceased to make such a difficult transition from temporary to eternal life and helps to go through the so-called ordeals. Special days of commemoration of the newly deceased are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first). The soul that remains after the death of a living earthly organism consists of several parts called modern classification conventionally the etheric, astral and mental bodies, these bodies disintegrate on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day.
According to folk tradition, up to 40 days the soul of the deceased is close to his family and home. These days, the closest relatives gather to remember the deceased with prayer over a joint meal.
If the deceased was baptized, you should order a sorokoust - commemoration at 40 liturgies, be sure to visit the church on the 9th and 40th days from the day of death and serve a memorial service, and pray daily for the repose of the soul.
In memory of the deceased, one should perform good deeds and give alms to everyone who asks. There is also a custom to remember the deceased on every death anniversary, birthday and Angel Day.
You can find out more information on our website.

Sample text for obituaries can be found in the media. The article informs about death specific person. The daily newspaper indicates the exact time and date of the funeral service. Unfortunately, it is losing its relevance nowadays. Relatives notify only family and friends about the tragic incident. Some people have no idea what happened. There are many people who knew him during his lifetime and would not want to stay away. For such cases, there are death notices in newspapers.

An obituary, at its core, is sad news about what happened to people who do not yet know about the death. Usually compiled from some team: colleagues, relatives. Represents a photograph of the deceased and an article with short biography. A sample of an obituary in a newspaper is provided in the photo.

Relatives and friends express personal grief in their farewell speech. Colleagues, co-workers and acquaintances cannot always attend the funeral. A team in which a person has worked for more than one year cannot remain indifferent to the tragedy. Colleagues often experience the loss more intensely than friends whom you see very rarely. Don't forget that most people spend much more time at work than with their families.

The differences in writing an obituary from relatives or colleagues lie only in the attitude towards the deceased. Relatives and friends usually indicate personal character traits that deserve attention: kindness, attitude towards people. Everything that was valued in this person. Colleagues focus on professional qualities. About all this below in the text.

There is no single obituary template for everyone, just as no two people have the same fate. True, the best death notices to colleagues are often kept in the trade union department. Samples of obituaries are divided into age categories, male or female, manager or employee.

If such a sample is not available, then it is not difficult to write an obituary on behalf of your team yourself. There are no strict rules in writing an obituary. The text is somewhat laconic. Only dry official language is not welcome, in the absence of defining phrases. Your team must inform you “with regret,” etc. Stick to a few components, and the end result will be a complete obituary text.

Next to the photo in a black frame the full data is placed:

Full Name.

Date of birth and date of death.

The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of which company or organization is reporting the sad news. These could also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Don't forget to add the phrase "with regret." The bare statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss to the relatives of the deceased.
What year did he die? What was the reason for this (suddenly, after a long illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
Briefly describe biographical facts, mentioning the importance of individual moments for society and family. Colleagues indicate stages in obituaries career growth what degrees and titles he has achieved. Highlight the main achievements in professional field, what benefits it brought to production, to the business of the company.

For loved ones, human qualities come first. Everything for which he was valued and respected. For example, “he was a support for his relatives,” “ loving husband and father."

For an obituary in a newspaper, it used to be mandatory to list the surviving relatives by seniority. Nowadays, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: “he was hope and support for his elderly parents,” “ loving husband and the father of two small children."
At the end, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in our hearts.
The last line can be a short, relevant quote or epitaph.
If the publication of the newspaper in which the obituary is submitted is daily, then mandatory The time and place of burial is indicated.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a properly composed obituary, even stranger can fully imagine who he was, what he had to endure and achieve during his career life path. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from those living and remembering him.

Often pride does not allow loved ones to ask for help at such a moment, although they need it more than ever. Therefore, paragraph 5 was previously required in the obituary. It makes it clear who exactly needs help and words of support.

Sometimes fate decrees that only an obituary can force people to meet. IN last time to say goodbye with dignity and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive your friends of this opportunity, and your loved ones - of help. The obituary must be revived.

The Internet has become a full-fledged replacement for television and radio broadcasting and publications in newspapers. You can post farewell lines on your social media page. networks. Many acquaintances and most of your friends will learn about the sad news. After such news, is it possible to post anything later? Can a message on the Internet replace an obituary in a newspaper?

With the change of generations, cultural values also change. Time will show. IN this moment messages on social media networks are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on different sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the wall of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and fun. Each subsequent post will erase all the sincerity of the words written.

When you hear the word epitaph, a short inscription on the monument immediately appears. Endowed with the ability to preserve wisdom and inconsolable sorrow for centuries. More than one generation will pass until the gravestone made of granite or marble is destroyed. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Monument from the word “memory”. To put an epitaph on a monument means to express respect for the deceased, preserving his memory for many centuries.

Historically, the birthplace of epitaphs is Ancient Greece. This concept meant any speech over a grave. From the Greek “epi” - above and “taphos” - grave. Only then did it become words on stone. During the Renaissance, elite segments of the population indicated on monuments the stages of the birth of their family, praising the virtue of the deceased and all his relatives with maximum pathos. Perhaps thanks to this, historians have the opportunity to study in detail the life and life of that time.

IN ancient world Similar inscriptions on slabs are found everywhere. IN Ancient Egypt hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and writing on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan from ancient times transferred their Eastern philosophy into epitaphs. For example, the saying: “It’s not hard to die, it’s hard to live.”

In Western culture, it is customary to choose a gravestone inscription for yourself during your lifetime. It makes sense. Who knows better than ourselves if not ourselves? You can send a message to your descendants, or indicate what you should strive for. Even fears can force you to write your own epitaph. According to one legend, the writer W. Shakespeare was afraid that cemetery robbers would dig up his body. Therefore, the inscription reads in a free translation: “He who does not touch is blessed throughout the ages, and he who touches my ashes will be cursed.”

Thanks to Peter the Great, European traditions began to take root in Russia. Guaranteed, they adopted the rituals of perpetuating the memory of the deceased after traveling through European countries. Composing thoughtful quatrains is not given to everyone, so the poets of that time were involved in this. Pushkin A.S. I didn’t shy away from this genre. Epitaph of A.S. Pushkin for himself:

“Pushkin is buried here; he is with a young muse,

With love and laziness spent a cheerful century,

He did not do good, but he was a soul,

By God, he’s a good man.”

Your attitude towards life and yourself immediately becomes clear. Not everyone wants the memory of him to be echoed in their hearts with pain and sorrow. There are many who approach everything with ease and humor. On one of the tombstones there is an inscription: “If you were lying there, I would be reading.” We can say with confidence that a man with humor is buried there and chose her during his lifetime. There are many similar examples. Famous poets and writers composed epitaphs. On the monument to rock musician Igor Talkov, the epitaph is the words of one of his songs: “And defeated in battle, I will rise again and sing.” Perhaps when he composed these lines in his song, he wrote it precisely as an epitaph. By this he perpetuated his principles and remained in the memory of the people.

To compose an epitaph for yourself while you are still alive means to preserve the memory of yourself in exactly the form that, in your perception, best reflects your inner world. Do not shift this burden onto the shoulders of inconsolable relatives. It won't be easy for your loved ones anyway. Maybe your epitaph will serve as a reminder to them that death is just a transition from one world to another. Let us remember the epitaph of A.S. Pushkin. At that time, the philosophy of Epicureanism preached that there was no need to be afraid of death: “As long as we exist, there is no death. When there is death, we are no more."

We offer you a selection of epitaphs on our Easy Funeral website. But before you start looking for ready-made epitaphs, try to answer one question: “What epitaph would you write for yourself?” Perhaps this epitaph will be what you are looking for. Writing epitaphs is not as easy as it seems. In 2-4 lines, put the whole meaning of your life lived, preserving a worthy memory of yourself for centuries.

“Always expect, but do not fear death, both are the true characteristics of wisdom.”

Saint John Chrysostom

Can you say with confidence where your great-grandparents are buried? What did your ancestors do before the revolution of 1917? What were they like? Many people do not have this information. One century has passed. We don’t remember the past, which means there is no future. In past times, there was no single database of deceased people. Several decades pass and the connection between generations is lost. Roots and family traditions are forgotten.

This happens due to the fact that parents did not talk much about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. Over the course of one century, more than one change of place of residence, cities and countries could occur. It is quite possible that your family lineage does not originate exactly from the places you assume. On the Internet you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. Burial places ordinary people usually forgotten and they become abandoned.

To prevent this from happening, a “Virtual Cemetery” was created on our website. The book of memory is a database of deceased people. It will help you save everything that you think is important to remember. The Internet cemetery allows you to post a photo of a grave, photographs and videos of a person, and establish the exact coordinates of the burial. If you live in another area, order a service on our website for the care of the specified grave, delivery of flowers to the grave or relatives. Perhaps distant relatives will decide to visit the grave. The entered data will allow you to find it.

Allow family and friends to honor the deceased on the virtual cemetery page. They can complement everything you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the online cemetery you can light a candle for the deceased and make a virtual gift. Remember virtual candle not a replacement for real prayer in church and for the repose. A common sign of attention to relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. For those who are grieving, such signs of support are important in their time of need. In the “Links” tab, you can collect in one place all the links on the Internet that mention your family member or loved one, including links of the deceased person to pages on social networks.

We do not affect the interests of religious people of different faiths. The Easy Funeral website strives to preserve the memory of people who have passed on for the living.

Close the page from prying eyes if you consider the information to be purely personal. Sometimes the burden of unspoken words to a deceased person becomes unbearable. Write on the page of the memory book everything that you did not have time to say in person. It will seem that your message has been read. Believe me, it will become much easier.

If you wish, you can make this page your diary and share your sorrows and sorrows, achievements and joys. It is especially difficult for those who, due to the great distance from the burial site, cannot do this in reality. The book of memory will allow you to find such an outlet. If you are experiencing a loss very seriously, we recommend that you read the article on how to cope with grief after death.

It is not at all necessary to be an important person in life for us to be remembered. Along with the graves of celebrities, why not allow subsequent generations to find on the Internet where your family and friends are buried? will preserve the memory of the dead for centuries.

How to cope with grief after death loved one? The formulation of the question already conceals an incorrect approach to the problem. A couple of effective tips will help you cope with depression and return to your normal lifestyle. Let's start with the fact that you shouldn't try to fight grief. You will fight unsuccessfully with yourself. This is part inner world. Your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, give it a way out!

Don't artificially suppress your feelings.Trying to dull the pain, they often look for a way out in intoxication, when all senses are dulled. A hangover syndrome greatly increases melancholy and anxiety. Everything that is said and done in a drunken stupor causes a feeling of guilt the next day. Trying to get rid of depression leads to the opposite result. Depression develops at an accelerated rate. It is very easy in such a situation to become an alcoholic or drug addict.

Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliché: “don’t drink, you’ll become an alcoholic,” “cry and you’ll feel better.” It is wrong to ignore phrases that have been repeated for centuries different people. If semantic load would not correspond to reality, why then did these words reach us through the centuries? That's right. Conventional logic confirms that drunkenness is not an option. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.

Pride prevents many from shedding tears in vain. Don't want to show weakness in front of others? In this case, you just need to cry alone. Throw out the entire load of accumulated experiences. Drunken tears provide no consolation. The crying of a drunk in company does not evoke sincere sympathy. Only pity on the verge of contempt. And you feel shame when you sober up. Therefore, only alone, without any alcohol. Let the tears flow as long as your tired mind requires.

The opposite situations arise. Tears flow like a river and do not bring any relief. Everything is strictly individual. This is everyone’s attitude to the tragedy that occurred through the prism of their own worldview. There are no universal remedies. There is no panacea for grief. But what if we can offer a cure that will help you get rid of depression? No need to buy expensive medications. Dilute just 30-50 drops of this product in boiled water and drink 1 hour before meals. This miracle remedy is nothing more than an ordinary motherwort tincture. Used to prevent depression.

If you rely only on this remedy, it means that you did not carefully read what was written earlier. To get out of a depressed state, you need to let your grief out. Suppressing your feelings will increase depression. There is another method that can help those who shed tears incessantly. And to those who do not cry due to natural restraint. Therapy by Arthur Yanov.

Scream therapy.

Arthur Janov (Arthur Yanov) is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. Author of the “Primal Scream” treatment theory. This therapy is not only suitable for those experiencing grief after the death of a loved one. Recommended for those who are on the verge nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions inside reach critical mass and the result of this explosion is difficult to predict.

Children scream in pain and hurt. Adults do not hold back from shouting in a major quarrel. As a result, they are freed from the negative charge of negative emotions that have accumulated over time. This has a positive effect. The feeling of being completely cleansed negative energy. There comes balance, peace and tranquility.

If you had to lose someone close to you, then the cry breaks out. Inconsolable widows and mothers scream without embarrassment because the pain is unbearable. You can't keep her inside. Nature itself asks that a surge of negative emotions come out of a person screaming.

Comparing physical pain with mental pain. Sharp pain Hitting your finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. Screaming is an obligatory follower of pain. One of the main factors mitigating the consequences of grief.

In the United States, scream therapy takes place in groups. For half an hour, everyone is loudly shouting at each other to get rid of negative emotions. You can relieve stress alone. To do this, you need to find a secluded place where no one will disturb you. The main thing is that you yourself fully invest in this cry. We weren’t distracted by thoughts of what they might hear.

Plan a trip to nature if possible. A short-term change of environment can have a positive effect on you. For residents rural areas and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a remote and deserted place. Screaming in the mountains or near bodies of water has a strong effect.

For residents of large cities, scream therapy can take place in an abandoned area, wasteland or pier. Consider the time so that there are no strangers passing by. You can shout from the roofs of houses and balconies. WITH high altitude the scream below is not heard. Scream in the car, or at work, if conditions permit, at home into a pillow, or without hiding out loud. It depends on the situation in which one is entirely predisposed to remove all the pain that has accumulated.

Concentrate so that the feeling of grief overwhelms you completely. Remember all the moments that you tried to forget before, which causes the most severe pain: news of death, sadness of loss. Remember everything you had to go through after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this melancholy into a cry. Loud and drawn out. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what exactly you shout. The main thing is that it comes from the depths of the soul. This cry is a farewell to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.

Even if it happens that someone else suddenly hears your cry of pain. Do you think everyone will immediately rush to help? A cry of pain cannot be confused with anything. Quite the opposite. Anyone who hears it will run away. Everyone diligently avoids pain. Why should you keep it to yourself? Scream until you feel absolute emptiness within yourself.

This is peace, which can bring you out of prolonged depression. All that remains is to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.

Everything is relatively simple, if you look at it. Scream therapy by Arthur Yanov can take you out of the cyclical state, inherent in people depressed after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about cry therapy.

Find an environment of people where screaming is normal. Now there is no need to be alone. On the contrary, a massive gathering of people will quickly help you return to reality. Fans of football, hockey or basketball teams chant so much that shouting becomes the norm. Maybe this could be a KVN competition. Choose an event you like. Scream and at the same time enjoy the game and take your mind off it.

Avoid loneliness.Communication with friends and family will help you recover faster. Moral support and possibly financial assistance is the only way for them to somehow reduce your pain. Don't refuse sincere help. The involvement of family and friends in your life can be a major factor in healing.

In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between physical and emotional states, you can influence one and improve the other. In other words, if the physical condition is at a decent level, then emotional condition will not keep you waiting. The merger process will take place. You will begin to feel much more confident. Healthy image life and healthy eating- the basis of the basics.

Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping will help you get rid of depression after the death of a person. Look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not correspond to the one you are used to seeing before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it is time to take care of yourself. Don’t scare away your loved ones and friends with your appearance, go to the store. Negative emotions deplete vital energy. Satisfaction from successful purchases and decent appearance are already a sign of getting out of a depressive state.

Fill the spiritual emptiness.After scream therapy comes relaxation and spiritual emptiness that needs to be filled with something. This is not a replacement for the place of the deceased person in your memories. This is the place of your grief and experiences. It depends only on you what will happen in this place: the newly returned melancholy and pain or something else.

Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to take up a hobby, but there was no time. That time has come.

Letter.Getting out of depression after the death of a loved one is often prevented by one detail that is not given much importance. Often in moments of grief, a single thought gnaws at you with stubborn persistence. What they did not have time to express to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other and hundreds different words, to which we do not attach special importance until death.

Write a letter of repentance to a deceased person. Let it be on paper or on your own social media page. networks. Write down everything you didn’t have time to say. Everything you feel now. Ask for forgiveness and express your love.

Few people turn to psychologists. They are waiting for time to put everything in its place. A year passes, then another, but this does not happen. It is necessary to realize the fact that only you can decide when the wound will heal. My Soul Hurts. The heart doesn't want to forget anything. Any careless word or memory returns you to a state of severe depression.

Understanding that many people recover from shock much faster further increases depression. Does everyone return to normal after the death of a loved one as quickly as it seems from the outside? Knowing how people experience grief at each stage, you yourself will be able to determine what period you are going through. Keep in mind that in addition to individuality, the process of experiencing is also cyclical. Returns to the early stages of experiences may be temporary and protracted.

Everything is ambiguous. Understanding various reactions, common to people in grief, can help those suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Grief experiences and a person’s emotional state are divided over time.

After death, for several weeks the mourner experiences a state of unreality of what is happening. The person refuses to believe what is happening. Appetite disappears, reactions slow down. The general physical condition is deteriorating. On average it lasts 7-9 days.

Anger and apathy

Often, apathy can be replaced by a feeling of anger. This may occur if all plans and hopes for a happy future are gone with the deceased. The person begins to realize the irretrievable loss, but is not in the mood to believe. It seems that only he can understand his grief. In case of misfortune, there is no help from loved ones, no support either. The reasons for anger can be completely different. It often appears to the mourner without any justification. This is an emotional state.

Those close to the bereaved need to accept and come to terms with the fact that after a shock it happens that people who are calm by nature can behave aggressively. Again, everything is individual. Instead of aggression, there is the exact opposite state of mind, when people withdraw into themselves after a tragedy. Which in itself is much calmer for others, but has a more negative impact on the mourner. Don't be lonely for long periods of time. The process of getting out of depression may take a longer time.

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After the shock stage, people often see a deceased person on the street. The state of shock continues at this stage. It usually lasts 5-12 days. They can hear the footsteps and voice of the deceased. The mind does not want to accept the loss. Strives to bring back the deceased. Denies the very idea of irretrievable loss.

Acute grief

Shock gives way to a stage of acute grief. Duration 6-7 weeks. General ailments appear regardless of physical activity: fatigue, intermittent breathing, weakness, sleep disturbance. Smells and appetite increase. It happens that your appetite disappears. It feels like there is a lump stuck in your throat and sometimes it doesn’t allow you to breathe. Your stomach may feel empty.

Mood swings

For three or four months, days of elation and falls into the abyss of despair begin to alternate. People become overly irritable and hot-tempered. It all depends on the natural make-up of character and mind. Hot temper is replaced by excessive touchiness. Any careless word is perceived extremely sharply and painfully. The immune system depressed. Colds or infectious diseases may occur.

Depression

Any thought touching on the memory of the deceased makes one shudder internally. The mourner can mentally “communicate” with the deceased. Share all your innermost thoughts and what happened during the day. As long as this “conversation” lasts, the depression will continue. It can subside and intensify. It will occur periodically during the next stage - “recovery”.

Recovery stage

Over the course of 1 year, the mourner gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irretrievable loss. Depression makes itself felt periodically painful memories. Each time, the attacks of grief appear less frequently. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds itself in the form of separate attacks. Well-being and performance return to normal.

The final and final stage for grieving people

After about a year, the final stage of grief begins. At this stage, a return to a full life is carried out. Life is slowly taking its toll. An understanding comes that you should not live only with thoughts about the death of a loved one. At this stage, the mourner seems to be emotionally saying goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules inhibit the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to mourn until last days for her deceased husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question How long to mourn you can find out here.

For grieving people, experiencing grief after the death of a loved one does not require professional intervention from psychologists. There should be close people next to the mourner who can provide moral support. Only they are allowed to talk about the deceased in an appropriate environment.

It is generally accepted that “it is better not to disturb mental wounds.” This is already in the category of prejudices. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. Still, don't forget that you can once again inflict pain with a careless word. Please read in advance phrases that can hurt the grieving person. In the event that there are really no people nearby with whom you can share your grief, you will need to consult a psychologist.

To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or if you want to speed up the process somewhat, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one .

Sample text for obituaries can be found in the media. The article informs about the death of a specific person. The daily newspaper indicates the exact time and date of the funeral service. Unfortunately, it is losing its relevance nowadays. Relatives notify only family and friends about the tragic incident. Some people have no idea what happened. There are many people who knew him during his lifetime and would not want to stay away. For such cases, there are death notices in newspapers.

An obituary, at its core, is sad news about what happened to people who do not yet know about the death. Usually compiled from some team: colleagues, relatives. It consists of a photograph of the deceased and an article with a short biography. A sample of an obituary in a newspaper is provided in the photo.

Next to the photo in a black frame the full data is placed:

Full Name.

Date of birth and date of death.

The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of which company or organization is reporting the sad news. These could also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Don't forget to add the phrase "with regret." The bare statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss to the relatives of the deceased.
What year did he die? What was the reason for this (suddenly, after a long illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
Briefly describe biographical facts, mentioning the importance of individual moments for society and family. Colleagues in obituaries indicate the stages of career growth, what degrees and titles he achieved. Highlight the main achievements in the professional field, how they benefited production and the company’s business.

For loved ones, human qualities come first. Everything for which he was valued and respected. For example, “he was a support for his relatives,” “a loving husband and father.”

For an obituary in a newspaper, it used to be mandatory to list the surviving relatives by seniority. Nowadays, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: “he was hope and support for his elderly parents,” “a loving husband and father of two small children.”
At the end, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in our hearts.
The last line can be a short, relevant quote or epitaph.
If the newspaper in which the obituary is submitted is published daily, then the time and place of burial must be indicated.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a properly composed obituary, even a stranger can fully imagine who he was, what he had to endure and achieve during his life’s journey. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from those living and remembering him.

Sometimes fate decrees that only an obituary can force people to meet. One last time to say goodbye with dignity and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive your friends of this opportunity, and your loved ones - of help. The obituary must be revived.

With the change of generations, cultural values also change. Time will show. At the moment, messages on social media. networks are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on different sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the wall of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and fun. Each subsequent post will erase all the sincerity of the words written.

In the ancient world, similar inscriptions on slabs are found everywhere. In Ancient Egypt, hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and writing on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan from ancient times transferred their Eastern philosophy into epitaphs. For example, the saying: “It’s not hard to die, it’s hard to live.”

“Pushkin is buried here; he is with a young muse,

With love and laziness spent a cheerful century,

He did not do good, but he was a soul,

By God, he’s a good man.”

“Always expect, but do not fear death, both are the true characteristics of wisdom.”

Saint John Chrysostom

This happens due to the fact that parents did not talk much about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. Over the course of one century, more than one change of place of residence, cities and countries could occur. It is quite possible that your family lineage does not originate exactly from the places you assume. On the Internet you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. The burial places of ordinary people are usually forgotten and they become abandoned.

Allow family and friends to honor the deceased on the virtual cemetery page. They can complement everything you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the online cemetery you can light a candle for the deceased and make a virtual gift. Remember, a virtual candle is not a substitute for a real one in church and prayer for the repose. A common sign of attention to relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. For those who are grieving, such signs of support are important in their time of need. In the “Links” tab, you can collect in one place all the links on the Internet that mention your family member or loved one, including links of the deceased person to pages on social networks.

We do not affect the interests of religious people of different faiths. The Easy Funeral website strives to preserve the memory of people who have passed on for the living.

How to cope with grief after the death of a loved one? The formulation of the question already conceals an incorrect approach to the problem. A couple of effective tips will help you cope with depression and return to your normal lifestyle. Let's start with the fact that you shouldn't try to fight grief. You will fight unsuccessfully with yourself. This is part of the inner world. Your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, give it a way out!

Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliché: “don’t drink, you’ll become an alcoholic,” “cry and you’ll feel better.” It is wrong to ignore phrases that have been repeated by different people for centuries. If the semantic load did not correspond to reality, why then did these words reach us through the centuries? That's right. Conventional logic confirms that drunkenness is not an option. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.

Scream therapy.

Arthur Janov (Arthur Yanov) is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. Author of the “Primal Scream” treatment theory. This therapy is not only suitable for those experiencing grief after the death of a loved one. It is also recommended for those who are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions inside reach critical mass and the result of this explosion is difficult to predict.

Children scream in pain and hurt. Adults do not hold back from shouting in a major quarrel. As a result, they are freed from the negative charge of negative emotions that have accumulated over time. This has a positive effect. The feeling that you have been completely cleansed of negative energy. There comes balance, peace and tranquility.

Comparing physical pain with mental pain. The sharp pain from hitting your finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. Screaming is an obligatory follower of pain. One of the main factors mitigating the consequences of grief.

Plan a trip to nature if possible. A short-term change of environment can have a positive effect on you. For residents of rural areas and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a remote and deserted place. Screaming in the mountains or near bodies of water has a strong effect.

For residents of large cities, scream therapy can take place in an abandoned area, wasteland or pier. Consider the time so that there are no strangers passing by. You can shout from the roofs of houses and balconies. From a great height the scream below is not heard. Scream in the car, or at work, if conditions permit, at home into a pillow, or without hiding out loud. It depends on the situation in which one is entirely predisposed to remove all the pain that has accumulated.

Concentrate so that the feeling of grief overwhelms you completely. Remember all the moments that you previously tried to forget, what causes the most severe pain: the news of death, the sadness of loss. Remember everything you had to go through after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this melancholy into a cry. Loud and drawn out. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what exactly you shout. The main thing is that it comes from the depths of the soul. This cry is a farewell to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.

This is peace, which can bring you out of prolonged depression. All that remains is to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.

Everything is relatively simple, if you look at it. Scream therapy by Arthur Yanov can take you out of the cyclical state inherent in people who are depressed after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about cry therapy.

In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between physical and emotional states, you can influence one and improve the other. In other words, if the physical state is at a decent level, then the emotional state will not be long in coming. The merger process will take place. You will begin to feel much more confident. A healthy lifestyle and healthy eating are the basis.

Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping will help you get rid of depression after the death of a person. Look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not correspond to the one you are used to seeing before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it is time to take care of yourself. Don’t scare away your loved ones and friends with your appearance, go to the store. Negative emotions drain vital energy. Satisfaction from successful purchases and decent appearance are already a sign of getting out of a depressive state.

Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to take up a hobby, but there was no time. That time has come.

Letter.Getting out of depression after the death of a loved one is often prevented by one detail that is not given much importance. Often in moments of grief, a single thought gnaws at you with stubborn persistence. What they did not have time to express to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other and hundreds of different words to which we do not attach special meaning until death.

Everything is ambiguous. Understanding the different reactions common to people in grief can help those suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Grief experiences and a person’s emotional state are divided over time.

Anger and apathy

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Acute grief

Mood swings

Depression

Recovery stage

Over the course of 1 year, the mourner gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irretrievable loss. Depression periodically makes itself felt through painful memories. Each time, the attacks of grief appear less frequently. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds itself in the form of separate attacks. Well-being and performance return to normal.

The final and final stage for grieving people

After about a year, the final stage of grief begins. At this stage, a return to a full life is carried out. Life is slowly taking its toll. An understanding comes that you should not live only with thoughts about the death of a loved one. At this stage, the mourner seems to be emotionally saying goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules inhibit the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to mourn until the last days for their deceased husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question How long to mourn you can find out here.

It is generally accepted that “it is better not to disturb mental wounds.” This is already in the category of prejudices. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. Still, do not forget that you can once again cause pain with a careless word. Please read in advance phrases that can hurt the grieving person. In the event that there are really no people nearby with whom you can share your grief, you will need to consult a psychologist.

To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or if you want to speed up the process somewhat, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one .

A tragedy has happened in your family - a person has died. What to do?

Christianity really doesn’t like the word “death.” He exudes grave cold and hopelessness. We use other expressions, for example - dormition.

Dormition - sleep, falling asleep. The body has fallen asleep in the sleep of death, but the soul is alive, the soul is awake...

Or another word – repose. We pray for the newly deceased servant of God. He was with us - he was transferred to another world.

For Christians, death is only a transition to another level of existence, a departure to God. And a funeral for Christians is not a terrible farewell to a person who was and is now gone, but a farewell to another world for a loved one whose soul is immortal.

And we must escort a person beyond the boundaries of the earthly world with dignity. A fitting send-off is a church burial.

It is performed only on a baptized Orthodox person.

Come to any temple and ask the women selling candles or the priest. There they will tell you how to organize a funeral service and how to order a memorial. All this is a thoughtful and, so to speak, proven procedure, so that you will be treated with attention and delicacy and will not be tormented by bureaucratic nagging (as is often the case in government agencies).

We usually have a funeral service in the church on the day of the funeral. Then the deceased is taken to the cemetery, and his name remains written down in the church for church remembrance. They pray for him.

What types of prayers for the deceased are there?

A lot of them. For example, a memorial service is a small service during which we ask God to forgive the sins of the deceased and accept him into the Kingdom of Heaven. (It is memorial services that are served in cemeteries, when we invite the priest to visit the grave.)

The highest form of remembrance is during the Liturgy. Then the people commemorated become participants in Communion and unite with Christ. During any Liturgy, the living who are in the church (for example, you and I) receive communion, and all those for whom they pray, even if the person has died, receive communion in spirit.

In candle stalls where notes are accepted, they usually write: “To mass” or “To proskomedia.” This is precisely what remembrance during the Liturgy means.

What is magpie?

And this is the commemoration of the deceased during the Liturgy, which will be performed for 40 days. (Let me clarify: many people think that the magpie commemoration is ordered only for the deceased. This is not so: on the magpie they also serve for health.)

In addition, you can order a memorial for six months, a year and even... eternal. Eternal remembrance is the remembrance of a person, which will be performed in this temple as long as the temple stands. (After the revolution, when churches and monasteries were closed and books were confiscated from them, memorial lists from pre-Mongol times were found.)

Excuse me, but what if the person was not baptized?..

We can only pray for an unbaptized person ourselves - at home or in church. In notes submitted for commemoration, we do not write the names of the unbaptized. This does not mean that such a person is cursed, as one sometimes hears from ignorant people. (I myself have unbaptized relatives, whom I remember with warmth and love.) It’s just that the Church prays during divine services only for its members, people who want to be Christians, or those for whom their parents made this decision (if the person was baptized in infancy) !

What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after death mean?

I won't go into detail about this, but this special days for the soul separated from the body. On these days, as well as on the anniversary of death (it’s like a new birthday, that is, birth on new life) you need to come to the temple and pray for the deceased.

How long to mourn?

A few days ago a woman came to my temple and asked for blessings to get married. At the same time, she added: “I am a widow.” I asked when she buried her husband. “It’s been almost six months now...”

This is the same example when we do something wrong... Up to a year we pray for the deceased as if he were newly deceased, during which time we can mourn. Although there are such losses that even after many years it is difficult to come to terms with the loss...

In conclusion, I would like to recall the words of St. Theophan the Recluse, our Russian ascetic of the 19th century. He once said: “Let’s cry for the deceased... But cry in a Christian way!” This means that our tears should not contain hopelessness and despair. This separation is not forever, but only for a while. In due time we will all meet beyond the threshold of this life.”

Moreover! The person who “left” us can participate in our lives, he hears our requests, he loves us. When we pray for the deceased, by doing so we establish a connection with him, as if we extend a hand of support to him.

And lastly: We will all stand before God. And we will give Him an answer in how we lived. Before it’s too late, while we can still fix something (when we die, nothing will be fixed), repent, change for the better, let’s take advantage of this opportunity.

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Sooner or later, a sad event occurs in the life of every woman - a loved one passes away, often such a departure is tragic and completely unexpected. In such cases, according to the old Orthodox tradition, it is necessary to wear a simple black scarf on your head for a certain number of days as a sign of mourning. At the same time, not everyone knows exactly how many days it is necessary to wear a black scarf after the mother’s funeral or after the father’s funeral, and whether it is even necessary to do so. After all, many women cover their heads with a mourning scarf only at funerals, and after that they calmly remove this mournful accessory and put it out of sight

How many days should you wear a mourning scarf after a funeral and how to choose it

There are only two common opinions here, one of which may become decisive for you:

The duration of wearing a black scarf is determined by the relatives of the deceased person themselves. If someone close to you wants to wear such a sign of mourning for a month or two, or even a year, this is his personal matter, and no one can forbid him to do this;
On the part of the church, this rule is strictly regulated, however, there are also a number of instructions here that are not required to be strictly followed. According to church canons, children must mourn their parents for six months.
If you just can’t decide how many days you need to mourn for your parents, just try inside yourself to answer the question of how great your grief for them is. And it doesn’t matter how the people around you will react to the fact that you constantly wear a black scarf on your head, which will absolutely not fit with your appearance, with your position, with your professional activity.
If you don’t have a similar black accessory at home, you don’t have to purchase it specifically. A black scarf, headscarf, headband or even a hat can also be used as a mourning scarf. However, there are no strict rules for choosing a black scarf or restrictions on its appearance.
Many modern women determine how many days they should wear a black scarf by how this scarf goes with their everyday clothes. If a woman works in an office with clients, and the company has a strict dress code, then on the first day of going to work after the funeral, she will have to refuse to wear a headscarf so as not to receive complaints from management about inconsistency appearance position held.
If you want to wear a mourning scarf for your loved ones for as long as possible, then it is important to choose the right texture - most often a lace or chiffon black scarf is chosen for long-term wear. They do not look as gloomy as black scarves made from other fabrics, they do not attract such close attention from others, and if necessary, they can easily be lowered onto the shoulders and worn there. Such scarves go well with any outfit and will not contrast too sharply with them.

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How long do they mourn for parents in Orthodoxy? How long does mourning last?

How many days should you wear a mourning scarf after a funeral and how to choose it