Electronic children's books, audio fairy tales, clips for kids on the website:
http://www.vskazki.com/
***
The room contains: a table covered with a tablecloth, a sofa (couch), a TV and a bedside table. On the nightstand there is a vase of flowers, a magazine, a dry cloth, a decanter of water and an empty glass.
The furniture is arranged so that you can run around the table. From the TV you can hear an argument between two voices, male and female.
Brother and sister Vova and Tanya are sitting on chairs at the table and watching TV. There is a blouse hanging on the back of Tanya’s chair.
Vova: Switch the TV to another channel.
Tanya: Why?
Vova: I don’t want to listen to my aunt and uncle argue among themselves.
Tanya: This is not aunt and uncle, but husband and wife. Italians. Here.
Vova: I still don’t want to. Switch, please.
Tanya: Okay. Only then let's play husband and wife.
Vova: How will we play?
Tanya: Very simple. You will do whatever I ask you to do.
Tanya gets up from the chair, turns off the TV (the squabble subsides), goes to the bedside table, takes a magazine, goes to the sofa, lies down and pretends to be looking at a fashion magazine. There is silence in the room. Vova looks at her sister and waits for her command.
Tanya: Bring me some water.
Vova gets up, goes to the bedside table, pours a glass of water and silently hands it to her.
Tanya casually puts down the magazine, gets up, takes the glass from Vova, drinks and returns it back.
Vova puts the glass on the nightstand, goes to the switch and turns on the light.
Tanya lies down on the sofa again, straightens her hair, shivers and pretends that she is cold.
Tanya: Give me a blouse. It got a little cold.
Vova: I won’t give you a blouse. Get up and take it yourself. You're already big.
Tanya jumps up from the sofa.
Tanya: So unfair. You promised to do whatever I ask you to do.
Dad comes in and, smiling, turns to Tanya.
Dad: Why are you bossing your brother around?
Tanya: Because I’m a wife and I can do anything.
Dad makes a menacing appearance and, swaying from foot to foot like a bear, goes to Tanya.
Dad: We'll spank you now! Is it possible to command men?
Tanya runs away from her dad with a squeak. Vova also rushes after her. They are trying to catch her. There's a commotion in the room. Fast music is playing. The heroes run around the table and squeal and squeal joyfully. On the way, Tanya accidentally knocks over a chair and pulls the tablecloth off the table. Then he runs to the exit and runs into his mother on the threshold. Hiding behind her back. There is a smile on your face. It's obvious that she likes the game.
Mom: What's that noise?
The music stops.
Tanya: They want to spank me!
Mom puts her hands on her hips and makes a serious face.
Mom: Two for one? It's not fair! Now we will show you!
Now dad is running away, and mom and Tanya are chasing him. Everyone is running around the table and Vova, who stands like a pillar. Fast music plays again. Dad shouts as he runs, “Oh! Ay!”, Mom - “Now we’ll catch you!”, Tanya - “Catch him! Catch it!” Mom catches up with dad at the sofa, and they fall on it. Tanya jumps from above. Then Vova comes running and also jumps on dad. It turns out a heap - small!
Dad: Enough! Enough! You will crush me!
The children are reluctant to let dad go. Breathing heavily, everyone sits down on the sofa. The music stops. Mom looks at dad.
Mom: Explain what happened?
Dad: Daughter, she watched enough TV series and began to command Vova. I decided to protect him.
Mom: Yes, you came up with good education - spanking a child!
Tanya: Mom! So he's pretending.
Mom: I already told you that you don’t need to watch adult films. The eyes become spoiled, the head becomes filled with unnecessary information, and time is wasted.
Tanya: Okay, mommy. Can I watch children's programs?
Mom hugs her daughter. Gently strokes the head.
Mom: It’s possible.
Mom and Dad get up. They join hands. The children jump up. Vova hugs dad. Tanya hugs her mother.
Mom: My pranksters. How I love you!
Mom lets go of dad’s hands and tries to free herself from Tanya’s embrace. Children hug their parents even tighter. Mom speaks kindly.
Mom: That's it. All. Let's play. Now, my dears, put things in order in the room, and I’ll go to the kitchen.
Children let their parents go. Mom comes out. Everyone starts cleaning up together. Tanya takes a cloth from the bedside table, wipes off the dust and lays the tablecloth on the table. Vova picks up the chairs and puts them in place. Dad opens the curtain on the window.
Mom comes in.
Mom: How clean! Well done! You deserve lunch! Come on, I'll feed you.
The children run up to their mother. Mom hugs them and heads towards the exit. Dad walks behind and smiles.
A curtain.
Family scripts are patterns of behavior of family members that are repeated from generation to generation, which are formed and supported by family history. These are a person’s ideas, conscious or not, about how it should be, how it should be in their family.
They can cover a very wide range of ideas:
Marital relations: “all men need only one thing,” “all husbands cheat,” “the family must be preserved in any case.”
Linking events to a certain age: when to get married, give birth to children, die, etc.: “in our family, all the girls got married before 25”
Professional activity“we are a dynasty of doctors,” generations of musicians, military men, etc. And, also, the level of income or professional aspirations.
Child-parent relationships: how to behave with children, parenting style. “We have always had very talented children.”
Money “everyone in our family worked hard and knew how to earn money”, “we will die of hunger, but we will not borrow).
Status in society, relationships with others “she’s not in our circle,” “he’s not your match.”
Family scenarios work especially strongly in those areas of a person’s life where he is not very aware of his Self. This is expressed in the following features:
1. A person does not know his true desires in the field of relationships, does not have a clear picture of how it should be in his family, which he himself creates, leaving his parents’. There is an idea that “everything will be fine for him,” but at what cost is not very clear. Sometimes, the only guideline is the desire for “it to be different from the parents.” But due to the fact that there is no desired image, relationships develop according to the usual family scenario.
The young man spoke very negatively about his family; he did not like the relationship between his parents. Imagine his surprise when, after 3 years of marriage, he discovered that his relationship with his wife was very much like the relationship of his parents.
2. A person does not correlate his behavior with the results he receives in the end. And he does not take responsibility for building relationships. In this case, it is much easier to see the cause of failure in the actions of the partner.
A woman comes for a consultation and complains that “there are no real men left” and there is no one to marry. During the consultation it turns out that she had a very strong mom, who shouldered everything in the family, was essentially the head of the family. And the daughter copied her mother’s behavior in relationships, choosing softer men as partners. As a result, over time she stopped respecting her men, believing that she “was deceived again and chose the wrong one.”
3. The child, growing up, has not gone through the process of psychological separation from his parental family and still strongly identifies with his parents. Puts the interests and opinions of parents, or one of them, with whom the closest emotional contact is closest, above their own, preferring not to identify their desires. Thus, the parent, as it were, lives a second life - for the child, and the child repeats the scenario of mom / dad. After all, life choices are the same.
The girl's mother and grandmother, with whom she lives, lived with their husbands for a very short time after the birth of the child. And then they raised their daughters alone. The girl is already over thirty, but relationships with men are not working out.
Reasons why scenarios occur
One of the reasons for the emergence of a family script, according to E. Berne, the founder of transactional analysis, is the child’s unconscious choice of a way to survive and adapt in this world, looking at the behavior of parents or under the impression of some role of fairy-tale characters supported by parents.
For example, Berne argued that a girl, learning the script of her parents, grows up and plays one of two roles - mother or daughter.
If the parental family was dominated by a strong and energetic mother, who, moreover, gave her daughter maximum warmth and care, albeit sometimes in a strict form, then the girl, through her example, develops a maternal position in relation to her family. She strives to become reliable and reliable for her loved ones. caring mother who knows everything better than others, who is always ready to help, and sometimes even rein in.
If the primacy in all family affairs belonged to the father, and the mother was in the family as a dumb Cinderella, then the girl, growing up, will most likely learn the daughter's role. For the rest of her life, she will retain within herself the little girl who finds it easier to lean on someone’s strong shoulder than to bear the burden of the decision herself. life problems. When choosing a future husband, she will subconsciously look for a strong and caring “father” in him, who will shield her from all the hardships of life.
The key criterion for family scenarios is their repeatability from generation to generation. Also, the script has a certain set of roles and a predictable end to the development of events. For example, my mother saved my father from alcoholism, and in the end she became an alcoholic herself. And the daughter chooses men with a criminal past and tries to rehabilitate them, periodically falling into various dangers because of them, from financial to physical.
It often happens that in the first generation a certain set of actions and decisions had a logical basis, but, passed on from generation to generation, lost its relevance, leaving only an order of steps that was not supported by the real situation and actual necessity.
Anecdote on topic
Soon after the wedding, the husband noticed an interesting detail: before putting a piece of meat in the oven, the wife always cuts off small pieces from both sides. And only when cut is baked. My husband asked: why cut off two completely normal pieces of meat? The wife replied that it was theirs family recipe; This is how her mother and her mother’s mother always cooked meat, and this is how they taught her. When asked what taste qualities it adds to the meat, my wife couldn’t answer. She promised to ask her mother. Oddly enough, the mother told the same story: this is a family recipe, her grandmother also cooked it. The young wife also achieved nothing from her grandmother. At this point everyone was wondering: where did the recipe come from? Fortunately, the great-grandmother was alive. They asked her. “This is not a recipe at all,” the great-grandmother was surprised. “It’s just that when I was young, we had a small oven and a tiny baking tray. The whole meat didn’t fit, so we cut it off on both sides.”
Anti-script phenomenon
It happens that a child, having suffered in his parents’ family, and knowing for sure that he does not want to live like his parents, chooses the exact opposite line of behavior. For example: the father married early and suffered as a couple, the son does not marry. The father drank, the son does not drink alcohol at all. The mother worked a lot and did not love herself at all, she sacrificed herself completely to the family, and the daughter chooses the role of a “fluttering bird”, living for her own pleasure. Choosing an anti-scenario, unfortunately, is not a way out of the scenario. Because often, an anti-script is chosen with the goal of “proving” parents that they were wrong; this is a manifestation of teenage rebellion. It also forces a person to make decisions within strictly defined frameworks, without giving him freedom of choice.
Thus, a mature child can rush between the script and the anti-script at different periods of his life, either rebelling against the messages of his parents, or again following them. This may be due to dual messages from parents - opposite statements, one of which is given verbally, and the other non-verbally. For example, a mother tells her daughter that she should be a decent girl, while she herself has affairs with married men and leads a fairly free lifestyle.
How to work with scripts
The method of working with scenarios at the first stage is analysis family history and identifying all overlaps and repeating situations. It is possible to use the genogram method - a graphic representation of information about a family for at least 3 generations.
At the second stage, a comprehensive analysis of the scenario itself is carried out. What it gives a person, what it protects from, and what it deprives. In the process of work, one recognizes one’s own responsibility for one’s life and the right to choose. After this, a conscious decision is made to what extent a person would like to implement this scenario in his life.
Work with family scenario not fast, but it allows us to choose what kind of life we want to live.
Scenario family holiday"We are a family"
Q. Good afternoon, dear guests, parents, children! On May 15th the International Day is celebrated all over the world. And today you came to visit us at “We are one family.” So what is family? This word is clear to everyone, like the words “bread” and “water”. Family is home, it’s dad and mom, grandparents, it’s love and care, sorrows and joys, habits and traditions. Until the beginning of the twentieth century, the family consisted of several generations. There were not only father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, but also great-grandfathers and great-grandmothers. They lived together, helped each other, the elders protected the younger ones, and respected old age. The families were large and strong. Popular proverbs also testify to this. Let's remember them! I'll start, and you continue!
Being a guest is good, but being at home is better);
There is no need for treasure when... (there is harmony in the family);
When the family is together, so... (and the soul is in place);
B. Family is happiness, love and luck,
Family means trips to the country in the summer.
Family is a holiday, family dates,
Gifts, shopping, pleasant spending.
The birth of children, the first step, the first babble,
Dreams of good things, excitement and trepidation.
Family is work, caring for each other,
Family means a lot of housework.
Family is important!
Family is difficult!
But it is impossible to live happily alone!
Always be together, take care of love,
Drive away grievances and quarrels,
We want our friends to say about you:
How nice your family is!
We decided to hold our today’s celebration in the form of a meeting -
meeting our valued guests. Today our visiting family is:
1. Uzhikenovs (Anastasia Viktorovna and Ruslan Serikovich)
2. Minnekaevs)
3. Zemlyanushinykh
4. Paytsevykh (Maria Alexandrovna)
5. Chukhvachevykh (Evgenia Mikhailovna)
6. Proskuryakov (Natalia Nikolaevna)
7. Roubaix (Nadezhda Sergeevna and Vyacheslav Vladimirovich)
8. Bogomolovs (Anna Borisovna and Sergey Anatolyevich)
Q. Your families are not alike. But they have one thing in common: they are all strong and happy! And although the famous classic said that everything happy families are similar to each other, but it seems to us that each of the families present here has its own special, signature recipe for family happiness. And we hope that at the end of our meeting we will be able to identify these components and draw up universal recipe entitled "A happy family".
Let the flame of this meeting burn in your hearts, let jokes and laughter sound, let funny Games and competitions create a joyful mood.
Let's dispel the last gloomy thoughts with a wonderful drink, whose name is tea! If you don't drink tea, where will you get the strength?
Competitions and dances today will require a lot of strength. Dear guests, you are welcome to try our tea.
And while you are drinking tea, there is a musical gift for you.
Don't let the lights go out
Q. At the heart of the birth of every family is love. Robert Rozhdestvensky also wrote:
It all starts with love...
They say: “In the beginning was the word...”
And I proclaim again
It all starts with love:
And inspiration, and work,
Eyes of flowers, eyes of a child -
It all starts with love.
And if love lives in a family, then there are many children in it. We admit that the state cannot always help everyone large families fully. And how wonderful it is that there are people who are not indifferent to the difficulties and problems of such families.
We express our deep gratitude to the specialist in organizing our holiday. social work Novopokrovsky village council Naumenko Elena Vladimirovna (word, presentation of a certificate).
Now let's get to know our families who are visiting us today.
1. So, today we have the Uzhikenov family (Anastasia Viktorovna and Ruslan Serikovich).
(Family introduction)
Please tell us about your family, how you met, how many years you have been together, what talents your children have.
2. Today our guest is the Minnekaev family.
What interests your family? How do you like to spend your leisure time? (family calling card)
3. We have the Zemlyanushin family present today.
Under what circumstances did you meet? Do you use your parents' advice when making family decisions? (Family's story about themselves)
4. The Paytsev family (Maria Alexandrovna) is with us today.
What are your children doing? What is your family's signature dish?
Q. So, dear guests, we have met four families and before continuing to get acquainted with the rest of the families, we suggest you take a short break. We have prepared several questions for our guests. But the questions are not simple, but with a “twist”, funny. So please be more careful. You can answer directly from your seat. The family that answers the most questions will receive a diploma as the “Most Fun Family.”
So: What is a couple usually compared to? (with two boots)
Who are the husband and wife personified by? (with Satan)
Name a specialist in “shooting” lovers (Cupid or Cupid)
What awaits the darlings in the hut? (paradise)
What do husbands usually overeat? (pears)
Who can no family do without? (no freak)
Which geometric figure can destroy a family? (triangle)
When can a husband legally count on only a quarter of his wife? (when the wife is a treasure)
The desire to get married appears when the desire disappears... (to study)
Continue the proverb “The wife does not play the harp - after playing, on .... (you cannot hang the wall)
Awards
V. And now it’s time to announce a musical break.
Imagine this
Q. Let's continue getting to know the families who came to visit us.
1. So, we welcome the Chukhvachev family (Evgenia Mikhailovna).
What family traditions have you developed? What is the secret of your family happiness? ( Business card families)
2. Today we have the Proskuryakov family (Natalya Nikolaevna).
Please tell me what family traditions you brought from your parents’ home? What do you think is the secret of family happiness?
(Family introduction)
3. We welcome the Roubaix family (Nadezhda Sergeevna and Vyacheslav Vladimirovich).
Who is the head of your family? Who should give in first in family disputes?
4. And finally, let’s greet the Bogomolov family (Anna Borisovna and Sergey Anatolyevich).
Does your family have their own traditions? Distinctive feature your family?
Q. There are many children present at our meeting. As you know, children are the flowers of life. The family cannot exist without them for real happy. If children's laughter sounds in the house, it means that life goes on. After all, children are our future. And our present. Now we will ask one child from each family to come up. Every family dreams of their own home. Your task is to draw the house of your dreams. In the meantime, the children will draw, we will find out how well men know women, and women-men. First, we will ask our stronger half to answer simple questions.
Questions for men:
1. Why do women put nail polish on their tights? (so that the “arrow” does not creep)
2. When threading a needle, what should be stationary: the thread or the needle? (needle)
3.What is highlighting? (lightening individual strands of hair)
4. What are floss and canvas used for? (for embroidery)
5. What do you call a small bag that holds makeup items? (cosmetic bag)
6. Is yeast added to shortbread dough? (No)
7. Do I need to wash off the dye from my hair after dyeing it? (Yes)
8. For which process can wax, cream, laser and mechanical devices be used? (for depilation)
9. What is permanent makeup? (this is “permanent” makeup applied for a long time)
10. What is a curling iron? (hair curler)
11. What is a clutch? (this is a small handbag that needs to be carried mainly in the hand)
Men handled women's issues well. And now questions for women in “men’s language.”
Questions for women:
1. What is a carburetor a component of? (motor)
2. Where is the concept “ Octane number"? (in gasoline)
3. What is the difference between a chisel and a chisel? (It is the same)
4. What is a shootout? (penalty in hockey)
5. When working with a saw, in which direction is the force applied: towards yourself or away from you? (Push)
6. Do the Bure brothers play football or hockey? (in hockey)
7. What is a hammer drill used for? (for drilling holes, for striating walls....
8. Which company’s products have a “tick” logo? ("Nike")
9. A man’s best four-legged “friend” (sofa)
Women also coped well with men's questions.
And now it's time to see what your children have drawn. Attention! Now we will show the children’s drawings, and you, dear parents You will have to guess what picture your child drew.
(Then the presenter asks each child to stand up with their own drawing). If parents correctly guessed their child’s drawing, the family is awarded the “Most Creative Family” diploma.
Awards
Village
Q. I want to tell you a parable. One morning a fisherman and his two sons went fishing. The catch was good, and by noon the three men were ready to return home. But as they began to pull out the nets, a storm suddenly blew in and completely obscured the coastline. And at the same time, the storm did not spare their small house. It caught fire and the fire burned their home and all their property to the ground. When the fisherman and his sons got ashore, a crying wife was waiting for him, who told her husband and children about the misfortune that had befallen them. But the fisherman didn’t even raise an eyebrow. The wife was indignant: “Husband, we lost everything we had, but you don’t even care.” Then the fisherman replied: “The fire that destroyed our house turned out to be the light that in the fog showed us the way to the shore.”
You see how important mutual understanding and mutual assistance are sometimes in a family, despite any adversity.
And now I am announcing our next competition. And it's called
"The most charming and attractive family"
Only mothers are invited to participate in the competition. Assignment: participants move to the music; at the Leader’s signal, participants must quickly sit on a chair and say loudly: “I am the most charming and attractive!” (Based on the results, the winning family is awarded a diploma).
Awards
But you can’t tell your heart
Q. Our next competition is called “The Most Erudite Family.”
I tell you the concept of some thing, object, and you have to guess what I’m talking about.
Clothes for potatoes; military uniform; but the soldiers don't wear it. (uniform)
Sometimes they sit there; It’s not fashionable to wear them now; They used to be worn in the rain. (galoshes)
It grows in the field; there is such a game; sometimes the nose looks like it. (potato)
It lies on the floor; it is cleaned with a vacuum cleaner; they call him to the boss. (carpet)
Every book has one; the tree has it too; fall off the tree. (leaf)
It is part of a person's hand; they draw with this; This is used to paint doors and windows. (brush)
This thing is necessary for every person; they carry food in it; Kangaroos have it. (bag)
Tools of labor in the village; The girl has it; it is braided (braid)
Container for bribes; clothes for the little ones; what letters are sent in. (envelope)
They love to eat it; the driver spins her around; this is the wife of a ram. (steering wheel)
This happens when the sun; there is such an animal; in spring it turns gray. (bunny)
Part of a telephone; the captain smokes it; Sherlock Holmes never left her. (a tube)
Awards
Viburnum-rowan
IN. Our next competition “The most theatrical family”
(The presenter distributes the roles that the guests will play in an improvised production of the fairy tale “Turnip”. Each participant remembers the phrase that he must pronounce when he hears the name of his character, and also remembers a certain movement).
Turnip (spreading his arms to the sides, jumping from foot to foot): Both - on!
Grandfather (rubbing his palms): Yes, sir!
Grandma (bowing): Food is served!
Granddaughter (waves her hand): Hello everyone!
Bug: Woof-woof!
Cat (washing itself): Meow - meow!
Mouse (running in place): Pee-pee-pee!
The presenter reads the text; when he names the hero of the fairy tale, he must play his role.
Fairy tale: Grandfather planted a turnip, the turnip grew big, very big. Grandfather grabbed the turnip, pulled, pulled, but couldn’t pull it out. Grandfather called Grandfather, Grandfather for Turnip, Grandmother for Grandfather, they pulled and pulled, but they couldn’t pull it out. Grandmother called her Granddaughter. Grandfather for Turnip, Grandmother for Grandfather, Granddaughter for Grandmother, they pull, pull, but cannot pull it out. The Granddaughter called the Bug, the Grandfather called for the Turnip, the Grandmother called for the Grandfather, the Granddaughter called for the Grandmother, the Bug called for the Granddaughter, they pulled and pulled, but they couldn’t pull it out. She called Bug Cat. Grandfather for Turnip, Grandmother for Grandfather, Granddaughter for Grandmother, Bug for Granddaughter, Cat for Bug, they pull, pull, but cannot pull. The Cat called the Mouse. Grandfather for the Turnip, Grandmother for the Grandfather, Granddaughter for the Grandmother, Bug for the Granddaughter, Cat for the Bug, Mouse for the Cat, pull, pull, pull the Turnip.
Awards
Blue ball
IN. The next competition is called “The Most Musical Family”
Participants remember the old songs they sang in their youth and perform them.
Awards
V. Well, we sang, let’s play now. I propose a competition with balloons (who can hold the balloon the longest while listening to music, nomination “The most athletic family”).
Awards
Q. I see you are in a good mood. What's the fun today?
Let’s say loudly: “We are one family.” (Whoever shouts the loudest receives a certificate in the “Most Friendly Family” category.
Awards
B. You can sing and dance,
And gobble up candy,
Everyone can joke, play,
And, of course, dance!
Dance block.
And love was nearby
Oh how I like you
Where was
V. Thanks everyone! We hope that you had fun, interesting and joyful today.
And I would like to end our meeting today with the words:
What could be more valuable than family?
The father's house greets me with warmth,
They are always waiting for you here with love,
And they send you off on your way with kindness!
Love it! And appreciate happiness!
It is born in a family
What could be more valuable than her?
On this fairy land?
Mom: How's the meat?
Dad: I would tell the truth, but I’m afraid to upset you, so I’ll make do with the word “rubber.”
Mom: (irritated) Speaking of rubber. When will you change your summer tires to winter ones?
Dad: Soon, soon.
Son: Maybe they shouldn’t be changed at all, since it’s already the end of February!
Dad: What are you doing? It is not right. Tires need to be changed twice a year... And exactly when is not important.
Mom: Son, how are things at school?
Son: Uh, okay.
Dad: What did you get today?
Son: Five.
Mom: Honestly?
Son: Black eye.
Mom: Okay, but from the grades.
Son: (sighing heavily) Two.
Dad: Because of what?
Son: Because of the black eye!
Dad: And who did you fight with? With Petka?
Son: No, with the physical education teacher.
Mom (stunned): I... uh... how... As I understand it, a bad grade in physical education?
Son: No, according to geography. The geography teacher came, and she felt sorry for the physical teacher, so she gave me a bad grade.
Dad: As I understand it, you beat the physical teacher?
Son: Actually, I’m not the only one. But for some reason I was the only one who got it.
Mom: Yes, I want you... yes you give me... you will be here with me...
Son (interrupted his mother): Why are we all talking about me, and about me? How are you doing at work, dad?
Dad: Uh, okay.
Son: What did you get?
Dad: Salary, what else.
Mom: Yes, yes, yes. And honestly?
Dad: (sighing heavily) Reprimand.
Son: And because of what?
Dad: I'm late for work.
Mom: So your boss reprimanded you? And you were late for work?
Dad: Well, actually, I’m not the only one. But for some reason I was the only one who got it.
Mom: Come on guys! I'll arrange this for you!!!
(Dad and son speak in whispers)
Dad: How are you doing around the house?
Mom: It's fine.
Son: Honestly?
Mom: Only I can ask this question!
Son: Okay, where were you?
Mom is at home.
Dad: Why then are my things in their places? There has never been a day when you were at home and didn’t hide my things God knows where!
Mom (translates the topic): How do you like the meat?
Son: So everything is as usual with us, and nothing bad happened?
Mom: Of course, no one fought with anyone, no one was late for anything. What can we even talk about in such a friendly family like ours?
In any family, funny and not so funny incidents happen. Well, what if family life It would be a lot of work to rewrite on paper.
Anecdote on the topic "Family"
Son:
- Pa, ah pa! You always say that a family is a small state. Then who are you?
- President, of course!
- And mom?
- Power.
- And grandma?
- CIA.
-Who am I?
- And you... you are the people.
An hour later my father gets a call at work. The son’s broken voice comes through the phone:
- Mr. President! Another president has come to power, the CIA is asleep, and the people are worried.
Funny "family" miniature
What wives want to hear from their husbands:
- Of course, I agree that the World Cup is held too often.
- And without makeup and in curlers you look even more attractive.
- Can you imagine, there are men who can miss a theater premiere because of meeting friends in a pub.
- How?! Haven't you spent the money I gave you yesterday yet?
- Your mother has only been gone for ten minutes, and this silence is already annoying.
- I only have two hours of free time, but you may have time to briefly tell me how Yulia Menshova was dressed yesterday.
- What difference does it make - how much it costs and why we need it if you like it.
- I love watching you relax. - Of course, I love you more than sex.
- Honey, I think you need to rest - you’ve been driving for ten minutes already. I myself will negotiate with the victims and take the remains of the car to the service center.
- It’s so nice when your friends stay up late with us on a weekday.
“Your underwear doesn’t interfere with my shower at all.”
- I think that using my mobile phone it will be more convenient for you to discuss yesterday’s talk show with your mother.
- Well, why is it all for me - both the tie and the handkerchief? Let's buy you some trifle - well, at least this fur coat.
- Of course, I will have time to make repairs before your return from the cruise.
- Even while washing my socks, I can’t stop thinking - what would I do without you?
Current jokes about family
If a husband gives his wife flowers for no reason, it means he has just met that reason.
A drunken husband knocks on the door. My wife won't let me. The husband shouts:
- Who is the head in this house?
Wife:
- Whoever is in the house is the owner!
A boy stands and looks out the window. Suddenly his face changes, he runs to his mother and shouts:
- Mom, mom, dad is coming! What should we show him first - my diary or your new dress?
She: - Honey, if I die, will you marry a second time?
He: - Well, dear, never!
She: - What if I allow you to do this?
He: - Well, then maybe I’ll get married.
She: - Will you let her wear my diamond necklace?
He: - Well, how can you?
She: - What if I allow it?
He: - Well, then let him wear it.
She: - Will you let her play with my golf club?
He: - No, no, never!
He: - And if I allow it?
He: - It’s no use anyway. She's left-handed.
Two friends talking:
1 - My husband, such a goat, drinks without drying out.
2 - And mine is only on holidays and on bath day.
Then the husband of the second woman comes in and says:
- Lucy, is there some kind of holiday today?
- No.
- Well then, I went to the bathhouse...
- You know, Kolka got married on Saturday!
- For love or for money?
- He took the bride for the money, and the money for love.
The wife wakes up her husband:
- What happened to you? Why are you screaming like that?
- I dreamed that Marusya was drowning.
- What kind of Marusya is this?
- Yes, you don’t know her, we met in a dream.
*****************************
And suddenly - to consult... Nikolai smiled, and the dimples that appeared on his rich cheeks seemed to say that I had no reason to put him above myself.
“You see,” he said, turning to me, - Sergey a party man, but you are not yet. Sergei, let's say, was given the task of capturing my soul...
- They tell you, I’m not in the party! - Sergei objected. “And why are you convinced that someone really needs your soul?”
- Is it really that no one really needs it? - Kolya asked, either sadly or mockingly.
Seryozha looked at him point-blank with blue-cloudy eyes angrily and tenderly and did not answer.
“The whole point is,” said Kolya, “that, despite all my desires, I ended up among great political figures.” Look, I might turn out to be either Danton or Marat... After demobilization, I returned home to the village, and dreamed mainly of living quietly with my dad and reflecting on what had happened. But then suddenly my dear compatriots, our crafty Cossack women, honored me with the choice of a delegate to the Cossack Congress, although after returning from the front I did not say a single word to them about the current moment, because I myself do not understand this moment. I still don’t know what I owed my career to... Maybe that’s what they liked most, that I was silent, or maybe the reputation of my dad, who has long been known throughout the area as a disinterested knight of justice, played a role here. But a fact is a fact, and with rare unanimity in our time, I was elected as a delegate. And I wasn’t even at the election meeting...
I got on the cart and came here. Well, I think I’ll sit at the convention, keep quiet and return home. But Colonel Sorochinsky spoke at the congress. By the way, he said one thing that was deeply unfair and offensive - he cursed the entire Russian active army as deserters. That we, they say, sold Russia to the Germans and so on... This, I must admit, bothered me a little. I took the floor for three minutes and gave factual information. That, they say, I recently returned from the active army and with regard to deserters and traitors, I undertake to count a larger number of them among the generals, if we take, of course, in percentage terms... I even named some names that were personally known to me. And here - my tongue is my enemy! - I couldn’t resist adding that, of course, the colonel, who had been commanding a reserve regiment since 1915, could hardly see or know much of what was happening at the front during the war.
The public liked my statement, and I received thunderous applause. As a result, when the elections approached, I listened and couldn’t believe my ears - I was being nominated as a member of the executive committee. But just check the transcript - my speech was the shortest of all, and if Sorochinsky had not raised this sore point, I would have sat quietly. Here I began to deflect myself - that I still had an unclear political position and generally had a lot of doubts. But nothing like that, they chose it! And then they pat you on the shoulder and say: “Nothing, your honor, serve the Cossacks! You famously cut his tongue, this reserve colonel. They are now happy to speak their tongues in front of the villagers for revenge, they think we are completely idiots...”
So, it means that I stayed here unexpectedly and unexpectedly. Now I am the local authority! I have already attended two meetings of the executive committee. And now we come to the very sensitive issue... The Cossacks left me here, but they didn’t give me any salary. Of course, as a member of the government, I live for free in Dyadin’s rooms, but do I still need to eat something? And it’s precisely on this score that everything is unclear...
“You should go to the chairman of the city council,” Sergei interrupted him, “to Comrade Vasenko.”
- Well, yes, of course! - Nikolai grinned. “I’ll come to him and say that he’s a Cossack officer, a Cavalier of St. George, and he’s just waiting for me, Vaseyiko... But, if we talk about this seriously, he’ll, say, ask me : “What are your beliefs?” What will I tell him? What kind of Russia am I? That's what everyone is saying now. I myself understand that this is an uncertain position. Long story short, I started to sell out a little. However, you yourself understand that I don’t have a store. I had a gold cigarette case - I sold it. There were hours - I ate. I sold one pair of trousers, the others are on me. I've already taken up my underwear...
“Devil knows, what stupidity...” muttered Sergei.
- Really stupid! - Nikolai agreed, “I think we should consult with someone.” I turned to Volodya (this was Sergei’s older brother), and he told me: “Talk to our Sergei...”