It is very difficult to live with resentment. She brings more harm offended, rather than the offender and deprives him of the opportunity to restore mental balance. But for some reason, many people tend to nurse and cherish the insults inflicted on them, exaggerate them and lengthen the list of their offenders, instead of forgiving the insult and letting it go negative thoughts and feelings.

Any offender – ordinary person with your own problems and the right to make mistakes. It happens that the offender does not even suspect that he has offended the person, and the offended person thinks about the insult day and night, hatching a plan for revenge, and may even provoke the occurrence of a psychosomatic illness with his thoughts.

Resentment- this is a complex feeling, it combines many other negative feelings, of which the main two are:

• anger directed at the offender,
• a pity in relation to yourself.

Many psychologists are convinced that resentment is egocentric feeling. When something is not the way you want, expect or think and you cannot control or manage what is happening, the wounded pride of an egoist provokes resentment.

The whole essence of the offense becomes clear if you know its three basic mental components:

1. Building Expectations. A person begins to expect and want someone else to perform a specific action. As a rule, he does not communicate this expectation or assumes that it goes without saying. But the other person has his own inner world and your thoughts, and they cannot (and should not!) coincide 100% with the thoughts of anyone else, even the closest person.

Everything interpersonal conflicts of any nature and plan have a common “root” - inability of people talk together! The inability to talk with a partner, spouse, colleague, parent, child, friend gives rise to countless intractable problems.

Instead of coming up with a “brilliant plan” and silently waiting for the other person to read his mind and certainly act in accordance with the plan, it is better to talk to him, find out what he wants and how he plans to do it. If there is love, respect, acceptance, there will be no manipulation, intimidation, ultimatums and scandals.

By giving another person freedom of action and allowing him to do as he wants (and he has every right to do so!), and not imposing your point of view or line of behavior on him, you can protect yourself from offense.

If we take it as a rule installation to not expect anything from anyone and rely only on yourself, and if necessary, talk about problems, resentment will not arise.

Grudges are better warn rather than eliminating, and the best thing is not to be offended at all. True, this is not an easy skill, it is not easy to cultivate in oneself.

Many grievances - one solution

Resentment is a very strong and inherently destructive state. It prevents the emergence of positive feelings and kills those that exist. The only thing worse than resentment is revenge. This feeling and action can radically change a person’s life for the worse.

Resentment comes in different forms:

1. Resentment as natural reaction to unfairly caused grief or insult.

A person is offended because his feelings, beliefs, his “I” are hurt when he notices in the offender’s act injustice towards himself, deception, betrayal, ingratitude. Anger in such an offense can be called righteous anger, but even it does not justify the need to keep negative emotions inside oneself, much less hatch a plan for revenge.

At the basis of such resentment lies a certain internal benefit; a person is offended specifically in order to get it. In essence, this is resentment-manipulation. It is born from thoughts like these: “I am better than everyone and everyone should listen to me,” “Remember how you offended me? Don’t you want to atone for your guilt?”, “If you don’t do as I say, I’ll be offended and then it will be worse for you!”

1. Resentment as formal reaction. The conditions for the emergence of such resentment are dictated by the traditions and culture of society. From childhood, people learn what to be offended by and what not, “what is good and what is bad?” If a child gets used to being offended with or without reason, and at the same time is too proud, he grows up to be touchy. Sometimes, without feeling offended, people show it only because in this case it is customary to be offended.

There is only one universal remedy from any kind of offense - you need offense forgive for his own good, in order to preserve himself and regain spiritual comfort.

But whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with the offender is an ambiguous question. Sometimes offensive actions signal that the existing relationship is destructive and it is better to end it. In other words, sometimes you need not only to forgive, but also to let a person go.

Five Steps to Forgiveness

There is a lot of wisdom, power and unconditional love in forgiveness. By forgiving, a person shows kindness, humanity, love for people and for himself. It is precisely, and first of all, out of self-love that you need to learn to forgive insults.

It is easy to talk about forgiveness, but it is difficult to forgive. Sometimes it seems that everything has passed and been forgotten, but at the slightest opportunity, memories are born again in the head and provoke resentment. How to forgive once and for all?

First of all To be able to forgive, you need to want it. And this means putting aside self-esteem, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop manipulating and taking advantage of the “privileges” of an offended person, stop beating yourself up and justifying your “righteous anger.”

Secondly, you need to think about the negative consequences that resentment entails:

• constant stress, internal anger, indignation, pity, depression and a lot of other negativity;
• deterioration or breakdown of relationships, prolonged conflicts, quarrels, etc.;
• health problems (decreased immunity, heart problems, thyroid problems, headaches).

Having realized the harm that resentment can cause, it is easier to let it go and decide to continue enjoying life.

Third, the desire to forgive requires a change in attitude towards the offender as an enemy or villain to a more humane one. You need to try to find or come up with an excuse for the offender. The offended person has no right to judge and decide the fate of the offender; revenge and lynching are unacceptable. To establish fairness and justice there are appropriate government bodies. In all other cases, faith in higher justice will come to the rescue.

Fourth, analyze the offense according to the “expectations - real events- comparison." What did you want? What's happened? What about the offender’s behavior did not meet expectations and did not please?

Reflecting on these questions will help you discern your selfishness, mistakes, and the root causes of resentment; understand yourself and, most importantly, understand what needs to be changed in yourself, your behavior, thoughts, attitudes in order to no longer be offended in such a situation.

Fifthly, learn a life lesson from a situation of resentment. By understanding grievances, you can help yourself cope with psychological problems. Perhaps the situation of resentment arose precisely because it was time to understand yourself and work on yourself? Perhaps the offender and the situation of offense only served as an indicator that exposed difficulties and pointed to the path of development?

There are many techniques and techniques that help you forgive the offender and let go of the situation of resentment.

There are also special exercises, helping to let go of grievances. Here are some of them:

Also helping to forgive grievances:

• affirmations, prayer, meditation - any words and actions that contain an attitude of forgiveness;
• humor, the ability to make fun of an insult;
• an example of other people who managed to forgive an offender in a similar situation.

The smaller the resentment and the “fresh” it is, the easier it is to get rid of it on your own. In more difficult cases when the resentment is too great, it is no longer just a feeling, but psychological trauma . If the resentment has accumulated over a long period of time, is too severe and so complex that you cannot cope with it on your own, you should seek help from a psychologist.

Read psychological literature about resentment:

1. Yu. Morozyuk, S. Morozyuk “10 steps of healing from resentment. Workshop on the development of sanogenic thinking”
2. A. Wheaton “Without fear, anger and resentment. Learning to forgive”
3. I. Vagin “Anger, resentment, revenge and betrayal”
4. T. Zinkevich-Evstigneeva, D. Frolov “It’s better to light a candle than to scold the darkness, or How a good person can avoid being offended”
5. H. E. Runkel, J. Runkel

Instructions

To learn to forgive, you need to decide to take responsibility for your own emotions and experiences. Feeling offended, people often say: “How can I forgive this, because they did this to me here!” But such an approach demonstrates that a person reacts to external stimulus and gives in to it. Forgiving old grievances is important not because you are doing your offenders a favor by “absolving” them of their sins, but because you are throwing out this old garbage from your own soul. Decide to decide for yourself what to keep inside and what to get rid of.

Forgiveness of grievances is not based on changing the past: this is impossible to do. But you can change your own attitude towards what happened, try to erase unpleasant memories. Therefore, first of all, realizing that forgiveness depends only on you and that you need it, try to look at your life philosophically. Try to understand what motivated those who offended you. Sometimes it helps a lot to look at situations in detail; sometimes this is enough to forgive.

After you realize that you no longer hold a grudge against the offender, your emotions may continue to try to follow the beaten path for a long time: negative thoughts will appear in your head. The fact is that the human brain gets used to thinking in a certain way. Therefore, when you begin to work on grievances, at the same time begin to carefully monitor your thoughts. Record negative thoughts and get rid of them. If you can’t do this in a rational way, then you can distract yourself with something pleasant. Consciously set yourself up for a positive outlook every morning.

Try to get rid of negative emotions from resentment. To do this, you need to do two things in sequence. First, write down in detail how everything happened and how you felt. Most likely, emotions will overwhelm you, you may start crying, and it will be painful to experience this again. When you calm down, repeat the procedure. Once you write down your experiences several times, they will subside and become much less intense. Expressing your pain, releasing it from within is very important. This method can be very difficult to do alone if the injury is serious or the resentment is deep and fresh. In this case, it is better to work with a psychologist.

When the emotions are released, you will feel somewhat empty. This is fine. Now write down the whole situation again, but change the ending. Make sure everything ends well. Try to imagine a positive ending in every detail. This will allow you to replace bad emotions with good ones.

Helpful advice

A person who has accumulated a lot of grievances in his soul finds himself literally torn apart by them. He torments himself with thoughts either about revenge or about how hard it is for him and how unfairly they treated him. Indeed, people receive many insults undeservedly. The problem with keeping old grievances is that even if you find a way to take revenge on the offender or life does it for you, it won’t make you feel any better. The person who was offended feels like a victim, even if the aggressor received his punishment. The offender only initiated the process, and further self-destruction is already carried out by the offender himself.

How to forgive an offense and let a person go - this is complex issue And life situation for many people of different ages. Resentment is a feeling that prevents you from living and enjoying a harmonious relationship with your other half. Sometimes it can consume you completely, making you forget all the good things that happened between you. Often because of this, people quarrel so much that they separate. How to prevent such an outcome of events?

Resentment is a negative thing that poisons a person from the inside.

You don't know how to forgive and let go of an offense? You need to understand your true feelings. If you really love or respect a person, you shouldn’t waste time on such negative emotions!

In such a state, everyone is tuned only to negativity

They seem to burn a person from the inside, forcing him to look at the world through a veil of fog. Everything positive fades into the background, and you see in front of you only the reason that became the main factor in the occurrence of resentment. But you need to drive all this away, because this way you will never become happy.

Analysis of grievances

To get rid of this feeling you need to understand its causes.

There is a question: how to cope with resentment so that it does not interfere with building harmonious relationships? At the very beginning, you should analyze what caused such feelings.
Try to remember the situation in every detail. It often turns out that a person did not offend you as much as you thought. You can correct the situation in time by taking the first step towards reconciliation.

It also happens that analysis will help you understand that it is you who are to blame for the conflict. Here you need to act carefully, explaining to the person that you misunderstood each other.

Getting rid of anger

Do you feel like anger is overwhelming you? This is very dangerous, since such emotions bring a lot of negativity to you and those around you. Here's how to deal with anger:

• learn the technique of deep breathing, as this will enable you to find spiritual harmony;
• completely relax your muscles, which will make it possible to relieve anxiety and stress, and therefore relieve you of anger;
• release your anger. You can find a quiet and secluded place to shake yourself off like a dog after water. You can also write down your thoughts on paper and tear the paper or burn it;
• switch to something funny, for example, watch a video on the Internet to take your mind off the negativity;
• listen to music that will relax you and completely calm you down.

Here's how to deal with resentment and anger without losing your valuable nerves. After such actions, anger will fade into the background, and you will be able to completely calm down and think about what to do in the future.

Recognizing that there is a problem is half the battle in solving it

Getting rid of guilt

Another unpleasant situation is the feeling of guilt. If you have offended any person, it will haunt you every day. Because of this, people often face stress or depression, since guilt constantly weighs on the subconscious.

You can get rid of it by following these tips:

• never blame yourself for the fact that others reacted to your behavior differently than you would like;
• you should not mentally reproach yourself for any misdeeds;
• no need to feel guilty if people from your close circle do wrong;
• “burn” the feeling of guilt by writing down all your main experiences on a piece of paper;
• there is no need to constantly apologize to everyone, even if you are not guilty;
• do not allow yourself to be manipulated, because if you fail to complete the tasks, the feeling of guilt will return again.

This simple tips that will help you cope with negativity. You will feel free if everything works out.

How to learn to forgive grievances and let go

Not everyone knows how to learn to forgive grievances and let people go. But it is a valuable skill that will help you cope with many problems in life.

I seriously insulted you close person? Are you unable to find relief from your worries? Then you need to forgive him by following these tips:

1. remember that resentment is a strong evil. You must realize that it must be destroyed in order to live happily;
2. Negative motivation will also allow you to forgive a person faster. Think about what awaits you if you live with the experiences inside. This often leads to illness, depression, and loss of interest in life. It is better to forgive than to radically ruin your life;
3. Positive motivation will also help to cope with negativity. Think how much your life would change if you were happy and carefree again. These are new acquaintances, fun meetings with friends, happy evenings with family;
4. If you don’t know how to learn to forgive insults, eliminate the weakness in yourself that attracted them. Perhaps it's low self-esteem or problems at work. Try to correct these shortcomings in order to become strong man, which does not depend on everything bad;
5. be grateful for the lessons that life teaches you. If you made a mistake that led to negativity, reel it off. In the future, you will no longer repeat such actions, which will make it much easier;
6. a sense of humor always saved similar situations. Make fun of yourself, accept criticism adequately, and don’t be offended by the caustic phrases of your colleagues or people you know. Only in this case will everyone understand that it is useless to try to hurt your pride.

You understand how to forgive an offense and let go of your loved one. Do not forget that you cannot keep anyone near you by force. It’s better to part ways peacefully than to torment each other for the rest of your life. But you need to part with a calm soul in which there is no place for negativity.

How to deal with resentment and negative emotions

Negative emotions destroy a person’s aura, as a result of which it becomes vulnerable to all sorts of factors. People who experience such feelings are prone to depression and stress.

You need to understand how to learn to forgive insults (psychology) in order to feel great. In fact, it is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. You just need to control your emotions to get rid of all the negativity.

Negativity can accumulate for a long time, and then suddenly burst out

1. Identify the source of irritation

At the very beginning, it’s worth understanding what irritates you so much. Perhaps it’s her husband’s scattered things or an annoying work colleague. Never accumulate emotions within yourself, because sooner or later they will burst out in a huge stream of claims and grievances.

If we're talking about about your loved one who is doing something wrong, try to talk to him. The conversation should be calm and friendly. Explain why you don’t like this or that action. In most cases, everything can be fixed without accumulating negative emotions within yourself.

If you are offended by a work colleague, then try to talk to him. If all is unsuccessful, do not intersect or keep meetings to a minimum. Do not accumulate resentment within yourself, because it will definitely spill out in a stream of negative emotions.

1. Understand the reason

To understand how to learn to forgive people and let go of resentment, understand yourself. Why are you offended by others? Perhaps it's your low self-esteem? Do you not know how to cope with your emotions?

You can find spiritual harmony with the help of breathing exercises or yoga. In practice, it has been proven that such activities calm and distract from negative emotions. If suddenly negativity has already settled inside you, it will soon stop bothering you, because it Negative influence is eliminated.

How to deal with resentment and anger

People ask the question: how to deal with resentment and negative emotions quickly and effectively? There are tips that will make you feel much better:

• stop feeling like a victim: instead of “I was offended,” say “I feel offended”;
• look at yourself through the eyes of the offender and think whether everything is so smooth on your part, or whether you, too, have done something wrong to the person;
• Perhaps you are missing something, which stimulates you to be angry. If so, then allow yourself to fill what is missing in life;
• tell yourself “Stop” because the feeling is poisonous from within. If you don't want to face stress or depression, try to control your emotions right now;
• calm down and think about how you feel this moment, because it may turn out that this is not anger, but a banal lack of attention;
• React to different situations calmly, and over time you will notice that the feeling of resentment is no longer inherent in you.

A big grievance usually develops gradually from several small ones.

These are simple tips that will help you cope with resentment and anger. You should not waste your time on such negative emotions, as they will only bring you harm.

How to deal with resentment towards a man

Often women ask: how to cope with resentment towards a man if I live under the same roof with him? Of course, such emotions can destroy a relationship in a matter of days.

If we are talking about betrayal, then not everyone is ready to forgive their loved one. In such a situation, you should understand that getting rid of negativity will benefit you, not him. Try to completely calm down and tune in for the best. Remember that it is very difficult to go through life with resentment. If you want to become happy and loved, drive away negative emotions in order to calmly let go of the man.

Women are the most touchy - they are real masters of this matter.

You don't know how to forgive a person and free yourself from grievances if the situation is not that serious? Then a simple conversation can help you. Talk to your significant other so that she understands what exactly is bothering you. In practice, it has been proven that conversations often make it possible to get rid of all negative emotions!

Resentment is anger suppressed over a long period of time (L. Hay).

It turns out that it is very difficult to completely let go of an offense and forgive a person, but this must be done so as not to attract various diseases into your life. Yes it is! the main problem that resentment lurks for a long time in a certain corner of our body, and when it is not released, it turns into terrible ailments, for example, malignant tumors, which promise death to a person.

How to learn to forgive?

To learn to let go of grievances, you need to understand a simple truth - no one comes into life by chance and nothing happens for nothing. If the action of another person caused a feeling of resentment, ardent anger, then you need not to turn your back and not talk to the offender for weeks, but to analyze the situation, find not only the bad, but also the good in it.

Forgiving and letting go of grievances is sometimes very difficult; this problem goes back to deep childhood. Many people grew up in families where it was forbidden to openly declare their intentions and show negative emotions. Women were taught that this was indecent, so some people learned to hide their past grievances and hide their true feelings. But if this is not changed, irreparable grief may occur.

The main recipe for forgiveness is the ability to concentrate on the positives and take 100% responsibility for your life. Whatever happens, we ourselves attract this situation into our lives, and therefore it is time to take a fresh look around and radically change our perception, internal state and attitude towards the world.

Resentment and health are one!

One of the reasons for the development of cysts and tumors in the uterine area is considered to be the syndrome: “He hurt me.” After all, the genital organs of men are responsible for the masculine principle, and the female genitals are responsible for the feminine. When people have very strong emotional dissatisfaction and conflicts with a partner, they move to the area where the human genital organs are located. That is why hidden grievances of the past associated with divorce or betrayal of a husband can turn into malignant tumor or develop into a cyst.

How can you forgive someone who hurt you? Is it possible to get rid of the pain that burns your soul, clouds your eyes, and prevents you from thinking soberly? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to understand the mechanisms of resentment and forgiveness, build harmonious relationships with loved ones and enjoy life...

And again this pain! The heart is compressed, it’s hard to breathe, the pulse is pounding in the temples, and the question is in my head: Why? Why is a loved one so cruel and unfair to me, capable of hurting me, offending me, insulting me, betraying me? After all, I go to him with all my heart! I'm ready to give my life for him! How to learn to forgive and let go of grievances?

Resentment is very powerful negative emotion. It fetters and immobilizes a person, as if with chains, and does not allow one to live normally and breathe deeply.

It is especially difficult to feel resentment towards loved ones, because with them we are as open as possible, we experience boundless trust, we do not expect a trick and we find ourselves vulnerable. It is not easy to forgive an offense when pain tears your heart, and your mind does not find the slightest justification for the words and actions of loved ones.

We have heard thousands of times that you need to be an intelligent and wise person, be able to forgive each other, learn to forget the past in order to live joyfully and well. But for a person who is captive of grievances, all these are just empty words that sound like mockery.

How can you forgive someone who hurt you? Is it possible to get rid of the pain that burns your soul, clouds your eyes, and prevents you from thinking soberly?

There is a lot of advice on the topic “how to forget an insult”, all sorts of techniques that promise to acquire the ability to let go and forgive. Some try to read affirmations, some, in a Christian way, obediently turn the other cheek for a blow, and some believe that it is best to erase the offender from your life, breaking off all relations with him.

Unfortunately, in practice these methods do not always work or only help for a short time. And in the next critical situation, old grievances flare up or new ones flare up, poisoning life with bitterness and disappointment. And it’s not possible to run away from everyone, because often we are offended by the people closest to us - spouses, parents, our own children.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to understand the mechanisms of resentment and forgiveness, build harmonious relationships with loved ones and enjoy life.

Psychology of resentment and forgiveness. How it works?

It would seem that no one is familiar with the feeling of resentment, because life does not skimp on injustice and even loved ones can be angry and cruel, self-centered, do not remember goodness, and do not appreciate what we do for them.

But in fact, not everyone thinks so, but only those who really tend to be offended.

Touchiness is not a disease, not a curse or a bad habit, but a feature of the psyche inherent in a certain type of people - owners of the anal vector.

These people have a keen sense of justice. Any imbalance in one direction or another causes them a feeling of deep discomfort.

The owners are people of honor, fighters for justice and equality, they are straightforward and simple-minded and expect the same in return.

For them, a special value is family, smooth, stable relationships based on mutual respect and trust. For the sake of his family, such a person is ready to sacrifice a lot. But it is very important for him to feel that his loved ones will truly appreciate it.

Not receiving, in his opinion, worthy confirmation of his merits, respect and praise, a person becomes offended, experiences pain and disappointment. And the phenomenal memory given to him by nature plays a cruel joke on him. Instead of collecting and storing important information, gaining valuable experience and passing it on to next generations, he begins to accumulate his grievances, remembering every situation, every word, look, deed that caused pain.

In most cases, people do not deliberately seek to offend us, cause pain and suffering. It’s just that we are all different and by nature possess properties and desires that determine our character, our reactions and behavior, our perception of the world and other people.

It follows that those around us go through life guided by their own desires, values ​​and priorities, which are different from ours.

Because of this difference of interests, all sorts of disagreements and misunderstandings arise, giving rise to resentment, quarrels, and conflicts.

Not knowing how the human psyche works, we look at the world and other people through the prism of our desires and needs. We expect people to treat us the way we would like them to, or the way we behave towards them. When we don’t get what we want, we get upset, worried, upset, and a person with an anal vector gets offended.

Since our maximum expectations are aimed at the people closest to us, those to whom we devote all our time, attention, and energy, they most often become the cause of resentment.

People who need to learn to forgive, because you can’t just take them and tear them out of your heart, erase them from your memory, these are ours -

parents, especially mother,

spouses or loved ones,

children.

How to forgive those closest to you? Mother

The dearest person who gave us life is our mother. And we owe her an enormous debt. In the life of a person with an anal vector, mother plays a special role. Mom is not just a family, a person who provides comfort and care, giving a feeling of security and safety, she creates a connection between generations, is a bridge connecting the owner of the anal vector with such a valuable and dear past. His first life experience and the ability to build relationships with other people are connected with it.

It so happens that the mental properties of mother and child coincide. This means that when she looks at her child through her value system, through the prism of her desires, she will not have internal contradictions and problems with the child. And he will feel comfortable in the family.

And vice versa, if the mother has, for example, then she has the opposite properties. She is flexible, knows how to do everything quickly by nature and can start pushing her baby, tugging, rushing, expecting quick results from him where he needs time to think or adapt to a new situation.

The child becomes stressed, his reactions slow down even more, it is difficult for him to concentrate, and most importantly, it is painful and insulting because his beloved mother does not understand his condition, does not feel the discomfort he is experiencing, does not come to help, but, on the contrary, demands the impossible. The situation is aggravated if she also does not notice the efforts and efforts of her baby, forgets to praise and appreciate the results of his work.

The child's soul is in turmoil, resentment creeps into it, which the child does not even realize and cannot admit to himself. After all, mom is a person whom he considers holy, infallible. How can you forgive and let go of an offense if a person is not even aware of it? He carries it within himself constantly, the resentment affects his entire life, grows and multiplies.

The owner of the anal vector tends to generalize the events that happen to him. He will project his first bad experience with his mother onto other people: “What can you expect from others if your own mother doesn’t understand, doesn’t appreciate, doesn’t praise.”

Understanding the nature of your mother’s psyche, her desires, character traits, conditions that influenced her life, gives an understanding of the reasons why she behaved this way.

She did everything that she considered right and necessary, that was in her power and corresponded to her essence. It was not her fault that she did not understand either herself or the child.

When awareness comes, then the question of forgiveness is exhausted. We don't let go of the grudge - it lets us go.

How to forgive a loved one? Couples relationship

A similar scenario plays out in relationships with spouses and loved ones. According to the laws of nature, people with different properties and qualities are most often drawn to each other. On the one hand, this is historically justified, because such partners, complementing each other, create a stable couple capable of surviving and raising offspring. On the other hand, differences and discrepancies in interests, desires and values ​​often cause misunderstandings and lead to conflicts, quarrels and resentments.

For example, a woman with an anal vector prefers a leisurely pace of life and home comfort; she is crystal honest and devoted to her husband. But the skin partner needs movement, novelty of sensations, a change of scenery, and in the absence of fulfillment at work, he may seek change in the form of flirting on the side. By cheating he plunges his wife into the abyss of suffering and pain.

How can you forgive a person and free yourself from resentment if he broke your heart? There can be no talk of forgiveness! Resentment towards a man digs into the heart like a thorn, does not allow one to live, and thirsts for revenge. Nothing brings relief. Relationships turn into a complete nightmare, into an endless series of insults and accusations, pain and disappointments. If a family breaks up, bad experiences are recorded for life, forcing each person to be seen as a potential traitor and traitor.

By understanding yourself and your partner, you can learn to build qualitatively new relationships based on mutual trust and respect for each other’s differences. What is trivial to us may have great importance for a loved one. If you remember this, it’s no longer difficult to turn off the light behind you, close the tube of toothpaste, or put your slippers back in place. We stop against act, let's start mutual act, move towards each other, thanks to which all possible reasons for misunderstanding and resentment disappear from life:

How to forgive and let go of resentment? Children

Children are of particular value to the owner of the anal vector. It is important for him to give them the best, to educate them good people, instill time-tested traditions, teach everything that he can do. He is confident that he is right and wants to be the best parent for his child. He tries to maintain his undeniable authority in the eyes of children and become an example for them. And that is why they are so painfully worried, angry, offended when they are in no hurry to be like their father, follow his advice, follow in his footsteps.

How can you learn to forgive your children and let go of resentment when their behavior runs counter to their parents’ ideas about life and contradicts their wishes?! A parent with an anal vector expects obedience, respect, and honor from children, and what does not meet his expectations is perceived as negative, incorrect, hostile, causes misunderstanding and gives rise to resentment.

It is very important to understand that we look at our children through ourselves, we try to impose on them our views, habits, interests, our perception of life - when their perception may be radically different from ours.

Not knowing how the psyche works, not realizing the differences between their properties and the desires of their children, despite all the love and good intentions, parents often make mistakes, preventing their children from growing and developing correctly, building their lives.

Children are not at all like their parents. They have different desires and aspirations, and they live in a different time. What filled us with joy and pleasure in childhood is no longer able to satisfy the needs of our children. What we could only dream of has long become a familiar reality for our children. The world is developing rapidly, and with it the volume of desires, which are the “engine”, the key to development and movement forward, is increasing.

By understanding our true needs, desires and the differences between our children and us, we can help them develop their natural talents and abilities, succeed in life and become happy.

How to learn to forgive and let go of grievances: results

Gives knowledge about the structure of the psyche, about what motivates us and the people around us. Helps, false beliefs, unrealistic expectations, teaches you to perceive people as they are.

We don’t get offended by our beloved cat because she doesn’t sing like a nightingale, and our faithful dog can’t fly, just as we stop being offended by people because they don’t have certain qualities.

The ability to forgive and let go of grievances is developed along with the skill of thinking systematically. A new worldview gives the ability to adequately perceive oneself and other people, understand the motives of their behavior, anticipate and manage one’s reactions.

There is no longer any need to accumulate and multiply your grievances, suffer or hatch plans for revenge; it is better to direct your energy to something important, interesting, useful - to study “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»