The ups and downs of life change a person, influencing his views, interests, opinions about himself, often remaining in memory as fragments of events that either cause joy or depress. They say that over time, only good things are remembered, but what to do if negative pictures from the past continually break into your consciousness and prevent you from moving forward! An inextricable connection with the past is a dangerous path. Following it, it is very easy to lose the sense of the present.

The past that pulls you back

Every person has events in his life that he remembers with excitement. They pop up in the subconscious with bright pictures and for some time carry you back to the past days. Positive or negative emotions - they inevitably tear you away from the present. Of course, who can forbid returning to incidents from your life that brought joy, taught you something or allowed you to experience something completely new! On the contrary, sometimes it is useful to look back a little to remember what path you had to go through, for the sake of which you continue to lead your life, dream and make these dreams come true.

The danger lies in the fact that responses from past events begin to replace the current reality, distract from direct solution emerging problems. This is serious pressure on psycho-emotional development. Over time, a regular return to the past in one’s thoughts leads a person to the fact that reality today begins to be perceived through the prism of already experienced situations. And this happens over and over again until the “You” of the past completely swallows the “You” of the present. At this very moment, emotional development stops. Will, intelligence, and communication skills are at risk - the future is lost in the flow of past feelings and sensations.

Each person is individual, but we can identify such life events that are relevant for everyone and can cause a return to the past:

• parting is this difficult moment of saying goodbye to someone you loved, and without whom it is very difficult to imagine your future life;
• collapse - major financial loss, deprivation of home, failure of business, which completely changed the way of life and worldview;
• betrayal of a relative, friend, lover - not only faith in one’s neighbor is undermined, but one’s view of the truth, relationships, fidelity, honesty;
• a collision with a catastrophe, human pain - a contrasting spot relative to everything that happened to you, and which made you think about your own future with an eye to the past;

• an incurable or severely crippling disease is one of those cases when the whole life is divided into “Before” and “After”, and a person tends to dwell with his thoughts in the first half;
• your own bad deed, contrary to the norms of morality, morality and destroying the inner image that you create for yourself.

Why is it difficult for a person to get rid of the past?

What keeps a person in the past? Oddly enough, it is equally dangerous to focus on both positive and negative emotions experienced at one time. Taking this fact into account, we can conditionally distinguish three states that characterize your attitude towards the past, present and future.

1. Objective perception. It is typical for people who understand that life continues to move, they need to think about what to do for tomorrow, and use the experience gained to their advantage today, now. If you belong to this category, you often say to yourself: “I tripped, I fell, I got up, I went!” You learn to live with what you have.

2. Emotional dependence. Real life is not happy, there are no prospects in the future. Awareness of this makes a person return to those moments when he felt comfortable, good, or vice versa, when he experienced pain and fought hard for something, but his days were filled with events, activity, emotions, as opposed to today. Such dependence prevents you from taking a step forward and changing your own real life for the better. Take note if you fall into this category! The following phrases may often appear in your vocabulary: “well, two years ago everything was different...”, “once upon a time I...”, “everything worked out for me before...” and so on.

3. Hypertrophied development of the instinct of self-preservation, against the background of which psychological and mental conditions such as depression, phobia, panic attacks before changes. In most cases, this is associated with a nightmare experienced, with something that broke the soul and worldview. This category is characterized by apathy, reluctance to change anything and fear of it. Such people often turn into introverts and even sociopaths, as they consciously isolate themselves from society. This condition can be called the most dangerous!

It is difficult for a person to get rid of the past, because he is inextricably linked with it by the threads of his own perception. Imagine there are several stretched strings in front of you. Each event causes them to vibrate, creating a specific sound that you remember. This means that every moment of your life has its own melody, and the course of your life is up to specific case has its own sound, in general. As soon as something happens that changes your perception, a knot appears on the string, and your whole life sounds completely different. Relationships with the past are built on these nodes. Some you can untie, but some will remain forever - this is the first thing that is important to realize.

Nodules mean feelings that are familiar to you: resentment, pain, grief, shame, attachment to the person who abandoned you. From the point of view of a psychologist, these are the blocks that prevent you from objectively assessing the present and looking into the future with a positive perspective. For this reason, the process of saying goodbye to the past will involve working on these feelings.

How to get rid of the past and not interfere with your life

Depending on the situation that keeps you in the past, you select your own methods of working through emotions and the ability to control them. However, several main aspects can be identified that will be equally useful to every person who depends on their own memories.

1. Expand your social circle. Close friends, grandmothers, uncles, aunts, cousins ​​- there are many people around you with whom you can start a simple conversation. After this, potential interlocutors can be found in the dancing or swimming sections, and maybe you even risk participating in a team relay race organized by the city for some holiday. Live communication relaxes you and helps you take your mind off things. This is the first step towards finding like-minded people - people who are also fighting for their real lives!

2. Change the situation, break your pattern of behavior. Often people who are fixated on the past act according to the same scenario every day. This drags them even further into the routine of memories! A new movie - instead of a tired series on TV, a walk - instead of sitting in front of the TV, a trip out of town on the weekend - instead of just lying in bed, catching up on sleep. Buy yourself new jacket, bag, change the wallpaper in the room, say hello to someone you usually passed by in silence. All this destroys your stereotypical behavior. You will be surprised how quickly your life will begin to change after even minor changes.

3. Work on your thoughts and memories. What doesn't let you go? Keep a diary, write down all your experiences regarding this in detail. Let this cause an attack of tears, hysterics - do not stop yourself, release everything that has accumulated in your soul! Write what caused the pain, how it affects you now, how you could fix it - this is an effective independent psychoanalysis.

4. Find new dream and strive to implement it! But, remember one important rule - your new goal must be connected with the future and not touch the past.

Zinaida Rublevskaya
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All our strength is in the present. Not in the past and not in the future, but in this present moment of our life. All past events, up to the present moment, were created by our thoughts, desires, beliefs in the past and words spoken by us an hour ago, yesterday, last week, last month, or even decades ago. Nevertheless, all this is our past, gone forever, it is no longer important. What matters is what you think, what you believe and what you say in this moment, right now, because these are the thoughts and beliefs that will shape your future. What are you thinking about now? Are the thoughts flowing through you now positive or negative? What do you want your tomorrow to be like? Remember your thoughts and keep them in mind in the future.

The main thing in our life is thoughts! Thoughts can always be changed! The past exists only in our thoughts and it looks the way we imagine it. But we do not live in the past, but today, now! And what we do now lays the foundation for tomorrow. This means that in order to change your tomorrow, you need to make a decision today. Nothing can be done tomorrow and nothing can be done yesterday. You can only do something today, now.
To consolidate the feeling of happiness in your soul, you need to restore order in it. Over the years, a lot of unnecessary things accumulate there: resentment, pain, anger, revenge, anger, jealousy and envy. As Leo Tolstoy used to say, “what is started in anger ends in shame.” There is no need to drag evil with you through life. Love, faith, hope, creativity, self-development - do not depend on circumstances. They are an inexhaustible source of happiness, unlike wealth and fame, which are easy to both gain and lose.

If we suddenly get sick, it means we need to forgive someone. Search your soul - there are always such people there, but you have to start with the one who, in your understanding, is least worthy of it. Remember: Forgiveness is liberation! The great meaning of forgiveness is that human soul new values ​​are opening up - a different logic, a value system, new opportunities, both spiritual and practical. Why is it necessary to forgive others if they offended you, insulted you, acted badly towards you, were unfair? A lot of people don't understand this. They do not understand why it is necessary to forgive offenders, liars, and traitors. They do not understand that the meaning of forgiveness is to free not the offender, but themselves, from the burden on their souls. Cleanse your body and soul and thereby make your life easier, your path to joy and health. Until you forgive the offender, you are allowing him to dominate you. Until then, you recognize that he has power and strength over you, he again and again makes you suffer, carry resentment in your soul and thereby destroy yourself. I don't believe you want this.

To forgive means to honestly admit: yes, this person did me wrong, he has a debt to me, but I will not expect him to repay this debt to me, I will forgive and forget, and I will no longer delve into this past, because I need strength to live and act in the present.

Many people think that to forgive means making peace with the offender and continuing to endure insults from him. Therefore, many people are afraid to forgive; they think that by forgiving, they will give in to the offender and recognize his right to continue to offend them. But that's not true. Forgiveness and reconciliation are different things. You always need to forgive everyone, but you don’t need to make peace with everyone. If a person did not apologize, did not ask for your forgiveness, did not admit that he acted badly towards you, or did not repent - do not rush to reconcile. Forgive him and thereby admit that you have written off his debts, but you do not expect or want anything more from him. Only then can you forget about this person, never deal with him again, and never suffer from him again. Having forgiven, you admit that he no longer has power over you, thoughts about him do not occupy your heart and soul, do not destroy you and do not deprive you of strength, you are no longer interested in him, you know that he has not repaid your debts, which means more you will not have anything to do with him and thereby save yourself from destruction. You can make it clear to such a person that you have forgiven him, but you do not trust him and are not obliged to put up with him. You are not obligated to communicate with him, since only harm can come from communicating with a person who causes you harm and does not repent and does not want to change anything in his behavior.
Forgiveness does not mean continuing to communicate with someone whose behavior is destructive towards you. Despite forgiveness, it is better to keep such people at a distance.

Your soul is constantly counting the “debts” of other people to you: your parents did not give you enough care and affection, your friends offended and betrayed you, other people deceived you and took away your blood. If you constantly remember how bad these people are and how much harm they have done to you, you will only cause yourself more harm with these thoughts. more harm. There is only one way to get away from these self-destructive thoughts - through Forgiveness. Yes, they have done a lot of harm to you, and by being angry with those who have done you harm, you only multiply this evil.
But you can strip evil of its power. How? Only forgiveness. To forgive means to let go, to write off a debt. To forgive means to understand and accept that you will never get from this person what he owes you, because... he is not going to return it to you and it is pointless to even demand it. This understanding can cause pain and sorrow in the soul. This is what you have to go through and you have to accept it as a given. Like the sky is blue and the grass is green. And when you get over this, you will no longer need your debts returned to you, you will no longer depend on your debtors, you will no longer need their mercy. Get joy from your inner God and forget about people’s debts to you. Don’t poison your life with the poison of calculating who didn’t give you and how much. Don't worry about settling scores, and you'll immediately see how much better your life will become.

You should always forgive (clear your feelings about emotions). Remember all your friends with whom you once encountered in life, starting from childhood, with whom you had tense relationships, make a list on paper. The first on the list should be the people who caused you the most acute negative emotions. Take up auto-training. Autogenic training is a great thing, you just need to master it. The text needs to be repeated for a long time, the total time in relation to one person is from 1 to 5 hours, it consists of episodic trainings of 10-30 minutes. at any free (from brain loading) time. For example, like this: “With love and gratitude, I forgive (name) and accept him as he is. I apologize to (name) for my negative thoughts, emotions and actions towards him. With love and gratitude (name) forgives me.”
If you have parted with a person forever, then the phrase “...and I accept him as he is” should be replaced with the phrase “...and I let him go,” and at the end it says: “We are free.” The text is repeated several times. If the process of erasing the negative thought form of the person who hung it on you is successfully completed, then when you close your eyes, you can even see the image of this person, but not everyone has such a picture. You cannot mechanically repeat phrases and get distracted; this is auto-training and it requires complete concentration and immersion in the process of repeated repetition. To enhance the effect, you can try to remember the moments when you had a conflict with this person, which will disturb your emotional plane and forgiveness will go faster. The process may cause discomfort ( headache, cough, tears, etc.) - this indicates that you have found the largest thought form and are trying to erase it. Overcome it and you will immediately feel relief. But if you do this in reality, the effect will be much better. A sign of a knot unraveling - your partner will try to pester you (fulfill his karmic task), and you will have sympathy for him, peace and tranquility will come in your soul.

People forgive each other and go their separate ways. Remember that you need to forgive not only others, but also yourself. Judging yourself is the same sin as judging others. The words are the same: “With love and gratitude, I forgive myself and accept myself as God made me. I apologize to myself for my negative thoughts and emotions towards myself.” Conduct auto-training in relation to life: “With love and gratitude, I forgive life and accept it as it is. I ask forgiveness from my inner God for my negative thoughts and emotions towards my life.” There is no guilt in front of him, there is only your guilt in front of yourself, this is your self-destructive behavior. And until you realize this and ask for forgiveness, you will repeat the same old mistakes in behavior again and again, in new and new incarnations,” and you will carry out a self-destructive pattern of your life.
A person does not always know what he should ask for forgiveness for, and does not even know that he should ask for forgiveness at all. To understand and realize this, you need to listen to your inner impulses, which are sometimes called the voice of conscience. These internal impulses are knocking on your door, they say: you need to ask for forgiveness, you need to forgive. It is not necessary to go to the person you offended, or about whom you spoke or thought badly, in order to ask for his forgiveness. It is enough to direct your request for forgiveness upward, to God, to express your request for forgiveness and your forgiveness, and at the right time it will come and cut all the harmful ties connecting you with the one who offended you or whom you offended.
Forgiving ourselves is extremely important. Many of us continue to do the same harm to the child within us that their parents did to them as children. We annoyed our parents with our imperfections. It happened that they cursed the day we were born. We probably shrank with fear at these words, but we had a vague idea of ​​how much they would determine our self-esteem in the future. The past cannot be changed, but the future is determined today by our thoughts and beliefs. It is very difficult, almost impossible for children to stop loving their parents, but if this happens, it is even more difficult for them to forgive them. For the sake of our freedom, it is necessary to understand that our parents tried to do everything as best as possible with their inherent life experience. They, like us, felt their helplessness, so they could only teach us what they themselves had once been taught. How much do you know about every day and moment of your parents' childhood? Ask them about their childhood, and it will be easier for you to understand why they acted the way they did. Once you understand the reasons for their behavior, you will feel pity and sympathy for them.

By not wanting to forgive someone, you limit the possibilities of your spiritual development. Forgiveness allows you to correct the distortions in your spiritual world: understanding takes the place of anger, compassion takes the place of hatred. By learning to forgive, you will not only take the weight off your shoulders, but also open the doors to love.: self-love. By looking in the mirror, you can perform an act of forgiveness. Forgive yourself, forgive others. You can talk to other people while looking in the mirror, especially when you are afraid to talk to them in person. People usually say: “It’s like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders!” Yes, it is so: we have always carried this burden on ourselves. Dr. John Harrison claims that a person's forgiveness of himself and his parents, along with liberation from painful memories of the past, cures more diseases than any super-antibiotic. Without forgiving, without letting go of the past, we tie ourselves to it; plunging into the past, we cannot live in the present. If we do not live in the present, how can we create a wonderful future for ourselves? Everything bad in the past multiplies and moves into the future. Compose a thought form for yourself and declare in it your readiness for forgiveness: “I am determined to free myself from the past. I want to forgive everyone who has ever wronged me, and I forgive myself for hurting others." If you remember someone who has ever offended you in any way, bless him with love and throw all thoughts about him out of your head. Complete healing is possible only when we renounce the past and forgive everyone.

Every person has his own past. And no matter what anyone says, it is impossible to forget him completely, even with a strong desire. This is how the brain works, this is the peculiarity of memory. Today we will talk about the past that you want to get out of your head.

The main causes of memories of the past

Living with what was is a thankless task, especially if many unpleasant and painful events remain. But often a person mentally returns back again and again, each time reliving the difficult moments of his life. Unpleasant constant memories of the past can completely absorb a person, and he begins to dwell on them, which is fraught with bad consequences and problems with the present.

There are typical situations after which it is very difficult for a person to cope with emotions. He becomes fixated on what happened and carries negative memories into his future life. Among them:

• Death loved one or child. It is really difficult to go through such an event. Especially if there were many happy moments lived together, if death took a loved one suddenly.
• Cheating and separation from a loved one. Betrayal can leave a deep wound in the heart, make you turn away from the opposite sex for a long time and stop trusting people in principle. The result can be complete loneliness and detachment.
• Lack of demand in the profession. People who were able to realize their abilities and ambitions there and receive a decent salary often live with memories of their past jobs. wages, but due to various situations(were laid off, the company went bankrupt) were left without a favorite place.
• Moving to another city for permanent residence. Longing for one’s homeland, even if life there was much more difficult, is common to every immigrant. It is expressed rather not in memories of the past place of residence, but about the people who stayed there, their favorite vacation spots.
• Daily routine at home and at work. Lack of emotions, sadness, depression from the change of seasons - all this makes you return again and again to memories of cheerful companies, warm weather etc.

There are really serious reasons, such as the irretrievable loss of loved ones or divorce, which can leave an imprint on the whole future life a person, even a strong one in spirit. And there are also those that only overly emotional, weak-willed or soft-bodied people cannot cope with.

Whatever the reason for memories of the past, if a person constantly thinks about it, reproaches and blames himself for what happened or for what he did not do, mentally turns events around and thinks about what would have happened if he acted differently, he definitely urgently needs to get rid of obsessive thoughts. This is a false path to healing the soul. A person who constantly looks back to the past is doomed to further failures. As the famous German writer of the 20th century Erich Maria Remarque said, “he who looks back too often can easily stumble and fall.”

How to get rid of memories of the past

Our life does not consist of only troubles. Everyone has bright and joyful moments, when remembering which the soul comes alive and sings. And instead of thinking about good things more often, many people are ready to suffer for the rest of their lives, regret unrealistic things, harbor pain and resentment, worry about past failures and disappointments. They don’t even understand that it could be otherwise, and they continue to cause irreparable harm to themselves and their loved ones by refusing to forget past memories. In order to clear your memory, you first need to calmly understand the reasons, separate events that should be erased from your life, or accept them, leaving tender and warm moments in your memory, and turn them to your advantage.

Conducting an analysis of memories of the past

In order for the events of the past to stop haunting a person, you need to figure out at what moment and why these thoughts began to disturb and occupy a large part of his consciousness.

At this stage it is important:

1. Forgive and let go. It often happens that, having experienced certain failures, a person constantly scrolls through them, reinsuring himself from new disappointments. He mistakenly thinks that he will be prepared for a situation where the same failures are repeated in his life, and does not understand that, on the contrary, he only attracts them to himself.
2. Admit your guilt. You need to understand that everything that happens to a person partially happens because of his actions. It is very important to realize this, since it is easiest to blame anyone for all sins, but not yourself. This approach will make it possible to quickly do correct conclusions: if you yourself are to blame for what happened, if you attracted negativity to yourself through actions or thoughts, then it’s easier to get out of such a situation and change everything.
3. Forget mistakes. It often happens that a person reproaches himself all his life for acting badly towards another, causing him a lot of trouble, pain and tears. Most likely, he really acted disgustingly, for which he should be ashamed. But this does not mean at all that because of this you need to endlessly torture yourself, poisoning the life not only of yourself, but also of your loved ones. The very fact of awareness of a bad deed is important.

Careful analysis and sincere repentance will allow you to quickly forgive yourself and turn this page.

Learning from the Past

Everything that happened to us in the past, good or bad, should not just disappear without a trace. Even if a person’s life is wonderful, you should not relax, as everything can change in one moment.

As for unpleasant situations, we must always learn lessons from them. Firstly, so that they do not repeat themselves in the future, and secondly, so that in the future they are not tormented by the question of how to get rid of negative memories of the past.

The past should become an invaluable experience for everyone. And if a person learns to use it correctly so as not to make or repeat mistakes, then he will be able to live, enjoying the present, and look confidently into the future.

But, unfortunately, there are not so many such people. The rest continue to step on the same rake, which leads them to the next ups and downs of life, which return to them in unpleasant and unwanted memories.

Freeing yourself from negative thoughts about the past

First of all, in order to stop living with memories, you need to have a great desire and the perception that this cannot continue.

Daily practical exercises and meditation will help you free yourself from obsessive memories:

• Select the right attitude . Every morning you need to start by listing everything positive and dear to your heart that you have today.
• Perform a psychological technique with water. If unpleasant thoughts and memories enter your head, you need to open the water tap and imagine how all the negativity flows into the sink along with the water.
• Get rid of things associated with the past. If you are bothered by resentment and anger towards a former loved one with whom you broke up, you need to delete his phone number from your mobile phone, put it away or throw away his photographs, gifts and things. It is better to destroy them, while simultaneously freeing yourself from his invisible presence, or, at a minimum, hide them away or give them to strangers.
• Change something in your surroundings and habits. Another good way forget about the bad - do something useful (clean up the house, buy new furniture or start renovation), change your environment (go to a fitness club, make new acquaintances), transform your appearance (cut your hair or dye your hair a different color) and, finally, change your job.
• Master Meditation. This will help you learn to relax your body and brain, calm down nervous system, concentrate your attention only on important and pleasant things.
• Take the lessons of fate. In order to let go of grievances and forgive offenders, you need to learn to be grateful for what you have. After analyzing all the events that happened in the past, you can find positive aspects in them. For example, how did they contribute creative development or the development of oneself as an individual.

Many people don't know how to get rid of past memories. Giving this or that advice, it is necessary to direct their thoughts and actions on the right path. It is a mistake to think that forgiveness is an approval of bad actions. Rather, it is getting rid of anger, malice, hatred, desire for revenge, etc.

As you can see, nothing special is required from a person. But still there is one thing important condition- we need to discard laziness, since laziness and stupidity are our two worst enemies. You should get rid of them first, otherwise nothing in life will change for the better.

Introducing meditation to get rid of memories of the past

Meditation is the art of relaxation through concentration. No need to be scared. Initial practice is quite simple and involves concentrating on sounds. Since many people perceive information better by hearing, this method is very effective.

With the help of certain mantras that are easy to find on the Internet, or meaningful phrases, you can protect yourself from negative thoughts. It’s not bad when a person independently comes up with phrases for meditation to suit his own personal memories and phobias from the past that he wants to get rid of.

These should be short and specific phrases, for example:

1. I'm letting go of my past. Repeating the phrase several times will make it easier to cope with the memories. It also acts as self-hypnosis.
2. I am free from unpleasant memories, I control my thoughts myself. This is the second step of cleansing. This is the only way to tune yourself and open yourself to the world around you.
3. I easily part with painful memories, forgive myself for mistakes in past life . Yes, it is painful and difficult. But you can’t return or change the past. So it’s better to accept it as it is, let it go and prevent it from happening again in the future.
4. I sincerely thank the past for lessons and life experiences.. Sometimes believers say that God will not give trials that a person cannot endure. Since it was destined to happen, nothing can be done. But you need to find strength and survive the events.
5. I live only in the present. Such a simple mantra teaches you to perceive reality, notice those around you, events that just happen, helps you escape from the abyss of sad memories.
6. I love myself, my loved ones and all people. Yes exactly. Even if someone really hurt you, you should forgive him. And also live with the faith that this will not happen again.

Mantras need to be repeated not only when unpleasant memories come up, but at any free moment. You can do this at home in peace and quiet, or you can do it on the way to work on public transport or in your car, standing in line or waiting for a phone call.

In this case, the psychological mood of a person is of no small importance. And if he recites the healing formulas with all his heart, this can become a starting point for a new life without unpleasant memories of the past.

I would like to once again emphasize the well-known truth about the materiality of thoughts. Therefore, you need to repeat verbal phrases slowly, thoughtfully, many times until you begin to feel favorable changes in your consciousness. Relief may not come immediately, so don’t get upset ahead of time. Positive thoughts will definitely begin to fill the brain, gradually displacing disturbing memories from consciousness.

The main thing in meditation is to learn to concentrate your attention on the spoken words. At first, a person’s mind may be distracted by other thoughts. Therefore, you need to return your consciousness to repeating the mantra or meaningful phrase, trying to keep your attention on them for as long as possible.

Why can't I let go of memories of the past?

Unfortunately, this also happens. It seems that the person understands everything, sincerely wants to change something in his life, tries to forbid himself to think about what has long passed, takes some steps for this, but nothing works out for him. Some unknown inner force holds on to these memories of the past and does not let them go.

There may be several options here. Either a person is being cunning with himself, or the problem really sits so deep that he cannot get rid of it on his own. Then you need to contact a psychologist who will help you not only understand yourself, your feelings towards past events and people, past grievances and failures, but also provide qualified psychological assistance, sorting all the memories into shelves: pleasant ones - closer, and tormenting the soul - further away, in the bins.

Letting go of the past is very difficult, but possible. You need to constantly work on yourself in order to learn to forgive yourself and others, let go of people with whom you have unhealthy relationships, get rid of bad habits and a constant feeling of guilt, not to regret what didn’t work out, not to come up with unrealistic desires. And those who managed to overcome their thoughts and experiences, convert weak sides in the strong, they very much regret that they did not do this earlier. After all, the inner freedom, healing power, peace of mind and happiness that they felt and acquired are incomparable with anything.

For some, an ordinary frank conversation will be enough, for others it is necessary to apply special techniques, and especially severe cases- conduct long-term trainings. The faster a person understands that he needs the help of a specialist, the faster he will be able to recover from his “sick” thoughts, and the problem of how not to live with past memories will go into oblivion.

How to get rid of memories of the past - watch the video:

The past should remain in the past and only be an invaluable source of life experience. To stop living in memories of what is already irretrievably gone, you need to start living in the present. You just have to put aside your laziness!

It's easy to believe that past events should leave you alone just because they've passed, but letting them go is actually not easy. Experiences that have affected us strong impression, especially negative character, are capable of influencing a person at a neurological level. They can also leave marks on our bodies and minds that can influence our behavior for years, even decades. Memories of these events can affect you both neurologically and mentally. psychological level, you may or may not be aware of it. Learning to live with these experiences can be difficult, but it is never impossible, no matter how powerful or impactful your experience may be. Although it will take time and effort on your part to let go of the influence of painful memories, there are several ways you can learn to let go of painful memories.

Steps

Cognitive work

Physical signs emotional trauma. Sometimes particularly powerful memories can leave noticeable physical marks that indicate emotional trauma. If you have certain symptoms, your painful memories may be related to some kind of emotional trauma that is affecting you. physical health. Each person reacts to trauma differently, so it is important to consider your specific situation, perhaps in dialogue with a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Realize the impact. The first thing you need to understand is exactly how painful memories can affect your current life. Because particularly powerful experiences from the past can affect you at the most subtle neurological and psychological levels, you are not always aware of how they affect your behavior in the present. Because all of your current ideas and behaviors are influenced to some degree by your past actions, those actions that left painful memories often affect you more than others.

• For example, you may experience extreme anxiety when near a lake due to a water-related near-death experience, or you may unknowingly avoid certain activities or places that remind you of your deceased loved one. Whatever your case, you need to understand how these painful memories affect your life in the present so that you can come to terms with them and accept their impact on your daily life.
• To figure out how they affect you, think about how you react to certain things. Think back to any significant changes you may have noticed in yourself between the traumatic events and your current behavior. If you are not sure that you will be able to notice these changes yourself, ask others if you behave differently and if they have noticed any changes in your behavior that may indicate areas of your life that are affected by the memories.

1. Deal with anxiety. When you begin to feel anxious in a situation that reminds you of painful memories, work through that anxiety. Identify the memories as such and experiment with what happens, rather than removing yourself from the situation entirely. Psychologists have several different techniques for working with such issues, but there are two similar and effective methods– mental vision and awareness. In both cases, the goal is to learn to pay attention to when anxiety arises. When it occurs, you need to focus on aspects of the situation that you can control, such as breathing, to slow the situation down to the point where you no longer feel overwhelmed.

   Focus on the future. Living in the past and in your painful memories is unhealthy. You will never be able to move forward or enjoy anything new if your mind is constantly stuck in the past. This type of repetitive rumination has been linked to depression, PTSD, anxiety, and many other problems. To get rid of this repetitive thinking, engage in activities that help you focus on the present or future. Make weekend plans with friends, think about vacations you'd like to save for, think about career or life goals you've yet to achieve. Anything positive will help take your mind off the downward spiral of painful memories.

   New habits

   1. Start keeping a journal. Keeping entries in a diary is one of the most effective ways help cope with painful events of the past. Try taking notes about the past and present to learn more about how painful memories affect you. Putting these experiences into narrative form will give you some control over how you view the importance of these events in your life. It will also help you release emotions associated with these memories that may be difficult for you to access otherwise.

      • One day, just sit down and start writing about every experience that comes to your mind, in as much detail as possible. This will help you perceive the effect of painful memories for two reasons. First, it will allow you to see connections between situations in your life and your emotions. Second, writing can be a cathartic experience in which you can experience a sense of creative freedom, which can help you avoid feeling burdened by previous life events.
      • If this is difficult for you, start small - just write down what happens to you during the day. If you feel the urge to connect what happened to something that happened to you in the past, allow it to happen, but don't direct your writing in any particular direction.

   2. Develop fun habits. To help yourself cope with painful memories, try to create new, more pleasant memories and form new habits. Painful memories can eat you up inside if you spend too much time alone and ignore your own inner desire for relationships with other people. Surround yourself with people and activities that bring you joy. Humans are social creatures by nature, so to find a sense of pleasure and joy we are likely to need relationships with other people, especially those that involve touching or other forms of intimacy.

      • This doesn't mean you have to hang out with everyone you know. It will likely take some effort on your part to figure out what truly brings you joy. But when you find such an activity or group of people, try to reorganize your daily life to maximize your enjoyable time.

   3. Shake up your routine. If you get caught up in the drabness of everyday life, it gives you too much time to think about the past. Try experimenting with environment And social groups to shake up your routine a little every now and then. This is especially necessary if you feel a lack of pleasure in Everyday life. If you notice that you are largely preoccupied with painful memories from the past, you may need to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself in an environment you have never been in before.

      • If you constantly feel isolated from others and unable to meet people who will support you, perhaps it's time to experiment and connect with completely new people in situations you wouldn't normally find yourself in. This can lead to you meeting the right type of people who can support you in the way you need. It will also help you worry less about the past, giving you more to focus on. interesting activities and more interesting people present.
      • Try taking a mixed martial arts or yoga class. You can even just go for a walk in the park. The key here is to simply put yourself in a situation you wouldn't normally find yourself in, or with people you wouldn't normally spend time with. Painful memories can become part of a psychological loop that otherwise becomes part of your daily routine and habits.

      Help from outside

      1. Ask others for their opinions. If you feel like you need outside perspective or are having a hard time getting out of your own head, ask your loved ones if they have noticed any changes in you since the experience that left you with painful memories. This will require some courage on your part as they may tell you something you don't want to hear. However, another person, especially one who is very close to you, can often notice something that you failed to notice.

         • Ask someone you trust, such as best friend, from a sibling, from a parent, or from a close colleague, approaching him without any preconceived idea.

      2. Join a support group. If you can not on our own Find people who will support you, or want to talk to someone who is not close to you, try joining a support group that focuses on your problem. There are a huge number of such groups, they focus on a variety of problems, for example, the problem of psychoactive substances, domestic violence, loss of a loved one, anxiety and depression.

         See a mental health professional. If you are unable to cope with your painful memories on your own, find a doctor who specializes in psychological trauma. It is also worth seeking professional help if painful memories become too much to bear. Mental health professionals, such as psychologists or psychotherapists, are trained in a variety of necessary skills and use therapeutic techniques that are designed to help people become more productive and constructive in their daily lives, despite painful experiences they may have had in the past. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. There is no need to feel like a failure or embarrassed to ask for help.

         Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a popular method for treating past trauma. CBT is typically a short-term, problem-focused approach to anxiety and depression in which a therapist helps you adjust your beliefs and thought processes. It helps you build them so that they better suit your desires. CBT is more active than other forms of therapy, requiring effort on your part to change your behavior and thoughts. A therapist will help you work through problems, give you exercises and routines to do at home, and help you change your overall behavior.

         • Look for a mental health professional who specializes in this method if you think it may be effective in your particular situation.

      3. Ask about eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). Your doctor may also try eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR uses your body's natural responses to past experiences, using eye movements to unlock memories and allow you to more easily cope with them. This method uses repetitive eye movements along with cognitive behavioral therapy to help bring up traumatic memories so you can cope with them instead of repressing them. This method treats mental health in the same way as physical health. If you have a traumatic memory that is eating away at your mind, it will never be able to heal, despite your brain's natural healing abilities.

“The past can be too heavy to carry around with you everywhere. Sometimes it’s worth forgetting about for the sake of the future.” Joanne Rowling

There are situations and events in life that you don’t want to remember, but as a rule, they take root in the mind and interfere with life... How to get rid of difficult memories of the past? How to forget an unpleasant situation?

1. The first thing to do is accept the situation. To realize that it happened and now there is no way to influence it. Understand that this is already the past, and the unpleasant sensations from memories are caused only by your thoughts and by changing your thoughts, you can change your state.

One of the disciples asked Buddha:
- If someone hits me, what should I do?
- If a dry branch falls on you from a tree and hits you, what will you do? - he asked in response:
- What will i do? “It’s a simple accident, a simple coincidence that I found myself under a tree when a branch fell from it,” said the student.
Then the Buddha remarked:
- So do the same. Someone was mad, angry and hit you - It's like a branch from a tree falling on your head. Don't let this bother you, go on your way as if nothing happened.

2. Get rid of guilt or stop blaming(depending on the situation). As a rule, in negative situations a person either feels guilty himself or blames someone else for what happened. Forgiving you let go of negative memories and emotions that take you back to the past and prevent you from moving on.

There are many techniques for forgiveness. Briefly about some of them:

Empty Chair Technique. It consists of imagining that the offender is sitting on a chair in front of you. First, you bring out all the negativity by remembering and expressing to him everything that has boiled over, and that it still worries you. Then you forgive him. Then thank him for the lessons and send him some love!

It is written using the same principle "Letter of Forgiveness", which does not have to be sent.

Technique "Dissolution of Resentment" by Louise Hay. Sit somewhere quiet, relax. Imagine that you are in a darkened theater and there is a small stage in front of you. Put on stage the person you need to forgive; the person you hate most in the world. This person may be alive or dead, and your hatred may be both past and present. When you see him clearly, imagine that something good is happening to him: something that means something good to him. great importance. Picture him smiling and happy. Hold this image in your mind for a few minutes. Then, when the person you want to forgive leaves the stage, put yourself there. Imagine that only good things happen to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling. And know that there is enough goodness in the universe for all of us.

Technique for forgiving yourself. Find a comfortable position. Close your eyes and relax. Imagine yourself in a beautiful place blooming garden. There are beautiful blooming trees and flowers around you. You hear birds singing. You can breathe easily and freely. You slowly move along the path. A person is walking towards you. And the closer he gets to you, the more you begin to understand that it is you, but only in childhood, you are about 5 years old.
You come up to your little self, take your hands and say: “Hello... Thank you for being you. I forgive you for what you... I forgive you for everything.” You begin to notice how the child turns into a baby. You look at this baby, and you want to take him in your arms, hug him gently and say: “I love you. I love you very much". With tenderness and love, you place him in your heart, where he will be comfortable and calm. Now your inner child is with you. You love him and accept him as he is. You are walking along the road again. You can breathe easily and freely. Your soul is at peace. And now everything in your life will be different, because you are different. You are filled with self-love. Take a deep breath in and out and open your eyes.

3. Take advantage of this situation. We perceive any trouble as injustice, but if you think carefully, then all situations are given to us for a reason. There is a positive lesson to be learned from any situation. Let's try! Write 10 points about how this situation was useful to you.

4. Replace thoughts about the past with thoughts about the future. Take responsibility for your own thoughts. As soon as you find yourself thinking about what happened to you in the past, switch your inner voice to what you intend to accomplish in the future. Change like the slide picture. Prepare in your mind several happy pictures from the future, and as soon as that negative picture appears, quickly cover it with a new one.

And finally, I would ask you to imagine that today is the last day of your life. Would there be a place for these negative memories? So why waste your precious days on them?